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Jon Midget

"Legend of the Whisper Wood, Ch.1.2" by Jon Midget

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 12 by Jon Midget.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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The opening scene of the novel, Paladin and Fauna spending a day together at Paladin's farm, continues. I guess it's obvious now that even my more epic stories (which this one definitely is) don't have the 'smack, boom! here we go' that drive most epics.
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←- Legend of the Whisper Wood, Ch. 1.1 | Resurrecting the Scarlet Avenger, Ch. 1.1 -→

" 'Who knew there were such different worlds in one small forest?' " Fauna repeated. "I'll have to remember that one. It will add entertainment when I judge disputes."

"Entertainment?" Paladin asked.

"Oh yes," Fauna smiled. "Lords come to me all the time to settle arguments between them. No matter who is involved I always get two wildly different stories explaining the argument. That's when I can use it. It will baffle everyone involved and give me a bit of a laugh."

"I doubt it will baffle any of your Lords any more than it baffles me," Paladin said. He walked into the cottage, pausing to see if Fauna had followed. She did not.

He walked into his small kitchen and pumped water up from the well. He splashed his face to wash away the sweat, letting the water trickle down his cheeks and drip to his shoulders. He grimaced at several small rips in his coarsely sewn tunic. It was hardly fine clothing, but it was one of his newer tunics, and he had spent several days experimenting with leaf pigments in order to dye it the dark green he had wanted. He wasn't sure if he could make the same color again.

Nothing to do about it now.

He rummaged through several pots, all filled with dried leaves or roots, until he found the stash of silvery kingsfoil. He placed some in a bowl, added a bit of water, and mixed it into a paste. Rubbing it into his arms, he winced at the sting as it seeped into each little cut and scrape. He yanked out several downy feathers from his forearms, which had been mangled as he had salved the merdona vines.

Only half the crop left to do.

He looked out the window. Fauna was there, sitting against a large branch and looking off at the distance. Shadows swayed; insects buzzed. A large purple butterfly, the kind Paladin's mother had always called the Silverdrop, fluttered near her shoulder, but Fauna sat perfectly still.

She was so alien — the green eyes, the green feathers, the light skin, the perfect stillness, the cold unwavering looks. But he couldn't look away. Not until she turned her head and their eyes met and held steady for a brief instant. Then he moved away from the window, forcing his thoughts away from her.

The afternoon was young, and he had more work to do. He rinsed the paste, now dry and flaky, from his arms and returned to the merdona vines outside.

The salve was there, in the pot where he had left it. He picked it up, slung it between the brown feathered wings folded behind his back, grabbed the branches overhead, and pulled himself up. He stayed there, crawling and pulling himself along the vines twisting around the mallorn branches, until evening. Finally, when there was less than an hour before the sunlight was completely gone, he was finished. The crop would be safe until it was ripe, and Paladin would likely have enough money to go the Harvest Festival again.

He stretched his arms and wings again, which were again battered and scraped up. A quarter moon shone in the sky. Crickets began chirping. Soon, Paladin knew, he would be able to hear the faint music of the dryads, dancing and singing on the forest bed far, far below. Sometimes, if he stayed outside long enough, he could start to pick out the melodies.

He went inside.

Fauna had started a fire, and she was stirring something in a large pot. A strange scent filled Paladin's cottage, and the pain in his arms and deep aches in his wings were, for a moment, forgotten. Fauna's eyes were fixed on Paladin's, and her mouth was curled into a slight smile.

"That didn't look easy," she said. "What you were doing out there. I thought maybe you would like something to eat when you were done."

"You're right," Paladin said. "I–I don't think I've ever smelled anything like that before," he said, pointing to the pot.

"It's supposed to be stew," Fauna said. "To be honest, I don't think I've ever cooked anything before."

"You have plenty of servants to do that too, I suppose," Paladin said.

