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Leigh *Shwin* Erickson

"Death´s Tears Prologue" by Leigh *Shwin* Erickson

SciFi/Fantasy text 7 out of 25 by Leigh *Shwin* Erickson.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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The true nature of Death is a complex one, an existence, yes, but so different from the common soul. It’s pain is much deeper than a common soul can bear, it’s heart much more broken. Shamed and hated, spat at and blamed, it is an existence that is not envied. But what of when Death tires? What of when Death has fallen past the place that emotion can bear? It is then that the chosen one is harvested. The One seeded by Death in the Beginning to be its Heir.
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←- Death's Embrace | Death's Tears Part 1 -→

The perfect arc of the horizon was broken. The slender shadow seemed to be pulled from its smooth surface, casting a thin black line in the pale moon light. From the city, it was barely visible, something passing unnoticed. But the earth... it felt the unwelcome presence and sent a great wind to try to deter it. But the earth soon knew it was in vain and ceased its feeble protests. Nothing could stop a being such as this.



It paused at a distance just visible to a watchman on the city’s walls, a mere shadow on the brown of the earth. It observed its surroundings carefully, and looked forward once more. It sensed it neared the one it sought and would not be turned away.



Onward the figure moved, like liquid darkness; its presence unnoticed by mortal and immortal eye. It glided along the bare earth, more fluid than water, smoother than glass, soft as the wind’s caress. It sped along the moonlit earth towards the city, some unseen force drawing it toward the white walls.



Soon, much faster than one would have imagined possible given the distance between the naked horizon and the city gates, it was at the entrance. Closer now, the very ghost of a form could be seen within the black garments, tall and lithe. The hooded head, face still in shadows, seemed to look upward at the perfectly straight walls and its posture suggested indifference and a near humour at this situation.



Quickly the tangible form was lost again into the shadow of the cloak. The figure melted into the dark of the doorway only to be birthed once again from the shadows on the other side. It walked, as language would convey, but more accurately drifted along the streets towards the shining white house that dominated the place.



It came, without notice or resistance, to the gates of the house and passed through them as it had the city’s. Once in the vast courtyard, it stopped and carefully looked around. Satisfied with seeing nothing, the figure removed its cloak. With this motion, much of its viscosity was lost, and its form, masculine, became visible. He was tall and lithe as the shadows had shown him to be in the gateway, but what they had concealed was his skin. It was paler than the moonlight, closer to white than the colour of flesh; and his eyes... though hidden by his long, raven hair, they were still piercing and painful to the sight.



His garments were simple in form, but not in fabric- they were woven of and dyed in night’s very essence- loose pants, long sleeved shirt exceptionally well kept, and boots of soft leather. At his side he bore a whip and around his neck a chain, also ebon, which hung to his collar bone with a centered tip looking like a blade. Even with his pale skin the clothes made him barely visible, blending with their substance and hiding him from view.



As elegant and refined as his appearance was, it was his wings that set him apart. They rose in their black splendor from his back, neither feathered nor bat-like, but made from darkness itself. Wreaths of shadowed mist flowed from them with every movement and gathered like an unseen cloud at his feet. Though the earth deemed him incredibly powerful he seemed slightly ill at ease with his cloak removed and was quick to launch himself into the air. He flew swiftly with powerful wing beats towards a small window hidden in the white wall. The window itself was insignificant, just another opening in the smooth rock face, but the figure moved towards it with a great sense of urgency and purpose, knowing this contained what he sought.



He stopped just outside the opening and peered carefully into its well lit space, squinting as the light poured onto his skin. With an motion that took an obvious effort he repeated his action from the city gates, sans shadows, and entered the well lit room.



It was a large room and every corner of it coloured white, even the seamless floor. He saw this, but that was all, for his quick eyes rested on the cradle in the middle of the far wall. It was in that cradle that his promised quarry lay. It was a small boy, not more than a few hours old. The babe’s skin was almost as pale as his own, and his thin wisps of hair were nearly white. He walked silently to the cradle and looked at the infant carefully. Was this the child?



He reached out a half-gloved hand and placed it, ever so lightly, on the boy’s forehead. Yes, this was one, this was the one he sought. Losing no more time he placed both hands on the child’s head and began to speak very softly in an old tongue lost to memory. The child stirred beneath his hands and opened its eyes. They were a deep forest green, very innocent and curious. They looked on the figure with great interest and no alarm, but then closed quickly when they saw what the man was doing.



He had removed a glove, taken a blade from his side and had cut his hand. Blood fell from the wound onto the infant’s face, but rather than staining they were absorbed into its skin leaving a quickly fading but intricate design. Though it would be barely visible in a moment it would haunt the child for the remainder of his life. A mark of who he now was.



