"Odds And Ends" by Kelsey Erin Peters

CHAPTER 1- IN WHICH THE PRINCESS HAS A BUSY MORNING
     "What do you mean by that Errick?!"
     "Exactly what I said, stupid."
     If you had walked into the castle in Camislan right then, you either would have run away screaming, or burst out laughing. A very red-faced girl of about 13 or 14 years, looking very regal indeed in silk skirts and a small red-gold circlet in her black hair, stood facing an equally red-faced (if you were not so generous, purple) boy of about the same age. With her hands on her hips the girl looked as if she was ready to throttle the boy, and though he was taller and stronger looking, he was starting to look nervous.
     "Ugh..I...I didn't mean..." he stammered.
     The girl brought up a fist as if to hit the boy, but jumped and uttered a surprised yelp as a bellow filled the hallways.
     "PRINCESS CHRISTINA, GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
     The girl gathered up her long skirts with juvenile haste and tripped nimbly down the hallway in the direction of the booming voice, leaving the boy in her dust.
     "Yes King Father?" Chris said in her softest, sweetest, most sugar-covered-innocent-princess voice that she could muster as she skidded to stand before him.
     The King, dressed to the nines, was very much an older male counterpart of what the Princess looked like a few moments before, glaring at his one-and-only offspring. He was thoroughly frustrated, after all, this Princess insisted on riding like a man, walking around the Palace in breeches, and worst of all, she fought with everyone! The little girls who were invited to visit the Princess ran away crying time after time again. It turned out that Chris tried to "play" with them, and as a consequence these little fragile girls usually left sporting a bruise or two after playing Knights or King of the Hill with the unruly Royal girl.
     This would just not do, and the King took it upon himself to fix it. Well, really he had been trying for the last five years of her life, but would claim otherwise if asked.
     "What have I told you about running Christina?"
     The Princess made an unhappy face at the mention of her full name (only WIMPS were named Christina!), and she attempted to placate her father by giving him sweet smile. That ALWAYS worked, because everyone knows that all lil girls have their Daddy's wrapped around their adorable little fingers, and the King was no exception.
     "Ladies, especially Princesses, ought not to run, because they have people to do their running for them." answered Chris smoothly. This crafty child knew this would annoy her father, but perhaps make him lecture her on the duties of the Royalty to the people they watch over, especially the farmers and merchants in the country, (commoners they may be, but slaves they are not!). She found that idea MUCH more preferable than a boring talk on court protocol and manners.
     "Enough of that," the King waved her pert answer away with a massive hand. "I called you here to give you some good news." The King beamed.
     Chris immediately looked concerned. Her Father didn't talk to her much, what with him being busy ruling the biggest country on the earth, and the announcement must be grossly important for him to tell the Princess in person.
     "Yes Daddy?" she inquired innocently.
     "You know I have been rather lonely since your Mother died, and I know that it is not easy raising a young lady to her potential without a female-figure around..."
     Chris inwardly groaned. Her father had tried so many times to find her a Governess to train her to be a lady that there were more Governess' who had left than all the Princess' precious fingers and adorable toes. Not that it was any fault of Chris' that they refused to teach her anymore, but none-the-less, they all mysteriously always left after 3 or 4 days of tutoring the Royal girl.
     Go figure.
     "As I was saying" the King continued, " I think you need to have more than just a Governess around, because we all know they can't handle a child of your...spirit... so I have decided to take a wife!"
Chris was revived 2 hours later.

CHAPTER 2- IN WHICH THE GOSSIPING STARTS...OR FINISHES DEPENDING WHO YOU ASK
     Chris woke up in her bed, sunlight streaming through her sheer white curtains. She shuddered as she remembered the most awful dream! Her King-Father had told her that he had decided to take a new wife, can you imagine?! A voice interrupts her thoughts, and the Princess groans and turns over.
     "So, our very own sleeping Beauty finally wakes up!"
     Chris actually had a Nanny. Don't look so surprised! Abby-Nana had been with her since birth, and had served Chris' mother before her. Only Abby-Nana could curb the unruly Royal girls' temper, and was not above locking her in her room with no supper when a tantrum decided (without asking the Princess' permission) to come hurtling out at someone or something. The Courts whispered about such a thing being done to a Princess of the blood, but though Abby-Nana was common-born, she knew how to deal with children of any type, especially brats.
     "It was so funny! None of the Ladies could stop laughing after you blacked out, and though I didn't laugh then, I certainly let out gales as the same ladies tried to carry you back to your rooms! My goodness, it took 6 to carry you! What a sight, I believe that I shall never forget it, never indeed. My goodness, my goodness..."
     Though the unusually pretty Abby-Nana had a kind heart, she was rather given to gossiping. It wasn't the normal Lady-like gossiping mind you. Ladies usually whisper behind open fans or into their sewing projects, trying in vain to hold back giggles with a delicate embroidered napkin. Abby-Nanna would have none of that! When she thought something was funny, she shouted it to the world. This kind woman would never pass along lies though - perish the thought! - but she was not beneath coming up to the Lady so-and-so in the middle of a banquet and asking, in probably not the quietest voice, if she really did wear a wig, much to the amusement of everyone in the hall who undoubtedly heard.
     "So Father really did announce that he was taking a new Queen." mumbled Chris, still disbelieving.
     "Wait until you meet her, she is SUCH a doll..." continues Abby-Nana as Chris continued to think about her new Mother-to-be.
Chris thought back to every story she heard about stepmother's from. The Princess sifted through her mind all the qualities that usually accompany stepmothers. Ugly was for sure, with at least a crooked nose and a few warts. Quite possibly she would be mean, maybe even trying to...*gulp*...get rid of Chris for good. The new Queen would have straggly mousy-brown hair, Chris decided, with an unpleasant crackly haggish-voice, and to top it all off she would like to eat children. A witch! She would be an evil witch with fangs with icky black lips and mossy green teeth and...      Her Father bursting into the room interrupted Chris's daydream.
     "Well! So you are awake!" King Anderson smiled, "I think it's about time you met your new Mother."

