"Delicious..." by Marisha Forrestine Parker

I have it under control now; I must have it under control. The longing has not overtaken me for several weeks now. I know, I know I might very well be falling into the trap again...the trap of false safety. It has gone up and down, up and down my entire life, like the foothills of Mordeth. I was there once. Yes, there was a small girl there. That girl...I took her. She was enjoying the scenery and I took her. Yes, that is why I have this under control. That is why I stand here, in the dark corner by the street, by the broken window. I watch people pass. Some...some of them entice me. This man that walks past...he has a happy life...a good soul. I want it!

But no, no. I stop myself just in time. See, it did not take a hold of me. I have power over myself now. Not like I did that night, in this very country. That boy with the thick black hair.. He had moccasins, yes, a Native American. Am I that old? Is the world that young? He had just killed a deer. The deer was beautiful as well, but it has nothing for me to feast on. That boy, though...he...

Stop, Janain, just stop. Remembering will only make you hungrier. All these people, passing by me...my memories are a threat to all of them. All these people... Why are there so many of them? Where are they all going? I'm sure I would have heard about it if something important were happening. Yet what is important now was not important then. Those metal machines...on the metal rails. They were important then. There was a lot of excitement..

There was a construction worker. He was excited, flushed by the success of his locomotive train. He was looking at it, late one night. I swooped like a bird of prey on a mouse. A bird of prey...all these mice surround me. But I hold my hunger. There is no threat anymore. Perhaps if I control it long enough...it will go away. Maybe I will go away. That would be nice. That would be peaceful. These people don't know I'm here. Look at all of them. They have smiles, voices, eyes. They have friends. That love..it makes their spirits strong and delectable...

I started going after the people with the most love, the most happiness. They tasted better, of course. They always do. But that's over now. My hunger is not my master.

Why, this man...he moves so slowly. He's not happy. He is sad...lonely...it must be hard for him. Hard for him like it is hard for me. An end...would be so peaceful. This man must feel the same. The hunger is not my master. This is an act of pity. And end would be peaceful. I should give him what he wants. He does want it, yes, and I'm so hungry...

He's even moving toward me, to welcome me. Or am I moving to him? Does it even matter anymore? There, his eyes, his lips...he's frightened. But he wants...doesn't he?

No, Janain! Stop! You promised yourself! The hunger should not have power over you! You're going to kill him!

No...I'm going to free him...my hunger isn't controlling me; I'm controlling me. This is good, this is what he wants, this is what will help me..

I shouldn't...no....Oh goddess, my hand...it killed him. It wasn't me; it was the hunger.

I let it have power over me. His soul...mine for the taking...

Delicious...