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Jessica Warner

"The Beast of Ashmore Lake" by Jessica Warner

SciFi/Fantasy text 14 out of 14 by Jessica Warner.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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I got the inspiration for this about fifteen minutes before my final Psychology exam. Which proves that inspiration has no concept of timing whatsoever.

This is a villanelle, like the famous poem Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night, By Dylan Thomas (which, if you haven't read, you really really should). As for mine, I think it can be improved upon. Any suggestions welcome, even really random ones.

Oh and one more interesting thing I noticed, while seeking help from an online rhyming dictionary, this might not rhyme so well if you don't have an English accent...eheh...let me know, I'm interested!


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←- The Seventh Siren - Chapter 7 | Foreign Gods -→

It lurks where we won’t go, beneath the lake;

The beast of Ashmore’s spoken of in awe:

Just one sole thing can make the monster quake.

 

Ashmore Lake’s a tomb of man’s mistake,

Lined with thick black mud that will not thaw;

It lurks where we won’t go, beneath the lake.

 

I heard it looks horrendous, half-awake,

With pitted sweating skin and swollen jaw;

Just one sole thing can make the monster quake.

 

It leaves it’s carrion reeking in it’s wake;

Old bones litter cave and forest floor;

It lurks where we won’t go, beneath the lake.

 

But still it fears one thing it cannot break;

One spirit that won’t waver or withdraw:

Just one sole thing can make the monster quake.

 

No foe more wild than Man could this beast make;

So fears the human race - no less, no more;

It hides where we won’t go, beneath the lake;

Just one sole thing can make the monster quake.

 

←- The Seventh Siren - Chapter 7 | Foreign Gods -→

DateNameComment 
3 Aug 2005:-) B. Layne Weaver
*waves* Hello! I still have some people on my reading list ahead of you, but I thought I'd sneak in here and choose something at random. ^_^

"It leaves [it’s] carrion reeking in [it’s] wake;" no apostrophe in 'its'

That's all I have to crit. I can crit on grammar, but I'm horrid when it comes to meter and other things involved in poetry.

Well done! Nice imagery in this piece. ^_^

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Ooh, I normally spot the "it's" mistake...thank you, that's most helpful!"
24 Aug 2005:-) Andrew Law
nice work!! im seeing a story develop out of this...you know how like some books start with a poem? this could be it...im also envisioning the "Protector" from the past 1...but maybe thats just me lol. I liked the repetitions of the lines, it made it sound like people are scared of it. I like! Im not usually one for poetry, and we just finished a whole term of it in english so i was a bit poetried out...thats why i left reading it for a while...but me likes!!!

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Now that's something I hadn't thought of, a story about the beast of Ashmore Lake...*plot plot scheme*. Good idea. I'm glad you like it, and you have my sympathies over studying poetry for a term. They never seemed to pick any GOOD poetry to study at my school."
25 Aug 2005:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
Reminds me of Alfred Tennyson's (sp?) The Kraken. A poem I was forced to study at school! 8

Regardless, I love the way the made it all flow...and the way it ended on the same two words....good going.

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Don't think I've heard of that poem - I take it from your little 8 this isn't necessarily a bad thing! Thanks for your comment!"
28 Aug 2005:-) Bloodhawk
Very mysterious! I'm not sure what to give you in the way of crit...It rhymes fine for me though, and I'm English. Good job!

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Ah good! Thank you Emma!"
31 Aug 2005:-) Michelle A Salvagio
I really like this - you did such a great job creating a mood and setting... Whenever i try to write, i can't ever get that part! Lol (that's why i stick to pictures!) anyway, you're very talented and i like the braids in your hair on your profile pic! 1

1 Jessica Warner replies: "Hee hee, thank you! I miss those braids..."
28 Sep 2005:-) Linda M. Billson
Bwahaharharharhar! Fear me, will you? Well, good. 0.o

This is great. I love poetry, and you wrote this beautifully! I was able to see the beast, the dark lake it dwelled in, and overall the portrayal of every little thing was excellent!

I sound a bit redundant...

One more time! Good good good job!

1 Jessica Warner replies: "You don't sound redundant! Anything with three goods in a row is always welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the comment!"
22 Nov 2005:-) Patricia M. D´Angelo
I like how your gruesome beast's greatest fear is none other than man. Nice twist.

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Thanks! I don't think that was my original intention when I started writing it, it just sort of happened...you know those things that just sort of happen, sometimes they're good, sometimes you throw the story in the bin!"
27 Nov 200545 Andromeda
I love this poem! The thought that a lake monster would be scared of humans just like any other creature never crossed my mind before. Now I know why all my years of haunting the Loch Ness web camera have been in vain...

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Don't stop searching!!! I know there's something down there!!!"
28 Dec 2005:-) Laura de Lange
Cruel and true. Creatures do have a reason to fear us. It was a nice poem with a good rhythm and rhyme, the only thing is that some random lines were repeated. This meant that I knew I had read them but didn't see any reason for this, it wasn't like it was part of the poem. Yet, a very enjoyable read!

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Two lines are repeated yes, but they're not random - all the lines are following the super-complicated rhyme scheme of a villanelle. Those two lines are repeated alternately at the end of each stanza, except the first and last stanza which are different...if any other lines are repeated, then yes they are random and I've made a mistake! Thanks for reading!"
27 Jan 200845 Getusum_66
I loved the poem, but I have a question on an unrelated subject. My name is Ashmore, it’s not a name thats heard alot, I was just wondering if you know how the lake came to be called Ashmore? Do you know any history of the area? Any info would be appreciated. Thanks

:-) Jessica Warner replies: "Eh, I just made it up, sorry. I wanted it to sound like a real name rather than a jumble-of-letters fantasy name. Wish I could help you!"
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'The Beast of Ashmore Lake':
 • Created by: :-) Jessica Warner
 • Copyright: ©Jessica Warner. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Beast, Monster, Ashmore, Fear, Man, Human, Lake, Carrion, Ugly, Afraid, Terror
 • Categories: Celtic, Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 463

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