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Elizabeth Wilcox

"banished" by Elizabeth Wilcox

SF&F Picture 2 out of 23 by Elizabeth Wilcox
 
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I wrote this in the entirety of five minutes. Feel free to criticize--I know it needs rewriting.
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I stand on a precipice, waiting to fall.  The world stretches ahead and below me; strewn with shadows of the coming dawn.  Finally, I feel the time has come.  I fall; arms outstretched; eyes wide and stinging with the bitter wind.  Earth rushes up to my welcome embrace—ready to accept me in it’s grasp.  I laugh at the soil’s eager thirst for blood; a rain it waited impatiently to receive.  Yes, the earth rushed up to my open arms.  Swiftly, it tumbles upwards; or am I crashing down?  It matters not.  An instant before it’s greeting stills my heart—death is cheated.  If one does not live, how then can one die?  I puzzle the mystery to myself.  Yet, one feels one can nonetheless; and the feeling is all the worse for one who has partook of death’s bitter cup is not soon to forget the taste.  A wry smile twists my bloodless lips; ice runs through my cold veins.  Always cold.  Eternally cold. 

I soar over boundless plains.  Fly over city and field alike.  None see me; they do not want to see.  None hear me; they will not listen.  My throat opens and I give voice to an unearthly scream.  “Death comes.”  I say.  “Death comes swift and sharp; prepare.”  This is my work; the work of one damned.  One dead who never truly lived.  Lady Death’s forerunner—crier of fate.  Feared by few.  Forgotten by many.  Doomed for eternity.  Beware my voice; it cannot lie.  “Death comes swift and sharp; prepare.”  I am many.  I am alone.  Call me what you may.  Phantom; specter; it matters not.  I am forever unchanged.  I am Banshee—and with me comes Death.

←- Avalon | Faeries -→

DateNameComment 
22 Oct 2003:-) Kaykamisch
I love this! It's not a poem but it has a rhythm. Kinda eerie, but interesting. By the way, thanks for reading my stuff 2 -K

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "thank you. 2 It was a pleasure reading your stuff, and I'm glad you like mine."
11 Nov 2003:-) Steve Doyle
Ha-I knew you were talking about a Banshee! I like the part about Death's bitter cup.

12 Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "  Always knew you were a smart cookie. . .oooh, cookies. . .gotta go"
3 Jan 2004:-) Tarafae0
I had the chills reading this. You have such a way with words that I can only wish to have. Keep it up.
I agree...its not a poem, but it has this rhythm. Very good.

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "thank you--and you are very good with words! (trust me)"
5 Mar 2004:-) Ryan W. Carpenter
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who enjoys using such a style. A poem without structure; a poem written as a story; the semi-colon is such a great tool.... Anyway, I really enjoyed the story. Like I alluded to, the words come alive and turn into poetry. The story line itself weaves into the flow...- very powerful, very enjoyable.

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "I'm very glad you like it--(also, you are good at writing comments . . . I always get tongue-tied--erm, finger-tied? something.)"
28 Mar 2004:-) Suzannah Carrick
I love this
It is sort of a prosey poem story

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Is that what it is? I sort of wondered after I wrote it. . .thanks. ^_^"
29 Apr 2004:-) Eliza Hemington
I love it; an excellent narration! Well, I love constructive criticism, so I'll give you some ^_^

"Yes, the earth rushed up to my open arms." This is the pretty much the only sentence in past tense. Was it meant to be like this? I'm not sure, but it seems out of place, when put in the past, as she continues to fall...

"...and the feeling is all the worse for..." I would put a comma between 'worse' and 'for', because the first time I read this sentence, I was a little bit confused.

And I guess that's all! Not very much, but something. Keep writing ^_^

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Thank you! 'rushed' is a typo--I did mean 'rushes'. Thank you for pointing that out so I can fix it. I love constructive criticism (only wish I was better at giving it!)"
16 Sep 200445 Leah Coghill
Lovely. 2 Banshees don't get the attention they deserve in fantasy literature... so reading your piece of rhythmic prose here is a pleasant surprise. The twist ending is well done, even if it's on a shorter piece like this, and it's just nicely thought out all round. Great work!

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Thank you. I have noticed that banshees are underrated--I've actually met supposed fantasy and mythology lovers that don't even know what they are! I hope to write more about them, they deserve it. ^_^"
13 Apr 2006:-) Marijke Mahieu
This was wonderful! A bit of stream-of-conciousness slash inner monologue with a creepy but striking outcome...maybe I'm the only one not getting the fact that she was a banshee 12 I thought you were talking female vampire...forgive me 12

There was one typo I spotted: "it’s grasp" -> its grasp

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Thanks! *makes note to self to fix typo*"
15 May 2006:-) Clarion Hess
Nice. A great use of climax- and anticlimax. But there is no transition between the two paragraphs. Even though you don't really, truly need it, it would help the reader not have to stop and reread the first sentence to understand what changed. The transition is understandable, though.

I really enjoyed reading the story. An interesting point of view from an interesting character. You could toy with the fact that none would listen, that she was forgotten by having her fly through the city below too. She could also be more tortured, with suppressed emotions or howling with rage, trying to kill those who would not heed her-- and failing miserably. I'm not sure if you want to do that. It could change the tone a lot.

Great story. Keep writing.

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Thanks for dropping by and commenting! I'm really not sure what I was doing with this--it's more like poetic prose than anything else, I suppose. Thanks for the suggestions, too! Maybe my next banshee will be more angry than depressed. . ."
14 Jun 2006:-) Lindsay Verde
For one who claims to be surprised that people take time to read your work, you certainly do write well! 1 I think you do yourself a great injustice! 1 That said....wonderful work....you capture the heart of what you're trying to say, and don't clutter it up with lots of descriptive paraphernalia, well written! Come visit my shelf in the woods sometime...I'd love to hear from you! 1

:-) Elizabeth Wilcox replies: "Thanks! *is flattered* I'll be sure to drop by"
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About 'banished':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Elizabeth Wilcox
 • Copyright: ©Elizabeth Wilcox. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Banshee, Fate, Death
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Ghosts, Ghouls, Aparitions
 • Views: 338


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