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Stories / Stories / Erik Jensen / Text 24 of 25 / The Death of an Elf

"The Death of an Elf" by Erik Jensen

SciFi/Fantasy text 24 out of 25 by Erik Jensen

A rather grim and unpleasant story about the death of a young elf. 1,444 words, just over 3 pages.

←- The Valorian Way | Arcane Magic -→

The orc chieftain was talking to his shaman.

"What should we do with her?" asked the chieftain. Their partnership had been formed based on the chieftain's skill at arms and the brains of the shaman.

"It's not important. She'll be no better than a goblin as a slave, and she'll eat more than them."
"Don't you think the boys would like to play with her?"
"No. What do you feel when you look at her? Like breeding?"
The chieftain shook his head. The shaman always made him feel so stupid. The shaman continued.

"She's an elf. Maybe she can fetch a nice price if we can find some humans to trade with. But it'll be a hassle to keep her alive for that long."

They both looked thoughtfully at the poor young elven woman they had captured. She looked at them with eyes that would have caused most humans to burst into tears, and deeply move many others. But the orcs were not moved by her beauty, her despair or her words. All were alien to them.

She had had her hands manacled behind her back, and she had a shackle around her neck with a chain that had been fastened to the belt of one of the chieftain's bodyguards. Her long, brown hair was in disorder, and she had several bruises on her arms and shoulders where the orcs had held her when she first tried to run. She was in her teens, according to the best guesses of the orcs.

It had been a mistake to capture her in the first place. The orcs were merely travelling through the area, when a scout patrol had happened upon her. She had been sleeping, and the standard orders were to capture easy targets. Elves had never been easy targets before. The chieftain felt it wrong, somehow.

"But it's not right to just kill a prisoner." The soldier in him objected to that approach.

"She'll probably be better off with a quick death than with spending the rest of her life slowly dying because we can't keep the boys from cutting her a little on occasion. We can't even feed her properly. And who knows what kind of diseases she'll get?"

"Can't we set her loose, then?" The shaman gave the chieftain a harsh stare. The big orc swallowed, and tried his best at being convincing:

"Well, can't we make an exception?"

"No exceptions," said the shaman sternly. "What is the problem anyway? You would gladly have killed her if you had found her."

"I know, but killing a prisoner without some sort of reason… Couldn't we sacrifice her?"

"What God do you wish to insult by giving them an elf?" the shaman retorted condescendingly.

She didn't understand their speech, but she was quite sure they were arguing over her. They kept looking at her with those cold eyes. The big orc seemed more reluctant, but she couldn't know what he was feeling reluctant about.

Just a few hours ago, she had run into the forest. She had felt so horrible, all she had wanted was to go away and never be seen again. Now that was not too far from becoming the case. She had wept her last tears, and now there was none left in her. The orcs all seemed angry with her, but she couldn't say why, or what she had done wrong.

Then finally, it seemed the big orc gave up. He got up from his place besides the campfire and said something to the orc who was holding her. She was dragged to her feet by the chain, painfully.

The chieftain gave a shout for the camp to pay attention. The orcs gathered around, and waited silently for what the chieftain had decided to do with the elf.

"I have decided that she is to be executed as a spy. Korrnâsh, you set things up. We kill her before we go on tonight." The orcs mumbled their agreement amongst themselves as the group broke up. Korrnâsh was the best orc with a rope in the group, and he came over to sit by the elf. She was afraid at once as she saw him approach, but his hands didn't grip her like the others had. He lifted her hair and studied her fragile, pale neck. He took hold of her, with a grip that reminded her of a doctor's grip.

"Maybe he is examining my bruises", she thought, hoping this was so. The truth of the matter dawned on her as he put a rope around her neck, and then made a hangman's noose that would fit her.

