Elfwood is the worlds largest SciFi & Fantasy community.
  - 119882 members, 11 online now.
  - 24356 site visitors the last 24 hours.

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

"Wight. Chapter Four" by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

SciFi/Fantasy text 13 out of 14 by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood.      ←Previous - Next→
 
Tag As Favorite
 
The wight wanders furthur into the countryside. History begins to repeat itself,and Mr Hodge starts to lose his marbles.
Add Bookmark
Tag As FavoriteComment
←- Wight Chapter Six | Wight. Chapter three. -→

Mr Hodge sat back on his plush satin armchair and inhaled the tobacco from his clay pipe. Partially obscured by the grey cloud he closed his beady little green eyes and withdrew the pipe, whilst he mopped his brow with the snow-white handkerchief held in his podgy little hand. Taking the necklace he had found at the barrow two days ago out of his pocket he shuddered at the recollection of it‘s discovery. Whatever that creature did to Hitchner, Hodge did not want to know.

 

Whatever fate awaits that poor man, hes welcome to it. Better him than me. He thought.

 

He studied the necklace. It was a small rough-cut ruby with a simple leather strap drilled through it. He was mesmerised by the way the blood-red stone reflected the light from the nearby fireplace. The way it caught his reflection was beautiful, if not morbid. It was as if the stone was a portal to another reality, one in which he and the room were submerged in gore.

 

Sighing morosely he got up and placed the necklace on the mantelpiece overlooking the flickering fireplace. Looking around his luxurious smoking room he managed a week sickly smile, absent minded he began to walk around the room.

 

Everything was as it should be. His bookcases were kept clean and the contents ordered, dusted and segregated. His carpet which was a fur hide of a mountain tiger shot while he was on holiday last year, stared out at his feet with impassive, hollow, black eyes. Even his prized possession, a suit of well polished plate mail stood by the door. Next to it was his collection of swords, including the very same blunderbuss that he shot the mountain tiger with. All of his weapons were in place and fixed to the wall as they should be.

 

Sighing he looked up at the great oil painting hanging over the mantelpiece, it was another of his possessions, an oil painting of him sitting in the armchair in this very room.

 

This room, in actual fact was his most favourite room in the whole of his manor. It was comforting for Hodge to be surrounded by all his possessions gained through hard work or otherwise. Yet this room gave him little comfort tonight despite being near all his acquired objects.

 

Tonight Hodge was feeling something he had not felt for a very long time.

 

Guilt.

 

Scowling to himself he shook these feelings away. He was a man that had spent most of his life striving to attain power and wealth. Naturally he had very little time for other people and even less time for their feelings, to him people were counters or cards that he sacrificed in order for him to win the big prize. He had done it before countless times over the course of his life, so why was he feeling so guilty and so restless now?

 

The hours dragged on.

                                    

                                    ***************************

 

 

The early morning rays of the sun stroked the hooded wight as he strode along the path. Earlier today he had almost been completely burnt from the wholesome shine of the peeping sun, it was only through quickly donning the hooded cloaks from the bandits he had slain earlier, that had saved him from complete immolation.

 

For that matter his hands were gloved as well, which unfortunately prevented him from leeching the life from a nearby squirrel. Which he had needed to heal the scorch marks that had withered his pale flesh.

To the causal observer he looked like a filthy elderly vagabond with a slight lack of skin pigmentation.

 

He looked out of the woods that the path led out of. Before him was a lush, green field, and in the distance was what looked like a city along a coastline that led towards a mountainous horizon. It all looked familiar, yet somehow he felt that it had all changed, as if he was now an alien to this once familiar world. 

 

Steeping out onto the open pasture he suddenly felt a searing heat on the top of his head. He stopped and put his hand on it and yelled as the skin from his hand burned with an intense ferocity and began to wither, turning the colour of ancient paper.

 

He looked up into the sky and regretted it, as the instant he caught the spiteful glare of the sun it blinded him instantly. Stumbling and staggering backwards temporally blinded he pulled his hood up cursing his new enemy. One that I cant kill or get rid of. He thought to himself.

 

Eventually his vision focused then changed from a fiery red to a.grey sky?

 

He felt a familiar prickling in the back of his skull.

 

The sky was the colour of worn-out iron but the landscape was the same yet its features had changed. It had no road and no forest behind him, just hills nearby decorated with corpses.  He also felt proud in a grim and triumphant sort of way, satisfied that he had somehow taken part in this carnage.

