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Jenny Olivera

"Brotherly Love" by Jenny Olivera

SciFi/Fantasy text 20 out of 21 by Jenny Olivera.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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The challenge was to write a complete story in under 250 words. This one is 172. I don't know where the idea came from.
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←- Silver: Part 11 | Wine and Dine -→

"Come on! Over here!" He yelled and waved his arms. "Chicken! Why don't you come and take me!" The target of his taunts looked up and raced across the schoolyard. "That's it..." he whispered. He positioned himself a little better between the buildings and waited.

They'd told him his great-grandmother was crazy. But nobody had spent as much time with her as he had. Nobody else had seen her complete one of her "crazy experiments," and had seen it work - actually work. He'd seen the mouse disappear, right in the middle of the deck. Just disappear. And now he had her old journals. The journals where she'd painstakingly copied down her diagrams and chants.

"The gate to nowhere," she'd called it.

And now the bully was about to step over the chalk pattern between them, about to go through the gate. And like the mouse, the bully vanished.

He smiled, and scuffed the chalk lines. Now he could go tell his little brother that he wouldn't be picked on any more.

←- Silver: Part 11 | Wine and Dine -→

DateNameComment 
29 Nov 2001:-) Michael 'The Roach' Janßen
It's a nice story for its length. It's hard getting any kind of story into less than 200 words, and while a story of this length desn't have to grab the reader, many of them are either extremely predictable or boring. This one manages to be neither - though it makes me want to learn more, like what else did the grandmother invent, and what else did she do, what happens to the 'disappearing' ppl, etc.

Came through on 'Random pilotin', BTW Hooray for the Random button!This piece does bring up a lot that is just begging to be toyed with. Maybe someday I'll come back to the characters.
21 Oct 2002:-) Chris Ellinger
Cool! I know a few people I wouldn't mind doing that to!

:-) Jenny Olivera replies: "Tempting, isn't it? Although I think I'd want to know what happens to them, first, because I'd be afraid they'd be able to come back with a vengance..."
30 Nov 200245 Erin
I think it sounds like C. S. Lewis wrote it or something. Nice job.
27 Jun 2003:-) Anita M. King
Nice piece of flash fiction. Very satisfying ending.
20 Jul 2007:-) Chelsey D. Crouchley
This is very well done. I don't believe I could do such an interesting piece and keep it that short. I'm more of a lengthy writer myself. Good work!
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'Brotherly Love':
 • Created by: :-) Jenny Olivera
 • Copyright: ©Jenny Olivera. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Brother, Faerie, Gate
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 321

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More by 'Jenny Olivera':
Silver: Backstory
Silver: Part 11
Silver: Part 3
Silver: part 6
Making Plans
Silver: part 5

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