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Laura Beth Levinson

"Knights of Ys: Chapter 2" by Laura Beth Levinson

SF&F Picture 6 out of 11 by Laura Beth Levinson
 
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While the first chapter was more of a prologue, this chapter starts the action. Auriana comes upon some nasty surprises.
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            Drew held my hand possessively as we exited the limo at Lincoln Center. I was a bundle of nerves that night, both excited at the prospect of seeing the opera as well as nervous about the possiblity of Drew proposing. He knew I wanted to see this particular opera and used his family’s influence to get us a box at the premiere. We were both dressed for the event, myself in a velvet evening gown of dark blue and him cutting a dashing figure in his designer tuxedo. With his light brown hair and green eyes, Drew was an attractive man who’s intelligence and personality led me to accept a dinner date with him back during the first week of college. About halfway through our schooling we moved in together and now that we were about to graduate he seemed ready to plan our life together.


            Let me stress that he was the one who seemed ready. I wasn't quite so sure about the prospect. Yes, it sounded like the perfect relationship and for awhile, I thought it was. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t in love with him or that there weren’t good times that were shared. However, I've known for awhile now that the relationship was all but over. After a few months of dating I came to find out that Drew was possessive of me. Too possessive. At first I was flattered as he refused to even look at another female, focusing all his attention on me. It was almost as if he were obsessed. He also introduced me to the world of mixing pleasure with pain. I blush to admit it, but I did enjoy fooling around with that in the bedroom. However, Drew slowly took it from just bedroom play to daily living. As our relationship deteriorated we had more and more fights. On one occasion, I remember him grabbing me and forcefully tying me to a chair when I had tried to walk out. He left me there for hours, refusing to free me unless I acknowledged that I was in the wrong. To my shame I gave in after about five hours and ended up begging him for forgiveness. He did free me then and it was then that I started to dye my hair again. It was a small rebellion, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I still had my doubts, after all, we'd been together for so long and I always convinced myself that perhaps things would get better.


            He looked at me and smiled a bit as we entered the opera house. For some reason he seemed a bit on edge that night. I sincerely hoped he didn’t have a plan to propose, and the prospect terrified me. I couldn't say yes and I shuddered to think of what his reaction to a negative response would be. I hate to say that a small part of me felt a tiny thrill at the prospect of what he might do. I took a deep breath and resolved myself to enjoy the opera, praying that it would be more of a good memory instead of the alternative.


            An usher led us to the box we were to occupy, a private one with an excellent view of the stage. I didn’t even want to contemplate how much these tickets must have cost. I came from a middle classed English household and the amount of money Drew and his family spent on trivial things never ceased to astound me. He literally spent over a thousand dollars on a messenger bag. A bag! Personally, I never understood it. After I settled down in my seat, Drew kissed my cheek, telling me that he was going to get us drinks. He brushed my ear with his lips and whispered that he loved me before exiting the box. Flushing, I sighed. It was the moments like these that kept me from walking out.


            While he was gone I casually flipped through the program and surveyed the crowd. It was a full house composed mostly of sickenly rich patrons dressed to the nines. I swear that I was nearly blinded by the combined affect of all their jewelary when I made an attempt to use the binoculars. As the minutes dragged on I started to wonder what was taking Drew so long. I could see the orchestra starting to seat themselves and tune but he had yet to return. Surely it couldn’t take this long to get a couple glasses of wine? Deciding to check, I got up and started through the curtain when I froze. Drew was standing across the hall with a glass of wine in each hand, talking to two men I didn’t recognize. Both were lean and muscular, well dressed in appropriate attire for the event. At first I didn’t think anything of it. Perhaps they were merely family friends that he happened to run into. However, it was their lapel pins, blood red swords on black background, that caused me to freeze in my place. It was one of the symbols my parents told me to avoid. I stood there stupidly for a moment, trying to come to terms with the shock of seeing a childhood tale come to life. As the audience started to quiet down with anticipation for the start of the opera, I could catch some snippets of the conversation the three men were having.


            “...all these years, right under my nose! When I heard her talking to her parents about it, I couldn’t believe it!” I heard Drew say.


            The taller of the two men responded, “Well, I can tell you that if she is who you say, you’ll definitely be moving up in the ranks. Grant appreciates your attention to this matter as well as your...cold-hearted ruthlessness in turning over someone close to you.”


            Drew replied with a bit of a smile, “It’s my duty to do so, besides, I already requested that she be given to me once we’re done with her.”


