Because i can... ~cackles and does the happy crystal-una dance~ I'm first ever!!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!! ~chokes and shuts up.~ Couldn't help it... Love ya Neko. ~scampers off to read~

Silently unheard he slithers through what could never be descirbed in human tongue....Hey kris, guess what? I"M ACtuALLY READING SOMETHING OTHER THAN A COMICS PAGE!!!! Hey hope to see some more stories on here soon, i mean its not like your busy in college or anything

not that you don't email your friend...but when you gonna? ;P

Just a little rhetorical tip.. You use a lot of adjectives, which is great for placing your story vividly in the reader's mind, but you might want to work on how you do that. If you consistently use adjectives directly in front of their nouns (i.e. the furry black cat ran through the cluttered living room in pursuit of the quick little mouse.) your style becomes repetitive and even if you do have a variety of sentence structures - which is absolutely necessary for good writing - their effect becomes lost. Try using other methods to portray your characters features, emotions, etc. such as verbs, similes, metaphors, and adverbs (sparingly) along with stright up adjectives. And when you're describing something, use the best words you possibly can. This will not only intensify their effect, but it will also eliminate the need for so many adjectives. By employing concrete and varied diction in just a few places, you can improve immensely on the entire work.

That aside, it's good stuff.