"The Giant Cumquat" by Emma-Jane C. Smith

The Giant flesh eating cumquat rolled out of the threatening alley searching for prey.... it sniffed the air with its green stem suspended high above its massive orange body. It grated its teeth, saliva soddening from its open maw. It let out a wailing, gurgling roar that sent the towns people into their locked cellars.

Above each doorway was a ward of mustard, the people hoping to deter the human eating monstrosity by the mustard’s strong and inedible smell.

Suddenly it picked up a scent, which was not that of the purple stanching mustard. It was the scent of humans… grinning it rotated onwards, towards the tang of its lukewarm-blooded prey. It rolled precariously down the clubbed streets, its stalk itching with excitement. The humans were so close, just behind the door of the tavern.

All of a sudden the door collided open. A shadow gloomed the doorway, casting a cavernous shadow over the giant cumquat. It congested. Then, quite suddenly, it began to tremble, first its stalk and then the rest of its missive body.

Out of the doorway toddled a man, though lacking in any largeness of physique, was enshrined in armour that glistened with watery ferocity in the bickering torchlight. The man raised his fruit peeler portentously.

In unsighted panic the giant cumquat reeled away, back down the obscure alleyways from where it had come. Its stork turned into a green icicle shivering in the deep freezer part of a fridge-freezer. It knew that it had to get away. Its archenemy had finally tracked it down using his shortsighted sense of direction.

There was a squeak of a roar behind the cumquat as the small constructed warrior ran after him, his shoelaces securely tied in place. He trumpeted forward, flaunting the peeler in obverse of him.

The cumquat turned down an alley with no exit. It turned aqua with fear. It spun to visage its antagonist.

“Noooo!” the cumquat yelled as the miniature hero strode forward gallantly, peeler in hand.

Suddenly, the man tripped. One of the small man’s shoelaces had worked itself free! He fell with a crash and a plonk of armour, which scattered in all instructions. On the ground lay a small pink polka-sprinkled alien, vainly clutching the fruit peeler in its hand.

The giant cumquat stood… err… sat… err… stopped rolling there for a few moments in surprised realisation before undulating quickly away. It couldn’t believe what it had just witnessed and was going home to call his psychiatrist immediately. Perhaps he’d eaten a bad human, catching a bad case of delusion. It knew there were many rotten humans and that he should have heeded his mother’s admonition.

The pink polka-dotted alien didn’t follow the giant cumquat, knowing that his secret identity had been discovered. A small tear trickled down its downy furry cheek. All was lost for another day. He would have to keep on fighting to collect enough cumquat zest for his galaxy famous cumquat jam. He was determined to get the zest so he could enter the 5161512th annual cumquat jam contest.

The giant cumquat’s days were nonentitied.

The End