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Melissa O´Dowd

"Chapter 02 - The Tunnel, Part 1" by Melissa O´Dowd

SciFi/Fantasy text 28 out of 30 by Melissa O´Dowd.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Well here's chapter 2 (its in 2 parts cos its too long otherwise, trying to encourage people to read all of it). There's a couple of sub-stories that I'm having issues with (namely Jalithe's whole story) so if it seems a little disjointed in parts, this will be why. Any suggestions are as always, greatly apprieceted.
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←- Chapter 08 - The Scout, part 2 | Chapter 02 - The Tunnel, Part 2 -→

The Tunnel

 

The council took a break with the question still unanswered. Many went to the library in Retep, to see if such a feat had indeed been done. Others went to Isharhea to ask for the Great Ones guidance. Nevertheless, Faber and her lords went straight to Peter.

Faber asked Peter again, “Can you do it Peter? Can you help us to discover our own land?” She seemed so desperate to leave. Why?
He answered, as he should. “As I said, I believe it can be done. Yet, if the mountain is unstable then it could collapse and block the river. That would destroy all lands southeast of here. That is the only concern, the risk of losing life and land.” Peter found he could be so open and honest with Faber, he knew not why.

“How would you stop such a tragedy Peter?” She asked.

Peter thought she was making fun of his plan.

“I would test the rock first; to be sure there were no weaknesses. Also I should prefer tests were conducted at each stage of excavation.” He liked his answer. He thought it was prudent to test anyway.

Faber was not convinced. “Peter, I do not want to be responsible for Fey deaths. Do you understand that? Peter, I would be responsible. If your idea is accepted by the council, you must be sure of its safety.” She was pleading.

Peter was moved. “The only drawback is that it will take time. Yet, in the future it will save time. I will make it safe.” Peter would talk to the others who could create objects from the earth about his plans.

“Time is nothing against lives. We can wait until it is safe.” Faber stated.

 

“It couldn’t possibly work! We have no way of cutting into the mountain!” Obre was adamant.

“We do! We shaped this land eons ago; surely we can make a tunnel…” Peter argued back.

It had been like this for the past day. Each member of the Council giving voice to their thoughts. As evening drew in, it seemed they were no closer to a decision, until stout young Bonnie ran into the Council. Bonnie was of an age with Peter, her hair darker than Peter’s, her eyes an emerald green.

“We can do it!” she shouted breathlessly. “It’s all here!’ She held out sheaves of parchment, “Peter’s right we have done it and here’s the written evidence.”

All gathered about the table to examine the papers.

“By the Great Ones!! Look at this…” An Elder Myrtle pointed to a series of pictures, “These are plans to build tools, and from the descriptions, they’re exactly what we’d need to excavate a tunnel.” Myrtle was incredibly handsome. His looks polished and smooth, and his voice was musical. He had the grace, which can only come to a hunter; though he used this grace when dancing also.

Elder’s Zacharia, Fila and Cara assessed the papers; being the three High Elders they would ultimately have the last word on the matter. Peter and Faber held their breath.

“Yes… yes, I think I see” Zacharia murmured. The three High Elders looked at each other. Fila and Cara nodded. “Very well,” Zacharia turned to he gathered crowd, “So be it!”

The council approved Peter’s idea of building the tunnel.

 

Elder Zacharia asked Peter to draw up his ideas on parchment. When Peter gave his designs to Zacharia, another meeting with the council was called.

As usual, the meeting was open to all, and Peter decided to attend. Out of curiosity, of course.

None of the Elders really knew what the meeting was for, but they attended, as they must.

All were seated and awaiting the meeting to begin. Zacharia stood and silence fell.

“My Lords, Ladies and Elders alike. I thank you all for coming at such short notice. I wish to elect a young candidate for the position of Elder.”

To this there was a great fussing. Zacharia let them chatter for the moment. When the talk died down he continued.

“The one I have chosen is an unlikely youngster. He has shown sound knowledge and wisdom on many occasions. His curiosity is a rare and valuable gift, which should be respected. Though he is certainly the youngest ever to be put forward, I have chosen Peter.”

 

A stunned silence ensued.

 

Elder Rosea broke the silence. “How can you elect him? He always asks questions. What has he ever done for the council?” Rosea was young, by Elder standards. Yet, she was at least in her first century. Long dark hair with streaks of silver, cloaked her thin body.

