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Stories / Stories / Esmeralda Eli / Text 1 of 2 / Dungeon-Prolouge

"Dungeon-Prolouge" by Esmeralda Eli

SF&F Picture 1 out of 2 by Esmeralda Eli

This is a prolouge to my story Dungeon. I hope you like it!

Dungeon

By: Esmeralda Eli

Prologue

A Dark shadow once cast upon the lands of Zorfindell. Some remember the times of great peril, though most have forgotten. I was not born then. I, Flind, have only heard it from my mother, Layla.

My mother died last year. She had only begun to tell me about the dark times. The last she told me was that a few others knew, there are documents, the end is near, if we don’t do anything to stop it evil will infect our minds, and there’ll be nothing we can do to stop it.

I’ve be trained as a wizardess. My friend Elaine also grew up with stories from our mothers. We are already are getting ready to gather people. Everyone in Zorfindell has a classification. Man, dwarves, wizards, elves, sorcerers, and paladins. You can see that it can be VERY complicated. What happens next you wonder, even the wisest cannot say. That’s what makes it the biggest mystery of all. Too much now rests on my shoulders.

←- Not Your Average Damsel in Distress-1 | Not Your Average Damsel in Distress-1 -→

Date	Name	Comment
25 Sep 2002	Maria Ivanova	Loading... Very good prolouge. Lol, I can´t write at all, I wish I could, but I always write in third person whenever I write (we had write to in high school, brrrr, but that was a long time ago). Esmeralda Eli replies: " Thanks!If it's any constellation I can't draw at all or nearly half as good as you! "
27 Sep 2002	Norma Peters	Loading... This is a wonderful beginning. It takes a special skill to write convincingly in the first person, and you've done a great job. You manage to stir up interest without giving away too much. ^_^ Esmeralda Eli replies: "Thanks you say the nicest things! I'm glad to know I have some skill,heh. It's good I've reached my goal to write that way!"
7 Dec 2002	Briar-rose Wood	Loading... Ooh, good start. I really like the the names you've used, both people and places Esmeralda Eli replies: " Thank you SO much!! I'm glad you liked my names!I spent a while on that. I'm very particular on that type of thing, it has to be the perfect name. I'm happy that you like them!! "
11 Dec 2002	Mike (Quest) Edge	Loading... Yeah, that is an awesome prologue! Really sets the mood! Esmeralda Eli replies: "Thanks, that's good to know! I'm glad it sets the mood, I find that very important! Thanks for coming by!"
18 Jun 2003	J. Leonova	Loading... I really like your prologue! I hope the story will be as interesting as it is! Esmeralda Eli replies: " Thanks!!! Yeah, I hope the story will be as interesting as the prolouge too! ^_^ "
29 Jul 2003	Leigh Shwin Erickson	Loading... I think I've be should be I've been... but other than that this is beautifully written... I like it! Esmeralda Eli replies: " oh my god...you're right! Thanks for pointing that out! I didn't even notice till now....That one went right over my head.... Anyways, I'm glad you like it! Thanks again! "
5 Dec 2004	Yuki Erika Radcliffe	Loading... It's a very interesting prologue, i'll have to go read the next chapter, now. i think the only thing wrong with it that hasn't been mentioned is that in the last sentence in the second paragraph, you use "stop it" twice in a row, and it sounds repetitive. try to avoid that, and you're good. Esmeralda Eli replies: "I'm glad you liked it! You're absolutely right about that...gee, slaps forehead I never noticed....I probably would have never noticed in a million years! Thank you!! "
7 Jun 2007	Esmeralda C. Lindblad	Loading... I ilk this, it gives you that "What's-gonna-happen-next-feeling" which is great for a text as short as this. I also wonder if I can use your last name in a story I'm writing, it has a nice ring to it...
9 Apr 2008	Jake Phoenix Beasley	Loading... A nice beginning. Don’t bother checking mine out, because I can’t publish until some time around the 11th
1 May 2008	Scott	Loading... A couple criticisms (hopefully constructive). When you read back your writing, try and listen for repetitive sounding sentences. Examples are the last bit of your middle paragraph where you basically write "if we don’t do something to stop it, we won’t be able to stop it". I would try something like "if we don’t act now, it will be too late to stop it". And "we are already are getting ready to gather people" would maybe go better as "preparations for a gathering have begun". Also these two ideas might detract from each other because the first implies urgency to act soon, while the second says that action is already imminent. The good aspects are that you immediately grab attention with a mysterious threat, a dark past, and a sense of urgency in the character’s voice. Really just needs a little revision and maybe some fleshing out. Keep up the good work!
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