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Erik Jensen

"Gorbag part 1" by Erik Jensen

SF&F Picture 3 out of 25 by Erik Jensen
 
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A character has been trying to get my attention for some time now. Well, maybe he's not so much trying as succeeding. At any rate, I've begun this story about him. 8541 bytes.
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I stumbled across a series of old scrolls in the Great Library that were not translated to Valorian. They are written with a flimsy handwriting in the high elf tongue, and their questionable grammar and spelling made many passages difficult to translate.

 

The black orcs are very unusual creatures. They are labelled monsters by most, creatures empowered by Bain and Brutus to cause destruction and fear among the peoples of peace loving gods. I don't necessarily think this is true. I must admit that black orcs seem to have an affinity with the dark gods, Bain in particular, and I must also admit that savagery is very outspoken among them; but I've seen things that force me to view them differently. I am as judgmental as the next elf, and I'm not writing this to show how nice a guy I am. This is a tribute to a friend and ally who is with us no more. I will present to you Gorbag as I have come to know him. These scrolls are to remain in the Great Library of Kwell Thrig, and copies are to be kept in Elvenheim and Silverkeep. Gorbag would not have expected his memory to live forever. Maybe, in some dark age in the distant future, the memory of him will be no more. These scrolls are made for this contingency, so that people may read and know what was lost.

 

Darenya was a huntress. Ever since the destruction of her village when she was young, she had hunted orcs wherever she found them. She had managed to completely decimate the tribe that had massacred her sisters and brother and killed her mother and father.

She had no patience for the people who had warned the elves not to settle so close to orcish territory. It was a forest, the traditional elven home. It was given to them by Marlin, and no stinking orcs should keep elves from settling there.

She had found little help among the elves. Most were content with the state of things. Only the truly thankful to Marlin, those who settled near the orcs, were attacked. Only when an orcish tribe settled too close to existing elven tribes or cities did the elves chase them out. The only people actively fighting the orcs were the humans, and Darenya had made a good living as a mercenary.

She was travelling in search of new prey when she came across a small human village. The humans warned her not to enter the forest, since evil creatures lurked there. Darenya knew from the size that there may be one or two dangerous beasts in there at best. She decided to help the humans. She pitied them for their short lives, and she respected them for not fearing to settle so close to enemy territory. If she could defeat whatever was in the forest, she would feel better when she left. It was probably not an orc, since forests are not much of a place for an orc. Orcs thrive in mountains and below ground.

She entered the forest by day, silently searching for signs of life. She was soon rewarded with success. She found the tracks of an orc. There was no doubt: the iron boots, the placing of feet, it all matched. But this was a very large orc. She judged his weight to be at least one quarter over standard. The size indicated a black orc, but that was quite unlikely since there were no signs of normal orcs around. Black orcs always dominated orc tribes or clans. If one found himself alone, he travelled until he found a new tribe to dominate. Darenya was intrigued.

She took a small metal vial from her belt and opened it. She poured some of the greyish liquid into her hand and smeared it on her neck, hands and lower arms. The liquid was made by the wild elves, and it disguised her smell. It was not perfect, but only very alert orcs would pick her scent up when she used this. She replaced the stopper and carefully put the vial back in her belt before she followed the tracks in complete silence.

Apparently the orc made some sort of rounds. The tracks soon became a path. The path led past a small spring to a clearing somewhere near the centre of the forest. The clearing contained what could only be the lair. It was not very orcish in appearance, though. Everything was too orderly. There was chopped wood, which made Darenya conclude that there was a smithy somewhere. There was a fireplace, placed so as to minimize the risk of fire. There was a barrel for collecting rain water, combined with an actual gutter system. The roof was made from metal plates, which surprised Darenya. The house was apparently some sort of storage.

She looked around for weapons, but found only an archery target. If the holes in it was any indication, the orc was a pretty good shot. It made her a bit uneasy. An orc practising archery and living an orderly and disciplined life in a forest was probably a very well-rounded opponent. Suddenly her eyes fell on something odd: on the edge of the clearing was a birdtable of all things! The birds were happily picking away at an assortment of seeds. Was the orc actually gathering seeds to feed the birds? No, that couldn't be, there had to be some other explanation.

By then, she heard the approach of a running orc. There was no doubt; it was the rhythmic, hammering sound of iron boots on the ground. She pulled back a little to be sure she wasn't spotted. Although orcs relied primarily on their sense of smell their other senses were also quite keen, and black orcs were known for their ability to sense enemies trying to hide.