“He has found a way for my people to reach our proposed home!” Faber spoke strongly.

“Indeed. See these parchments,” Zacharia held aloft Peter’s designs. “These are his first designs for the proposed tunnel, and they are ingenious! He is to become an Elder and over see the work in the tunnel. Who better to be sure that these plans are brought to life correctly than their designer?”

 

So it was agreed, Peter was to become an Elder.

The Eldership ceremony took place in Isharhea the next day. Only Elders were allowed to be present. It was performed as always in the High Ancient Tongue. It is a secret and sacred rite, which was not spoken of among the Fey. No one below an Elder knew what went on, when the bridge to Isharhea was closed.

They were there for two full days and nights, until they emerged at last at the dawning of the third day. Peter went straight to improving his designs and the rest of the Council went back to their normal tasks.

 

The tests soon began, with Peter overseeing all the work and Faber stood by him.

He did all that he could to make sure that nothing went wrong. The Fey builders felt alive again. Their hands twitched when they were not working. The Fey knew what they were doing, and the work progressed swiftly and smoothly.

It tool just over six months to excavate half the mountain.

“I am amazed.” Faber could not believe it. The Elves nearly had a home.

“Indeed the work has progressed faster than I had thought. Yet, it has all been done to the highest degree. Faber have you seen it? Our old lamps light the walls with a glowing radiance. The Halls and Chambers are exquisite. They have sculpted the wall braces to look like the trees! Faber have you been to the Under-Wonder World?” Peter was brimming over with pride.

“Yea, I have seen it. Yet I long to see the other side. How goes the plans for the Waterfall Stair?” Faber was distant. She wanted to see the waterfall, the eastern side of the mountains. Her new home.

“There are some problems with the design, but that does not need to worry you, my dear Faber. I must return to my work. I will see you at dinner, yes?”

“Dinner? Yes, I will be there, till dinner tonight.” She turned and left.

Peter watched after her, and then went back towards the Tunnel.

 

The months slowly passed by. Marked by the rise and fall of the Silver Disc and Orange Orb. Now when the Fey went hunting some of the Elves would go to, namely Teop and Nala. Faber found herself more often out in the grassy plain to the south of the Fey’s capital city of Retep. Here, she worked with Fey and Elf alike. They worked the land, by growing the grasses that could be eaten.

It was here that a very young she-elf came up to her and asked the question that had also been on Faber’s mind.

“Lady Faber? Might I beg a question of thee?” She asked after the fashion of the Fey.

“You may, only if you speak your name to me.” Faber looked down upon the girl. She was pretty in the way of the Elves. Brown hair just above her shoulders, grey eyes and a slim body that became her.

“I am called Jalithe, My Lady Faber.” She replied with eyes downcast.

‘Such a sweet child’ Faber thought to herself. “What do you wish to ask?”

“I ask a question that my friends ask of me. When shall we see our new home?” Jalithe spoke with innocence of a child.

“How old are you child?” Faber knew most of her Elvish colony, but this child seemed, unfamiliar.

“I am but 14 summers, though I do not seem it.”
Faber was shocked; surely the child was older than that. “How old were you when you awoke?” It had been long years since the Awakening, the child had to be older…

 “Beg pardon Lady, but I was born after the awakening,” Jalithe’s voice sank low. “I had a Fey father who fell in love with my Elven mother. Please do not cast me out!” The child was terrified, but honest. A quality Faber admired.

‘That would explain your mature looks and learning’ Faber mused. She saw the look in the girls’ eyes. “Fear not, I’ll not cast you out. Yet where will you live? Moreover, your parents? Will they stay here, in Retep? Or move to the Elvish city across the mountains?” Concern now fell upon Faber.

“I know not my lady. My parents asked if I could learn of the time we are to leave so that they may choose.” She seemed so sad yet, determined.

“I shall learn of the time, for I know it not. Come to me this night and we shall talk.”

 

 

 

←- Chapter 08 - The Scout, part 2 | Chapter 02 - The Tunnel, Part 2 -→

DateNameComment 
18 Jan 2006:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph
Hey again, it's been a long time since I read chapter 1! I've been really busy lately. Anyway, I finally got the chance to come back for chapter 2... here's what I've got (mostly typos, heh):

"His looks polished and smooth, and his voice was musical" -- I think that's missing a "were"...

