"Musings" by Emma-Jane C. Smith

“Hello!”

“Who are you?”

“I’m your new muse.”

“What happened to my old one?”

“Ahhh...yes… well he was recently declared insane. But he’s been locked up now for everyone’s safety. Rest assured that all of us at The Muse For You are doing everything correctly.”

“How do you mean ‘declared insane’?!”

“He had an unhealthy obsession with cumquats among other things.”

“But I like cumquats!”

“That was just his influence affecting you, don’t worry I’m a much better muse that he was. And not to worry you won’t have to pay muse upgrade fees because of this unfortunate incident.”

“How can you be better than he was? I was told he was top of the range.”

“It clearly states in your contract that muse inspiration may be subject to certain environmental affects which may decrease your muse’s talent. Besides he was pretty close to top form before he went insane.”

How long ago did he go insane?”

“Ahh… well… they’re still calculating but apparently within five minutes of him becoming your muse.”

“That long? Does anyone know the cause?”

“No, these things just happen sometimes.”

“Ooookay… well when are you going to start passing along your muse-y powers to me and get me inspired to write something?”

“I’m doing it right now.”

“All I’m doing at the moment is jotting down our conversation.”

“See, there it is, exactly as asked for.”

“A conversation, especially like this one does not help inspire me. How long have you been doing the job of a muse?”

“Ahhh… well technically you’re my first.”

“What was that?! I’m your FIRST?!!!”

“That’s it! I’m calling your boss. I have been writing for more than three quarters of my life and they give me a first timer? I’ll not stand for this insult!”

“Hey there! Slow down. No need to get all flustered and do something rash here-”

“Rash? You’re WORSE than a skin rash!”

“Why don’t you calm down and we can work something out.”

“Oh, like what?”

“Err… maybe I could get some more tutoring?”

“I’m still not impressed. You’ll have to do better than that.”

“Well is there anythin-”

*the muse’s voice is suddenly cut off*

*there is a squeal, a thud and then a repetitive squelching sound*

“Bruce! You’re back!”

“I sure am Emma, my darling. I’ve removed that awful wannabe muse. I thought he’d give up more of a fight actually. Ignoramus.”

“I knew you’d come back.”

“Well I had to, I have this great new story idea about a cumquat and a flying elephant.”

“Sounds great. Glad to have you back.”

THE END

Stay tuned for further insane rambling adventures (especially about cumquats), brought to you by Emma and her loyal muse, Bruce.