Elfwood is the worlds largest SciFi & Fantasy community.
- 119889 members, 3 online now.
- 25087 site visitors the last 24 hours.

User:		Password:
Not a member yet? Click here to join! (Help)

StartNew!Join UsPopularSciFi & Fantasy ArtStoriesTutorialsCommunityRulesAboutFindForum

Stories / Stories / Emma-Jane C. Smith / Text 24 of 37 / The Last Sunset

"The Last Sunset" by Emma-Jane C. Smith

SciFi/Fantasy text 24 out of 37 by Emma-Jane C. Smith. ←Previous - Next→

What would it be like to see the last sunset

←- The Last One | The Lights of Nature -→

The sun set for the last time as Fromina looked on, the red giant’s surface turbulent as the sea. She wondered how it would all end, in fire perhaps as eddies and tides moved restlessly. Fromina saw the last of the red light fading as it slipped soundlessly below the horizon. She did not know if there was to be another sunrise, nobody knew.

She turned in the darkness and made her way back along the sandy dunes to where her transport was.

“Fro, get your butt in here!” Nak yelled when he saw her approach, “It’s bad enough that we are the last ones to leave, but you just had to go sight seeing before we got off this rock.”

“Keep your shirt on, the Since League believe we still have a few hours.” Fro replied as she strapped herself in and readied the craft for flight.

“Yeah, they’re only guessing. The thing about stars that are about to supernova is that they are unpredictable.” He buckled himself in and then added, “I’d rather not get my butt singed today, cause it's payday.”

Fro shook her head. “Money is the only thing you care about Nak, can I help it if I just wanted to see the last sunset on our home planet?” She fired the engines and they took off smoothly.

“In case you didn’t realise but this was not your home planet” Nak said, setting a course for Pluto and then to Gaquedo.

“Nak, quit patronizing me, it is our home planet because our ancestors came from there. That means it is the home planet for all of us.” Fro explained, she moved the ship into position over Pluto and transported up the last of the supplies from the planet. Pluto had long ago been used as a storage planet to keep things in sub zero temperatures.

Fro took off again and hit the autopilot. “I’m going to get some sleep, it will be half an hour before we reach Gaquedo.” She said, making her way to the back of the ship to the sleeping quarters.

“I think I better get some sleep too,” Nak said, following her, “I’ve been up for 42 hours straight.”

When Fro and Nak had settled down in their bunks, something played on Fro’s mind.

“Hey Nak,” She whispered.

“Yeah Fro,” He replied.

“You know how that star is going to explode,”

“Yeah.”

“Well what did those archaeologists do with those ruins they found on that planet next to ours?”

“I heard they shipped most of it out, but I don’t know if they got everything.”

“What was the name of that planet again?”

“Earth, I think. Too much water on it though, to use it like we have used the others.”

“I think I’m going to miss home, Nak”

“Me too, I think everyone is going to miss Mars.”

