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Leigh *Shwin* Erickson

"Light´s Sacrifice" by Leigh *Shwin* Erickson

SciFi/Fantasy text 5 out of 25 by Leigh *Shwin* Erickson.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Things you need to know before reading this... 1) it is about the Maiel who will fade (very painful death) when exposed to the true or pure dark 2) the father is cursed by a band around his arm that would fade him if he removed it and faded his arm as part of the curse 3)Leigh + boredom = bad poetry... this is not my best *nods*
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←- Son of Light: Prologue-Part 1 | Death's Embrace -→

“Pure Light, I fear, is a promise frail

Of late I question its claim to truth

For it seems all our endeavors fail

And darkness claims those still in their youth



“There is no hope, not for our fair race

Dark absorbs light like the earth does blood

Its greed strikes fear into ev’ry face

and nothing can withstand its death flood”



His face is weary, his hope is gone

I see it clearly this final day

In response the star I do not don

And with softest voice to the light pray



I look upon his faded cursed arm

And ask to touch it, remove the curse

My request is met with deep alarm

With life, the dark, I will reimburse



My fingers brush his freezing pale skin

And with power drawn from Light itself

I send in the pure light and begin

to break the curse with the light’s great wealth



At last his arm no longer faded

but glowing with a strong, healthy light

I pull the cursed band, by light aided,

from his now bright hand and from his sight



His face is filled with awe and wonder

“How did you do this thing my dear son?

How did you the dark with light sunder

How was this grim, hopeless battle won?”



Yet now it is I who feel weary

As if with the band I took his pain

An instant and the world is dreary

And I question what, by this, I’ll gain



“My son?” His voice is lined with worry

I know I must answer him... yet still...

The finest of my vision’s blurry

And for the first time I feel death’s chill



“You know the prophecies, my father

You knew this very moment would come

Why do you, with your questions bother?

You know the source sacrifice is from”



My voice is strained so I fall silent

And look to the surrounding trees

So calm it seems, yet raw and violent

Full of dark shadows I must appease



I stand, “Father, now I am leaving

To go through the forest to the dark

Do not follow or waste time grieving”
I say now, my message cold and stark



His face is pained, I ache to see it

He knows to what end this curse must come

I bow and walk away “So be it,

I will face dark’s pandemonium”



Before I can embark to my fate

One final thing exists yet undone

I must pass on before it’s too late

pure light’s star of no comparison



I lift the circlet high above me

“Return to the light” my voice is soft

The circlet fades into memory

The star, to my father, flies aloft



I walk in silence on this journey

Aware of what my fate is to be

The bright stars above guide and show me

My path and of the dark’s mockery



I come to a grove ‘round a clearing

I know this place, it haunts all my dreams

I see once more the time is nearing

when it will be filled with my pained screams



For here my father stood before I

Ever breathed the cool air of this earth

Here my mother gave her last pained cry

And here the pure darkness had its birth



Here my father took his curse in vain

And here I will lift it, pay the debt

Here faded black blood screams of a fell pain

And here light was ensnared in dark’s net



I stand in its entrance fear embracing

My will and heart for I know too well

The pow’r and anger I am facing

And the anguish that transcends all Hell



Long minutes pass and still no motion

Yet I feel the darkness circling round

With anger halting all emotion

I cast the cursed band to the ground



The dark then comes into the center

Black tendrils clinging to the pale dirt

Until from them springs my tormentor

Her dark presence deeming Light inert



She moves with confidence unfitting

For gloom seemingly dispersed by pale light

But her bonds ensnare, unremitting

And are the cause of harsh death and fright



She sends towards me a cloud of sable

I walk through unharmed and meet her eyes

Their ebon depths make hope unstable

In them so many met their demise



“Who are you that my cloud passes o’er

your body without drawing your light?

Are you one born of the time before?

Before you no one has dared to fight.”