            The stranger smiled coldly, “I don’t see how that should be a problem. I’ve seen her and it would be a shame to have to destroy something so beautiful once we’re through. I’ll see about...” I had heard enough. Pulse racing, I slipped back into the box and into my seat. I tried to take deep breaths, going over in my mind what I had seen and heard. There were people who actually took my bedtime stories seriously? They weren’t true, couldn’t be true. But here there were men bearing the symbol that had been drilled into my head and they were discussing with my own boyfriend about doing something with me...perhaps even killing me. A sense of betrayal washed over me as I realized that Drew was handing me over to these people just to get a raise or advancement in whatever group this was.


            I nearly jumped out of my chair when Drew slid back into the box handing me a wine glass. “Sorry I took so long, the line was pretty long.” I gave him a dumb nod and noted him staring at me intently as if waiting for something. “Aren’t you going to have a sip?” It was then I realized that it was probably drugged. I took as tiny of a sip as I dared, feigning drinking more and prayed that if it were drugged, it wouldn’t be that potent that a sip could down me. Drew smiled as I did so and then started to point out various set pieces, seemingly wishing for me to keep my eyes in front of us, my attention diverted. I could just start to feel a buzzing sensation in my head indicating that whatever was in the wine was at least powerful enough to make me feel it at just a sip. Panic started to grip me and I jumped to my feet.


            “I...I need to go to the restroom.” For a brief moment I could see a look of anger crossing Drew’s face before he went to worried boyfriend mode, asking me if I were alright. I nodded and quickly pushed through the curtain, running head first into one of the two men who looked just as surprised to find me suddenly coming out as I was for running into him. I felt him grab my upper arm as he muttered something about helping me. Jerking my arm away from him I stumbled back, hitting the wall while for a moment the room span before my eyes. I blinked a few times to try and clear my head and then fled down the hallway, hearing all three men cursing behind me.


            Avoiding the elevators, I ran down the steps until I reached the main entry. I could hear them behind me as I stopped for a moment to steady myself. The bright lights of the lobby swam and looked a bit fuzzy in my semi-drugged state. I prayed silently that I could get away from the men before I lost the ability to run. Taking a deep breath I continued my flight, holding my skirt up in the front to make it easier to run. I ran out the door and into the courtyard, its majestic fountain lit up and shimmering. To my right I could see a gathering of people in front of Avery Fisher Hall. They were formally dressed and I assumed that some sort of special event was taking place and thus it was in that direction I ran hoping that my own gown would allow me to blend in with those at the function so that I could lose my pursuers.


            Plunging into the crowd of people, I made it into the building before slowing down to a walk. The crush of people made the air feel too warm and stifling, sounds were sometimes too loud and fuzzy. I’m certain it was the drugged wine that made me feel so and I made my way to the refreshment table to grab some punch to hopefully clear my mind. That’s right Auriana, calm down and pretend you’re having a good time...blend in. I repeated that mantra in my mind, scanning the room nonchalantly to see if I noticed any other exits. I saw what looked to be an emergency exit across the room but the trouble was getting there. One of my pursuers had made it in and was currently scanning the crowds for me. I had to act fast. Again I repeated to myself that I had to blend in. Getting an idea, I walked up to a man who was standing by himself, kindly asking him if he would like to dance. He seemed to be a little surprised by that but nodded and led me onto the dance floor.


            As we danced I took a better look at him. Perhaps it was the drug making me tipsy but I was a bit stunned by what I saw. He was taller and older than me, rugged but at the same time refined with thick black hair and green eyes. “It’s a rare occasion that beautiful women ask me to dance,” he said with a smile. It was hard to tell if the swooning feeling I felt was from him or the drug. He was definately easy on the eyes.


            It was hard for me to believe that statement, considering his looks, but I blushed and forced a smile onto my face, “I’m sure that isn’t true and I’m hardly what you would call a ‘beautiful woman.’”


            He chuckled a bit before becoming distracted by a commotion occurring near the entrance. My heart gave a skip as I realized that my two pursuers had spotted me and were now pushing their way through the crowd to get to the dance floor. My dance partner had an odd look on his face, one of concern as if he saw something he recognized but couldn’t quite comprehend why he was seeing it. I had to get out of there and thanks to the dance I was a little closer to the exit than I had been before. I thanked him quickly before pulling away and running to the exit, knocking a few startled guests over in surprise. I heard him call out to me but I didn’t stop nor look back and soon I was running down a long grey corridor that eventually opened into the street.


...


            I don’t remember much about the cab ride to my parents’ hotel. I know that at some point it seemed we lost my pursuers as I was alone when I exited the cab. The cab driver seemed happy to get rid of me, a look of disgust on his face at my condition though he was all too ready to take my money. My only goal was to get to my parents. They would know what to do.