"The council approved Peter’s idea of building the tunnel.' -- this line is suddenly very small... a problem with the formatting, maybe?

"Under-Wonder World" -- heh, I just thought this was a cool name =P

"How goes the plans for the Waterfall Stair" -- I think that should be "go"...

"Now when the Fey went hunting some of the Elves would go to, namely Teop and Nala" -- that should be "too"...

"“Beg pardon Lady, but I was born after the awakening,” Jalithe’s voice sank low. “I had a Fey father who fell in love with my Elven mother. Please do not cast me out!” The child was terrified, but honest. A quality Faber admired." -- again, this part is in a smaller font... is this intentional?

"That would explain your mature looks and learning" -- Hm, I don't quite get this part. How does having a Fey father and an Elven mother make her look older than she really is?

Other than that, this part was pretty good... although it did seem a little slow-moving to me. But then, that's how all epics start out, right? =) I wonder what's going to happen next... I'm afraid it may be a while before I have time to read more of this =( But I'll try to come back as soon as I can!

Oh, and *first comment* =D

3 Melissa O´Dowd replies: "Hey, you came back and that's all that matters ^_^ as to the typos, I'll fix'em soon as I can. As far as Jalithe goes. Having trouble with her storyline. I know she's important in someway, but yeah I know it doesn't fit well. I'm working on it... consider it 'a work in progress' thanks, see you soon"
4 Apr 200645 Link
Not much to say. Just want to read more.

28 Melissa O´Dowd replies: "Often the case - there's heaps more to read, feel free 12"
2 Jan 200745 MikeyHC
A good story, i would have appreciated more opposition to peters election, due to age and maybe some personality traits that could set up conflict later. A good story and would definetly like to see you work on the concept of the Elders rituals.

58 Melissa O´Dowd replies: "Hmm opposition to Peter's election. To be honest that was a quick add on while proof-reading. It hasn't been extended much yet. Yeah... Rituals... Maybe"
2 May 200745 Joey
I'm back. Here's some more grammar errors. BTW I like your story so far.


Many went to the library in Retep, to see if such a feat had indeed been done. No comma.

Others went to Isharhea to ask for the Great Ones guidance. Should be Great Ones' guidance.

Can you help us to discover our own land? No 'to'.

If your idea is accepted by the council, you must be sure of its safety. 'it's' not 'its'

“We can do it!” she shouted breathlessly. “It’s all here!’ the ' should be a "

“Peter’s right we have done it and here’s the written evidence.” should be comma after 'right' or a ! after right and we capitalised.

"The council approved Peter’s idea of building the tunnel." is typed a bit small.

Long dark hair with streaks of silver, cloaked her thin body. No comma after silver.

My Lords, Ladies and Elders alike. add a comma after 'Ladies'.

No one below an Elder knew what went on, when the bridge to Isharhea was closed. No comma after 'closed'.

They were there for two full days and nights, until they emerged at last at the dawning of the third day. No comma after 'nights'.

It tool just over six months to excavate half the mountain. I think you mean 'took'.

Now when the Fey went hunting some of the Elves would go to, namely Teop and Nala. It should be 'too' not 'to'.

They worked the land, by growing the grasses that could be eaten. No comma after land.

‘Such a sweet child’ Faber thought to herself. Thoughts are usally italicised.

“Beg pardon Lady, but I was born after the awakening,” Jalithe’s voice sank low. “I had a Fey father who fell in love with my Elven mother. Please do not cast me out!” The child was terrified, but honest. A quality Faber admired. This is in small font.

‘That would explain your mature looks and learning’ Faber mused. Add a comma after learning.

She seemed so sad yet, determined. No comma after yet.

3 Melissa O´Dowd replies: "WOW!! Thanks Joey. I've done a few edits since you commented (sorry its taken so long). I have to check to see if I've updated this chapter. Thanks for the time and effort you put into your comment ^_^"
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'Chapter 02 - The Tunnel, Part 1':
 • Created by: :-) Melissa O´Dowd
 • Copyright: ©Melissa O´Dowd. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Arguments, Dryads, Elves, Fey, Mines, Plants, Seasons, Trouble, Tunnelling, Wonder
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Faery, Fay, Faeries, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 345

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