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James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

"Gladiator (Updated)" by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

SciFi/Fantasy text 4 out of 14 by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Another of the first two stories I did on elfwood. Grammer has been cleaned up. Comment on if you wish to.
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←- Differing Opinions | It aint easy being green (Poem) -→

The crowds were roaring for more as the unfortunate individual was thrown to the baking hot sand floor of the amphitheatre.

A little puddle appeared near his legs as the Hydra towered over him, saliva dribbled from the beast’s draconic maw as it anticipated the coming feast.

With trained reflexes he got back up onto the floor quick as lightning, now if only he could get to his sword in time he thought…

But he was too late. The beast lunged at him. Jaws clamped onto the man’s leg snapping it like a twig. It lifted the doomed fighter into the air finally bringing him down with an almighty crash.

Back broken and with a mangled leg, the fighter slipped into oblivion as the crowds went wild in a blood lusted frenzy.

The Hydra slithered over to the freshly slain human, hoping to gorge it self on the tender meat which had dared to attack it.

But the crowd wanted more.

The trapdoor opened, heralding the entrance of another warrior, which had come to slay the foul monster - for the amusement of the crowd of course.

He stepped out onto the harsh sand; his bronze armor shone in the fierce glare of the sun. His scarred face squinted in apprehension at the beast which he was about to face.

Unsheathing his scimitar he marched forward.

The Hydra was barely halfway through his meal when the cacophony of human voices caused it to raise one of it’s nine heads.

So another human had come, good it thought you could never have enough man-flesh to eat.

The Hydra’s scaly body slithered away towards the gladiator.

Both man and monster circled each other. Both experienced fighters they attempted to find an opening or a weakness in each other that they could exploit.

But the Hydra was growing careless; it would usually listen to its brains rather than its stomach, but the prospect of two humans to eat spurred the creature on towards a reckless manoeuvre.

It lunged it’s nine heads snapping franticly, hoping to catch the gladiator from all sides in a hugging motion; in which it would lift him up and tear him limb from limb.

Unfortunately the gladiator was expecting this.

With gritty determination he quickly stepped forward and swung his scimitar beheading one of the hydra’s head’s.

Showered with gore the gladiator calmly stepped back; eyes closed as not to get the mildly acidic blood in them.

Pain coursed through the Hydras neck shuddering all the way down its reptilian body. It decided to try a different tactic.

Lunging forward left and right, and right and left; changing its pattern randomly to confuse the human - hoping to catch him out and tear his head off.

Meanwhile the gaping wound on the end of the Hydras neck began to close.

The gladiator began to worry; he saw right through the Hydras plan, it had hoped he would continue chopping it’s head’s off unaware they would simply grow back, waiting for him to tire.

If he couldn’t behead the monster how could he ever hope to defeat it?

As he dodged another of the Hydra’s snapping maw’s he had an idea.

What about the tail?

Putting his sword away he rolled into a ball towards the beast under its many necks, where it couldn’t reach him so easily.

Quickly he brought his scimitar out and severed the tail.

Hissing and spitting in agony the Hydra was felled like a tree, without legs to support it’s considerable bulk; it needed its tail and without it was immobile.

The triumphant gladiator brought out his scimitar for the final killing blow stabbing the beast in the back.

Fountains of blood squirted out of the wound onto the gladiator’s armor and face. He fell back, overwhelmed by the pain as the blood began to eat away at his flesh and disintegrate his armor.

Before he died he had found out why no one had ever gutted a Hydra - it was because no one had ever lived to tell the tale.

The last thing he saw was the Hydra: eight of it’s heads writhing and hissing while its life blood ravenously ate away at the scimitar impaled it its gut, and the crowd cheering at the spectacle.

Which he had given his life to please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

←- Differing Opinions | It aint easy being green (Poem) -→

DateNameComment 
3 Dec 200445 T.T. 'BrownieMonsterz' Dorionne
Gah. Too brutal. Don't you have any nice, floofy stories??? Just kidding, I hate floofy stories.

9 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "You looked at Deity so maybe you should have a gander at my mods choice poem, very funny, though Cecily thinks its pervy for some strange reason, also it comes with an illustration!"
21 Dec 2004:-) Georg Marquardt
Good story, but with a couple of snags. Cec, is right, you should; fix the: grammar!
Also a little more description, please, but don't overdo it or it will drag you down (I speak from experience). Good story, though, nice brutality, and a very good ending. The Hydra should have just fell on him when he was under it, though. He would have been crushed whether or not it died.

:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "I know grammer is bad, but i am working on it I promise! Im glad you looked at it anyways."
23 Dec 2004:-) Tom Shine
Who puts the Glad in Gladiator? Her-cu-les!
Erm, maybe not.

Great ending here, it was really powerful and summed up the story of a gladiator's life.

Hrmm...without the mistakes, that we all make, this is my favourite so far.

Three out of ten. More reading later, ok?  Thankies Tim! Its Herkacles BTW hehehe, this was the first story i put up on Elfwood so it is a little rough, but im glad you looked at it.Cheers!
23 Dec 2004:-) Tom Shine
Ok, I beat the muffin girl here, so I'll try really hard!


~The crowds were roaring for more as the unfortunate individual was thrown to the baking hot sand floor of the amphitheatre.~

I see what you're trying to do here, the opening of a story where the reader is suddenly thrust into the action. But you also have to alienate them from the start, so gradually you can work in knowledge of the situation around them. Work on this a little and it'll come out much better.



