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James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

"Wight. Chapter three." by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood

SciFi/Fantasy text 14 out of 14 by James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Third chapter of the Wight's quest to discover himself.
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←- Wight. Chapter Four | Demon (Updated) -→

The two men loaded their gun’s with powder from deep within the forest’s undergrowth that overlooked the beaten dirt path. They were both mounted on horses each wearing hooded cloaks, complete with masks to obscure their wanted faces from the ever watchful eyes of the law. They were criminals doing what they did best - roadside robbery.

It had been an uneventful night hardly anyone had came by their patch, but something else concerned them. It was unusually quiet: the regular sounds of the nocturnal forest fauna had strangely disappeared, and both horses were jumpy at the slightest noise.

The biggest of the two bandits raised himself slightly from his white and black speckled horse. They finally noticed a stranger walking down the path that they were watching from the wooded hillside. He didn’t appear to be with anyone else from what they could tell. In fact both of them noticed that he was travelling completely alone with no weapons of any kind.

“If anyone’s asking for it, it’s him.” Grinned the smallest one.

“Yes. Let’s conduct a little business.” Chuckled the other.

They cantered slowly down the hillside towards the unsuspecting traveller.

*************************

The traveller was staggering slightly as he was not quite used to walking, in fact he couldn’t remember when he had last walked, so it was not surprising that he had mud and dirt all up his front, from were he had repeatedly fallen. But he had finally learnt now how to walk, if not rather ungracefully - he still tottered about like a toddler.

The woods were strangely familiar to him but he got the feeling that this place had changed since he had slept. But the question that remained in his mind, was how long he had slept?

Suddenly he heard a rustling in the undergrowth, a horseman had rode out of the forested hill side and stopped right in front of him. He looked at the horse’s side which was right in front of him. It’s a lovely beast he thought. He then looked up at the owner who was pointing a strange object at him.

“Hand over your money stranger!” Barked the horseman.

He looked at him from down below, what is that thing pointing at him? It was small, yet bigger than a dagger, with a mahogany handle and a hollow iron tube sticking out of it. It couldn’t be a dagger he reasoned, as daggers are not blunt.

“There’s an easy way of doing this friend! Give us your money or we take your life”

snarled the horseman.

This time he paid closer attention to this mysterious horseman that was rudely demanding money of him, the arrogance of him he thought. He would either offer him the money, which he didn’t want to, or tell him to leave.

For the second time of his awakening, he had felt anger, this time he felt something else. Something which made his gut churn and his skin moisten.

It was fear.

He looked up and simply shook his head.

“No?” Said the horseman incredulously.

The wight looked again and smiled; for the first time since his death (whenever that was,) he spoke. Even though his voice was strangely foreign to him, for reasons he didn’t know.

“No.” Rasped the Wight.

He heard a bang and felt something hot sear his flesh and burrow into his forehead, his vision bled into a fiery red, as his legs lost the strength to support him. He collapsed onto the earthen floor, blood gushing from the wound.

The second horseman was hiding in the undergrowth further behind the victim. He trotted out onto the path over to the dead man.

The larger bandit had already began to search the body for loot; he was disappointed at the amount, only a small bag of old coins and nothing more.

“Not worth much. Was expecting a larger cop tonight.” He said to his equally disappointed partner.

“Aye. Most likely a loony. We going to bury him?” The smaller one asked as he dismounted from his horse.

“Pointless if he is a loony, no one will care. Besides, not much people come down here, we’ll be long gone before anyone else comes.”

“As for the loot, tis only a bag of coins.”

“What of it?” He inquired.

“Half shares remember; we agreed that long ago.”

“Ah, yes of course, but I suspect we may have other prey travelling the roads further up. Lets wait till morning before we divide the spoils.” Said the larger horseman, who sensed trouble.

“No! Give me my share now!” Demanded the smaller horseman.

“Oh hush up!”

The smaller horseman drew his pistol on his larger, more experienced accomplice and fired. The second shot of the night echoed throughout the forest and it ended the targets life, piercing his chest, puncturing his right lung.

He fell backwards onto the path dropping the bag of coins which his “friend” had killed him for. Before he died he realised he had made the mistake of underestimating his accomplice’s greed.

**************************

The Wight had heard another shot which had roused him from death’s reassuring embrace, he felt the blood trickling from his head wound. Sensing the life leaving him he made one last attempt to regain more….

***************************

With his pistol smoking, the bag of coins in his pocket, he left his dead accomplice and mounted his horse, which he had always fancied owning. He took one last look at his dead partner-in-crime and grinned.

“He always did think I was a poor shot!”

Spurring his horse onwards he was dreaming on what he would do with tonight’s spoils. Should he stay and rob more travellers? Or should he travel to the nearest hamlet and spend it on ale and good company?

He was about to go with the latter of the two options, when his horse suddenly began to slow to an almost worrying pace. Snarling in frustration, he kicked the animal with his spurred boots hoping to speed it up. It didn’t, it staggered a couple of metres until it finally collapsed on its side.

