"Sea Hag (Poem)" by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

I'll comment on this. (I normally only read poetry on these sites I visit with random) I took my woody poetry zyrtec today.
Quite nice. Traditional content. Readable, and flowing.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Excellent! I'm chuffed you found this little ditty readable, I was a little concerned at the flow of this, but I'm glad you found no problems with it."

Very nice. I like the disjointed feel of it. Like the person before me, I agree that it flowed nicely. It just takes on a different form than what most people associate with poetry. Well done.

*miss sassypants*

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "It is teh sassy pants person, I keep meaning to read some of your stuff but I keep getting bogged down. Ta, for reading it mate!"

The flow is a little wobbly, but that is what makes it stand out, like a neon sign reading, 'look at me' and all chances are, if you read the neon sign, then you saw it, and if you read it after you saw it(not sure if you can do it the other way around) then you- by option read it because it was good to look at. (I am afraid I lost my point somewhere in those few sentences, got a smiggy bit sidetracked) very inspirational, either way (for art at least)

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Heh, that's one way of putting it I suppose. Thankyou for reading it."

Kyfwaa! Nice, Jimbo-lad. I like it. Whyever haven't I seen this before? Is it rather new? Anyway, I like the pictures you paint here; fanbloomintastic.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Uh....cos you were busy with life so I decided not to tell you that I had an update. I inspired someone to draw a picture based on it BTW.Cheers for reading. "

Aw, I'm sorry, Jimbo. You can always tell me about updates, and I'll try to get over, I promise.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "No no no, I didn't mean it like that....oh never mind ignore me I'm talking gibberish today and yesterday."

I love this topic, and the language is simply wonderful. The rhythm of the piece, however, throws me off. This poem is perfect for a ballad. I can imagine it being sung in the middle of a crowded pub in a seafarer's bar. It's just too perfect. Now, I took it and fiddled with it a little bit, but you don't have to take my word for it. Heck, my word doesn't even matter because you're the poet. However, I couldn't resist tinkering with this little ditty.

How about this??

Down below the murky depths and in the darkest crag,
beyond the shoals of kelp and rock
lies Usura the hag.

Clothed in weed and shell and bone, she weaves her evil spells,
from the hulls of sunken ships,
she summons a watery hell.

She of scaly fin, gill, and grasping tentacle,
Can control a mighty shoal
and drown an arrogant fool.

Like the ships that settle, she, too, ages with the sea
Young always and forever,
from time’s march only she is free.

Copper, silver, gold, diamonds are all thrown to the sea
to escape a watery grave
with her for eternity.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "OMFG! PLAGERIZUM!!!!! WE'RE BEIN' ATTACKED BY BRIGANDS OFF THE COAST OF ING-GER-LUND AAAAAAHHHH!!!! Hehehehe thanks for reading it!"

O_O Your writing is all very quick to read, like, 10 minutes a piece. O_o I wonder if I could finish your entire library???!

I might.

Or I might get bored. We'll see.

I like this poem, again strong visuals and I like the off-pace rhyme. You're now one of my favourite Elfwood writers! ;D

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "10mins!!? I resent that, my writing is deep, soul searching stuff that most be studied over a good glass of mulled wine. Thanks!"

Aaatishoooo! *Wipes nose.* I ... I ... I think I might be allergic to poetry too! *Sniffs*

Lovely poem, interesting ideas. I thought it flowed nicely and I loved the descriptions of Ursula and where she lives.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "*Cough*Usura*Cough*Usura*Cough*Heh, thanks for reading anyway mate!"

The imagery was really very good but I think this might need some punctuation in the lines, otherwise the free verse makes it a bit hard to read. Just a few commas here and there would make the rhythm a bit clearer. I know the people commenting here before me all seemed to like the flow so feel free to ignore me.

James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "HHhmmm.....I'll consider it, but I just think you may be right though."