"We have plenty of servants to do just about everything," Fauna said, her eyes and face suddenly icy and intense. "Except make the hard decisions: deciding what kind of inter-province trade policy will ensure that everybody has something to eat; deciding whether a murder was intentional or accidental; deciding what to words will help the dragons feel reassured that nobody's going to invade their mountains. Those are all left to me."

Her eyes softened again, and she held the stirring spoon up to Paladin. "I kind of had to improvise on what to put into the pot. You'll have to tell me how it is."

Paladin took a sip from the spoon.

"It's good," he smiled, his eyes looking down. "Definitely different, but good. Is that Arrowroot you put in it?"

Fauna stepped closer, their bodies almost touching. Paladin looked up again, sharply, and her eyes looked straight into his. "I have no idea what I put into it," she whispered, smiled, and quickly pulled away.

She spooned several scoops into a wooden bowl and handed it to Paladin. He took it and sat down at a chair in the far corner of the room while Fauna served herself. When she was done she leaned back, wings pressed against the wall, and ate.

The fire beneath the kettle continued to burn, and as the light outside disappeared with the setting sun the shadows inside became deep and shifting. The fire slowly became smaller and smaller, and the night overtook the room. But no matter how dark the shadows in Fauna's eyes were, Paladin could only see the same cold, green intensity in them that always held him transfixed and pushed him away at the same time.

A soft chill filled the room as the fire continued dying. The bits of stew still in the kettle cooled, and the scent disappeared.

"Do you still write poetry?" Fauna asked. "Songs?"

"Sometimes," Paladin said. "Nights like this — quiet nights when I'm alone and the fire's dying and it's just cold enough for you to notice — those nights are where poetry comes from. And I have a lot of those kind of nights."

"I don't think I've ever heard one of your poems," Fauna said.

"That's because they aren't all that good."

"If they aren't any good, then why spend the time composing them?"

"Well, obviously I like them. But I've heard the poets from Valora, the ones that get invited to perform in your court, and I've felt the power in their songs. I've never composed anything like that."

"How do you know?"

"Because ..." Paladin trailed off. He took his lute and performed at the Harvest Festival in Lamorra every year. He did it for himself, because after as many lonely nights as he had, living alone in his little cottage and working alone on his little farm, he needed to share them with others. And people enjoyed them. They listened. They applauded. But that was all. And that was all he really expected and wanted.

But it was nothing like the great poets. When they sang, enormous crowds gathered around. When they spoke, they could whisper because everyone was riveted, breathlessly anticipating the next word. When they told stories, grown men and women were moved to tears and laughter.

And though he had always admired them, the great poets, Paladin had always known he would never rival them. And he was fine with that. He was happy with what he did compose. It suited him.

But to sing his songs to Fauna ...?

"Because why?" Fauna demanded.

"Because the great songs burst like lightning in the hearts of the entire audience, it moves them to the point that they almost can't breathe. Mine don't do that."

"Let me be the judge," Fauna said.

She walked toward Paladin, pulling a stool with her, and finally sat down right next to him. She leaned forward.

"And what do you want to hear?" Paladin whispered.

"A nice one," Fauna said. "Something about beauty and hope. The good things in our world."

Paladin laughed and shook his head. "I wrote a song about hauling my crops to the village every other week," he said. "But that's probably not the kind of beauty and hope you're looking for."

Fauna's eyes did not blink. "Have you ... have you ever written a song about me?"

Silence. An ember popped in the dying fire.

"Yes," Paladin finally said.

"Sing it to me."

"I can't," Paladin looked away. "I couldn't – I never finished it. I knew how to start it, but I didn't know where it should go."

Fauna finally looked away. She traced a finger along the wood grain of the wall. She turned her head to the window, looking from the darkness within to the darkness without.

"If you listen closely," Fauna broke the silence, "you can hear the dryads' songs. Even from up here."

"But you can't see the dances from up here."

"I don't understand them anyway," she looked back at Paladin, smiling sadly. "You didn't know where it should go? &mdash the poem, I mean. The poem about ... me?"