The highwayman with quick reactions, trained from years of avoiding the law, got up fast and almost fainted on the spot. In front of him lay the horse: it’s face was a deathly shade of white, which stared at him with milky pupiless eyes; he also could have swore the body of the animal had been bleached as well.

Looking at the animals legs he noticed something that almost made him scream. Attached to the leg was the man that they had killed a minute ago; holding on to the unfortunate animals ankle by one of his claw-like hands.

The highwayman got his pistol out, took aim and shot. But his trembling hands couldn’t steady the pistol, causing him to merely clip the wight’s shoulder. He winced slightly and before he could take a second shot he was face to face with him. Staring into his grey eyes, he noticed that his shoulder wound was rapidly closing and the wound was healing.

His hands were quivering so much he dropped the pistol.

He felt the sides of head sized by the Wight’s hands. He felt tired and cold, and all colour drained from his vision.

“Actually.” The Wight said “You ARE a rather poor shot.”

He twisted the highwayman’s head sharply to the right until it snapped, and let him drop to the floor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

←- Wight. Chapter Four | Demon (Updated) -→

DateNameComment 
15 Aug 200545 Christabel Nolan
that was good. snap ... hehe. I like. I do wonder, though, what mischeif this wight will get up to next.

1 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Thankyou, he's a little scamp isn't he?"
1 Sep 2005:-) Ruth 'Cookie Monster' Browne
*looks up at Nolz-- Christabel's comment* a little scamp? *pins badge on Jimbo's shirt* Understatement of the YEAR! That said, this story is rapidly becoming enjoyable. I shall now proceed to the next chapter and watch the little scamp drain the living essence out of people.

:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "*Rubs badge* Uh...thanks....though I really think you should give this to Hitchy...he's on Christabel's page. Hehehe, I'm glad your enjoying this."
9 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
Oh, and I put an apostrophe in the word 'commas'...I need my head hammered a few times...

2 James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Oh don't worry, I tend to pay more attention to the actuall message before desending on to the more mundane issues of grammer."
9 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
* “There’s an easy way of doing this friend! Give us your money or we take your life” -- Simply need to close the sentence here with a full stop, comma, or explanation mark. Explanation mark would be my personal choiceAgreed! - suits the situation and his frustration best - but it's up to you.

And, in addition...

'...snarled the horseman.' -- Should come immediately after the speech, rather than a paragraph later, though I'm sure that was a formatting error.


Hey, have I been calling comma's apostrophes lately...? O.o

Yes...Yes I have. Hell no!


* 'Before he died he realised he had made the mistake of underestimating his accomplice’s greed.' -- Perhaps re-wording would give this more effect? 'Before he died' makes it sounds like any amount of time, days, months, years, his whole life maybe?That's an interesting point, I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks! Rather than in those few seconds before his death. It's a very open statement. It might be more fitting to write something like...'In the split seconds before he died, the horseman realised...'

* 'It didn’t, it staggered a couple of metres until it finally collapsed on its side.' -- Formatting to effect. It's quite an issue for the rider that the horse didn't stop, so to emphasise this might I suggest making 'It didn't,'*Nods* into one sentence and putting it into its own paragraph? E.g.:

::::woooooooords I've forgotten...::::

'It didn't.'

'It staggered....' etc...etc…

Personally, I like the description for the surroundings, I had quite a clear image in my mind of hills and trees, quite grim, with the figure of the Wight in the distance watched by the two men...Quite strong it was, not thin at all.Hehehehe, grim descriptions are what Jimbo's do best!

Well written characters here, despite their quick entrance and exit they flared, if only for half a second.Oh they might come back, you never know. And I do love villains.Keep reading then! They were cool like...Um...Crumble. ^.^

And look! You didn't repeat yourself, remember my first comment?

'...the regular *sounds* of the nocturnal forest fauna had strangely disappeared, and both horses were jumpy at the slightest *noise*.'

Did you realise that?

Great stuff!No I didn't, but thankies again, your comments are leaving I well chuffed!
9 Nov 2005:-) Bloodhawk
k! I said I'd read this yesterday, but I got bogged down by coursework. 'pologies.Dun't matter.

Oh! Cheers for the comment about my joining Wyverns...I'd love to but you've read my stuff, it's way too violent and I've no other suitable material ready for this kind of publication as of yet...I don't want to restrict myself just for the sake of publishing here so it all depends on what comes up really. =) I'll tell you if I join though -and ferry you in with a pitchfork. Hurrah! Thanks Jimbo!

Anywho, excellent ending! To the chapter I mean, very short, to the point, raw. Wonderful first line for the Wight too, feels like we're just about starting to poke and get into his character now, he's developing well. THankies!

SALMON! (Which in regular English means - quick nit pick time...)

