"A Christmas Tale" by Jeff Burke

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through cave,

If a creatue stirred, not a sound that it gave

My wife was asleep, our children were, too

Yet I couldn’t sleep in the cold and mildew.

So I laid there, with my head on my paws,

I didn’t know I was waiting for ol’ Santa Claus.

It was kind of silly, I think you should know,

For an adult like me to lay nude in the snow.

But the moon was full, I have to tell.

It wasn’t like I could change back at a bell.

And so there I shivered, though covered in fluff,

You’d shiver too, when outside in the buff.

But as I lay there, in naught but my fur,

I started to worry about things that weren’t sure.

I took a look back, and glanced at my Honey,

I had to make certain we’d have enough money.

I had a good job, a good house and a car,

But in today’s world that might not go far.

I was pretty sure I wouldn’t get shot,

But three days off a month added up to a lot.

It was impossible to go to work on those days,

When you’d been out all darn night, your mind was a haze.

I could, I suppose, just get to snoring,

But wolves much prefer to do some exploring

So on three nights a month, my family and I,

Drove out to the woods, though the ride gets a sigh.

(let’s see how you fare with two eager small boys

Who have fangs and fur as their idea of good toys

They get somewhat antsy, they just can’t sit still

They want four legs, and to hunt for their fill

Though I must say that I don’t let them hunt,

(It’s much safer to buy meat at a counter front)

By the time we arrive at our little cave dwelling,

Our entire family’s got a great sense of smelling.

Nothing we can do but wait for the moon,

Though sometimes it’s a long one if we get there too soon.

The Change doesn’t hurt, but it ain’t pleasant either,

Imagine if someone attacked you with a tweezer.

That’s about what it feels like, that’s just how it happens,

You’ll have to fill in the blanks, and just try to imagine.

Oh you needn’t be fearful, we bite only our food,

Besides, I would bet you just don’t taste good.

It won’t drive us crazy, we don’t desire no harm

We’re still ourselves, just in a strange form.

So there I was, on a chill Christmas Eve,

And a big part of me just wanted to leave.

I could be back to my family by dawn,

When we’d all go back to our little front lawn.

I wanted to run, just as fast as I can,

To outrace all my problems, they belong to the Man

I was a Wolf, a beast strong, without shame,

But no, Man and Wolf, they were one and the same.

I couldn’t figure out what I was going to do,

I didn’t want to say, “No presents for you.”

For you see, in the haste and the whole werewolf thing,

I’d forgotten the gifts, and I didn’t have wings.

I guess I could have bought a small gift real quick,

But the moon shut that door, it locked with a snick.

If you rang up the stuff, would you think it funny,

To see a brown wolf try and offer you money?

No, probably not, I know that I’d find it scary,

And this from the guy who himself becomes hairy.

And the worst part was, when she found out, my wife,

Would set me to the couch with the verdict: “for life.”

I just couldn’t see a way out with a win,

My time was short, and my options were thin.

And then I heard a sound, not one for delight,

Someone was ringing bells far out in the night.

But those bells were familiar, I just couldn’t think.

An idea hit me then, and caused me to blink.

There wasn’t no way, it couldn’t be sure,

But then, there I was, all covered in fur.

I almost didn’t believe it, ‘til the hoof hit my nose,

I jumped in surprise, but then I just froze.

For staring down at me was a large hairy mammal,

But it wasn’t a moose, an elk, or a camel.

I shook my head, it made my eyes clear,

But the thing was still there, a big brown reindeer!

There was no mistaking it, for the thing had a nose,

That glowed and gave light in the hue of a rose.

Could this be Rudolph, I wondered with a whine.

When a man’s voice called out, “The fault is all mine,”

I didn’t see you there, snow-covered and white,

I hope you aren’t angry, I don’t want you to bite!”

A small puzzled growl I heard in my ear,

It came from me, and I shook with fear.

But after a moment, my nerve I did call,

And decided to show I did have some—testicular fortitude.

Loping ‘round the big brute, I noticed a sleigh,

And then just couldn’t think of anything to say.

Because on the carriage was a man I did know,

I’ve seen him since I was a child, walking alone in the snow.

I needed a drink, and more than just Fanta,

Something good and strong, ‘cause I knew this was Santa.

He shouldn’t exist, the thought crossed my mind,

But neither should I, with my furry behind. 

He looked down at me, and gave a great laugh,

Jumped down off the sleigh and made a straight path

For the cave where my family and I prowl,

But I jumped before him, giving a low growl.

I knew it was Santa, but then I was confused,

But he only walked up, and gave me a smile bemused.

“Did you think I’d forgotten, your little pack?

Now step aside, I’ve got gifts in my sack.”

I realized it was foolish, he was, after all,

The one man people waited all year for to call.

My bristled fur smoothing, my eyes still alert.

For all I knew, he had steaks in his shirt.

But when he arrived at our cave he tutted,

And over my children and wife he strutted.

“What, no stocking, no tree, and no lights?

I’ve no place to put gifts for the first time tonight.”

With that he set busy, and after a minute did rise,

With a slightly smaller sack, and a gleam in his eyes.

“I hope you know,” he said with a smile.

“just how hard you were to track down by the mile.”

My tail drooped, and sort of felt shamed,

By this big man, and the reindeer he tamed.

He’d chased us down, over miles of snow,

And then to have me put on that whole show. 

As he flew off, I heard his voice on the air,

And listened with all the might I did dare.

“Be happy, my friend, for you have your fur,

And of Christmas and moons, you can always be sure!”