“It is finished” the man said wearily and replacing his glove, walked towards the window. As he prepared to leave he turned suddenly to the child. “Your time here will be a difficult one, you will be hated, rejected, exiled most likely. It will be a miracle if your fate is different from mine.” he looked hard at the fading pattern, and bowed his head. “Forgive me.” With those words the great wings opened and he again went with the shadows, leaving the child to stare at where a man once was with still dark, but fading, green eyes.



“I will wait, be it for eternity, I will wait for you. Remember...”

←- Death's Embrace | Death's Tears Part 1 -→

DateNameComment 
2 Jul 2004:-) Anna M. Mortensen
Your images and descriptions are powerful. The language flows beautifully. Wonderful...

1 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "oooh... thank you!!! you lot are going to make ma have an ego!! i appreciate your reading and commenting... thanks"
20 Oct 200445 Ted
WOAH! *blinks rapidly, and scratches his head* This story is great! I now think i'm going to have to read all the parts. Though this will take a while i cant wait to read the others! *smiles openly*

First of all the opening is great. And the details are very good also. (i wish i had raven hair!) Also the way it was put to gether was good. I could imagen the story perfectly. Not realy much to complain about.. I like complaining! Thanks for taking the fun out! *laughs*

2 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Umm, thanks!! thanks for reading, for leaving a lovely comment, and for the encouragement!! just be warned it will change styles and i'm not fond of it, but yes... glad you're enjoying it!! *beams* "
1 Feb 2005:-) Justine Lim
Great read; I knew the clicking and browsing would take me somewhere eventually. 12

Very nice description of the ‘shadow’ in the opening paragraphs. It summoned up the feel of really cold velvet; the scene was very serene and foreboding at once, with the definite sense of something approaching. I can’t get over the creepy, slide/slinky-feeling, even after the tangible form was introduced. I have a slight obsession for winged things.

‘“It is finished…’” <- only little error I remember seeing. I believe there should have been a comma after ‘finished.’

You’re good at setting the tone/mood, and your descriptions of the surroundings (eg., the room where the infant is) are well done. They give enough information without going over the top.

Nice work! ^__^

~Justine

PS: Forgive me if I've simply re-stated anything said by other commenters; I didn't take time to go through the comment list. -__-;

1 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "you! a-hem... was poking at your link on becca's page but couldn't get it to work, and now you're here, so i have a link that works^_^ oh happy^_^ feel rather special you've dropped by *shifty eyes*
a-hem...
*beams* thank you muchly^_^ DT (Death's Tears- how i refer to it) is odd... it's the first long thing i ever tried writing, gets incredibly dark, and changes styles... just warning you in case you wanted to keep reading^_~ i get nervous *chuckles* but it will be better once it's all edited and such... i ramble, sorry^_~
glad you like the descriptions! worked really hard on that in these first chapters, then it's more character driven towards the end... and obsession with winged things... ditto... can't get enough of them!! many of my stories have wings *shifty eyes*
anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! i appreciate it! sorry i ramble... get nevous when someone starts reading DT is all^_~ thanks for that comma pick by the way...
hopefully i will get to your page soon... have been wanting too... and don't worry about repeating, i just love comments so just thanks!"
31 Jul 2005:-) B. Layne Weaver
*waves* Hello! Leigh's in Thailand, Leigh's in Thailand, Leigh's in Thailand. Wow! *wonders how long it'll be before this comment is read or replied to*
i read it over there but i'm only now replying... heh... sorry >.

"The slender shadow seemed to be pulled from its smooth surface, casting a thin black line in the pale [moon light]." [moonlight]
'nks

"They rose in their black splendor (american spelling! gyah! can you tell this was the first thing i wrote?^_~) from his back, neither feathered nor bat-like, but made from darkness itself. Wreaths of shadowed mist flowed from them with every movement and gathered like an unseen cloud at his feet." such beautiful imagery here, and throughout all that I've read so far. you have such a way with words!
{{beams, blushing}} thanks you indeed^_^

"Though the earth deemed him incredibly powerful [*] he seemed slightly ill at ease with his cloak removed and was quick to launch himself into the air." That's a wee bit of a mouthful. I'd put a comma where I've bracketed to help break it up a tad. ^_^
thanks... this is still in my still style...

"With [an] motion that took an obvious effort he repeated his action from the city gates, sans shadows, and entered the well lit room." [a]
don't know why i always mess that up... thanks

"Though it would be barely visible in a moment [*] it would haunt the child for the remainder of his life." Might want to put a comma where I've marked. I know after little introductions to a sentence--I don't know the technical word for it--commas tend to be optional... however, I've heard that if the introductory phrase is five words or more in length, a comma should be used.
a very handy thing to know! thanks brandi!