            In the elevator I leaned against the far wall, closing my eyes in an attempt to keep my head from spinning. I barely registered the doors opening at my chosen floor. The hallway was quiet, most guests probably out for what was a rather beautiful New York evening. I made my way to the room my parents were staying in, and knocked. The door creaked open as my fist hit it so I called hesitantly, “Mum? Dad?” There was no response and I pushed it open fully, stepping inside.


            Red. That’s all I can say I saw when I entered the room. Red everywhere. It took me at least a minute to realize I was standing in a room who’s walls were painted with blood, or so it seemed to me. I shoved my fist into my mouth to keep from screaming and forced myself to venture further into the room, terrified as to what I would find. Broken glass crunched beneath my feet and I slipped a little on scattered papers that were slick with blood. I found my mother first, lying on the floor on the far side of the bed, her throat slit open. I let out a loud sob, collapsing onto my knees by her side, my hand touching her face hesitantly in disbelief that my gentle mother had been murdered in cold blood.


            Pain shot through my stomach and I quickly got up, tripping over something in my haste to the bathroom where I promptly vomited, retching until there was nothing left. Wiping the tears, I turned back to the horrific scene, realizing that the object I had tripped over was actually my father’s leg. He was slumped up against the corner with not only his throat slit, but also covered in multiple stab wounds. Apparently he put up a fight. I sank to my knees again, clutching my stomach and sobbing.


            I don’t know how long I sat there. I never knew what true despair felt like until that moment. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. There was no one to turn to. My parents had been murdered, Drew had turned against me and I was being chased by men who thought my childhood stories were real. What was left of the rational part of my mind told me that the same men who were after me were the ones responsible for the carnage in the hotel room. It also told me that I had to get away. I considered calling the police but what could they possibly do? They would think I was a raving lunatic if I tried to tell them my parents were murdered because men with matching lapel pins wanted to kidnap me as I’m the princess of Ys. At least vomiting helped clear my mind a little bit and as I forced myself to my feet I noticed that my father had tried to write something on the wall in his own blood. It read, “Auri run”. I didn't need any more reason to run and hide.


            I took the time to close my parents’ eyes, saying goodbye to them both. As I straightened, my cell phone rang, startling me. I answered without looking at the caller id and heard a very anxious sounding Drew on the line. “Auri...love...what happened? Are you alright? Where are you?”


            “Don’t act innocent Drew...your group or whatever it is...they...they killed my parents,” I tried not to burst into tears again upon saying that. Realizing the truth was one thing, speaking it out loud was another.


            “What...what are you talking about? Calm down love, you’re obviously upset. Tell me where you are and I’ll come help you. We can talk about this.”


            “No Drew, I won’t tell you where I am. You lied to me all this time and you’re lying to me now! And you know what?! It’s over between us! To think I was even thinking about staying with you. It’s done, leave me alone!” I screamed this into the phone, fresh hot tears streaking down my face.


            Drew’s voice became confused, with just a bit of anger and frustration coming through, “Wh...what are you talking about? Come on babe, you don’t mean that. You’re just upset and...” I hung up on him before he could finish, turning off my phone so he couldn’t call again. I fled the hotel with only one plan on the top of my mind. I had to go home.

←- Knights of Ys: Chapter One | Knights of Ys: Chapter 3 -→

DateNameComment 
29 Nov 2007:-) Jayne Leonard
***************************DIALOGUE************************

There is only two points in this section:

1) "Calm down love," I would use "calm down MY love," purely because this sounds really out of character for Drew to use his language in such a way. Too informal and chavvy!

2) I really liked her inner monologue (or mantra). I think you should use it more to help you build up tension and use SDT as well. It will keep the pace going nice and steady too!

*************************BACKGROUND************************

I like the fact that you have not bogged yourself down with background information on the two characters but what you do give is sufficient to understand the character's different roots and therefore morals as well!

*************************OVERALL***************************

Overall, I think it has very well written piece and in my opinion a damn sight better written than the first chapter! I do not usually like modern fantasy but this is turning out to be quite interesting!

The main thing that really impressed me was the pace, honesty and length of the piece. It is just right.

I will get round to reading and commenting on chapter three but would you oblige repaying the favour?

I hope you find this useful.

*typing fingers falling off* =P
29 Nov 2007:-) Jayne Leonard
*************************CHARACTERS************************

I really like the way you start to describe Drew as it sets up the reader's expectation of his personality and background nicely ("cutting a dashing figure"). I think the reason I like it so much for is that I think you have made a very good choice of vocabulary.

Another thing I liked was the fact that the main character's narrative is written in first person, which sometimes you take full advantage of and sometimes you do not. The best thing about it though is you can get into the complexities of the character without having to go into reams of description! My favourite is "I shuddered to think of what he might do. I hate to say a small part of me felt a tiny thrill." That is awesome. So complex!

