I think the list line pretty much sums up what you are going for in this piece.
"If you are extremely lucky, you can wait until the dead of night and see transparent forms walking through the grass, crying forever for lost love."
I have some questions about the story... What about the other fae clans? Why didn't they do anything to stop the clans from stopping? How long did the war last? Why did only the men fight?
"When the last two men killed each other, everyone was happy it was over and sad it happened in the first place."
Why would they in the least bit be happy?? ...maybe instead of using the word happy, you could say something like, "After the greatest standoff in fae history, the two remaining men fought hard, reducing themselves to the cold death of stardust; the war was over."
"dead were turned into stardust and were use to fertilize the earth" Is this a metaphor for something, or did they really use the dead bodies of the fae for...fertilizer?... To me that seems a bit shallow. Hehe - just try to clarify this up some and give a little more meaning to them being fertilizer.
"It was not over, however, for some." This first made me think that others were still warring. Maybe you could say something to the extent that, "The Fae War may have been over, but the memories still lived within those that were left behind."
"Nothing could persuade them to give up their vigil." Did something or someone persuade them to give up their mourning??
"When things of magic were being persecuted, and all magical beings had to leave this world, the widows were asked to go." I actually really like this line...you could do so much with just this... in fact, this could definitely lead into another story about how and what happend with the persecution of magic.
I hope to see an updated version of this story with more detail and perhaps a story about the persuction of the magic... or an in depth story of the war.
Thank you for the read! Take care and God bless!
Haley N. 'Everlorn' Baker replies:
"Thanks for commenting and offering such good criticism. God bless!"