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Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley

"Omega Prologue: Revised" by Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley

SF&F Picture 6 out of 12 by Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley
 
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hey I updated the prologue to minimalise confusion. The whole first part of Omega (the bits posted here now) are based around eventually finding this city. There are going to be three seperate books (parts) to Omeega so this is not actually the whole thing that you'll see. sorry not enough room lol Comments welcome xx
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Omega Prologue

Revised

 

 The little girl wept into the sea as the waves gently lapped the sides of the boat. Swish, swish, swish.

She leant forward, both of her tiny hands folded beneath her chin, her long hair, shimmering a deep brown, the light of the sun dancing along the copper highlights of each strand, whilst the weight of the waves clung onto it as it spilled over the bow, across her eyes and resting every few moments on her lips with the beat of the conflicting winds from the mainland. Sighing, she felt the weight of the whole world on her shoulders, a world of not so long ago, which sat atop the tiny isle of Ellenor. If only: if only she had stayed there…

She breather in, then out, her warm breath falling onto icy hands. Her tiny shoulders sagged as she gazed over the horizon at the nothingness that now stood over the sea. Nothing but the light of the burning sun…

 

Her eyes flashed open. She was there again, in Ellenor, clinging to a tall man, a Felidae with long white hair and a lean slim body. His violet eyes beheld her as she grasped at a hand which didn’t want to respond, still hanging limply by his side as he stood tall and proud, clutching the amulet, her mother’s amulet, in the other hand, his face stern and beautiful. She remembered, she screamed at him.

“Bring her to me! Bring her back!”

Still he said nothing. This god, this cold, man with skin of bronze and glacial eyes. Not a strand of his hair moved, not a wink, and still the little girl cried out to him, louder and louder as the flames licked the side of his face, charring it to dark perfection. She screamed, leapt back as a piece of flaming debris plummeted down to the ground, missing her by inches. Her skin itched, throat burnt with cries of redemption and tears that dried up plastered her face with heat and stuck in her throat. Prickling, scarring heat, flames of golden amber and fiery yellow reaching out to her, wanting to take her away. Once more she glimpsed the stern face of the statue and was taken aback. Tears of gold ran down his face, across his fixed cheekbones and over his blackened lips. But still he didn’t answer.

Why, why had she lied?

Mother?

The girl turned her back on Alexander, on the church and gazed into the circle of fire, which now seemed to warm her heart as well the stinging flesh on her arm. Gazing at the pretty colours: red, orange, yellow and gold. They danced before, such colour, such wonderful colour such as she had never seen before. In her innocence, she reached out, to tough them, now completely unafraid of the peril they cradled. Closer, closer and then…

 

The child blinked her eyes open. She cried out, reached into the water desperately. She was burning, her whole body was burning and she plunged both arms into the cold sea to extinguish the flames, but gasped when she felt none of the pain of the night before, blinking into the water at her hands, now gathering shape and form amidst the chaos of quieting ripples. Her own reflection stared back at her, wide eyed and frightened. She had paled somewhat and she didn’t look or feel well. She rested once again upon the side of the boat, one arm still dangling into the water, rubbed away her clinging tears and thought of Ellenor, thought of her Mummy and her little heart broke at the mention of her, even in her head. She said she would always be there, in the church, with Lord Alexander, whenever her little daughter needed her. Why wasn’t she there? Why, why? Closing her eyes again, she blocked out the world. She didn’t want to hear the seagulls, nor the waves and even the sound of her own forced breathing, as she coughed out the last of the smoke from the fire. Dead. Gone. Everything. The birds, the trees, the people, her friends, all lost somewhere, distributed across the ocean, fallen in the fire. How could they? How could it be that they were gone?

 

She heard their voices as clear as a bell sounding in her head, killing off all other thoughts of princes and princesses, those stories that had kept her safe in the monastery of a night time, whilst the wind whistled through the trees, and at winter, when Mummy went to visit the mainland and in the springtime, without her. Kept her believing in Mummy, kept her believing in her return and the things she said about them all being together at the end of life. Forced her to take the priest’s hand as he pulled her out of her abyss, amongst the flames in the chapel and onto the last boat.

 

She thought of him now, between knitted eyebrows and played with the water to stop the tears from coming. Died in his church, as he thought was proper. Kissed her and left.

Love me, and then leave me.

She struggled to think of were she had heard these same words before, thinking back again immediately to the people of the night before, clutching into the fire, running back into the city to save those who even this tiny girl knew could not be saved. Those in the boats crying out to their god, to Alexander, just as she had. Sweet, merciful Alexander, their creator, had taken back their lives as easily as he had given them. That was what Mummy used to tell her, when Daddy died. She had never been the same after that.

 

“Ouch!” She cried out as something hard and gritty ground across her knuckles, softly.