←- The Last One | The Lights of Nature -→

Date	Name	Comment
4 Nov 2004	Megan Proverbs	Loading... "Keep you shirt on" -- 'your' Oooh, what a great twist! Yes, the last sunset would be quite an amazing thing to see. Reminds me of something my dad says sometimes: "If the world's about to end, sit out on the balcony and watch the show." They seemed to arrive at Pluto awfully quickly, but this is billions of years in the future and they're aliens, so I'll put it down to some kind of remarkable transportation device that allows them to cross vast areas of space in a matter of seconds. Oh, and I love the idea of them using Pluto as a freezer, heheh! I think this would be stronger without a sequel, leaving people to work out the answers for themselves. But then, people said exactly the same thing about my story and I didn't listen to them... Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Well I'm glad you liked it. I'll be editing all the typos sometime tomorow I think. Well I think I will write a sequal, I know it's going to detract from the 1st one but I think I can make it an exciting sort of adventure through space... I just love my characters!Oh well, if worse comes to worse, I'll delete any more chapters I write, but hopefully I can put a twist at the end of each chapter to keep that wow factor still going."
14 Dec 2004	Charlene 'The Amazing Bubble Girl' M. Mattson	Loading... Wow, cool. I read it over twice cause I liked it so much. The revelation at the end was certainly unexpected. Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Gee thanks! Hopefully now you will read my other stories ... (nudge, nudge, hint, hint)."
4 Jan 2005	Rachel 'Arrowfire' Morgan	Loading... Interesting story. Definately interesting. Oh, BTW... I have a new story up along with an update on my bats one. Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Emma does not pass go and does not collect $200 as she runs off to Rachel's page"
24 Jan 2005	Deborah Cullins Smith	Loading... Good work, AGAIN, Emma. Nice twist. The sarcasm between your two characters is great. I know you can't describe them TOO much, but you might add a few details that could still be worded ambiguously... Like "... his broad shoulders pulling at the fabric of his shirt as he pulled back on the throttle..." or "... she brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes with an impatient hand." Somehow, we need to "see" the characters -- if nothing else, through their mannerisms. This way, we see the person, even if you aren't describing 9 foot green aliens with pointed heads! Keep up the good work! Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Manerisms, yes, I knew I was missing something.... usually for me it's missing more than one thing. Well thanks for the help, it's very much appreciated! "
5 May 2005	Jkelley2	Loading... Haha! This was excellent, especially considering how concise it was for the short size of the story. Are these actually "Martians" or just very confused Earthians? This would be an interesting one to see continued. Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Not telling you the answer to that... aren't I so evil. Ummm.. and yes, it would be interesting to see continued but some people think that it would ruin it as this is a stand alone piece.But who knows what the future will bring."
29 Jun 2005	Christabel Nolan	Loading... hmmm,,, a sunset on mars? that would be beautiful. a few minor suggestions (to get you back for all yours on my prologue, hehe) oh no, sorry, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She wondered how it would all end;in fire, perhaps, as eddies and ..... - note insertion of semi colon and commas. Since League maybe capitals would make it less confusing? *Quit patronising me full stop instead of comma?* hm. I hope that made sense. Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Thanks for the edits.. I've been meaning to go back through it and upload a better version.And yes, you did make sense! (a little sense anyway...)"
25 Jul 2005	Max Hebditch	Loading... it's more powerful stand alone in my opinion and i have one question did you sneak in the “Yeah, they’re only guessing. The thing about stars that are about to supernova is that they are unpredictable.” bit just in case nobody understood. seems a tiny bit clumsy but most of my work has got little things like this that annoy me too Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Maybe I should re-word that line. 'Cause it's meant to sound patronising."
25 Oct 2005	D. 'Yolaron' Hendrikson	Loading... I can't say much that others haven't, So I'll just repeat them. That was very good. And I like how you slipped in the names at the end, to catch us off guard... So what happens next? Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "grins Thanks... but do you really want to know what happens next? ^_^Oh ok, I'll finish of the next chapter and put it up. But some people think it should just be one short story... oh well!"
16 Nov 2005	C. 'Liari' Seidel	Loading... Heh. Short, but cool. Liked it much, did I. beams I like sci-fi, I really do, and that was a nice twist. Whoo! Good job, good on ya, and good night! Ok, well, not good night, but you get the picture. Fwee! Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "Fwee! I like sci-fi too. It's cool and you get to do so many unexpected things with it! ^_^"
18 Oct 2006	The Errant Sir Noah Landau 'Calrissian'	Loading... This is the sort of story that makes the genre great. It's not the popcorn/trash sci-fi, it's the meaningful stuff, and just like all good sci-fi, it packs a lot of meaning into a little space. I really think this should stand alone, so if I'm not too late and you didn't already write more, and if my vote means anything, I suggest you leave this to bask in it's own greatness. Any more will probably just detract from it. A little advice: I saw the ending coming as soon as the ruins on the next planet over were mentioned. If we had been made to think specifically that they were actually from Earth, something a little more than the mention of pluto, the end might hit harder. For example, from the beginning, the names already feel alien. Also the line about that not "really" being their home planet tipped the hand more than a little. I also think that using ruins as the device for introducing Earth gives away too much just a tad too early, since it introduces alien civilization in any case. Maybe something like meeting up with an exploration team or something, and then mentioning the water. I hope that all made sense, at least. Those are just my pieces of advice for some minor improvement on a story that really is the epitome of sci-fi. It's incredibly refreshing to find something like this, and I really must thank you for it. Thank you. Emma-Jane C. Smith replies: "WOW! What a compliment! ^_^ Thank YOU for leaving such a wonderful comment! huggles! I am now warm and fuzzy inside!"
Page: [1] 2