"I still don't."

Fauna left the next morning. She had told Paladin as soon as he was awake but had lingered long past sunrise. Finally, just as the day's heat began to settle, she walked out to one end of a large branch extending from the cottage. Her wings unfolded, and she turned back to look at Paladin one last time with thos cold, icy, sparkling, beautiful green eyes.

"Goodbye," she said.

"Goodbye."

←- Legend of the Whisper Wood, Ch. 1.1 | Resurrecting the Scarlet Avenger, Ch. 1.1 -→

DateNameComment 
10 Apr 2007:-) Carly ´Lhena´ Silverton
Ok so I know the he lives alone and that she's some kind of royalty or high offiail, but I have no idea what they are, u say they have wings, but what kind of creatures are they? you kind of just throw your readers into the ocean and tell them to swim, i'm very confused about this story line and couldn't enjoy it as much as if I knew some what of where this plot was heading besides the obvious romance between these two. all in all though, this story has great potential, lots of good detail, something i am not too fond of in my own stories, and an interesting beginning. it grabs the readers and makes them want to read more. very good start, now can u finish this? (open threat just now)I'm going to leave this up to, hopefully, anyone who gets as lost as you (I know you figured out that this is part two already). Readers, this is the second part of the first chapter, so if you are completely baffled and have never met Paladin and Fauna before, go back to to my main page and check out Whisper Wood, Ch.1.1.If you have already read part 1 and are still completely confused, then the problem is my writing.
10 Apr 2007:-) Kelli Armstrong
Ohhhh man!! I'm really enjoying this! I wish I had more time to read these days! I am excited to read more. As always as I read I jotted some things. Here they are...

This idea of how music effects listeners is beautiful!! I LOVE it! "Because the great songs burst like lightning in the hearts of the entire audience, it moves them to the point that they almost can't breathe..."

“The fire slowly became smaller and smaller” two smaller’s seem excessive to me.Ugh. "Smaller and smaller"? That's one of my worst tendencies—one that I've worked hard to eliminate, but one that still shows up every now and then: try to compensate for a generic, vague adjective by repeating it.I'm glad you are enjoying the story, and you picked out a line that I also really like: it's how I feel, not only about music, but about stories and poetry too. It represents the point of it all. Thanks for stopping by.
21 Apr 2007:-) Patricia M. D´Angelo
This is one that really makes me want to keep reading. Your wonderful descriptions are not used just for the surroundings, your characters are developed by word and action providing a deep description down to their souls.

I already have a soft spot in my heart for Paladin. I see his philosophy of writing near my own.

he needed to share them with others. And people enjoyed them. They listened. They applauded. But that was all. And that was all he really expected and wanted.

And though he had always admired them, the great poets, Paladin had always known he would never rival them. And he was fine with that. He was happy with what he did compose. It suited him.

One thing seemed a bit odd from a gardner's view. I guess I would liken it to a car mechanic wearing his sunday clothes to change the oil on the car.

He grimaced at several small rips in his coarsely sewn tunic. It was hardly fine clothing, but it was one of his newer tunics, and he had spent several days experimenting with leaf pigments in order to dye it the dark green he had wanted. He wasn't sure if he could make the same color again.

He is an experience gardner that has long taken care of his merdona vines. He would be expecting the small rips. I can't imagine he would wear a fairly new tunic, knowing it was bound to get ripped in places. Now if there was a line where he mentally chews himself out for doing something he knew better than to do. Blame it on the unexpected visit from Fauna.