Of course it hadn’t hurt that much but she cried more out of surprise then anything else really. Curious, angry and even a little scared, she reached into the water again looking for the culprit. Her hand grasped at something soft, and she brought her open palm to eye level. Gasping in surprise, she grabbed at the something again and again, to be sure of what it was she was seeing. Soft wet sand trickled through her fingers and she didn’t know whether to laugh or dry as she sat and looked at it dumbfounded.

“Hey!”

Panicking she spun around to face whoever the voice belonged to. Her eyes met those of a young boy, who could have been no older than herself. He was a raggedy little thing, and she was sure that had she stood up she would have towered over him, the skinny little urchin with streaking brown hair that hung in wet strands all over his face. He tilted his head and squinted in the blazing sunshine.

“Wotcha doin’?”

They both regarded each other for a moment and her unblinking eyes gave way to a world of tears, each one breaking her heart and scarring her throat.

“ Hey, don’t cw-y!”

She hardly heard him, through her fierce sobs and leapt out of the boat, ran further into the water, fighting back the waves as she went. She barely noticed him beside her as he rested his hand on her shoulder, asking all sorts of questions, of which she never answered a single one. The only thing she was sure was the rising smoke beyond the horizon, smoke only visible to her now and she knew immediately. One day, one day she would return to Ellenor, someday and when that day came, she would go to her. She would return to the arms of her beloved mother once mother…

 

 

 

 

←- Light | Omega Prologue -→

DateNameComment 
18 Oct 2003:-) Kate 'The Pirate' Riley
omeega? Sorry about that everyone. Really don't know what in the heell got me to type that one lol
11 Nov 2003:-) Beth 'Fork Master' Lewis
Now, is Omega before the Lost Princess, or vice versa? Or are they completely different stories and I'm just screwed in the head? (<-- That is completely possible...)

Anyway. *brandishes fork with enthusiasm* TYPOS!!!

'She **breather** in, then out, her warm breath falling onto icy hands.' <---- uh, yeah I know what you meant. ^_^

'She struggled to think of **were** she had heard these same words before...' <---- Well, I do know what you meant, but you might want to make that sentence a bit clearer... maybe something like "She struggled to think of the place/time? where she had heard these same words before...". Just to clarify. It's not major.

'She would return to the arms of her beloved mother once mother....' <---- eheheheh.... ok, I don't know, I just find that funny.

*dashes across page, tackles all typos to the ground, stabs them all viciously with a fork*

*dusts off hands*

One more thing I might say.... you don't need both the Prologue AND the Prologue: Revised... just keep up the revised one.

Done! And well-written. Nice job!

22 Kate 'The Pirate' Riley replies: "Whoa....there's a lot more there than I expected!! ah and the whole Omega/Kiah thing...hmm think I should sort that out too although it all becomes clear soon about Kiah in omega but just so you know Kiah is Sophie's mother so yeah it is before her. thanks hun xx"
24 Nov 2003:-) Panu Karjalainen
Pretty good. It may be just me, but I liked the odd, magical style - the kid trying to sort out her feelings and not really knowing what things were dream and what were not. At one point I was getting on this anime-freak in a bad way, but luckily it got killed.

Nice work.

12 Kate 'The Pirate' Riley replies: "*bites nail* hmm anime eh? lol that's exactly right actually. I'm a fan of all things Japanese and anime is the way to go although I try to make my stories with a little more depth. This kid is very important later on. Not everything is what it seems. Thank you again! xx"
31 Mar 2004:-) Jkelley2
nice beginning to the story - the emotion of the girl comes through very nicely

at the moment I dont really have the time to continue lol, but if I dont get back in a timely manner leave a msg on my page and I'm sure I'll make it a priority 10

:-) Kate 'The Pirate' Riley replies: "Ah don't worry about it your comments here were enough! Very encouraging again and i won't bug you to revisit cos it's not really my style and I'm grateful for this anyway. Thank you xx"
9 Apr 200445 John Bagwell
You've got some very believable, 3D characters here. The writing is very effective at conveying what you want it to, as well. I can't think of any advice, which is something of a first for me. Wait... I have something! Don't ignore your typos. Some of the best names and ideas I've had were misspellings of the original (not very good) ones.

:-) Kate 'The Pirate' Riley replies: "dammit why do you people have to be so nice about this lol. I don't have anything else to post on this for the time being and now I'm gonna feel bad! no, really I appreciate your input and my typos are no excuse really, it's just so tedious correcting everything. I try to portray my characters in a 3D way so I'm glad that came through xx"
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About 'Omega Prologue: Revised':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley
 • Copyright: ©Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Girl, Dead, Ancient, City
 • Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Romance, Emotion, Love, Vampires, Zombies, Undeads, Dark, Gothic
 • Views: 121


More by 'Kate ´The Pirate´ Riley':
Omega Prologue
Just Children....
Light
The Sacred Part Two
Omega Chapter One
The Lost Princess
Omega Chapter Two: The Underground
The Sacred Part One

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