| Date | Name | Comment | | | 11 Sep 2003 |  Alice Muffin Girl Smith |  Loading...*small jig of the first comment* VERY interesting... is it safe to assume this is not done...? In any case, it seemed to me you worked more descriptions into this than you usually do. ^_^ As a sucker for descriptions, I enjoyed that greatly. Your character is certainly a unique one. I loved the way you used her memories in the story... they developed her character while simultaneously establishing a sense of time in the tale. ^_~ Very nice.  Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you! This is based on a poem and when I find it, the whole thing will make more sense! I honestly haven't decided if I'm going to do anything else with it or not. I DO really like the character, though. cool and aloof, how much better can it be? *smile*" | |
| 18 Sep 2003 |  Kate 'The Pirate' Riley | Loading... I like the way that Mauren can't remember much after being around for so long. I've often wondered how much I would forget after being here for a thousand years or something daft like that. I love the descriptions you've used here. It's very vivid. I'd really like to see the poem one day...please find it! xx Debra L Kilman replies: "I'll get that poem dug out as soon as I can. It's in a disk box somewhere! I'm glad you like it. I honestly wasn't that happy with it, but I haven't had time to really work on it." | |
| 24 Nov 2003 |  Kaykamisch2 | Loading... Cool. Interesting. Dark. Those are the three ways I'd describe this in one word, or the one way I'd use to describe it in three words. I agree agree with 'Sunny' on the memory thing, I mean if we forget things by the time we're 80, how about 800? or in my case by 22? Hmm...I lvoe the descriptions, but I can't decide if it's more than you usually do because this is the first I've read. Good job! -K Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you. I had to chuckle when I read your comment because this was my first heavy-duty attempt at descriptives. I had to edit Deljin at least twice to get decent descriptions in it. I'm glad you like this. I'm rather pleased with the way it turned out." | |
| 14 Dec 2003 |  D Joelle Duran | Loading... I really like the description in this, the way you evoke a sense of place. So much the Queen has forgotten...I can't wonder how many times this very scene may have occurred...only to be forgotten... Debra L Kilman replies: "I like the way you think! Could be very possible, eh?? hehehehe
Believe it or not, this is the only piece I have ever done that I didn't struggle with descriptives. Usually, I have to rework something a few times to get it right!" | |
| 24 Jan 2004 |  Chelsea Castonguay | Loading... Very excellant. You should definately keep on writing this...my one qualm was when you wrote 'thru' instead of 'through'. It's not a real word...but otherwise, very lovely. You put us right in the scene and made us feel what she was feeling. Tres Belle! Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you kindly! I've had to work on the "thru" thing. Tis an old habit, which I found hard to break. I think tis part of my "midwesternism"! LOL
This was the first piece I ever did that I think I got the descriptives right the first time! It just flowed and I'm so pleased that it comes across that way. *smile*" | |
| 21 Feb 2004 |  Derek S. Brown | Loading... Mm! Good. It's written well, conventionally speaking. However, there are a few aesthetic imperfections; some parts aren't as "easy on the eyes" as others. That said, I still think the piece is, overall, good! Imaginative. Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you, Derek. I have never done any editing on this, so it could probably use a face-lift. I'm just pleased that the visuals came out as good as they did. This was the first piece that I somewhat successfully added enough descriptives!
Appreciate you dropping by and taking the time to comment." | |
| 15 Oct 2004 | L. Shanra 'Usagi' Kuepers | Loading... Thoughts and spoken sentences alike are in direct speech, aren’t they? It’s a bit confusing like that. ^-^; Now I am quite sure that I’ve read this before. o_O But then I’d have left a comment. Most odd. It’s a very powerful short piece, this is. ^-^ The character sounds very compelling and interesting. While this could be great as a longer piece, it’ll work very well the way it is. Long enough to create a good intriguing world and character, but short enough not to reveal the mysteries. Keeps the reader thinking about the story after it’s finished. That’s always a good thing, imo. ^-^ Lovely story. ^-^ Debra L Kilman replies: "Long time no see! Thanx for dropping by. Wow - I didn't realize this little piece had that much of an impact. This character actually belongs to a poem I wrote and I agree, I think you've read them both before - but when I rebuild my library, I didn't post these right away. And thank you for your kind words. *smile*" | |
| 13 Jun 2005 | Raoul Meuldijk | Loading... Smooth text. How did she become Queen of Despair? She doesn't seem to like it... Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you for dropping by. Part of the reason I never finished this is because I've never had a complete picture of her. I think that at first she was pretty content with her role, but as time passed, she became numb and just disinterested. I've considered working a backstory for this some day, but I have way too many irons in the fire right now to do anything with it. I am glad that you like it! *smile*" | |
| 20 Jul 2006 |  Marijke Mahieu | Loading... Short and powerful. How do you come up with these amazing ideas? Queen of despair...what a thought! Great job on portraying her emotions and frustrations on not being able to remember. I felt so sorry for her! I also fell over the "thru" thing, but I guess it's not too bad. It just shook me out of the story for a moment... --Marijke Debra L Kilman replies: "Thank you. Like I told Deb, this actually goes with a poem that I did that I don't have reloaded.
I typed it in from hard copy and I have a horrible habit of doing a kind of "shorthand" when I write things out with a pen and sometimes forget to edit it.
This piece was basically something that I did to work out descriptives.
I have sssoooo many ideas that never seem to make it to paper and the ones that do rarely get the attention that they deserve! Can't say I know where any of them come from. Heck, I can be watching something or see something on the street and things will just start flowing. Kinda hard to write things down and drive at the same time, though. Need to get one of those little recorders, I guess!" | |
| 20 Jul 2006 |  Deborah Cullins Smith | Loading... Deb, the imagery here is magnificent! Beautiful descriptions, vivid images that evoke emotion, then blow the emotion away like a puff of wind, always going back to that complacent lethargy. Oh, gosh.... that felt so familiar.... **shudder** One little thing that might flow a little better: "She thought of wind blowing [OR EVEN USE: WHISPERING THROUGH...] her long, straight HAIR, BLACK AS THE NIGHT SKY. Just a suggestion. I'd like to see a LITTLE more elaboration on this one, too -- like many of your readers have indicated! **smile** ~deb Debra L Kilman replies: "This is actually a companion piece to a poem that I did. I just haven't taken the time to find the disc its on and reload it.
This was basically just a first draft and I wanted feedback before I did anything else with it. Its another one of those things that sits on the back burner until I get some of the other irons out of the fire!
And honestly, I think this is one of the better pieces I have done as far as descriptives and imagery goes. I really have to work on that sometimes." | |
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Jessica Barnes