Lavilia has tried to save her sister but failed, now she is also stuck in Irons...
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Lavilia Starfire, chapter two; being in Moron Naur.
Next thing Lavilia knew was waking up next to her sister, hanging in the same kind of irons as Lavinia. She took a glance at her sister. Lavinia was looking at her “So the rumours, you failed to resisting Boron and his gang, were true” Lavinia asked. ‘Not really, I guess you haven’t been around Elrond, talking to him before you got here did you?” Lavilia answered. “No I didn’t. I just wanted my sister back” Lavinia sighed a little despaired. “Don’t lose hoop, Lavinia, we still are together” Lavilia tried to cheer her big sis up.
Boron entered the dungeon again. ‘So Mor, uhm Lavilia, I see you have woken up. I didn’t want to start without you” he said. Lavilia looked at him an tried to put all cruelty in just one look. That was amazingly hard for her, now she had fallen out her role. It wasn’t hard for Morgana to be vile but Lavilia wasn’t really mean.
Boron opened Lavinia’s irons and pulled her through the dungeon to the middle. There were other irons and he locked those around Lavinia’s wrists. Lavilia couldn’t stand to see all that, she let her head hang down. Lavilia heard the ripping of cloth, and dared a glance at her sister. Boron was holding a whip. He was busy tearing Lavinia’s shirt into pieces, so she was almost naked. He grabbed a whip and started hitting her back. The first strike made her scream with pain. Boron hit her again, red stripes began to show at Lavinias back bur Boron kept hitting her even harder. Seing her pain seemed to make him double his efforts. Lavinia screamed, a heartbreaking scream, full of pain and agony Lavilia couldn’t stand to see Lavinia like that and she closed her eyes, and put her head down again. Slowly some tears rolled down her cheeks, she never meant this to happen. Lavinia should have stayed out of this. She didn’t notice Boron came closer to her, she was to busy not hearing the whip.
Boron put this hand in Lavilia’s long hair and pulled hard. Lavilia had to look at him because she couldn’t put her face away. “You are supposed to look Morgana, you are supposed to look and enjoy” He said. He also tore Lavilia’s shirt into pieces and hit her with the whip. “You will be tortured as well if you when you aren’t watching, and this girl” He pointed at Lavinia “Will be tortured twice as much if you are not looking” “No let her go, torture me, as much as you want” Begged Lavilia.
Boron didn’t listen and continued torturing. Lavilia started crying, she couldn’t stop crying. “You are weak, Morgana, somewhere I always knew” Lavinia said nothing, she just hung there. Lavilia hided behind her hair, she didn’t want to see Lavinia. Boron saw that, he whispered something in the ear of the guard. He left and came back with a pair of scissors. “You can’t hide Morgana” He said vile.
He started cutting her hair. With every cut he grinned more cruel. He threw the hair on the ground and spit on it. He laughed at her. There were traces of Lavilia’s tears on her face. There were lots of dirt on her face. The tears had left their traces in the dirt. Lavilia took a glance at her hair, it meant they were special. No other elf in Second earth had hair like her and Lavinia. It was something that would always bind her to Lavinia.
Lavinia cried when the whip came down on her back again. Lavilia couldn’t stand seeing that, she looked at the wall aside her. Boron approached her again. This time he hit in her face his ring let a deep wound in her face.
Lavilia was bleeding pretty rough. Lavinia screamed. Lavilia let her head hung down. Boron left the dungeon. He wanted Lavilia to see what he did. After he left Lavilia slowly raised her head. Lavinia was crying. “Lavinia, I am okay, don’t worry” Lavilia whispered. Lavinia also raised her head. “Are you sure? O gosh! What did he do with your hair” She whispered back. “Yes, I am sure” Lavilia said “He cut it off, because I was hiding behind it”
The days after that, Boron was coming to the dungeon every day, then he tortured Lavinia, he didn’t kill her. He wanted to make it last as long as possible.
He didn’t know Lavilia was pulling her irons as hard ad possible at night. One of her irons wasn’t as good in the ceiling as the other ones. She already knew that from before, she had noticed that from long before. The already felt it was getting more loose then it was before.
Lavinia didn’t know either, she was sleeping when Lavilia was doing all this. At the seventh night she had one hand completely loose. With the pin she freed her other hand. “Shh Lavinia wake up” Lavilia whispered. With the pin she already freed one of the hands of Lavinia.
After that she whistled very loud and very high, so the goblins couldn’t hear. They couldn’t hear such high tones. She hoped Milyo would hear, not that he had ever failed to hear but Lavilia knew she would be dead when he wouldn’t hear her this time.
Lavinia waked up. “What is it” She asked, her voice sounded so weak and vulnerable it broke Lavilia’s heart.
“Shh we are going to get away from here” Lavilia whispered while she was freeing Lavinia’s other arm.
Lavilia helped Lavinia to walk to the door, she was listening for any sounds, but she didn’t hear anything. Lavilia had been keeping a key of the dungeons in her boot for a long time, so she could go in and out as she pleased. She put the key in the lock and turned it around. With loud cracking the door opened. Lavilia stood very still to hear if someone was coming, but she heard none.
After taking all the corridors and stairs leading to the exits of the dungeons Lavinia was completely exhausted, but she didn’t want Lavilia to notice. When they came outside Lavinia tried to breath deeply, but the smoke made that impossible. Lavinia coughed. “Come on Lavinia, just a little further” Lavilia kept whispering.
