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Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg

"Haunted (Part 2)" by Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg

SF&F Picture 2 out of 4 by Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg
 
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This is part two of the haunted series. Images by me.
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Illustration 001.jpg for Haunted (Part 2)
"Ellen!" I
heard my mother yell from downstairs.
"What!" I yelled back.
"Dinner's
ready!"
Food! I love food, I ran downstairs and sat down at the table. My dad
had to work late again and my brother was staying at one of his friends.
"Did
you get a letter from your aunt Jessebelle? "my mother asked.
"Yeah, I did" I
answered.
My mother was silence for a moment.
"So..." she
started.
"So... what?" I asked.
"Are you going?"
"I think
so..."
"Good..."
"Unless it isn't ok with you..."
No, It's ok. I was
just wondering."
Scilence...
"And when are you going?"
"I dunno..." I
said. "She wrote that I would know when the time was right. So I guess I'll tell
you then..."

Two days later I dreamed about a weird house and when I told
my mother she told me I should go to my aunt Jessebelle. On the train I met one
of my cousins.

Illustration 002.jpg for Haunted (Part 2)
"Mom?" I asked.
"Can I go to aunt Jessebelle?"
My mother turned white. "Aunt
Jessebelle?"
Yes, she wrote me a letter."
"I don't know. You'll have to
decide."
That was not quite like my mother. Normally she would have said no
and we would have a huge fight.
"What is that anyway, with the stuff about
magic?" I asked.
"Felicia, I haven't told you because I thought it was
dangerous, but now you already know about it I could tell you just as
well."
"Tell me what?" I asked. I didn't know what she was talking about. She
always told me that witches are just fairy tales. They don't exist.
"You come
from a family of witches. Every single woman in our family is one. My sisters
and me went to our aunt Hillary to learn about our powers. And now it's aunt
Jessebelle's turn to teach you."

A week later I knew I had to leave so I
went to my aunt.

Illustration 003.jpg for Haunted (Part 2)
"You will
not go to your ant Jessebelle, do you hear me, Wendy?" my mother
yelled.
"Why not?" I asked. It was so unfair. I read the letter my aunt
Jessebelle wrote to my mother and my mother had been told not to tell me whether
to go or not.
My mother answered with the most stupid reason: "Just
Because."
"That's not a reason! By the way, aunt Jessebelle wrote to me you
wouldn't stop me if I wanted to go!"
My mother didn't know what to
say.
"And I can learn how to handle my powers.."
"You are not going. end
of discussion."

That night I knew what I had to do. I knew my mother
wouldn't let me go, so I sneaked out. I already figured out where my aunt lived
and half an hour later I was on a train where I met one of my cousins.


Illustration 004.jpg for Haunted (Part 2)
"Alex, you will go to your aunt right?"
My mother and I were watching
television. My dad had to work late.
"I dunno..." I answered. I had thought
of it, but I thought my powers were good enough.
"You can learn more about
your powers. You could become very powerful you know?"
My mother waved her
hand and a plate full with chocolate crisp cookies appeared. She took one.
"I
know... But I don't feel like going to an aunt I don't know."
"It's for your
own good." my mother said. She really wanted me to go.
"Ok. I'll think about
it." I said. "But don't think of that as a yes.

The next morning I got a
vision of a house. I described it to my mother and my mother told me that that
was the sign I could go to my aunt.
I went. What have I got to lose?

←- Haunted (Part 1) | Lunch -→

DateNameComment 
24 Jan 200345 Jukka Bushtail
Yeah, I wondered about the title actually, but I assumed it would come up later. I like the pics... but it is very hard on the reader when you keep switching viewpoint so much, especially when it is in 1st person. Check your spelling of 'silence' and 'silent'.

:-) Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg replies: "This is like a test for me to write.. I like books in which the viewpoints swich.. But it's kinda hard to write, so I'll probably quit that after a few chapters...
I know.. my spelling isn't perfect, but I was too lazy to get myself a dictionary..."
24 Jan 2003:-) Amber Bronkhorst
Hmm interesting story like the subject.
But just a tip for you to make a conversation you don't have to wright everytime who is talking like: "no" i answered to my mom. If you just do that in the first line and use enters like your already doing for the rest, it would be faster to read and then people can really get in to the story. Because it is a good story.

Oh and one question just for asking and maybe the answer comes later but why is it called "Haunted"???

Well hope that there are coming more parts of the story can't wait.....

Greetz Lady Chaos

:-) Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg replies: "Finally someone commented here!!!!!!!
I'm so happy!!
Thanx for the tips.. I'll try to think of it next time..
The Haunted thing will come up later in the story..
At the moment I don't have much writing inspiration, but some day I hope to write more!"
12 Jun 2003:-) J (Proudfoot) Taylor
(Yeah, couple of spelling errors, but not too big)

I like how you added pictures in of the characters.

As for the viewpoint switching, I have to agree with Jukka, the switch was a little too quick for me. Perhaps if you added more description during their 'sections' it would help and it would help break it up a bit. Even with the pictures, I want a description of each of the girls and maybe a little background on their thoughts about the whole thing. You jumped right into the dialogue with their mothers; I think if you added a part for when they received the letter that would be pretty cool.

This is a very interesting start, and I really hope you write more sometime.
13 Oct 2003:-) Ashley D. Horn
In my own opinion, it would be best to write separate chapters for each of the girls, or maybe two to a chapter. Having them all at once is kind of an overload.
Definitely add more detail, and a lot more background. After that, I think it'll flow quite nicely.
Also, are you using Microsoft Word to write in? There's a spellcheck option on the toolbar, if you are.
Good job on keeping each of the four main characters from being exactly alike, by the way.

:-) Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg replies: "I think I'll be writing it all over, but in another point of view.. I think "I" stories are veeeery difficult... and people keep telling me it's annoyig ^-^ Which was kinda my purpoce, but I think I've been annoying for too long..."
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About 'Haunted (Part 2)':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg
 • Copyright: ©Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Elements, Witches, Air, Water, Fire, Earth
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 166


More by 'Liesbeth ´FAE´ Verburg':
Haunted (Part 1)
The Dragon's tower (a fairy tale)
Lunch

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