 

He was also wearing a suit of bloodied plate mail and his sword was on the ground. Bending down to retrieve it he noticed his necklace dangle in front of him. He longed to touch it but for some reason he didnt, he simply picked up his sword and walked over to the nearest corpse.

 

The corpse was that of a man dressed in a leather jerkin bedecked with what looked like fragments of scavenged metal. Next to his body was a well-used axe which was still held by an arm that had been severed from the main torso.

 

Looking around he noticed other bodies dressed in roughly the same way but with different variations to the style and type of metal used on their strange armor. Yet others were not; others were in plate mail with a sword and shield like he was. Looking upwards towards the horizon he saw a sight that removed the smile from his face, a thick plume of black smoke trailing lazily up into the heavens.

 

He woke with a start and noticed three things. It was no longer daylight; it was night. He was also lying face-flat on the forest floor and could hear something coming. It was a gentle pounding of horse’s feet on the soft earth accompanied with the rattle of a wooden coach.

 

He got up and dusted himself off as the coach grinded to a halt near him.

 

“You there!” The shadowy coachman shouted at him. “What is your business here at this time of night?” 

 

Again the Wight spoke back with more ease then before.

 

“Nuthin” he said.

 

“Oh for goodness sake coachman, he’s obviously a vagrant. Just give him some silver and be gone, we’re late enough as it is!” Demanded a shrill female voice from somewhere inside the coach.

 

The coachman threw a bundle of something that clinked as it hit the floor, and with that the coach sped off into the night leaving the Wight with the first smile he had felt for a long time.

                               

                                *********************************

 

He walked a few miles into the night until the crescent moon was at its highest point grinning down on him, refusing to let him in on a joke that only it knew.

 

Eventually he came to a crossroad. In front of him lay the city he was heading towards, it was nestled within a wide bay but nearby hung a gruesome trophy. A body of someone caged within an iron gibbet, long dead and well within the first stages of decay.

 

He was about to leave the scene to travel towards the city but he noticed something on the corpse that intrigued him, it was something glinting in the moonlight from within the cage; he crept closer for a better look.

The corpse was that of a young woman which -despite her decay- still held on to her flowing red hair.

 

He felt a tugging in his brain telling him to move on but his curiosity spurred him towards the gibbet to get a closer look. He was only just below the cage when he sensed a change in the temperature, it descended from a chilly night to an artic chill that cut through his skin and into his bones. Stepping forwards with his hair on end he saw what was catching the light from the moon. It was a small pendant dangling around the neck of the woman.

 

Perhaps this is it…..He thought.

 

He was about to climb up the post when all of a sudden the rope holding the cage snapped and fell to the ground almost flattening him. Luckily he dodged it but he sensed something terribly wrong, as the light from the crescent moon was suddenly obscured by a thick cloud plunging the surrounding countryside into a frigid darkness.

 

Within seconds from after the cage had hit the floor a veil of fog suddenly sprung up from the ground making it impossible for him to see anything.

He heard the creaking sound of iron being bent. This time he wasn’t just feeling cold he was feeling terrified for the first (and maybe the last) time. Within what felt like an age he saw a thin skeletal figure lurch out of the fog, he wanted to move but his legs felt like they were rooted to the ground.

 

The figure moved closer until it was only an arms length away. The corpse of the woman glared at him with pure white eyes. Her face was screwed up in anger as one of her thin arms shot out and grasped him by the neck lifting him from the ground. Frantically he tried to squirm out of her vice-like grip as he struggled for breath.

 

Slowly she opened her decaying mouth, a sight and smell that would have made a lesser being faint.

 

“Th…hhh….thief!” She hissed burping corpse gas all over him.

 

“Bu…but!” He gasped as she released her grip on his neck a fraction.

 

“I…jus…want what is mine….ma…necklace is so important.”

 

“Su…sss…so…important…the…tha…that you would…steal…..another?” She rasped.

 

“Nuh…” He yelped as she tightened her grip once again.

 

“Retur….earn….return to death….with….me…..wuh…we shall…..discuss it further. Suddenly her mouth opened to grotesque proportions as his vision lost all colour and faded away.

 

 

                                    *******************************

 

Once again Hodge faced a restless night.

 

He got up and poured himself another drink and downed it straight away.

 

Somewhere outside his bedroom an owl hooted. Wild eyed he jumped, swore and realised what it was. He smashed his glass into the nearby fire and watched the flames roar slightly at the traces of alcohol.