Her voice like glass cuts into my skin

I answer, defiance in my voice

“Light’s son they call me, you will not win

My life to you I hand at my choice”



For one brief second her eyes quavered

in one crucial moment fear revealed

for the breadth of one sigh she wavered

and in that moment bright hope was healed



Anger guilds her already harsh voice

As with hot rage she meets my pale eyes

“I would not yet, son of light, rejoice

not when my dark still covers the skies”



“You have no power o’re my spirit

my submission will be on my terms”

My voice, it shakes, she doesn’t hear it

Her wide eyes my dying hope affirms



“Now I give myself willing to you”

My clear voice is strong as I remove

my outer robe of a silver hue

With this I my bold defiance prove



She smiles slyly with this motion

takes my shining hands in hers of black

quenches my light with her dark ocean

And the searing pain takes me aback



She weaves a chain wrought of black velvet

shadows and binds me as darkened hands

touch once my face with ebon to let

it engulf the pure light it demands



I strain against the bonds that hold me

So far I seem and yet still so deep

Iced chains of shadow cut into me

Their black inducing eternal sleep



Yet what is freedom if it’s madness?

My life would be crushing regret

Sunlight alone can capture gladness

And only Light’s Son can pay this debt



Alone I yearn again for light’s touch

yet these cursed chains hold me from that peace

The pain is searing in pure dark’s clutch

But I fear beyond my soul’s release



I see the eyes of the dark sorceress

Her glee is plain and grates my soul

As she with pleasure gives dark’s caress

to me, a curse to hinder my goal



For I will free them from the darkness

I who will stay their grim fears at last

I who with the pure light’s bright starkness

Will declare it’s reign of terror past



Can Light win now without sacrifice?

Will darkness fall by will forlorn?

No, not unless it claims with its ice

The son of the star of the bright morn



I see this now and feel the fading

of my dimming limbs and chest and heart

My breath, it stops, my heart degrading

This was my role to play from the start



I accept it now and peace descends

to me as light fades from my dim eyes

By this my life all reason transcends

And will be the cause of dark’s demise

←- Son of Light: Prologue-Part 1 | Death's Embrace -→

DateNameComment 
16 Sep 2003:-) Paul J. Doyle
Oy vey, my hair is electrified!
OK, maybe it isn't . . .

Death, death, and more death! Bwahahaha *****awwwwwk!*****

Don't be so hard on yourself. It certainly doesn't stumble around the way my poems (even the new ones) tend to. The rhythm and flow are good even though you, well . . . take liberties with the syntax! This does have potential. The idea is certainly good; if you tighten this up and don't try so hard to be "poetic" it could be very gripping. The "purple prose" stuff had my attention wandering, and though at first I thought my attention was wandering (damn ADHD!) I can see other commenters' attentions were wandering, too.

Remember, I'm not flaming you . . . just tighten this up, (perhaps) chuck the rhyming altogether, give the story some more oomph (let it bite back!), and find your way out of the Poetic Flower Garden. Then it'll be Mod's Choice material, I believe!

2

1 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "This is just me trying to write something... I think I might take it down *nods* See, this is written in prose *looks around* but no one (well, one person) knows that... so the prose will be up... but that's LOOOONG time away... several chapters... more than that... I might try to revise this... not sure... thanks for your tips and thanks for stopping by!!!!!"
24 Sep 2003:-) Kate 'The Pirate' Riley
wow long long poem! Still I think this is the first I've seen of your work and if this isn't your best I can't wait to check out your other stuff! I thought that this was a very effective if not some what dark poem. Love the darkness (yeah the band too lol) keep it up you're doing great xx

12 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Gotta love the dark... in fact, my writing is SO dark that someone has challeneged me to write something happy... and it's hard!! *grin* I'm glad you liked this... as you know, I'm not overly fond of it, but I am glad you liked it! *nods* thanks for stopping by!! Thank you so much for commenting!!!"
15 Oct 2003:-) Gabs Béland
Read it again 2 i remember how much i liked this...Its just...So neat...That a poem can be a story...Wow 2
great job, as always 2

2 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "*blushes* You read it again? Wow! *feels very very special* I'm probably going to take it down soon btw... editing and the like you know *nods* (aka- complete rewrite) but thanks for liking it and thinking it's good!!! *hugs* thanks!!!"
7 Nov 200345 D Joelle Duran
Wow! This is incredible. It certainly makes me want to find out more about the world behind it. If you don't like it, polish it up, but PLEASE don't take it down. I think it's gorgeous!

