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Marisha Forrestine Parker

"Silence of the Dragon" by Marisha Forrestine Parker

SciFi/Fantasy text 14 out of 15 by Marisha Forrestine Parker.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This is just a poem type of thing that I wrote while I was listening to Yanni's 'Butterfly Dance.' I know butterflies don't have anything to do with dragons, but that's okay. This kind of style of poetry is kinda new to me...if it even is a style. I would imagine it's fun to read, though. ^_^
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←- The Fire of Souls - Prologue | The Tragic Story of Black Turtle -→
Silence.
A cave sits quietly, the forest around it serene.
The cave is crystalline and beautiful and mysterious.
Trees. The Human. The Cave.
Ice wafts out. A terrible fear is upon him.
A crash. The screech of metal against metal.
An explosion, or so it seems.
Rocks tumble into the chasm below.
Silence.
From above, it is waiting. Silent.
A flash of scales and a rush of wings.
A scream.
Silence.
Trees. The Dragon. The Cave.
A crunch of rocks as the dragon lands.
Disappearing into darkness.
Silence.
←- The Fire of Souls - Prologue | The Tragic Story of Black Turtle -→

DateNameComment 
23 Apr 2001:-) Shelby Kristen Irons
*exhales the breath she was holding* WHOA! That was chilling...I have goosebumps right now! The suspense really keeps the energy moving forward. I love the climax here. WONDERFUL WONDERFUL POEM!Oooh really? Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! ^_^ You've made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. ^.^ Thanks!
16 May 2001:-) Matt Morris
Wow... cool motif (sp). It's almost like a diamond poem where the beginning and end are the same and there are parralells between certain lines.. Really cool! It's almost like stream of consiousness... (excuse me and my silly words that I'm probably not using correctly) hehe. Great job.
7 Aug 2001:-) Saskia C.J. Beers
A lot is said in little words, my kind of style.
7 Aug 200145 David W. McEntee
Impressive. It's sparse, yet full. Very nicely done.
8 Aug 200145 Crystal
Very different, a kind of peom that really strikes you as, wow, how did she think of that, it's a really unique kind of poem, i think you should keep writing like this.
2 Sep 2001:-) Matt Morris
A line by line critisism.

Strong start on line one.
L2: you've caught my attention, what else lies there?
L3: a cave. Setting us up, crstalline... good word, sharp and almost dangerous... foreshadowing almost.
L4: beautiful. Tell us what we need to know. Powerful short ideas.
L5: "upon him" is a big let down of suspence... just "terrible fear." will keep up movement and interest
L6: how about: "a crash, metal screeching"
L7: nooo you've got to be forceful! this is the climax! "or so it seems" cuts it off to early. maybe just "A crash?"?
L8: good line
L9: perfect.
L10: take off "silent" to keep us moving into the next line
L11: "a" and "and a" can be removed for more action and movement
L12: I'm smiling 2
L13: perfect.
L14: ahhh... sum it up sum it up... yes...
L15: we hear it it
L16: disapears, then
L17: silence again.

I love it! I do have a habit of ripping apart poetry though, especially when it's already so so good! You gotta do some more.
4 Jan 2002:-) Eric J. Hopkins
Well... I can't say anything after THAT... That was a good poem, could remove some of the 'a's in a few spots, but I won't complain. 12
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'Silence of the Dragon':
 • Created by: :-) Marisha Forrestine Parker
 • Copyright: ©Marisha Forrestine Parker. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Cave, Chasm, Dragon, Forest, Human, Silence
 • Categories: Dragons, Drakes, Wyverns, etc
 • Views: 332

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More by 'Marisha Forrestine Parker':
 The Tragic Story of Black Turtle
Through Dreams Haunted - 3
Eyes of a Kellian - Chapter Four
Through Dreams Haunted - 1
A Boring Life
The Fire of Souls - Prologue

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