“It is finished [comma]” the man said wearily and ['nother comma] replacing his glove, walked towards the window.
never did master dialogue punctuation...

"he looked hard at the fading pattern, and bowed his head." capitalize 'he' ^_^
'nother thing i always do...
(sorry if I'm repeating nits that've been picked before. hopefully i at least have a couple that no one's caught yet ^_^)
well, it's helpful- this got eaten after 10 people had read it so i lost all my crits, so it's helpful to have someone going over it again! i was so miffed... i lost a muffin comment! a muffin comment! do you know how gloriously helpful those things are?! and i lost it! {[grr}}

Wow, that was definitely a very intriguing prologue! I'm absolutely hooked. Very well done, m'dear! *hugs*thanks! hope i can finish it one day...
16 Sep 2005:-) Emma-Jane C. Smith
This story has been nominated for Best Fantasy Chapter Story for the Elfwood Awards!!! Congradulations!! 1

Please visit my page for more details. Voting will commense in about a month and after all votes are counted I will contact you if you have won the award! Good luck! 2i got nominated! guess i didn't win, but thanks whoever nominated me!
24 Sep 2005:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph
Hey there, this was a great prologue! You've done a great job of setting the mood here, kinda dark and melancholy. Lots of great descriptions, though I did notice you tend to use the word "shadow" quite a bit... I'm not sure if that was intentional, but in any case it didn't sound too jarring. This certainly looks like the beginning of a wonderful story!early writing days... did tend to do that, still tend to do that^_~ thanks so much for dropping by and reading, though, i do appreciate it! sorry it took me so long to reply!
2 May 2006:-) Matthew S. Dundon
you seem to be an accomplished writer could you take a quick peek at my story when you've got some spare time. I really like where this one is going, great concept, death...can't seem to get to your site... but thanks for reading in any case^_^
6 Nov 2006:-) E Purington
sweet mercy, leigh...that was...wow...beautiful. the descriptions, some so...almost shiver-inducing.
{{blushes and gives her a birdlook}} ah, thanks^_^ {{ducks}}
/With [an] motion that took an obvious effort he repeated his action from the city gates, sans shadows, and entered the well lit room// i'm too tired to see if'n this was pointed out already ^_~ likely has- but thank you^_^ i'm so miffed- i lost all my first comments on this, like Muffin's comment, alas... do you know the difference between toward and towards? they seem so interchangeable to me, yet i lean towards...heh! towards toward...wow...okay, nevermind, i totally just answered my own question >.heh... no i don't {{watches her work this out, amused}} no worries... i really need to get to know my own grammar...
so, um...[continues feeling daft to have to ask this. scratches head] the one with the black wings...i thought he was death...who's the babe? [vaguely bemused, but still thinks this mighty and pretty]
black wings=Alranos and babe= Garnor {{nodsnods}} and don't feel daft- you're not supposed to know that yet^_~
nice, nice...[grins]so you're braving DT? ^_^ good luck with it should you continue! it gets angsty... and in the next bit they aren't elves, they're maiel- this is old stuff- was very LotR influcenced here, then it'll switch to becca lusher influence towards the middle, but i'm rambling... what i mean to say is wow! thanks so much for taking the time to read this and comment! i really appreciate it!
16 Jan 200745 Robin
Wow, this sounds really good. I'm looking forward to reading the rest. You totally rock!Er {{blushes}} thank you^_^ I hope you find something enjoyable... thanks for stopping by!
10 Jan 2010:-) Ray Valen
I saw the little errors "an instead of a", etc were already pointed out. The only part I didn’t quite get was when he flew up to the window, then went back to the gate and repeated the motion (?!?!) Why?
Was a really awkward moment in the story because he moves with such force, direction and certainty. Then suddenly he stops and redoes what he just did?

But hey, a deft and moving piece. Together with the explanatory intro this almost makes for a powerful stand-alone piece. I really liked it.

:-) Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Thank you for stopping by to read! This is an old piece, alas, but I do appreciate it.

He is not going back to the gate, just repeating what he did at the gate in that he is going through a wall. I’ll try to clarify that--thank you for making it known.

I’m so glad you liked it! Its an angsty story, but I suppose I’m fond of it. First long thing I ever wrote. Again, though, thank you for taking the time to read and comment!"
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'Death's Tears Prologue':
 • Created by: :-) Leigh *Shwin* Erickson
 • Copyright: ©Leigh *Shwin* Erickson. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Blood, Dark, Death, Shadow, Transformation
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 541

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More by 'Leigh *Shwin* Erickson':
A Memory Resigned to Die
Death's Embrace
The Great Evil
Death's Tears Part 3
A Brook of Frozen Glass

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