When she finds out Drew has betrayed her how does she react? It is complex relationship they have so would she not feel more than just betrayal. Maybe a slight relief because now she has a real reason to leave him? Terror because they might "destroy" her? Anger?

The taller man: "cold-hearted ruthlessness in turning someone close to you". Here you could really do yourself a favour by helping set up this guy’s character in a few words. Five even! Tell me how he said this! Disgusted? Smiling? Amused? Hatred? What does his body language say?

When she is dancing with the stranger near the end of the chapter, would she really swoon in the drugged state that she was in? She was "barely able to run" so would she really have the mental alertness to flirt? Would she not be distracted by trying to clear her head and keeping a look out for her pursuers? Maybe she would lead him in a dance toward the emergency door in a covert attempt to try to escape. Even if she did swoon, would it not be more of a quick weakness of the knees but the memory of Drew rushing through her mind of whom she thought was going to propose that evening is now possibly trying to kill her and therefore maybe putting her off men for a little while? Unless she is a dainty flower that wants to hide behind a man (which to be honest I do not think she is.) Just something to think about there...

The most useful piece of advice that I have ever received from someone on Elfwood is. SDT (Show Don't Tell). Even though your style is very quick and snappy I sometimes feel you miss really engaging the reader and getting them to sympathise with you character. More SHOWING and less TELLING will help this. More description of her thoughts and feelings and how the physicality of these affects her. For example, when she is drugged does she squint? How does she feel when her vision shifts? Does her vision shift? However, this does get better when she goes to her parent's room. Build on this!
29 Nov 2007:-) Jayne Leonard
Hi Laura!

First of all, excuse me for a second, **first comment dance** boo yeah, ahem, yes let us move on...

I read your first chapter (on which I commented on and hope you found it useful) and sooo... here I am back for more! Now these are not in any particular order and they are all bullet points too so just bare with me...

***************************PLOT****************************

My first question, which I have wanted to ask for a while, and please do not be offended by this. Is this based or loosely based on a myth or legend? Only reason I ask is because I sure I've read something like this before =S

Even though it is, only a sub-plot I liked the way you did it that much that I had to comment on it. I really like the way you show your character's relationship deteriorate in just a few sentences. You start with something that is quite amusing to the audience (pain and pleasure in the bedroom) and because you did that, it makes it even more shocking when you introduce the theme of domestic violence. It just flows so smoothly into one another and that it is very brief and has not distracted you from your main plot line.

When she sees the men with the 'matching blood red crosses on a black background' lapels, I feel you could have made more of this in both plot and character reinforcement. Firstly, I would maybe think about putting a few short 'flashback' quotes from her childhood stories just to remind the reader exactly what her parent's had said when she was younger. Secondly, what goes through her mind at this point? How does she react apart from just freeze? Does she forget to breath? Is her mouth gaping open? Has her mouth gone dry? Does she now need to go to the ladies room to powder her nose?

2 Laura Beth Levinson replies: "First off, hello and thanks for the comments! I meant to reply to your first comment in Chapter 1 but then Elfwood went down for a bit and I never got back to it. I'll also reply to all your comments with this one if that's ok. 2The story is loosely based off of two narratives from folklore/mythology. The first one is the Breton story of the land of Ys. It's similar to the Atlantis myth in that Ys is a kingdom built below sea level that was engulfed by flood waters. The king of Ys, Gradlon, held the keys to the dike that kept the waters out of the city. Legend states that his daughter, Dahut, was lured by Satan to steal the keys and open the gates causing the city to flood. A variation is that she stole the keys to let a lover into the city. I decided to take this and create an alternate legend. The princess in the story is actually responsible for four magical treasures that only she can unlock the power of. A man named Malik, who's after said power, seduces her and weedles his way into her life. His attempt to steal the treasures causes the flood and destruction of Ys. She survives and the four treasures are scattered to ensure that they would not be used for evil. Females born of her bloodline are "chosen" to be the guardians of said treasures. The second legend is the 4 treasures themselves. I took the treasures and their names from the myth of the Four Treasures of Ireland which were powerful items. I took those and combined them with my alternate take on Ys. As for the flashbacks, I actually do have one in Chapter 3. That bit is probably my favorite part I've written so far for this.Again thanks for all the useful comments and I'll definately be taking your advice. I'll also return the favor and take a look at your writing. Thanks again!"
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About 'Knights of Ys: Chapter 2':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Laura Beth Levinson
 • Copyright: ©Laura Beth Levinson. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Ys, Knights, Fantasy, Fate, Adventure, Romance, Fairy, Tale, Magic, Princess
 • Categories: History-based, Parallel or Alternate Reality/Universe
 • Views: 448


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Master of Light, Part 1

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