The orc that came running was quite a sight. He was a black orc, and a big one at that. He ran with the grinding pace and supernatural stamina of the orc, and he was wearing a heavy chain mail. He was bald and quite thick. His green eyeballs lay well protected deep in the skull, and his maw was gaping open as is the custom of running orcs. He had a long, red tongue and powerful jaws and teeth.

As soon as he arrived in the clearing he pulled two large daggers from his belt. Darenya thought she had been detected, and almost drew her sword, but she soon realized the orc was practising. He moved with a predator's speed and grace. Judging from his moves he was fighting three enemies at once. He feinted and dashed and spun, and at one point he apparently got the chance to crush an enemy's foot with his iron boot. She saw the first enemy die as the orc stabbed the invisible man and made a lightning quick turning of his blade in the wound. The second man to go was the one with a crushed foot. The orc parried an attack from each enemy and made contact hip and shoulder with the wounded man, throwing him to the ground. The orc then threw his dagger to where the man's throat would be. He then turned on the last man. The traditional orcish fighting stance now came in use: feet wide apart, knees slightly bent, arms out to the sides and the maw gaping open. The orc then thrust himself forward, apparently grabbing the enemy's weapon arm. She saw the enemy being pulled close swiftly, and the jaws snapping shut on the man's throat, while the claws crushed the weapon arm, and the dagger was driven into the enemy's midriff.

The orc then got the dagger he had thrown and carefully wiped it clean with a red piece of cloth. He seemed to have come out of his killing state immediately. He put the daggers back in place and drew a large two-headed battleaxe and started the exact same fight over again, this time dispatching his enemies far quicker. She realized the enormous strength of the orc, as he used the axe in swings so swift she was not sure she would be able to dodge were she the target. Even the swings that didn't hit the imaginary opponents caused them to be thrown off balance, making them easy targets for the next swing or a push.

She had never seen a black orc of such skill, although she knew they were out there. She knew that the most powerful black orc clan leaders were killing machines that had slain dragons intruding on their territory. She once heard of an elven fortification that repelled three orcish attacks in a row without taking so much as one casualty. The night after the last attack a black orc entered the fortification head on and killed half of the elves before they withdrew into the forest. But she always thought these rare and powerful warriors were rulers and kings among orcs, not strange hermits scaring small villages. She forced herself not to compare this orc with the warrior hermits of elves and humans. He was an orc, and thus he was a monster.

←- Coya 2 | Gorbag part 2 -→

DateNameComment 
22 Nov 200245 Lindsey Butler
I agree with Emilie you're more chaotic races have such culture that it's hard to see them as completely bad. I really love the action and the imagery in this one. Especially where he's attacking the imaginary opponents. Really well written.

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "Thank you. I hope the next chapters will meet the same standards, then. "
22 Nov 200245 Emilie Aurora Finn
I like!! *chuckle* Certainly isn't Tayornh, though! But I think I'm going to like the plot around this one! I can see why Gorbag got your attention. He's a very attention-grabbing character! I really like how your "bad" races are never just evil and there's an end to it. There's always something redeeming about at least one or two of them. I'll be keeping my eye out for more of this one!

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "I'm glad you enjoyed it. The next chapter will disclose a bit of Gorbag's thoughts (although my current ticket must clear the queue first)... Not that there's so much to reveal. Anyway, as for redeeming traits on traditional bad guys, I try to make people complex. I believe that's what people are."
25 Nov 200245 Christopher Hammer
I respect your way of telling a fantasy story without resorting to mere black and white repetitions. The characterization of Gorbag avoids to force upon us the usual impression of orcs, as well as black orcs, and the stereotypical picture normally reserved for them, and in a peculiar way it seems that you turn the order of things upside down by assigning Darenya traits like intolerance and narrowness. What your story lack, in my opinion, is the reason why Gorbag is this way, you write that orcs are created for the task of destruction and mayhem, but Gorbag doesn't seem to be determined by his biology. Good introduction.

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "  Thanks for the comment! As for Gorbag's personality and past, we'll get to those as the story progresses."
15 Dec 2002:-) Segun Williams
Remind me not to anger a black orc. (I read this first, but I'm commenting on it second.) Again, I think the best part is the clarity with which you expose the thoughts of the characters. It goes beyond physical description, and shallow thoughts, enabling the characters to be fully realized. (I hope that made sense...I'm in a mood of deep thought). Good work.

