| Date | Name | Comment | | | 12 Jan 2005 |  Marie Thorsen |  Loading...I feel very embarrassed that I haven't commented on this sooner. It's been ages since I read it first!  This is the first story I have read about orcs, so very new to me, obviously. I really like how the story unfolds, and I remember being in a bit of shock after reading it the first time (think that might be why I forgot to comment on it back then). It is so easy to get lost in your story, even though it is barely 500 words long, not lost as in "can't find my way around it" but lost as in you forget the world around you. Hah, you can almost feel your own knee crack . I know next to nothing about orcs, but I have always pictured them as being rather dumb. Is it the same for black orcs, or are the smarter than other types of orcs? What I am trying to get to is this: It seems a bit off, in my mind at least, that the orc is able to identify the force that makes him stretch his leg as his instincts. I know it makes the situation a lot easier to understand for the reader, but you give the explanation in the bottom line anyways. Oh and one last thing; I would love to see this story written in present instead of past. I think that would give a very nice effect to the story. Thank you for a great read! I love this off-beat stuff   Erik Jensen replies: "When I was a kid, my dad read The Lord of the Rings to us. Back then he was my fountain of knowledge of the Tolkien world, and he said something very true about orcs and soldiers: They have to be ferocious, and just sufficiently stupid not to question orders. The typical orc has little of what we might consider 'intelligence'. They have plenty of brain capacity, however, their brain being almost as big as that of a human. I think orcs have tremendous memories when it comes to the inconsequential. They are also naturally cunning, and they can do a lot instinctively that is lost to humans.Black orcs, on the other hand, is a very different matter. They were created by Bain, the dark god of war and the right of the strong. They are quite simply upgraded orcs, and they have a mental capacity beyond most humans. They know about anything that can be related to fighting, battle, war, injury or bullying underlings. They are very conscious of their physical body, but as you can probably tell, it is a mere tool to them. They are mind-beings, like my elves. Humans can be mind-beings too, but they can also be body-beings.Anyway, (too) long explanation. You are absolutely right about putting this in present tense. It's definitely a present tense piece.Thank you so much for the comment." | |
| 13 Jan 2005 |  Marietta Buck | Loading... Yeah I would have to agree that you never hear this type of thing from any creature then human or elf. And the fact you left out who it was until the end was a great idea. As I read it I was figuring that some human had been in a fight or a fall and was just assessing the damage. Then when you mentioned the "healed in a few days" I thought hmm the human/elf has specially abilities. I was so not expecting Orc. Great great idea. Erik Jensen replies: " Well, now you've heard it from a black orc. I'm glad the unfolding worked as it was supposed to. Thank you very much for the comment. I'm hoping you'll put up a shelf of your own soon." | |
| 8 Apr 2005 |  Kay Tabin | Loading... *stares in awe* The title was what originally attracted me to the story. I was curious who would be saying ouch and why. I really like the descriptions and think this is an amazing idea for characterization. Taking a character and putting them in different situations and just writing about a page on what would happen seems like a good idea. I may do this for some of my characters in the new future. If I can offer any suggestion it would only be to change the font type. "Sans" fonts are really hard to read on computers. You can tell a "sans" font by the lack of little feet on the bottom of the letters. "Sans" fonts are difficult to follow on the computer screen, it's easy with the little feet because your eyes flow over the words smoothly. Might I suggest "Times New Roman" or similar fonts. Concerning the only bad thing I found to say was such a small, picky thing, that proves that you have one heck of a little piece there. Good job! Erik Jensen replies: "'Times is my favourite font as well. If I were to post any more on Elfwood, I'd be sure to use it. Thanks for the comment and the tip." | |
| 14 Jul 2005 |  Cristina Marsi | Loading... Following your own suggestion i choose this one to have an idea of your writing... I must say I'm totally fascinated  Will sure be back soon to read more!  Erik Jensen replies: "Thanks. I'll be looking forward to it." | |
| 15 Jul 2005 |  Jessica Warner | Loading... As many have said, the title seems to attract readers, as well as you advertisement in your bio that it's short. Good idea, that. One quickly gets the impression that this is not a normal creature, from the cold, detached kind of way it's narrated. I also thought its anatomy was inhuman, Because its eyes seemed to be lower than its jaw, for them to be under water while the back teeth weren't - until I realised it could be lying in the water. I think the way the orc gradually takes in its surroundings is good, too much description at the start would spoil it, but maybe a line about whether the orc could feel ground beneath its head (if indeed its supposed to be lying on his back) would do for slow people like me. I find the way the orc thinks fascinating. The analysis would suggest a clever creature, but the orc comes across more like a robot - calculating, efficient, without a soul. A particularly effective bit was the way it described pain as "refreshing". A brilliant villain, and better than the stereotypical stupid orc. Erik Jensen replies: "Thanks for the comment and the critique. I'll be sure to take it into consideration next time i rewrite this piece." | |
| 21 Oct 2005 |  Nora Marie Ask | Loading... Ouch! Need I say more? Yes, I think I do, but "ouch" really covers it. Well, I love the fact that you have the orc as the narrator, it was really interesting to get inside it's head. You write very well, your English is far beyond good, so I sometimes forget you're actually Danish. You write so elaborate! Many adjectives that really put us "in the moment". The reader is always aware of the orcs' feelings. And I got goosebumps everywhere, it is sort of disgusting, which makes it so good! That you can feel his pain. Ouch. As we Norwegians would say; Veldig bra!! Erik Jensen replies: "Thanks a lot. I appreciate it, and I very much appreciate the effort. Comments are just that much better when you get the feeling the commenter actually put something in it, right?" | |
| 27 Oct 2005 |  Suzannah Carrick | Loading... This piece is good, but you ruin it with a poor start - "Something was pressing on my eye through the eyelid and onto my delicate globes. I was not quite aware of which way was down." this is incredibly (underlined) vague and rambling (unlike the rest of this piece which is much better). -"Something forced my searing eye-globes inward, opaque blackness surrounded me, and I was unaware which way was down." I like the rest of it, you explain the gore well. Nice ending. Be careful of cliches, you have quite a few dotted through this. Thanks for your comment on my work. Erik Jensen replies: "Interesting point. Thanks for the comment. Would you mind pointing out some of the clichés?" | |
| 8 Nov 2005 |  Aida Vicens | Loading... I would like to leave some "worth" comment, but I can't. Everybody said everything about it, and I can just add that it impressed me. When I started reading, the idea was that it was a human... then, that it should be an animal, maybe a wolf or similar... then, don't know why, the "wolf" thingie turned into a bird, some kind of crow or... and then, you said Orc. Now I can't manage to get out of my mind the image of some strange orc-wolf breed (sp?). Scary. Erik Jensen replies: "Thanks for the comment. It's always "worth" comments when someone tells about the thoughts and/or emotions a particular piece provoked. Just wish more people would take the time to do it, as you did." | |
| 16 Jan 2006 |  D. 'Yolaron' Hendrikson | Loading... sorry, orc! I knew that. not a troll, an orc. Erik Jensen replies: "The damage would depend entirely on how he fell (or rather how he landed). In this case, he fell into the muddy pool, and probably caught his leg on his way down (which slowed him up, but hurt his knee).Anyway, thanks for the comment." | |
| 16 Jan 2006 | D. 'Yolaron' Hendrikson | Loading... My first thought was 'were-wolf' don't as why but it was. I like it though. One thing, which someone else probably already pointed out; if he fell from that high up, wouldn't he have hurt his back more than his knee? But I guess human anatomy laws wouldn't necessarily apply to a troll.
Anyway, I enjoyed the read! | |
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