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Stories / Stories / Jonathan D. Ciupek-Reed / Text 1 of 2 / ´Garden´

"´Garden´" by Jonathan D. Ciupek-Reed

SciFi/Fantasy text 1 out of 2 by Jonathan D. Ciupek-Reed. ←Previous - Next→

This is my very first poem i created.

←- Wrongs | Wrongs -→

"Garden"

Long ago I planted a seed,

Hoping you would notice and take heed,

Of all the things I do,

To be closer to you.

And when that time was long ago,

I thought it was time for you to know,

The ways I’ve always felt for you,

But then those feelings became anew.

And I couldn’t wait longer to say,

I couldn’t let pass another day,

Without telling the people in my life,

Who is the real source of my light.

It was you, of course,

I have no remorse,

To say you are my life,

My soul, my right.

Thank you for all you have done,

For being brighter than the sun.

←- Wrongs | Wrongs -→

Date	Name	Comment
20 Jun 2001	Jon Schweer	Loading... Very good. Deep. Touching.
12 Oct 2001	Megan Proverbs	Loading... I agree. Excellent idea for a poem. And... um, yeah. If uou're going to have rhyme, you sort of have to have rhythm as well... But then again, if it's a song it probably doesn't matter quite as much. shrugs One more thing - perhaps a few more metaphors or some imagery would be nice? Or am I just an imagery freak...? Very nice poem, anyway.
10 Apr 2002	Scott 'The Goblin King' Davis	Loading... Rhythm, bah! Forget about it(for now). For your very first poem...Damn Good.
10 Apr 2002	Natalia <sis_of_skywalke	Loading... This is very deep and meaninful. The ryhming is good (although I always have trouble with rhymes!) and you should slick with it.
10 Apr 2002	Matthew Hart Akers	Loading... I have to agree with the rhyme-scheme comments,and the imagery comment, but this does bring out very deep emotions in me (I've been in the situation you described in your bio.) I wouldn't change this poem at all, but you might look at your style for future writings.
11 Apr 2002	Dani 'Moonrunner' Hall	Loading... glares at silly buffalos Maybe I'm missing something...but not having rhythm is as personal as lack of rhyme. The important thing is that it has rhythm to you. You are the poet, and these words are your visions. Somehow today's society seems to believe it has the right to dice everything into little pieces. Bah!
20 Jun 2003	Anonymous	Loading... This is a really beautiful poem.

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