A little bit later they entered Lavilia’s little cottage in Faran. Lavilia cleaned Lavinia’s wounds, but she didn’t have the right medical equipments to heal them. They both put on some other clothes and both put on one of Lavilia’s capes. She had many capes, the ideal way to stay hidden in the shadows when you don’t want to be seen. Then they heard a whinny outside the door. Lavilia opened the door quickly and took Lavinia with her outside. Lavilia helped Lavinia on Milyo and climbed up behind her sister.
| Date | Name | Comment | | | 17 May 2004 | Amandarob | Loading...One thing I really admire about you is the way you take the critiques as ways to improve your writing! It's a very good quality to have!  The content of this chapter was exciting. I would have liked it to have been drawn out a little more, but then again, I have trouble writing these kinds of scenes (torture and stuff), so I couldn't begin to suggest how to do it besides to really describe it all. Bring it alive. I really felt for the characters and could very much picture what was going on. The hair cutting part...*cringes* Hair is a woman's beauty and it's awful to have it cut off like that. lol...that's something I've always associated with torture, as crazy as it might seem! Rian Sanderse replies: "I so totally have that thing with hair cutting too, especially when you know how much Lavilia's hair means to her. Thank you for you nice comment! Love Rian" | |
| 14 Jun 2004 | Anindito Alfaritsi | Loading...Yes. I am a stranger travelling through the woods reading random stories, but I thought a really should give some comments concering this work (especially after reading your profile). Well, despite the language problems (I'm sure you've gotten better in this matter on your other works), I must say that you've got your way in picturing the events. I mean, they're really imaginable. Almost heart-rending if you portrayed better. I think I'll be reading this series later. I like your tale and wishing to read more. Please keep it up! Rian Sanderse replies: "Thank you very much! I love comments! Especially cc's I can really use them when I am going to rewrite this (which means, when I am not as lazy anymore as I am now)Love Rian" | |
| 12 Sep 2004 | Megs AshPaw Lune | Loading...My gosh! This stories great! I'm really enjoying it so far! You're character Lavilia (I hope I spelled that right) seems to be everything that I want my character GoldenKlaw to be like! Lavilia's so strong, and, the best of all, SHE'S GOT RED HAIR!! ~Megs~ Rian Sanderse replies: "Yeah, well, Lavilia is cool. Maey is cooler though. She has all the good stuff Lavilia has, but she is much stronger. I am glad you like the story. I don't mind if you make your character look like Lavilia, in Fact I would be honored. Love Rian" | |
| 23 Jan 2005 | Ele 'Beruthiel' J. | Loading...I really am loving your story so far! If you'd like a cc, then I think your writing style is fast, maybe you could try describing the environment your characters are in? But then again, I'm not a writer and I don't really know if this would help or bog you down. Anyway, like a lot of the commenters above, I think your characters are great and you write about them well! Rian Sanderse replies: "I am very busy derushing in my rewriting activities. That, and also descriptions and stuff. Love Rian" | |
| 26 Jan 2005 | Helen 'Fallyn Raine' Falls | Loading...Ouch, horrible torture in this chapter, but brilliantly written as always! I hope they make it... Rian Sanderse replies: "I am very much doing a rewrite here. It could be much better and much powerfull. Glad you like it Love Rian" | |
| 1 Feb 2005 | Justine Lim | Loading...Aw, at least they got their ‘reunited sister moment’ before the bloody stuff began.  The world will always need sadists like Boron; they make such good villains. ‘So the rumours, you failed to resisting Boron and his gang, were true…’ <- ‘So, the rumors that you failed to resist Boron and his gang were true…’ ‘Don’t lose hoop, Lavinia…’ <- I think you meant ‘hope.’ ^__^ ‘Lavilia let her head hung down…’ <- Lavilia let her head *hang* down. ‘…was pulling her irons as hard ad possible…’ <- hard *as* possible. Okay, to be honest, the torture scene in this chapter felt a tad like ‘over-torture.’ *shrug* That’s just me; Terry Goodkind did it, and it worked well, but it wasn’t to my taste. Maybe something more subtle description-wise…? Try re-formatting; all the paragraphs running together make the story a bit hard to read. It (the story) is unfolding quite nicely, though! Rian Sanderse replies: "I am already working on this chapter as well. Mostly formatting and adding more details. The torture scene could be getting more rough, but it is necessairy for the plot. Love Rian" | |
| 14 Aug 2005 | Kidnero | Loading...The jumps between the two sisters make me a little confused sometimes. As you've said yourself your fast and the likeness of the names is the problem. It would be better if you did slow down sometimes. The two sentences in a row with three "before" in them, is something that needs to be rewritten also. Still, I like the plot very much and the torture scene was just right. As there's a new day tomorrow I'll go on then. As I'm afraid of ghosts, I've got to be in bed before the Ghost Hour starts.  Rian Sanderse replies: "I hope the ghosts haven't haunted you, I am rewriting this as well, in fact I am rewriting the whole story, I am a bit slow though, since I have to study now and then as well. Thanks for your comment and especially the CC Love Rian" | |
| 12 Dec 2005 | Stephen D. Westbroek | Loading...I like how the story is moving. Yes it is a little fast, which makes it confusing, but you can still work with that. One example is that you can focus on one point of view for a while. The last two sentences can be a good example for this. You can change it to something more like "Lavilia opened the door quickly and took Lavinia with her outside. She then helped Lavinia on Milyo and climbed up behind her sister."
Just find a way to minimize names so there is less confusion between them. | |
| 28 Apr 2006 | Raven angel | Loading...you have really good ideas and i like the overall story idea but i do think that you could make it a little clearer it seemed almost in note form. No offence | |
| 14 Aug 2006 | Kristopher Brown | Loading...I feel sorry for them! But they escaped, hurray! *Hands over a basket of cookies and runs off to read the next chapters* | |
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