 

The hours dragged on….

 

 

            

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

←- Wight Chapter Six | Wight. Chapter three. -→

DateNameComment 
1 Sep 2005:-) Ruth 'Cookie Monster' Browne
*more clearer*??! And I thought your grammar had improved! lol Ah, you know the Cookie-Wan... utter randomness. Do not question it, or she might take back the Gack Hack Foos!
Nice chapter... I liked the "submerged in gore" thing too... I also smiled for some reason... guess it's so creepy that you get that weird tickly feeling and the hair on the back of your neck stands on end and then you grin, slowly, like this...
Go little scamp!
Yes, why did the people inna coach give him money? And why did they stop? Not very bright, considering all the bandits just waiting to rob 'em.
Little scamp has a girlfriend! Whee! Undead people are people too! NEXT CHAPTER! *runs off*

21 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Hoe noes...I'm spelling lyk I'm typing...lyk. Har...they gave him money 'cos they thought he was a vagrant....pitied him...plus they were scared of the place...his presence does that to people I 'spose. Ok, I'm starting to worry 'bout you people....she is NOT his girlfriend...far from it, she...oh read the next chapter."
10 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
Oh yeah, and the way you wrote the woman corpse was excellent!
10 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
* '...staggering backwards temporally blinded he pulled...' -- Similar to the 'unfortunately' sentence, a comma on either side of 'temporally blinded' should encourage the effect of this sentence. Or, perhaps you could re-word it to something like: 'Temporally blinded, he staggered backwards...'? Or even: 'staggering backwards and temporally blinded he...' Yeah, I see your point, it does seem a little bit fractured, I'll chew it up again and think of summat.

* One more thing, and I'm not actually asking you to change anything here, I'd just like to say that when you wrote 'ancient paper' the word 'parchment' also came into my head. Doh!

*end nit-pick*

'Twas 'nice' to see Hodge again, see what he's up to... Again, you're developing your characters well and here, you've really built upon the already existing image of Hodge’s exceeding greed and wealth. Awesome stuff! You'll like the next lot of chapters then! I really loved the way he threw his glass into the fire at the end, it worked wonders for him. I got the idea from Disney! I'm ashamed of myself! (In terms of characterisation I mean...I dunno how much he'll be regretting that when he has to go out and buy a new one but...)

* 'a thick plume of black smoke trailing lazily up into the heavens.' Sounded really lovely, beautifully writtIT'S WROTE!!! NOT WRIT, YOU HEATHEN!!! Hahahaha, only jokin' I'm hardly one to talk anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying this; you have to be the first artist I've met on the woods that actaully reads and gives detailed crits on Wyverns, most of them just either don't bother or just leave stoopid comments that aren't helpful - so for you I salute you! en....'Mountainous' is just about the damn coolest word I've heard in a long time...

And one other thing...

What’s a jerkin? O.o

Keep up the good work Jimbo!
10 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
*muses* I think people are assuming she's his girlfriend because of the way she speaks to him...Sounds a little like they knew/know each other. 'Return to death with me' sounds quite a deadish loveryish thing to say too, and at that point the idea did occur to me - but only for a second.

So hey, I didn't think she was his girlfriend, if that makes you feel any better about it. ^.^ * Damn, I'm a romantic and I didn't even know it! It doesn't really bother me Ems, so don't worry yourself.

Oddly formatted chapter here, a lot of paragraphing, but it's well ordered so you'll definitely get away with it, even though in parts it doesn't seem completely necessary... *Agrees with you, and begins nodding like the Churchil dog*

*begin nitpick*

(Oh, and if I sound a little cold today, it's nothing to do with your work, I've just given up on my revision against a throbbing conscience - there's no heart in it at all today...) Arr, the delights of GCSE revision, I remember it well, it consisted of 15mins of night-before-the-big-exam and passing with two B's and a couple of C's....awesome!

Anywho...

* 'His carpet which was a fur hide of a mountain tiger shot while he was on holiday last year, stared out at his feet with impassive, hollow, black eyes.' -- Here I'd suggest either putting a comma in after 'carpet' or removing 'which was' completely and replacing it with a dash. (Indecently, if you do a dash, you'll then need to add another in after 'year.')

You seem to have a lot of 'which was's in here, I'm not saying the phrase is a bad thing, but be careful not to get too repetitive. =) I like the idea of scrapping the "which was"

* '...which unfortunately prevented...' -- A comma both before and after unfortunately would be nice...