* 'It had been an uneventful night hardly anyone had came by their patch.' -- There's two related pieces of information here, so it might sound better with a comma (or perhaps even a semi colon) after the word 'night'.Yes, you'll see that I went on a comma feeding frenzy. You could use a connective, 'and' for example, but I think a grammatical edit would be more fitting...(Oh, and the computer’s just told me that ‘came’ should be ‘come.’)

* 'But the question that remained in his mind, was how long he had slept?' -- In total contrast to what I just said, I don't think the comma’s necessary here. If you specifically want a pause there perhaps you should try '...'? A fink a colon goes there, but I might be wrong.

* 'He looked at him from down below, what is that thing pointing at him? It was small...' -- Two different tenses!*Bangs head on the wall!* Suggest changing 'is' to 'was'.
18 Dec 200545 Blade 'Bush = Hitler' Marilyn
10 I starting to get sleepy. Good n' violent. HOWEVER. I think you ought to start inserting another main character and switch off to their POV, as seeing from the same person's POV for too long in a story can get tiresome.

It's still really good though (what, do you want me to keep heaping you praise or something?? ;D), but you should (I think) put a break in POV between this chapter and the previous one.
11 Feb 2006:-) Panu Karjalainen
You probably want the thug to collapse on the ground, not on the floor. In the very end. Otherwise, you know, it is a very action-rich tale (a bit like the Megan´s Mercury stories) and makes it an easy read. I normally have difficulties going through anything long via computer screen.

:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood replies: "Point taken. This is due for an overhual soon, heh, I feel that way to. Cheers!"
14 Apr 2006:-) Kaeli Grotz
Meep meep. (No, I don’t know where that sound came from either. How odd.)Loony Toones?I picked up a two ambiguities:

“The two men loaded their gun’s with powder from deep within the forest’s undergrowth that overlooked the beaten dirt path.” -- makes it sound as if the powder came from the undergrowth. Perhaps try “Deep within the forest undergrowth that overlooked the beaten dirt path, two men loaded their guns with powder.” And also see how guns doesn’t have an apostrophe because it’s a plural, not possession or contraction. Commas don't like me. “They were both mounted on horses each wearing hooded cloaks” Logically it’s the men wearing the cloaks, but it sounds as if the horses might be. I suggest “They were both mounted on horses, each man wearing a hooded cloak”Doh!

Other nitpicks:

“But he had finally learnt now how to walk, if *not* rather ungracefully” -- The “not” shouldn’t be there.Can I ask why not?

“this place had changed since he had slept” -- could be “this place had changed while he was sleeping” *Nods*

“it ended the target*s life” -- Needs an apostrophe.

Other than that, twas fab, actioney and generally very readable. So I’ma just keep on reading.Thanks for the good ol' nit ironing - I really need to clean it up a bit.
21 Dec 200645 Naomi
*looking up*

'...learnt now how to walk, if *not* rather ungracefully”' - s'double negative, so what you're saying is that he's learnt how to walk gracefully...when what you're trying to say is ungracefully. i think...does he walk gracefully or ungracefully? meh...now i'm confused...O RLY? I aer have no idea to be honest..

okay, onto my comment now ^_^

'...forest fauna.' - i love this phrase. just rolls off of the tongue doesn't it? sounds so nice...forest fauna...forest fauna...*goes off in a daze*

'...his white and black speckled horse.' - finally a horse that isn't all one colour! i'm so fed up o midnight black horses, or white ones. you don't even get white horses! *and exhales* sorry..pet peeve...ahem.

i like the fact you've got him all messy from falling. keeping it realistic - i like. and good use of the rhetorical question there. and im kind of worried about little Wighty if he doesn't know what a gun is. i'm curious though. how come he knows what all these things are, including the Badger, and all that....yet he doesn't know hs own name? oh, maybe he could have a flashback brought on by the dagger. because he surely must've come across one in his last lifetime...judging by the riches in his little crypt thing. all rich people used to have some kind of wepaon on them. can't always rely on hired guards and whatnot. seriously, my technical language is mind-blowing.

'“You ARE a rather poor shot.”' - *giggles* like it. though maybe the capitals should be in italics? i like the Wight..the Wight? Wight? does it even have a capital letter or am i just putting it there?I answered that query to Emma ^^^ But thanks for reading again, if I ever get round to updating this thing I will make a special mention to you amongst other people. And thankyou for pointing out all the narrative holes in this chapter!
4 Jul 201145 Anon.
An excellently written piece of prose, which hooked me from the very beginning and had me flared with anticipation of the inevitable towards the end. I think that I have discovered a storyline to watch eagerly, and for a long time. But now I have to play devil’s advocate. Do not be afraid of the comma! Break up your sentences for increased legibility, although aside from that I found it one of the best stories I have yet read on this website. Keep it up!
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'Wight. Chapter three.':
 • Created by: :-) James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood
 • Copyright: ©James ´Jimbo Fett ´ Inwood. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Highwaymen, Shooting, Wight
 • Categories: Vampires, Zombies, Undeads, Dark, Gothic, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins, Celtic
 • Views: 360

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