"Dauntless Princess #3" by Jasmine Greene

The Prince’s Adventure

            After being first rejected by the princess and then saved by her, the prince did not know what to think.  He should have been embarrassed because the one he was supposed to save ended up saving him, but instead he gloated.  The princess did have feelings after all despite all the rumors tagging her with the label of Ice Princess.  The prince chuckled softy and clambered aboard his mare.  He had to tell his mother about the Princess Overall. 

            “But,” he frowned, “if I show up without the damsel and told her that the damsel had actually saved me, then she would only brand me as a failure.”  The prince pondered this point and decided not to return home, but save the princess.

            “Let us go my old mare and save the princess!”  The mare wheezed and plodded toward the direction of the Himalayas. 

            “Finally, an adventure for the young and dashing Arthur!  An adventure that could cost me my life.  But for Princess Overall, I am willing to give up life and limb to save her and to crown her as my Queen, no matter how much she resists.  She is the one destined to have things happen to her and I am destined to be King.  We are a match made in heaven!”  As his mare plodded on as the Prince whistled an off pitch a victory song.  This time he would get it right, this time he wouldn’t let some bum steal his girl like Lancelot did in high school with his Guinevere.  Some football jock stealing his girl.  Arthur steamed.  Just because he hadn’t been popular, just because he had been on the chess team rather than a real sports team didn’t mean he couldn’t get a girl.  But unfortunately it meant that he couldn’t keep the girl of his dreams and ended up losing her in an arm wrestling match.  Arthur steamed some more.  He was determined that he would not lose Overall, and that she would have her name changed to Guinevere (because honestly, Overall was a ridiculous name) and that they would live happily ever after and after that she would bring him breakfast in bed and have great sex and then she would clean the house and give birth to heirs to the throne.  After all, that wasn’t too much to ask of a princess.  That was what they were born to do.  That was what all women were born to do after all. 

            Arthur thought this over and smiled happily.  No jerk off would steal this one.  But, before he could save her, he had to get new equipment. 

            “On second thought, let’s first stop by at the common to buy some new armor, weapons, and a steed.”  The mare looked up when Arthur said steed and stopped.

            “Don’t worry, I’ll still keep you around for the memory, but you understand I have to fit the image.  Apparently the thing nowadays is a knight in shining armor and his trusty steed, not his wizened mare.  I’m sorry, but the times change.  I promise that I’ll set aside a nice little pasture for you, ok?”  The mare nodded and clunked over to the common.  Arthur didn’t want to tell the poor mare that she was actually going to the slaughterhouse because it would break her poor little heart.  After all the days that he had had her, he almost formed a relationship to the dear old thing.  But the times were changing and he had to keep up with them in order to get back his princess.

            “Do you think that I would impress her when she sees me in new armor?  I should probably get a haircut, and maybe take a bath.  Or maybe just get some body oil?  What do you think, mare?”  The mare wheezed causing Arthur to laugh.

            “Oh poor thing, it is sad that this will be the last we see of each other…” the mare eyed him suspiciously, “…um…you know once you go that nice pasture I’m setting aside for you.  With the greenest and sweetest tasting grass in the kingdom.”  Arthur laughed nervously, trying to hide his accidental slip.  But the mare didn’t seem to notice and continue to plod on.  Although the common was only three miles away from the sacrificial stone, he arrived in the outskirts of the town the next morning. 

            “At last, I have arrived in the lovely town of…of…where the devil am I?”  Arthur dismounted and clanked around the town looking for any signs stating the name.  At long last he arrived at an Inn that read “Bullies’ Inn – located in beautiful Hgrsho town.”  I will rest here for the day, Arthur thought, and I will also be rid of this mare, he added in quickly as the mare slowly clomped on the cobblestones. 

            The Inn looked neither inviting nor inhospitable.  It looked like a normal Inn where there would be average entertainment and an average brawl occurring over an average bar maid.  In fact there was nothing extraordinary about the Hgrsho.  Even the name was quite bland and probably meant something average.  Arthur could not remember enough of the old language to actually translate the name, but he had heard the word enough.  It probably meant ‘the’.  Before Arthur could knock on the door, the door flung open.  A surprisingly below average looking man answered the door.  The man was slightly heavy set for his height, which was slightly below the average height of 12 hands.  His eyes were slightly too close together and his breath was slightly more than repulsive.

            “Yeah, whaddya want?  We t’aint got no rooms here.  So why dun you go to that other one right around the corner.  We dun want no outsiders, no siree.”  All the while the man talked he squinted his left eye, and then his right, and spit out blackish liquid.  Arthur grimaced in disgust.

            “Thank you good sir.  But you would honor me if you allowed me the privilege of staying in your charming Inn.  I am weary and have talked to the locals.  All of them directed me towards here,” Arthur attempted to be as cordial as possible, but his chivalry only got a loud guffaw instead.