12 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Oi, but it does meed polishing *grin* I might rewrite the whole thing... umm... Son of Light is the story this poem's from... I don't have much up as of now (it's hard to write) but I'm so glad you like it!! Words like that can sure make a person's day!! *grin*"
8 Nov 2003:-) Amber Silver
Wow! This is like a balland then a poem. It's so long you really get a story rather then just a quick little snippet that poems usually offer. I really like the title!

2 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Thank you! *grin* I'm glad you seem to be liking my titles! They are important, yet I have a really hard time coming up with them... glad they seem decent! *grin*"
4 Dec 2003:-) Kaykamisch2
I just love story-poems...and I like this one. Beautiful choice of words...rather sad. It's a shame you don't like it. It might be a little loose, but it just needs some attention. Syntax is yours to master, use it as you will, but keep your words, they sound nice. A fresh poem is like a newborn, it needs to be taught where to go, so teach it what you want it to do, and eventually you may like it to. -K

2 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Thank you!! Eh... i'm not fond of it cause i think it's in 9 syllables per line... i don't work with that well... but ah well *grin* I'm so glad you like it! So very glad! and that is a nice analogy for poetry that... thank you!"
7 Jan 2004:-) ´Disco´ Vic Alfieri
i, like miss bradakur before me, am a big fan of story poems, and try to include a little bit of poetry within my prose, and this is great, although like you said, it probably isn't your best, but i thought it was still pretty good...

It may lack a little meter, and the flow lags at times, but still i have this problem myself, and most of the poems i write suck anyway, that said, this is fine, for its essentially a story, and as a story its pretty interesting and intriguing and good.

2 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "Hee hee... yeah, i have to resist strongly the urge to take this one down and just rip it apart and start over with a nice 8 syllable per line pattern rather than the dread 9 that i used here... that's the main problem with it I think... but yes... thanks for reading!! And thanks for the comment!!! really appreciate it!!"
8 Mar 200445 Meagan Weidner webmaster@mar...com<
Okay, you little Show Off! :-P What does "Meldolya" mean? I've tried to find it on the internet, but google's not being nice and I can't find it on that language site you told me about. Since you closed with it in your email, I figure it means something like "sincerely" or "good bye." Anyway, back to the poem: 1

Some of the end rhyme sounds quite forced and unnatural, especially the first two stanzas. It sounds stiff and choppy and doesn't flow smoothly like your others. But that's okay! Not everything can be perfect. Though from reading the rest of your stuff, I had thought that all the Great Leigh had to do was sit down in front of your computer or notebook and a best-seller just came oozing out of you. 1

~Meagan1

12 Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "do you see now why i do not like this one?
meldolya... it means... your friend... it's quenya... maralya meldo... your good friend12 i had a lot of endings... umealya meldo... your evil friend... though if you were evil... would you be a friend? *grin*
anyway... hee hee... the Great Leigh... yeah... not really12 thanks for reading and for the lovely comments!!"
20 Jun 2005:-) B Layne
*waves* I'm back! Gonna get all your single pieces read first before I start Death's Tears. *nods*
{{grins}} hi!