* 'For that matter his hands were gloved as well, which unfortunately prevented him from leeching the life from a nearby squirrel. Which he had needed to heal the scorch marks that had withered his pale flesh.' -- Perhaps a comma (yes...I love commas...) would be better than a full stop here? I think the gap between the two facts about the squirrel is far too stark - sounds like the sentences would flow better together without it.

* “Nuh…” -- The grammar here, it didn't seem, didn't really suit the Wight's emotion or expression at all, if he's struggling and emitting a yelp, perhaps an explanation mark would be more fitting? I agree with all the above, I'll probably redo these chapters after subjecting them through a brutal nitpick on Wvernsmiths.
15 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
What the bloody hell does 'Indecently' mean? Oh! I need a surgeon.

16 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Where the hell does it say that?! I should really reply to the rest of your comments now...."
18 Dec 200545 Blade 'Bush = Hitler' Marilyn
Good, and I like the addition of the other living dead, the woman. Also I think I spoke too soon, seeing as you DID switch POV's here. 14aranoid:

I don't know why, but an idea just came to me when I was reading it: hey, he should add fairies. Or ghosts haunting a house. Or something. I also thought, hey, you know, books like the Chronicles of Narnia and LOTR and Harry Potter are so good because of the variety of magical creatures and situations. So more variety would be good too. I love your concepts and characters, your pacing and description but I feel that something(s) is/are missing. I just do. It's like reading only one chapter out of a good story; you should like, add more layers and depths to this, more characters, different worlds and situations and all that good stuff. You're clearly very imaginative and I love this story, but I think somehow it's a work in progress. 10 Ah well, just a suggestion.
14 Feb 2006:-) Panu Karjalainen
I liked the Hodge bits. The carriage part was indeed rather pointless, unless it served to somehow introduce a female character or give the wight a purse of silver, either of which could have been done better. Or... well, if it was to describe how the wight was able to assume the mannerisms of a hobo, even that could have been done better.

Oh, and I liked the memory part, again; it is great fun trying to piece together his past from tiny clues - like the vanishing of a smile at the sight of smoke from a burned village/keep/something...

The female corpse lifting the wight in the air felt cheesy to me. Maybe her supernatural ability could be showcased in a less obvious fashion?

:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "I had reasons for the carriage, but I can't remember why now...gone, gone, gone now. It is cheesy now that I look closer at it, but unavoidable I feel, I think I'll revise both 3 and 4 time permit. Thanks for reading."
14 Apr 2006:-) Kaeli Grotz
Nitpicks first, praise later.

“The way it caught his reflection was beautiful, if not morbid.” Again, there shouldn’t be a “not” there. It can be confusing because the rule makes no sense whatsoever. If you try and look for a logical reason why it should be this way, you won’t find one. It just is.

The rule for “if/if not” is this.

If is used if the two qualities contradict one another, or would not normally be found together: e.g. “The girl is beautiful, if a trifle unconventional.”

If not is used if the two qualities are similar, or if they stem logically from one another: e.g. “The man is a bit strange, if not completely insane.”

I hope I’m making sense. It made perfect sense, if not totally spot on 1 1 1

“room he managed a *week* sickly smile, *absent minded* he began to walk around the room.” –- “weak… absent mindedLY” DOH!

“Next to it was his collection of swords, including the very same blunderbuss that he shot the mountain tiger with.” -- His collection of swords can’t include a gun, it doesn’t make sense. His collection of weapons can include swords and the blunderbuss.

“Sighing he looked up at the great oil painting hanging over the mantelpiece, it was another of his possessions, an oil painting of him sitting in the armchair in this very room.” -- You repeat “oil painting.”

“For that matter his hands were gloved as well, which unfortunately prevented him from leeching the life from a nearby squirrel. Which he had needed to heal the scorch marks that had withered his pale flesh.” -- The whole thing needs to be fixed, because the “Which” phrase cannot stand on its own, but if you add it onto the first sentence then you have two whiches. So umm… maybe “His hands were gloved as well, preventing him from leeching the life of a nearby squirrel, which he needed to heal the scorch marks that withered his pale flesh.”

“Steeping out onto the open pasture” -- “Stepping”

In the Wight’s flashback, you say “he also” where it isn’t necessary, and it gets a little repetitive.