"No! Please, sir, I'll do anything, please don't do that, please…" Her voice trailed off as she saw that the orc looked at her only shortly. She had never experienced anyone so utterly cold before. Little did she know that the endearing ways of orcs were quite different from that of elves. He had absolutely no idea what she was trying to relate to him, and he didn't really care. He just knew that this one would give birth to no warriors that would kill orcs from his tribe. Whether it was right or wrong was already made up for him. The chieftain had given the order, and they were in a dangerous situation. There was no bickering among the orcs at such a time. Anyone who bickered or argued would be seen as a troublemaker and dealt with harshly.

A few hours later, when the sun was almost down, the orcs began packing their things. The chieftain gave Korrnâsh the order. The orcs gathered around, curious. Not many orcs had seen an elf die, and they were speaking quietly and expectantly. Korrnâsh knelt in front of her, and took off the shackle around her neck.

She had been worried when the orcs had gathered, but not seeing any rope being fastened in the trees, she didn't think this was it. She hoped it wasn't. Her heart was pounding in her small chest, and she felt a fear she had never felt before in her life. Her situation became distant to her. She didn't want to die. This couldn't be it. Maybe they were going to set her free, since they were taking off the shackle?

Korrnâsh went around behind her, so all the orcs had a clear view. He was prepared to react if she tried to break loose, mostly to be expedient about business. There was no escape for her. Putting the noose over her head, he drew it tighter until her hair got in the way. He noticed her breathing picking up pace. That was interesting. He pulled her hair out of the way, gently. Somehow, he felt less angry with her right now. After all, she wasn't in any position to harm him. But there was no pity in his heart, this was like slaughtering pigs to him. He fitted the noose snugly around her neck, and she began making noises as she breathed. She was trembling, and he smelled her urin. He took an annoyed step backwards to avoid getting it on his feet. He didn't want to stink of elf for the rest of the day.

She heard him step away, and she looked back, feverishly, somehow hoping he had been stopped. But then he grabbed the rope and rolled it around his hand a few times to get a good grip. Then he placed his clawed hand on the rope where it lay around her neck. She felt his hand on her neck, dry, hard and cool. Then he waited. She was breathing quickly, it was as if she couldn't get enough air, and her heart pounded and pounded, and she could hear nothing other than the rush of blood. She saw his mouth moving, but even if she could have heard, she would not have understood. He repeated.

"Look forward." No reaction, she even turned her whole body more towards him. He grabbed her head and moved it back where it was supposed to be. And then he pulled.

She gagged, and she felt the tightening around her neck. She almost struggled, but if she had done that, the tightening would get worse. She could still breathe, but the blood was not rolling freely. She became even more light-headed, and the thought of the darkness that lay ahead was frightening beyond anything she had ever felt.

Korrnâsh moved his hand back down to keep everything in place, and then he tightened the noose hard. She spasmed violently once, then once again a little less, gagging sounds escaping her. Then she twitched and was still.