IN WHICH CHRIS FINDS THAT SHE HAS BEEN QUITE WRONG, QUICKLY
     The Royal child held her breath in anticipation of the ugly woman she was sure would walk through the doorway.
     Instead, a handsome woman moved into the room, sparkling with a simple peach and white dress that draped to the floor. Chris's breath was literally taken away as the fair blonde woman smiled at her, deep blue eyes sparkling as much as the rest of her. All of a sudden Chris felt herself smiling back, something she almost never does.
     "Hello, I am Lady Chelsea," said to soon-to-be Queen in a melodious low voice.
     The King beamed at the reaction of his daughter to his chosen, and before Chris could say anything, he whisked his Queen away to prepare for the wedding. Their leaving allowed Chris to go catch her breath, which was running rampant through the castle ruining place-settings in the dining room and wreaking havoc in the laundry by making clothes fly everywhere. You see, Chris has quite a lot of breath to begin with, but that is another story.

IN WHICH THE NOT-SO-UGLY NOR WITCH-LIKE STEPMOTHER HELPS CHRIS
     "But Daddy..." came a whining voice from the King's room, "Can't I go visit Auntie Roberta? She invited me, and I really want to go see her again."
     The King made a disagreeable noise in his throat as Queen Chelsea looked up from her sewing.
     "I don't think that would be the best thing for a girl of your..." The King did not get further than that before the Queen interjected.
     "Dear, I think you should let Christina go, after all, we have our honeymoon to get to." The Queen smiled coyly before going back to her sewing, and the King blushed a furious red.
     King Anderson had given the Queen her own island which she dubbed 'The Isle of Brent' (let's just say that the King wasn't too happy with the choice, with Duke Brent being one of the Queen's closest 'friends'...), and that was where the two were going to take their honeymoon.
     "Well..." the King said, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt anyone."
     The Princess clapped happily, and ran as fast as she could out of the room, joyfully ignoring the bellow that filled the hallways after her.

IN WHICH THE PRINCESS TAKES A TRIP AND MEETS A DECIDEDLY ODD LIZARD
     The Princess's things were packed at once, and almost as quickly Chris found herself out in a wagon accompanied by Abby-Nana and her pageboy, Errick.
     Chris really didn't want Errick to come along, but the King insisted that she have at least some kind of guard. Though, the Princess didn't see how Errick could defend a piece of grass, let alone a Royal lady. He was a nice enough fellow, but he was given to showing off a bit too much, as if everyone he met questioned his masculinity (which really they did, but we won't go there). Chris had to admit he looked fairly well in his silver and scarlet tunic, though the tights were another matter.
     All of a sudden Errick let out a very lady-like yelp as he leaped into Abby-Nana's lap!
     "AHHHH! Get it off me, get it off me!" yelled the boy, scrambling to get away from...whatever it was.
     Chris ignored the scuffle of Abby-Nana trying to get the hysterical boy off her lap, and looked at what created all the fuss.
     On the seat next to her sat a lizard. Now, it wasn't a normal lizard by any means. It was bright red, green, and blue all in funny patches on it's skinny body, and it had a tuft of something yellow that looked like hair on it's small head. This lizard had bright blue eyes and surprised Chris by opening its mouth, not to stick out a long red tongue, but to ask;
     "Good day! Where are you headed to this fine morning?"
     The Princess took a second to get her wits together (it took a while, unlike Errick she wasn't just a half-wit), and politely say in return,
     "We are going to visit my Auntie Roberta in the forest. May I ask who you are?"
     Chris tried in vain to remember any of the etiquette lessons she had taken, and if any of them referred to lizards. She didn't think so.
     "Well! How very nice of you to ask. Polite, even! Yes indeed, it's so hard to find nice people these days. Everyone is in SUCH a fuss and bother getting to where they are going they don't stop to talk. Now, when I was a little boy, children were brought up to respect their Elders... yes indeed! Never get a rude or crass word like youth nowadays..."
     As the lizard continued his one-sided conversation, Chris tried to figure out if he had actually answered her question. Before she could figure it out, she realized the lizard had stopped talking and was looking at her expectantly.      "I'm sorry, did you say what your name was?" tried the Princess again.
     "Oh dear oh dear, did I forget to tell you? How silly of me! I'm so absentminded, even as a boy I was. My goodness, I suppose that is why I ate the Witch's cabbage. I certainly had been warned enough times! Silly, silly, indeed"
     As the odd lizard carried on his speech, Chris managed to piece together the fact that when the lizard was much younger, he wasn't actually a lizard (confused yet? Poor Chris was). This lizard was simply a normal boy who ate an abnormal cabbage. The Princess remembered being taught about that by her third governess. You should never ever eat from a garden of a witch without her permission (or anyone else's garden for that matter, it is terribly rude!). After a while she learned to just smile and nod, not really paying attention to anything he said, but that seemed to satisfy him nonetheless. And she STILL did not know his name!
     By this time Errick had calmed down enough to sit next to Abby-Nana, though looking quite obviously the opposite way from where the lizard sat next to Chris. He turned quite red when he realized the reason that Chris was snickering, and he spared the Princess a withering glare before turning back to the window. And so the first leg of the Princess's journey begins in a rather odd way.