~now if only he could get to his sword in time he thought…~
Personalise this thought, it'd make it much better. Make it like a quotation, only put it in italics to show thought. Trust me.



~But he was too late, the beast lunged at him jaws clamped onto the mans leg snapping it like a twig,~
You're doing those run-in sentences again, man. Work on it.


~The Hydra slithered over to the freshly slain human hoping to gorge it self on the tender meat which had dared to attack it.

But the crowd wanted more.~
<smiley id="1"> Good! Great tension builder and story continuer, runs smoothly too.



~He stepped out onto the harsh sand his bronze *armor* shone~
Either...
"As he stepped out onto the harsh sand, his bronze armour shone..."
or...
"He stepped out onto the harsh sand. His bronze armour shone..."

Also, what's with the freaky american spelling there? Just curious...

~The Hydra was barely halfway through his meal when the cacophony of human voices caused it to raise one of it eight *heads*.~
Didn't you earlier describe the hydra's draconic maw? It kinda gives the impression of it only having one head.



~So another human had come, good it thought you could never have enough man flesh to eat.~
I-talics. "Ish good!" says Effie.



~the *Hydras*~
Hydra's.


~But the Hydra was growing careless, it would usually listen to its brains rather than its stomach but the prospect~
Hmm, how about change it to this:
But the Hydra was growing careless. It would usually listen to its brains rather than its stomach, but the prospect..."




~Unfortunately the gladiator was expecting this.~
Heh, nice narration there.
5 May 2005:-) Kim Schoonover
this is a story.

why am I still logged in?
I guess I'm too lazy to log out. *sigh* (and all I need to do is click on a button)
why did I say that?

It is not highly recomended that you stuff a hydra up your nose.

This is an entertaining, rather well written story.

6 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Erm.....thanks"
27 Jun 200545 Christabel Nolan
huh.
I thought I commented on this already. Obviously not.
It was the first thing you put on elfwood? pretty good.
you know what would be interesting?
if we could get into the mind of the warrior guy before the fight, or even that Hydra. yeah....
hey, so...
I tried to find a way to say this and save my dignity at the same time. But I couldn't. Please come and read the nest chapter. I think you will like it, and if you don't then ...hmmm... I will have to find some way to recompese you. is that even a word? oh well... On my way!
4 Jul 2005:-) Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia
Hmm, very good indeed. You do great action scenes. I can just picture everything in my mind.

16 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "I can...oh thanks!"
4 Jul 2005:-) Rebecka Champion
Whey blood gore and acid, just the way the doctor ordered! Oi Mr Schein! 3 OUT OF 10?!?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! SHAKESPEARE?! I think this rocks, I love all the old gladiatory myths and stuff, specially Greek mythology, that rules so much! Jason and The Argonaughts is one of the best films ever, and this story really evokes that atmosphere, feels like it would fit in that film perfectly! Just out of interest...are hydras ticklish? The gladiator should have got a gert big feather and tickled the b****r to death!

18 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "HAHAHAHA...*Hugs you*...ahaha. No silly....Tim wasn't rating me...he was just commenting on how many stories he's read of mine...*giggles* My favourite greek myth was Thesus. I liked the Herculeas, and the one with Odyessus. (can't spell his name!) I liked clash of the titans...that rocked!"
6 Jul 2005:-) Rebecka Champion
I...knew that *blush blush* I was merely trying to catch you out! Yeah thats it.....*blush blush*
Teeheee!
Myths rule! I've been working on one of the sites for the Time Team Big Roman Dig, and they've found bits of mosaic which they think depict the myth of Apollo and Daphne! Do you know the tale? Cupid shoots Apollo with a ggolden arrow so he falls in Daphne, but shoots her with a lead arrow so she runs away. Apollo chases her and just as he's about to catch her and have her wicked way with her she turns into a laurel tree! SO far on the site we've found a bit of mosaic with cupid and a piece depicting a woman with leaves in her hair and her arms turning into branches!
Teeheee! *hugs you back and gives you a cabbage cookie* Sorry about the dirt on the cookie, it's been on an archaeological site all day...
24 Feb 2006:-) Kaeli Grotz
*Refrains from evil laughter because she just sounds silly* Heh, you will rue the day you pointed out my rubbishy punctuation, because now I’m here to return the favour. *scary music*

“…as the Hydra towered over him, saliva dribbled from the beast’s draconic maw…” I think the comma should be a full stop or else it’s one of those annoying run on sentence things.

“With trained reflexes he got back up onto the floor quick as lightning, now if only he could get to his sword in time he thought…” What he’s thinking needs to be in first person methinks. And again the comma should be a full stop.

There need to be commas where the *s are:
“Jaws clamped onto the man’s leg* snapping it like a twig.”
“Unsheathing his scimitar* he marched forward.”
“Both experienced fighters* they attempted to find an opening or a weakness in each other that they could exploit.”

“Hydra’s snapping maw’s” – No apostrophe in maws.

Being an anal-retentive nitpicker aside, I really liked the way you got to the heart of the pointlessness of gladiatoriality without being preachy. And I demand that gladiatoriality is now a word.

Cool story and the gore didn’t make me nauseous. Good job!

:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Doh! I thought I ironed all the typos out! Oh well...thanks for reading it anyhows. "
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'Gladiator (Updated)':
 • Created by: :-) James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood
 • Copyright: ©James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Fight, Gladiator, Hydra
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 416

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