Just to reiterate, wonderful story and can't wait to read more.
27 Apr 200745 L. Shanra Kuepers
"Oh yes," Fauna smiled. Well, that little tag goes way high on the unintentional comedy scale, doesn't it. I tried imagining a smile that could make the sound "Oh yes" and it's not an elegant thought at all. Yikes again at my editing skills.She did not. He walked into his small kitchen and pumped water up from the well. Okay, I feel kind of dumb. Honestly, the wells make complete sense. You see, they are installed a few hundred feet below the branches on which the people live and collect rainwater and dew from the giant leaves on the trees through elaborate little chutes that run along the branches. Of course, I didn't mention any of this in the story. So you, quite understandably, had to stop reading, let the flow be interrupted while you tried to figure out how on earth the wells could work. *slaps myself in the head a few times* That's just about the worst thing a fantasy writer could possibly do. It's one thing to not overload a story with details that don't matter, but it's something else altogether to force readers into sheer befuddlement. Sorry. I honestly can't believe I didn't get into any explanation about the wells. *smiles rather sheepishly*looking off at the distance Actually, neither is syntactically correct. Distance is not something anyone can literally look at or in. Honestly try to envision it. It can't be done. But we say "in" a lot in this context when we speak. I chose "at" because it conveyed something a little bit different: the idea that Fauna is letting her eyes focus on the nothing that is far away, rather than the nothing that is nearby (if that makes any sense at all, I'll be impressid with you).You know… Come to think of it, I really like the similarities and difference between your 'The Day the Caravan Came By'.I'm kind of a romantic at heart, and I like looking at little aspects of romance that don't usually get shown in popular literature and movies: awkward attraction, uncertain attraction, hesitant attraction—in all it's lovely flavors and variations. I also wish more little romance tales could show attraction that doesn't lead to a bedroom and/or wedding bells. Because that's the kind of romance that I think most people experience most of their lives. (Thank goodness, could you imagine the logistics and insurance nightmare if everyone married everyone they ever found themselves a bit attracted to?) I also love the way you don't focus on how the people look, but only mention it when they notice. Absolutely lovely. ^-^ That is done out of sheer survival instinct. I don't like using narrative phrases like "he looked at her," and I always worry about including both enough details about physical appearances and the right details (ones that are interesting). I find that this habit, only doing it to show what characters are doing and what they notice, is the only way I can do it and make myself happy.He stretched his arms and wings again, which were again battered and scraped up. I don't think I've ever smelled anything like that before," he said, Stubbornness Alert!!! Ah, but I do include multiple tags in paragraphs on occasion. It just follows how I organize paragraphs in conversations—by who'se speaking, and sometimes a single character says things in a way that requires multiple tags. The reason not to, of course, is because it felt choppy to you (and, I expect, to others too), but I do it. My only defense is that some of my favorite authors do it to. Lousy explanation. Quite a cop-out actually, but there it is. Sheer stylistic stubbornness.what to words will help the dragons Um ... I need some help on that one too *asks muse to explain, but she's too busy rattling off about the myth of the original Scarlet Avenger to be bothered about this story—the one I'd like to think about and work on!—right now*Fauna stepped closer, *Shouts for joy* That's what every writer should plead with the gods to do—make the reader feel and see it rather than be told about itshe looked back at Paladin. It's a rush to know that it worked. Thank you very much, both for the compliments and the nits. Fauna and Paladin are fascinating to me, two characters that could be such stereotypes yet (at least for me) aren't. We definitely get a better look at Paladin here, but I'm a bit in love with both. I'm glad you enjoyed it. That is really all a writer should dream about and hope for, that he (or she) can create something that others enjoy. Thanks again.
6 May 200745 L. Shanra Kuepers
Ooooh, you mean to tell me that all the romantic hints I found in this are NOT just my imagination? *does a little dance* No, they're not just your imagination. I like romance, even if "Literary Circles" find it "less-intellectual" than fine "literary fiction." Honestly, what's more human than romance—isn't it kind of one of the most fundamental driving forces of life? I try to do it more subtly and with more realistic (in my opinion) ways than a dime romance novel, but yes, I do write a bit of romance here and there.Actually, if you go on and explain the wells in any kind of detail, wouldn't you be risking an infodump? I think this is one of those places where you have to figure out what the lesser of the two evils is. I seem to be the only one to have picked up on it, though. ('When in doubt or disagreement, get a second opinion or several' is pretty much my motto. ^-~) Thank you for explaining! I'm afraid that I'm a technically inept person, so they're quite useful to me. ^-^ Doesn't Fitzgerald use multitagline paragraphs? I agree that it's a personal thing, though. *shrugs helplessly* I'll be sure to leave it in peace unless I think it really, truly doesn't work in its context.Yep. Fitzgerald does. But he's just about as American as writers come—in theme, in story, in style, etc.—so maybe it's yet another American prose invention that kills proper British style rules, in which case I guess it would make sense that it would drive you batty.(*grins* And if you're a romantic at heart, remind me to give you a link to Panth's birthday. I think you might like that aspect of it. ^-^ I'd post it on Elfwood, but I think the magic is a little *too* subtle to be accepted.)*Ears perk up* Oh, PLEASE give me the link. Not only am I romantic at times, but you've gotten me all giddy about a story with magic that is so subtle that it may be overlooked by a mod. I would love to read it.
8 May 200745 L. Shanra Kuepers
*kicks self* Sorry that sentence should have read "for Panth's birthday present". I haven't posted it yet as her birthday isn't for a few weeks, but I shall stop by again to drop it off once it is.
20 Jun 200745 Lupai-kin
I just want you to know that I'm enjoying this. The only thing that's bugged me so far is the fact that whenever you try to put a dash in the story, (--) it shows up as "&mdash". It took me a few turns through the comments to figure out what it was supposed to be, and it jolted me out of the story. I kept thinking I was missing some words out of a sentence or something... Yes, the dash problem is rather annoying. Seeing as I've no ticket in the queue now, maybe I'll spend the weekend fixing that and getting a more polished version up.Anyway, I just wanted to let you know if you hadn't noticed yet. I am eager to read more of Fauna and Paladin!Thank you very much! I hope that, if you get a chance to read chapter 2, you enjoy how the story continues.
5 Jul 2007:-) B. Layne Weaver
Hello! Back I am. 2

