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Bethan Jones

"The Guardian" by Bethan Jones

SF&F Picture 6 out of 8 by Bethan Jones
 
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I wanted to have a go at describing a mythical creature and the rest of the story just sort of followed on. Please leave any comments.
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She was the most beautiful creature you could ever lay eyes on, about the size of a small horse but infinitely more elegant and poised.  Her head was that of a bird of prey, with sharp dark eyes that never seemed to blink and a wickedly curved beak that glinted dull silver in the sunlight.  Her head was feathered – a gorgeous tawny gold - and she had two, silver grey horns each about half a foot long protruding from her head.  The feathers petered out about halfway down her gracefully arched neck and changed to a deep fur coat of the same tawny gold.  Her back and shoulders were broad and well muscled so that they seemed to ripple when she moved and each of her four paws sported jet black claws, harder than diamond.  From just behind each shoulder swept the magnificent wings, the same feathered gold as her head and with a span of over three meters.  But it was her tail that was truly amazing.  For all the splendour of her wings and great hooked beak, it was the tail that drew your eye.  A slightly darker shade than the rest of her it was split into five different plumes, each one moving independently and each one infinitely perfect. 

 

Sámi lay where she had fallen and just stared at the apparition before her.  Never before in her life had she been rendered so speechless, but now she could honestly think of nothing to say.  The great guardian turned its head towards her, those eyes so cold and lifeless in the painting, flickered and danced with light.

            You are the one who awoke me? A human girl?

 

Sámi clutched her hands to her head as the voice echoed into her mind, booming and roaring with all the force of an earthquake.  The creature seemed to realise its mistake and the voice in Sámi’s head softened slightly although the power in it was no less.

            Why did you wake me little one?

 

Sámi licked her dry lips and struggled to find the words.  Then the creature did something completely amazing and incomprehensible to Sámi, it laughed.  A deep ripple of amusement that seemed to seep into Sámi’s mind until she too found herself smiling.

            I see that you yourself do not know.  Yet the Gods must have sent you for a reason.  What is it that you fear?

 

Sámi felt the tears come and with the fresh wave of grief even her fear evaporated.

            “I’m not scared.”  She whispered more to herself than to the great one.  “I’m just… alone.”

           

The creature bowed its great head so that it could look Sámi in the eye and then it lent forward and touched her ever so gently on the forehead.  Sámi felt the warmth of its touch and its love and she found herself smiling, the tears drying on her face.

            I will give you a gift little one so that you will never be alone, but with that gift comes great responsibility and with great responsibility comes great suffering.  That is the burden you must bare, but you will not have to bare it alone, for I will be with you and in your darkest hour you will remember.

 

Then the creature spread its wings, wider than Sámi would have believed possible, and in a single swoop it was gone.

←- Snow Story (part two) | The Rose Sign -→

DateNameComment 
15 Dec 2006:-) Musty Zein
Nice description of the creature although i would like to read more for this

:-) Bethan Jones replies: "Thanx for your comment 2 I'll have a look at your stories when i get a moments free time 2"
27 Dec 200645 Shadeslayer
The creature is awesome but whu is sami so sad and alone? and what is the gift? please write more you are off to a good start.

:-) Bethan Jones replies: "Thanx 2 i got such good comments for this story that im going to find time to continue it, so watch this space!!!!"
24 Jan 2007:-) Heidi Hecht
I agree with the above commenters, it does feel like there's more to the story. This is a good piece, it's just taken out of context. The creature's cool.

:-) Bethan Jones replies: "thanx 2 "
26 Jan 2007:-) James P-W
I like it. 3 constructive (I hope) criticisms
-I think you should put "gods" instead of "Gods". Capital G is reserved for singular "God", "gods" are in poltheistic religions.
-you must BEAR not BARE
-3 meter wingsan? Thats about 10 feet. To put it into perspective, eagles have about a 6 to 7 foot wingspan. The guardian is about the size of a small horse, so I'd say it would have a much larger wingspan....
As you can see, this comments are all trivial. The writing itself was fantastic. I'm off to read the next chapter : )

:-) Bethan Jones replies: "ur right about all of those things. im not good at picturing sizes 2 thanx for the comment i'll get round to editing sometime"
10 May 200745 Molly
I Love this story. I can't stop thinking about what is going to happen next. I really hope u add on to it, i just can't stand not knowing what is going to happen. REALLY GOOD, AND CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE!

:-) Bethan Jones replies: "Thanx for the lovely comment! I would add to it but i dont really know what to write, one of my other stories 'The City' was meant to be connected to it i just havent written the connection yet... 2 You know GCSEs and boring stuff like that using up all my time 1"
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About 'The Guardian':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Bethan Jones
 • Copyright: ©Bethan Jones. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Guardian, Creature, Legend, Summon, Girl, Sami, Gods, Gift
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 124


More by 'Bethan Jones':
Snow Story (part one)
Vampyre...Forever
The Chosen (part two)
Invited In
The Rose Sign
The Chosen (part one)
Snow Story (part two)

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