←- The Valorian Way | Arcane Magic -→

Date	Name	Comment
10 Nov 2003	Ian D. Morris	Loading... I like how the Elf can't understand what the Orcs are saying. It always annoys me how everyone in fantasy writing seems to speak the same language. Not here, though. Yeah; the ending seemed a little bit obvious (duh! Title?) and, so, reading it made me worry just how long you'd keep us in suspense. I had to get a drink halfway through so I didn't explode with tension... Erik Jensen replies: " Sorry. Didn't mean to drive you to drink."
15 Jan 2004	Matthew Mason	Loading... This is an interesting story. It's one of the old cliches but you have given a totally new concept to it. Someone feeling so bad that they want to die are to be given their wish only to realise that they didn't want it in the first place. This is very powerful stuff and I was sat on the edge of my seat over the elf girls naivete. Not very often that happens on Elfwood. I disagree with the reader above. I think there is a conflict it just isn't a physical one. The conflict is in the language barrier, her inexperience of orcs and general naivete. Basically, had she known better, she would have tried to escape. Is that what you were getting at or have I missed the point too? I'm surprised it got through, but glad. The implied violence is generally a little too much for Elfwood, as I well know. After submitting a piece last year, I was requested to "tone down the violence next time." Boo-hiss to the thought police!!!!! Erik Jensen replies: "chuckle I think the thought police are bothered more by gore than by death by simple strangulation. Don't forget that the thought police are doing this to make sure that Elfwood is available to people with more delicate tastes than you and I.I could have made the death part worse, but I changed it in a later draft before submitting. Her death, while significant, is not that important to the story. Here's what I was thinking when I wrote the piece: Some people have everything at their fingertips and fail to appreciate it. Sometimes those of us who feel less lucky (you know, 'grass is always greener') can't bear to see people make it through life in a haphazard sort of way. They ought to get ducked. With this piece I ducked them all, by killing off the elf girl. I identify very much with the orcs here. When I fail to see the significance of personal charms, I am bothered when others fall for it. Hence my orcs were immune to that sort of thing. People ought to convince with arguments, not force of personality.As I mentioned in the description before the piece, it just turned out to have all sorts of other messages as well as my need to duck some people. Whatever you see in it is fine. My main 'professional' goal was to write an agonizing piece, which seems to have worked. Thank you for the comment!"
11 Feb 2004	Deli	Loading... Only ne problem wit the story actually wouldn't the orcs want to sacrifice her going at the way that in mostof fantesy the orcs have a majo iferiority complex with them at the bottem. Erik Jensen replies: "Provided I read you right, you claim that orcs in most fantasy worlds have an inferiority complex. Pocket pscyhology would say that so do most humans, but lets leave that aside.I don't think human psychology would be very useful in describing the mind of an orc, in the same way it's no good at describing the mind of a dolphin. But as for the orcs to sacrifice her, of course they couldn't. This particular orc shaman thinks so little of elves that he won't even use them as a sacrifice.And as for orcs in most fantasy worlds, if my orcs were like everyone else's orcs, what would I need to describe them for? I do try to look into their psychology."
12 Jan 2005	Marie Thorsen	Loading... This is excellent! Your language is so easy to understand, and your descriptions to follow. I like that you don't spend a lot of time describing the surroundings, it gives a greater focus on the characters, and leaves the visual parts up to myself to create. Maybe that is exactly why Emilie could see everything so vividly. I didn't feel that you "ducked" anyone, though. What I read in the story was more a description of the differentialities between cultures. If she had known how to plead in a way that was appealing to an orc, maybe the story would have evolved differently. Also, there was a great tension between the leaders; the chieftain and the shaman, and at the same time we are told that the shaman thinks so little of elves that she wont sacrifice her (my favorite passage, btw). So, there is described, a problem concerning the objectivity of religious leaders and through the chieftain, their right to authority is questioned. Arch, I don't know if this makes any sense at all. I must admit, I didn't think James Joyce when reading it, but when I noticed you mentioning him, I could see him Especially in the part where Kornâsh is tightening the noose, notices the quickened breathing and concludes "That was interesting" (actually, I think this is my favorite passage!). Perfect! Erik Jensen replies: "That makes perfect sense to me. As I've tried to hint at, this story turned out to contain much more than I thought when I started, and the simplicity of the situation may be the reason.You're right about the Joyce influence on my writing. He's been the Stravinsky of litterature. Or maybe it's the other way around. What I was pointing at, when I wrote that rather terse comment, is that Joyce wrote 'Clay' which is not much to look at to begin with. You have to stop and think to get 'Clay' to make sense.Thank you very much for your thoughts and your comments."