I love that he has feathers on his body. I'll bet he feels really sleak! -- though I doubt he'd like a stranger running her hands up and down his arms to see how he feels. ^_^ Woohoo! This is an opportunity to gloat! *smiles sinisterly* I once got into a major discussion with a good friend about the feathers on their bodies. She thought it sounded gross, and no matter how much I tried to explain that one these Whisper Wood females with downy feathers on her arms and legs would be very attractive, my friend wouldn't budge. Now she's officially in the minority: 2 say the feathers are cool, 1 says no. ^_^"We have plenty of servants to do just about everything," Fauna said, her eyes and face suddenly icy and intense. "Except make the hard decisions: deciding what kind of inter-province trade policy will ensure that everybody has something to eat; deciding whether a murder was intentional or accidental; deciding what to words will help the dragons feel reassured that nobody's going to invade their mountains. Those are all left to me." Heh, good comeback. 2 I thought it snappy myself. Fauna's not some spoiled princess who's never done an ounce of real work, and it kind of annoyed her that Paladin had implied so. She's a very good ruler, and let's be honest: ruling a people (whether as a king or queen, or a president, or whatever title the political system uses) is NOT an easy job — well, it's a hard job if the person really wants to serve the people and do a good job. Which Fauna does. I guess we all wish more of them were like her.Nice soothing descriptions of the sun setting, the lengthening of the shadows inside the cottage. Very nice. Sounds like a wonderful place to spend the gloaming. "I don't understand them anyway," she looked back at Paladin, smiling sadly. "You didn't know where it should go? — the poem, I mean. The poem about ... me?"
There's that "—" thing again. ;D I've seen odd formatting glitches, but this is the first time I've seen this particular one. ^_^ Yep, it's a weird one. But watch, as soon as I finish replying, every single one you wrote in your comment will be fixed — even without doing anything. Why can't Elfwood do that to my story, I wonder?I like these two characters of yours. There's a stillness to them that is poignant, like the depth of a calm pool.Thank you very much. I absolutely love stillness in literature. Action and fast-pacededness (what a word!) are nice, but stories need stillness for balance. I'm actually very grateful to hear that you liked this quality of the story—this chapter (and whole story) has regularly been criticized because "nothing happens." I'm glad to hear that you didn't think so.Though honestly Paladin's really the only one of the two that has the stillness you're talking about. Poor Fauna's will disappear as soon as she returns to Valora. Damn, sometimes I feel sorry for that womanI'm sure someone else has already caught this, but there's an E missing from "thos cold, icy, sparkling beautiful green eyes" at the end. Actally, no.I apologize if I repeat crits that people have already pointed out. I've stopped reading the comments beforehand, like I used to, because I've come across spoilers doing that in the past, and I've grown too lazy in my old age to read them afterward, and then edit my comments to prevent repetitions of previous crits, so... aye. *snorts with laughter* Your old age? Didn't you say somewhere you were turning 28 in August? As a guy who just turned 30 it is impossible for me to consider that you have reached [your] "old age."Hope you had a wonderful birthday and a fun trip with your family!Both were fun. It was about my two billionth trip to Bear Lake, and my wife's first. So for me it was fun, because I have gone there so many times if I didn't like it, and for my wife it was fun for being the first time. And for my birthday my two boys (ages 5 & 2) gave me a LEGO set. So all was good. Untill the kids lost half of the pieces. Oh well, that was actually expected.
11 Jul 2007:-) Becca Lusher
[The babbling continues ^_^]