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "  Thanks!"
1 Mar 2003:-) Louise Boucher
Try not to write so much this time 1
I like the way you begin with the narrator reading from the scroll, adds an extra touch and shows that this is a story. Fantasy is story - it grew from myths which are basically stories that explain the world - and it's nice to be reminded of this.
You also set the world up very well, you make sure that the reader knows that there is conflict between the various races, and a few details about them, without going into a long exposition. Not sure about paragraphs 2 and 3 though , there seems to be too much informaion about Darenya too early on (you could be quite butal to this and go straight from 'Darenya was a huntress.' to 'She was travelling in search of new prey' - although you would have to say 'in search of orcs' rather than 'prey'). I only suggest this because then she seems like the characterless one rather than the orc who you are obviously trying to give a strong personality.
Your characterisation of the orc is very well done, you make it clear that he is unusual and give something of his character in the details - he seems tidy, intelligent, kind, rational and something of a perfectionist. It is good to see someone going against the usual idea that all the elves and humans are good and all the orcs are bad.
I like the details of the orcs fighting style too, you really show how he moves and it does create a very clear picture in my mind of him as somthing alive (often descriptions are static like a portrait but this is more like film).
Just a couple of things you could do to inmprove the language of this. The first is to try not to begin paragraphs and sentences with the same word (The first few pragraphs begin with 'She' and when you describe the orc's home there are too many sentances that begin with 'There') it can look messy and appears a bit formulaic when compared with the description of the orc fighting.
You might want to have a look at 'Apparantly the orc made some sort of rounds' again. I know what you mean but there must be a clearer way of putting it - perhaps 'The orc seemed to have a routine, the tracks followed the same route'.
Really like the last line 'He was an orc, and thus he was a monster', just shows how, although he has amazing skills and is not like other orcs, she still can not bring her self to admit that he might be different.

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "*catches his breath* You're going to be hard to keep up with. Anyway, at the time I wrote this, the bit about Darenya was to be used only to show the state of things with elves and orcs - and to stress that she is a fanatic, and that not all elves are like that. Now that you point it out, I can certainly see that I should spread that information out more. I have plenty of opportunity.About the language tips: Thank you! I'll be certain to take note of that. Oh, and one last thing: Don't feel bad for making long comments. "
8 Jun 2003:-) Harald Thingelstad
Begins well.
I *like* the early description of the main character. Action without why or how lacks.. meat to it?
As another non-native-english writer, I feel just at home with the language notes.
It's hard to beat, though. You don't have a full width of language to go by, and training is the only help..

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "Life's a bitch and then you die. Well, maybe it's not all that bad."
31 Dec 2005:-) Stephen D. Westbroek
I like the overall story, it's very well written. I like how Darenya doesn't immediately judge the orc. It makes it feel less like a monster, although, as you end it, it is one.

I did find a few things that could use some improvement. In the first paragraph you change from past tense to present tense and then back to past tense. It needs to be consistent. Probably all in past tense since the rest of the story is in the past

the word "practising" in the third to last paragraph should be practicing. A simple spelling error, but I thought I'd point it out.

And with the part "Suddenly her eyes fell on something odd: on the edge of the clearing was a birdtable of all things!" Did the birdtable appear out of nowhere or why was it so sudden?

Again, it is a very good start. *Heads off to read more*

:-) Erik Jensen replies: "I thought Darenya actually judged the orc right away. At least, that's how I intended it.

The use of tense in the first paragraph is correct, I think. The first sentence describes what the outer-layer narrator experienced earlier, hence he wrote it in past tense. The first part of the second sentence refer to the scrolls in present tense, because when he is writing it, the scrolls still exist. Then he talks about what he did before he wrote that sentence (translate them) and therefore it's in the past tense again.

Practicing it should be. Of course.

About eyes suddenly falling on something: My parents have a great view from where they live. It's not unusual for us to sit there enjoying it, and then suddenly someone notices some detail that's been present all day or for an hour. They then point it out to everyone else, and we all look at it. That's why Darenya's eyes fell on it suddenly; because she noticed it, and it seemed out of place.

Thanks for the comment."
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About 'Gorbag part 1':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Erik Jensen
 • Copyright: ©Erik Jensen. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Library, Scroll, Translate, Elf, Friend, Write, Gorbag, Forest, Enter, Study
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Orc, Goblins, Trolls, Trollocs..., Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 241


More by 'Erik Jensen':
The Valorian Way
Tayornh part 2
Tayornh part 1
Norin p. 1
Gorbag part 2
Lithwarian History
Genesis II
Hunting Inspiration
To Hunt a Huntress

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