10 Jul 2005	Jessica Warner	Loading... There's so much in here, this is a really deep story! Firstly, I find I can empathise with all the orc characters, even the executioner. The description was very good, just implying how horrific the death was without going into too much detail. There are one or two places where you could change some phrasing slightly, just a few suggestions: "...and she had a shackle around her neck with a chain that had been fastened to the belt of one of the chieftain's bodyguards." This seems like quite a long sentence, I'd recommend a comma in there somewhere. This is the sentence that began "She had had her hands manacled" which also sounds a bit awkward. I have problems with "had had" all the time - how about "Her hands had been manacled", does that change the meaning? Also, "whether it was right or wrong was already made up for him" - would "decided for him" be better? I know I'm nitpicking your phrasing, because basically the story and the themes were faultless. This was an excellent and worthwhile piece! Erik Jensen replies: "Thanks for your comment!Don't worry about nitpicking. All points and pointers are appreciated. Cutting down on the "had had"s is always a good idea, unless there's some specific point to using it (which there isn't in this case). The long sentence where you prescribe a comma, I think I'd use more drastic medicine, such as a full stop.Thanks again."
20 Oct 2005	Eleanor 'Beruthiel' Jenkins	Loading... Well you said you were going for gritty, and you sure achieved it. You said somewhere above that you toned down the violence, but I'm glad you didn't make it "clean" violence. I get so irritated by stories where the characters seem to be impervious to gory wounds or even fear. Very good contrast between the two races, but another refreshing thing you did was to avoid making one race "evil" and the other "good". Your goblins are tough but not mindlessly violent, and your elf is not totally superior; she struck me as arrogant as well as naive. Well you probably know you did all that but I thought I should express my delight. I don't often have the patience to read longer stories, but I'm off to read more of yours... Erik Jensen replies: "Very kind of you. Thanks also for your other observations, those are the comments that mean something to me. Are you a local Elfwoodian, or...?"
19 Apr 2006	Synthwrr	Loading... In a word, amazing. I particularly liked the almost-sexual tension between the elf and her executioner.. it was very odd, I'm not quite sure if that's what you intended. The language was simple and occasionally flawed, but judging from the language you use in your responses, you're perfectly aware of that and you could fix it if necessary. Not bad, and here i was expecting some shoddy fantasy work by 10 year olds. Erik Jensen replies: "Why thank you.The eroticism between the young, vulnerable, female elf and the hard, experienced and male orc was not absolutely intentional. I realized that the choice of characters would imply something of the sort, and death I expect will always be associated with something erotic (both being basic, primitive and instinctually important, etc.). With the way the whole thing drives forward towards this one 'goal' and so on, I guess you could throw a Freudian analysis at this and have a field day. That's okay with me. As I've mentioned, this piece turned out to have many more aspects than I saw when I first thought it out.Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it."
11 Jul 2008	Razina Nicole Cedarleaf	Loading... Wow, amazing story1 I loved the difference in cultures and language, and the social customs. (where the elf didn’t know how to beg for her life and the orc didn’t know what she meant? Perfect example1 Great!) It’s sad of course, because the elf died. I think that for everyone who’s like, "OMG!!! You killed an elf! How could you, you horrible monster!?" you should make an alternative ending. But overall a great piece!
24 Jul 2008	Erik Jensen	Loading... Reply to Razine Nicole Cedarleaf: I’m glad you liked it. As for your suggestion that I write an alternate ending, I think not (yes, I am that arrogant). As for Those-Who-Go-OMG, they can just grow up. But more importantly, alternate endings is something you mostly get when a team and a bunch of people going to sell the final product fight over how to end something (usually a movie). In this case there’s just me, and I get to do it the way I want it. Artistically, this whole mess would be completely different with an ending where the elf survives. Notice the title, and you’ll see that the whole point from the beginning was to kill an elf. It is an experience of death (and thus, if you will, an experience of life; her choices got her to where she is, and those choices, such as running and hiding rather than facing up to problems, she continue to make; thus she dies rather pitifully), and as such there is no alternate ending. And anyway, what better ending than death? Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.
31 Oct 2009	Seth Cude	Loading... Very well written : ). I enjoyed the almost civilized nature of the orcs, their methodology in deciding her fate and their sort of rules about what to do with prisoners. I also liked the way you let in enough backstory to give it a sound framework, but let it focus on the main topic so as not to distract from the message. All in all, a very enjoyable piece : ).
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