Now. All of that aside. The feathers. From looking through the comments they're quite highly feathered, I take it - arms, legs, wings? Yes? Anymore? *is a featherhead*

They're somewhat feathered, but less so than birds. It's similar to our own human hairiness compared to other primates—including extrapolated/estimated hairiness of direct ancestors of the human species.An evolutionary kind of thing. As brain capacity increased, resulting in tool-making and problem-solving abilities, they developed other means to protect themselves (shelter, clothing, etc.). So then, less feathers became a sign of higher intelligence, and mates were selected accordingly. But the parts absolutely crucial to flight—wings and lower-leg feathers—remained thick and strong. That's a long explanation for it, anyway.I ask because I'm curious really, because of the difference between human/mammal skin and birdskin. For birds their feathers provide a good deal of protection against scrapes, cuts and bruises, because their skin is quite delicate - as to be expected with having quills poking through at regular intervals. Also the fact that birds don't have feathers on their legs (lower section, anyway) where the skin is then quite scaly and hardened.

It seems that the feathers on their arms are not very dense. Why not? Does it not defeat the object of them being there in the first place?

Oh, and then feather care. Preening is very, very important, especially for someone clambering through bushes and thorns and the like. If birds don't preen their feathers, they can't fly. For their arms and legs, regular preening would be needed to remove parasites and itchy bits trying to get down against the skin. If he's making salves and washing and dyeing, and things like that, that's going to be very messy with those feathers.

Actually, I had never really thought about the preening. Thanks so much. What a dynamite set of details that MUST be in this story. And yes, the salving is a horror with his feathers (another bit that should have come out better, but hopefully will in the revisions). That's actually why the crop is worth so much money. Very few people can stand doing it. Zounds. Again, thanks so much for the preening thoughts. I'm really excited about including that.Also, how otherwise bird-like are they?

Sadly, only somewhat. I know this will disappoint a lot of people (and it sounds that maybe it will disappoint you), but I have this thing about how characters need to be portrayed as humanly as possible or else the alienness tends to get in the way of my own ability to relate. Think of Star Wars. Can you possibly imagine a romantic drama about Jar Jar and Mrs. Binks? Or Yoda and Yogi? Or Chewbacca and Miss Silkhaired Wookie? Could you possibly take any aspect of their relationships seriously? Could you possibly get teary eyed (aside from laughing so much) over a misunderstanding between the romantic leads. I can't. So unless a story is fundamentally about alieness, I end up writing characters as human as possible, using the other bits only to add to the magic and wonder of the situation. That's the intent to this story, anyway. It's about relationships, not alienness. I just don't know how to combine the two very well. Shanra's done a magnificent job with her Peeweww, but I can't do it.Well, that was a rather long answer, wasn't it. Hope it was comprehensible*is a curious being*

Er... sorry about that. I can be ever so slightly pedantic at times. At least it's not horses.

