| 17 Jan 2003 | Anneke Hut | Loading...I would also like to read on. You know how to reach your audience. I love the poem, you are just great in subscribing the atmosphere! I am very impressed by your writings, actually I am a bit speechless (very unusual for me, as you know!). Jorieke 'JoSav' Savelkouls replies: "And here I am, sitting stressed out people won't like it. Simple reason is, this is not actually the start of the story, the start will soon be posted on my homepage. So if you'd like to compare.... hehe.
I'm blushing like an idiot when you say you're speechless. Heehee" | |
| 22 Jan 2003 | Emily Grist | Loading...I liked how you started the story out and I really like the end!!!! I'd also like to see the end of this story come.... Lol, very good. I was a little... :| just wonderful. Jorieke 'JoSav' Savelkouls replies: "I'm not sure if I'll post much more of this story in here. It's rather... morbid? Dark? that's the word... it's actually not the start. The actual beginning of the story is different but it wasn't suited for EW (I think...) It'll be posted on my homepage at the next update (I promised some peeps I wouldn't be lazy this time) hehe" | |
| 25 Jan 2003 | E. Hanna | Loading...Exquisitely told. You capture the reader's attention early with powerful images and feelings. Then you illustrate the society and the setting with wonderfully subtle characterization. The regular shifts to the 'Wild Woman's perspective keep the momentum of the story. This is truly a great beginning. Jorieke 'JoSav' Savelkouls replies: "Wow. Thank you. And it isn't even the beginning I officially wanted to use on the story. Heh, perhaps I should revise it then.... what a marvellous complement. ^_____________^" | |
| 18 Apr 2003 | That one other author guy you talk to | Loading...Whispering of raindrops that tenderly trickled down evergreen and autumn coloured leaves spread the smell of meadow, earth and damp, the smell of the meeting between open field and forest. You write with such vivid description. I love it. the emotion and the level of detal. More please!!! Jorieke 'JoSav' Savelkouls replies: "As you wish..." | |
| 13 Sep 2003 | Jesus Freak | Loading... | |
| 27 Dec 2003 | Chris A Jackson | Loading...This is very intriguing, and your command of English is certainly very good (I have difficulty enough with one language). Good descriptions, though you seem to be fixed on hair color(two blondes, one redhead and a brunette) as a major descriptive point. Try mixing it up a little. Definitely a powerful beginning! Well done! Here are a few language things I found: >of a magnitude considered even rarity on a warriorDenanna kneeled by the dark haired womanUntil nightfall, the women remained silent, watching the ginger haired female belligerently searching for freedom until Aniegah and Denanna fell asleep in their hides close to the fire and noticed no more of the battle that forever continued.For some reason, one she could not depict, she knewdid not seem as illiterate and barbaric as the name would implement.< Implement... Maybe imply. My only complaint on story line is that I wanted to know why they captured her... Well, that gets me to read the next chapter, I guess. Jorieke 'JoSav' Savelkouls replies: "You're absolutely, positively right about most of it. I'll take it into account as I'll repost this. " | |
| 27 Dec 2003 | Midge | Loading...Wow. Again. That's pretty much all I can come up with when reading your writing. In Midgenglish it's the equivalant of speechless.
Great writing (I know it's not the beginning; I read Chapter 1 as well). Very impressive, especially for a translation (I found very few errors at all in it). I love your writing. Please keep posting more. | |
| 27 Dec 2003 | D Joelle Duran | Loading...Incredible description in this, and you obviously put thought into the culture you depict. Good work--all the more impressive that it's a translation! | |
| 31 Dec 2003 | Estantia | Loading...Oh wow... Like it a lot, i know what you mean by morbid/dark/haunting though if that helps,it's in His Dark Materials at the end isn't it? I'm more of a writer than an artist but I just tell stories in any medium... anyway writing is painting pictures with words, which is exactly what you do, now, onto chapter 1... | |