            “Look here you, like I says, we dun want no strangers here, ‘specially your type.  You get me.  So go to that other one over there and stop botherin’ us.  We dun want outsiders nor liars.  And you’re both I can see plain as day.  Don’t nobody tell people to come here unless they know what they lookin’ for, and only us locals know what that is.  So go on and go over there.”  Before Arthur could say anything in return the door promptly closed with a loud slam.  The whole affair had become a pain and gave him a headache.  If the man told Arthur to go to the other in, then Arthur would.  There was no point in pursuing the point further if he was going to get the same insolent response.  The only problem was that there was no Inn around the corner.  After hours of searching the rest of the town, Arthur came to the realization that there was no other inn in Hgrsho.  The man had clearly been lying.  Slightly ruffled and more than slightly exhausted, Arthur made his way back to Bullies.  The Inn, that looked average the first time he saw it, looked more foreboding than he remembered.  A blast of cold wind whistled through the cracks in Arthur’s armor and he shivered.  Gathering up all his courage, Arthur balled his hands into a fist and lifted them in preparation to knock the door.  Once again, the door opened, but this time a lovely woman answered.

            “Oh, hello.  What brings you here young sir?”

            “I…had come here previously and spoken to a gentleman.  He informed me that there were no vacancies and that I should go to the Inn around the corner.  Unfortunately I could not find such a place.  I scoured the entire town and could not find any other inn except this one.”  Arthur ogled the woman.  She could not be more than 18 or 20 with skin as smooth as porcelain and as white as snow.  Her luxurious chestnut locks framed her oval shaped face and then spilled over her shoulders and down her back. 

            “Sir?  Sir?”  Her sparkly green eyes looked at Arthur inquisitively.

            “Yes, I’m sorry, I am just so exhausted, would it be possible for me to stay here for one night.  I can be off tomorrow.”  The woman licked her rosebud colored lips and with that Arthur completely forgot about Overall.  The enticing young woman in front of him had completely ensnared him in her trap.

            “Well kind sir, the only room I have to offer is the stable in the back, and I fear that it is unfitting for a man of such stature and esteem.”  Her voice lilted in the air and intoxicated Arthur. 

            “If I may be so forward my lady, but could I request your name?”

            “Oh, I suppose so.  My name is Hazel.”  Hazel, Arthur thought dreamily, what a perfectly gorgeous name for a perfectly gorgeous girl.

            “But now sir, I am also afraid to tell you that because our rooms are sold out and we are doing you a special favor that the price will be three times as much as the normal cost.”

            “No worries lovely lady, any price you say I will gladly pay.”  At that Hazel smiled wickedly and parted her red slips slightly.  She could almost taste the money.  But she had to continue her front.

            “Ah sir, I am sure you can afford it.  It is not too much to ask, in fact it is quite reasonable.  We only ask,” she squinted and looked at the velvet purse securely tied to Arthur’s armor.  It looked quite heavy, perhaps 500 gold at most.  She would only ask for four.

            “Kind sir, it will be four hundred gold.”  The price startled Arthur into reality.  Four hundred gold was almost all that he carried with him.  He needed that money to buy armor, sword, and a horse.  If he paid that amount he would only have three hundred pieces left over.  Plus a couple silver and bronze coins.  Armor by itself cost at least two hundred and a sword 150.  A new horse would cost him four hundred gold.  He was only expecting to pay 50 gold and some change, but that price was ludicrous.

            “My fair lady, I cannot possibly afford that much, I require new equipment and a trusty steed.  I can only offer you fifty gold pieces along with twenty silver and five bronze pieces.  That is all I can spend.”  Hazel frowned slightly.  The price was too high.  But she could talk him to two hundred at least.

            “But sir, as you said there is no other inn and you cannot possibly sleep on the streets.  For you, I will lower the price to two hundred, any lower than that and my Nana will beat me.  I cannot even tell her that I lowered the price to two hundred, I have to pay the extra two out of my own pocket and I am but a poor girl.”  Hazel squeezed out a couple tears and looked at Arthur imploringly.  Once again, Arthur fell into the trap.

            “My dear lady, I could not possibly expect you to pay the difference out of pocket.  I will pay you the four hundred.  Forgive me if I have troubled you.”  Hazel gave a little sniffle and wiped her eyes on her sleeves. 

            “No, no, do not apologize.  I should have said something before” she said in a small voice.  Arthur looked down at the lovely girl with affection, oblivious to the fact that she had scammed him out of 400 pieces of gold.

            “Follow me, I will show you to the stable.  I will have the cook prepare some warm food for you and will prepare some entertainment.”  Arthur nodded as Hazel led him to the stable.  He had lost four hundred pieces of gold, but he felt happy.  He felt like he had met the girl of his dreams.  Once he reached the stable he lie down on the straw and looked up at the ceiling.  Perhaps this time, he thought, I will bring home a beautiful, sweet tempered damsel, rather than that bitch Overall.