Oh, and I like the idea of the dancing dryads too ^_^

Good stuff! If I haven't terrorised you completely with my questions, I'll be back soon for more.Thank you again. If you like the idea of the dryads, then I'll be curious to hear what you think when you actually experience them in Chapter 2. And you may as well know that questions have never terrorized me ^_~.
11 Jul 2007:-) Becca Lusher
Okay. Well, before I say anything, let's get my nits out of the way -- sorry if they've been caught before.

""You're right," Paladin said. "I–I don't think I've ever smelled anything like that before," he said, pointing to the pot." -- I'm fairly sure Shanra's already been on the trail of two speech tags in one paragraph campaign. I try not to do it myself, but it's one of those things I think is open to authorial choice. However! You used 'said' twice. *sigh* If you're going to use two tags, at least make them different. Especially as you can take the second said away and it will still make perfect sense (Well, if you change the tense - He pointed...), and so on and so forth.

Well, Shanra has pointed out several double-tagged paragraphs, but I use them on purpose. But this one you pointed out—egads that is awful. Absolutely no reason for them (you're so right about just using "he pointed"). Ugh. Must be fixed."To be honest, I don't think I've ever cooked anything before."
"I don't think I've ever heard one of your poems," Fauna said. -- Have to say this habit of Fauna's irritated me quite a bit. She should know if she'd cooked something, likewise, it's pretty likely she'd know if she'd heard one of his poems. It's the vagueness that gets to me.
But then I can be unfairly harsh on female characters at times ^_^ Ask Shanra.

I really appreciate you pointing these spots out—because they're not Fauna's personality at all. Note the way she snaps at Paladin when he suggests that she lives a cushy life. Of all the things in the world she's not, wishy-washy is probably #1. Again, must be fixed."Because why?" Fauna demanded." -- Should there not be a comma after because?

"I don't understand them anyway," **she looked back at Paladin, smiling sadly. -- *tsks* That is not a speech tag.

Right, those over and done with, this was a nice progression. I like the calmness of Paladin, and the world he inhabits here. It really feels like some place a little apart from the world, slightly out of time. I can understand why Fauna returns to see him.

The underlying hints of romance between the two is beautifully done. The glances, the touches and almost touches. Very sweet and hesitant.

Thank you. Of all the things in this chapter, the romance is what I really wanted to get right—especially the sense of hesitancy, uncertainty, and inability both Paladin and Fauna have with confronting the issue directly.Fauna herself, I am still reserving judgement on. She is showing signs of intelligence, which is always good, but she occasionally irks me. I'm hoping that doesn't continue, because I really like Paladin, and I don't want to have to worry about his defective brain 12 (I am apparently in one of *those* moods today)Actually, could you be a bit more specific about Fauna for me? What is it she does and says that irks you? And what is it she does and says that makes you like her (I'm guessing they must be fairly balanced if you're still reserving judgement). It would really be helpful to know. Again, thanks so much for reading and commenting.
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'Legend of the Whisper Wood, Ch.1.2':
 • Created by: :-) Jon Midget
 • Copyright: ©Jon Midget. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Farmer, Fly, Flying, Love, Poet, Princess, Romance, Trees, Wings
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Romance, Emotion, Love, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc
 • Views: 533

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Resurrecting the Scarlet Avenger, Ch. 2.1
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    Elfwood™ is a site for Fantasy and Science Fiction art and stories created by Thomas Abrahamsson and helpful assistants and moderators, owned by the Elfwood corporation.

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