Lots of good rhymes here, Leigh... wow... Missing some punctuation marks here and there, though. Dunno if you left those out intentionally, or... *shrugs* ...maybe it's just your style with poetry.
thanks... punctuation is likely because i had a thing against it back when and this is an older poem... yes... but thank yoU^_^

“You have no power o’re my spirit
my submission will be on my terms” ---"o're" should be "o'er"
oops! thanks for catching that! {{has to think about this every time she writes it, d'oh!}}

Wow, I really like poems that tell stories, and this one was epic! Good job, Leigh!{{beams}} thanks so much^_^ my other story poem is federain, but that one's scary, but hey^_~ {{hugs}} thanks for reading, brandi, i really very much appreciate it^_^
5 Nov 200745 Lyn Shanra Joan Kuepers
and nothing can withstand its death flood� <- There’s something that feels off about the ’death flood’ there. I think it’s that I put the stress on death rather than flood, but I don’t know if that’s just me, the fact that I’m Dutch and likely to have a different natural stress pattern or whether it’s something others have had issues with as well. *would be of more use if she knew how, isn’t good with rhythm and stresses*

My fingers brush his freezing pale skin <- freezing pale here that doesn’t sit right. *prods brain, doesn’t know how to explain what’s bothering her about it*

thing[,] my dear son? <- Ha! Something I can explain! ’s Vocative, so comma. Though I saw your reply to Brandi about the punctuation. *nods* But it’s something I can explain and makes me feel halfway useful, so... ^-^

MMmm... I think the rhyme seems forced to people because some of the stanzas don’t carry the same rhyme for people. (sorceress-caress in the... fifth-last stanza, for example, doesn’t rhyme for me. SOR-ce-ress and ca-RESS, so I pronounce the two resses differently.) Beyond that, the flow of the poem was hampered by forcing the grammar into non-natural phrases (for modern day English, like in ’By this my life all reason transcends&rsquo12, but this does have a function in the poem, so I’m not going to nit on them. Merely observed I found them jarring. *holds up hands helplessly* And I’m probably more nitpicky today, so you might want to disregard that anyway.

Formwise (as in ’speaking on a completely technical level&rsquo12... I have to say I like the others of your works much better and you seem aware that this isn’t as good as the other poems up. So I’ll let it all be.

Story-wise, however, I thought that this was gorgeous. It’s a very, very sad story, but also very touching. I’ve never been good at narrative poetry and you manage it so well. You say so much in just a few stanzas. I really enjoyed the story of this, even if I’m usually too ’head-in-clouds’ to follow it easily. I love the idea behind the sacrifice and how much you’ve said without telling it. *smiles* And here my insecurity kicks in and little Athena (reading muse: she’s a cat) has gone off to play with yarn...

Still, I did enjoy reading this even with the occasional syntactic jolt. It’s a very... Very... *pauses to consider* Sunny. You know like sitting in the sunlight when it’s all warm and sun-blankety comfortable. Narrative feel of it that is, not the story events. Story events are sad-sad. Beautiful, but sad.

And since I’m babbling I think I might slink off instead of bury you in burbling... *slinks off*

:-) Leigh *Shwin* Erickson replies: "You’re Dutch! Oh that’s brilliant! ’hem. Sorry. You’re Dutch^_^ ’hem. Carrying on...
I would agree... I think going back over this poem would reveal a whole heck of a lot of things to edit... maybe I should do that sometime soon^_~
I’m glad you like the story and feel of it, though, that I am. I hope to write this story one day... it was the first story I ever came up with, I just haven’t writen it yet...
I wish I could go up into your comment and reply individually, but need html first... so in the meantime, may I just say thank you, once again, for taking the time to read this and offer crits... I love crits, so my thanks^_^ Babbling is good^_^"
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'Light's Sacrifice':
 • Created by: :-) Leigh *Shwin* Erickson
 • Copyright: ©Leigh *Shwin* Erickson. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Curse, Dark, Fate, Light, Sacrifice, Savior
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 547

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More by 'Leigh *Shwin* Erickson':
Death's Embrace
Sky's Guardians
Death's Tears Parts 7-10
Death's Tears Parts 14-17
Bonded
Dreams Drowned in Sand

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