“nearby hung a gruesome trophy. A body of someone” -- “…nearby hung a gruesome trophy - the body of someone…” The “A body of someone…” sentence isn’t a real sentence because it has no main verb so it needs to be attached to the one before it, if you know what I mean. (If not, ask me to explain again, in English, not Kaeli-ese this time).It's a fragmented sentance?




This has been my favourite chapter so far. (Though I didn’t like the carriage bit.) I liked everything about the Hodge bits. I liked how creepy the scene where he’s playing with the ruby is. I liked the woman corpse. But I just loved the description: “the crescent moon was at its highest point grinning down on him, refusing to let him in on a joke that only it knew.” LOVED it! Hehehe, thanks very much!
21 Dec 200645 Naomi
Oh fudge, i put an apostrophe instea dof a comma on one my quote-y things...Sorry. I also forgot to add spaces to your above comment....
21 Dec 200645 Naomi
from the 'Hodge' i dislike this man....this should've been said on chapter one...but i'm neglecting that chapter. actually i don't know why i'm neglecting that chapter...but neglecting it i am. uhm...*blinks* moving on.'was beautiful, if not morbid' - usually sentences like this follow a pattern. the first adjective is good, but the second adjective shows that's it's better. liiike...'the dog was huge, if not the biggest dog he had ever seen'. i think. it's like saying...if people don't like the first adjective, here's the second. uhm...i've confused myself. anyway, morbid isn't like a 'more' adjective...so maybe if you swapped the beautiful and the morbid around, it'd make more sense. to me and my twisted sense anyway...actually now i'm looking at my example, it looks like (looking at your thingy) you're saying it is beautiful, but not morbid.oh gods i've really confused myself....Uh...I'll chew over it some other time...onto safer stuff...'Sighing morosely[,] he got up and...' - comma there. grammar rule, me thinks. i'm not sure. i've really plunged myself into a pool of self-doubt here...' His carpet['] which was a fur hide...' - you need the comma there else ' His carpet which was a fur hide...'because the main clause, making the sub clause sound really odd and not make sense at all. forutnately the reader's mind injects litle pauses sometimes...'Even his prized possession, a suit of well polished plate mail[,]...' - again with the sub and main clauses. by the looks of things, the 'a suit of well polished plate mail' is the subordinate clause, but the way you've written it, it sounds like the 'Even his prized posession' bit is the sub clause. maybe that was intentional?I really can't quite remember, this chapter is over two years old I think...can I just say you're much, much better at grammar than I was when I was your age. *claps*'...the mantelpiece, it was...' - full stop instead of comma. am i spelling fullstop right?'This room, in actual fact[,] was his most favourite...' - insert a comma there, else it sounds like the main clause is 'in actual fact was his most favourite' and then you don't have a subject. or is it an object? hmmm...great description, and good use of sentences there. the one word sentence 'Guilt' is good, and really emphatic ^_^'now an alien to this once familiar ...' - does he know what aliens are?Alien can be used as an adjective as well as a noun/pronoun. It's like using foreign as a adjective as well as using foreigner...if that makes any sense...'first (and maybe the last) time' - i dislike brackets in a piece of writing...commas could be used her instead. maybe it's justa little thing of mine...uhm...I don't really care about them tbh - everything in moderation mate.s'good piece of writing, great description and the flashbacks are all placed in good areas. the character;s a re developing well too.Ah thankies mate!
Page: [1] 2
Not signed in, Add an anonymous comment to this guestbook...    

Your Name:
Your Mail:
   Private message? (Info)



'Wight. Chapter Four':
 • Created by: :-) James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood
 • Copyright: ©James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Death, Fights, Horror, Wight
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Ghosts, Ghouls, Aparitions, Vampires, Zombies, Undeads, Dark, Gothic
 • Views: 331

Bookmark and Share



More by 'James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood':
Gladiator (Updated)
Wight. Chapter two
It aint easy being green (Poem)
Wight Chapter Five
Diary Of A Deity

Related Tutorials:
  • 'Writing in English as a Foreign Language' by :-)Inger Marie Hognestad
  • 'On Teen Writing' by :-)Elisabeth A. Wilhelm
  • 'Writing a Story, Painting a Masterpiece' by :-)Jessica Ng
  • 'Character Creation Form' by :-)Crissy Gottberg
  • Art Education Finder...
  •  
     

    Elfwood™ is a site for Fantasy and Science Fiction art and stories created by Thomas Abrahamsson and helpful assistants and moderators, owned by the Elfwood corporation.

    [More...]