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Logan Pickup

"Annie and the Ogre" by Logan Pickup

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 22 by Logan Pickup.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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←- Adele | Bad Day -→

Annie smiles as she watches her daughter playing with the dog. The dog is large and hairy, and ever so gentle with the dark-haired child. The two have grown up together since they were both babies; sometimes Annie feels that Shepard is even closer to her daughter than she is. Michelle giggles furiously, wriggling on the ground underneath the huge dog licking her face. Annie calls out to her daughter, who comes running through the golden evening sunlight to her, Shepard close at her heel.
"Time to get ready for bed, sweetheart." Michelle pouts without conviction before she skips inside. Annie basks in the last of the day's sun for a while, her bright blue eyes looking out into the distance.

She smiles again as Michelle returns in her nightgown and climbs into her lap. Annie stands up, holding the tired little girl that was only moments before full of energy. She carries her inside and lays her on the bed, then covers her with a blanket before kissing her on the forehead.
"Goodnight Michelle." Shepard climbs onto the bed and stretches out beside Michelle, sleeping on her bed as he has always done, ever since Michelle's father left. Annie draws the curtains and closes the door as she leaves the room.

Annie awakes with a shaft of sunlight falling across her face. She gets up and goes to the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast. Michelle and Shepard are already up and making the most of the time before breakfast by playing in the yard again. Annie lights the stove and begins preparing porridge, made with milk, just the way Michelle likes it. Annie hears a scream from the yard, and Annie knows straight away it is not the result of the duo's normal play. She rushes to the door to see a large, brutish creature emerging from the trees and advancing towards Michelle.

Annie rushes outside and scoops Michelle up in her arms, holding her close to her breast. Shepard stands between them and the ugly creature, a deep growl rumbling from between his jaws. The ogre advances regardless, easily brushing aside the huge dog when he tries to leap at it.
"Shepard!" Michelle cries out to the injured animal, fallen and whimpering from the brutish ogre's strike. Michelle struggles but Annie backs toward the house, clutching her protectively. The ogre takes step after step as it slowly advances.
"Please..." Annie pleads, her quiet voice almost whispering, quivering with fear. "Leave us alone, please" The ogre takes no notice, and advances regardless. Annie gasps and bites off a small scream of surprise as the step to the porch trips her. Her eyes water at the pain but she still clasps her daughter close to her as she backs away, half-crawling, from the ogre still coming towards her.

Annie pulls herself up when she reaches the doorway. She turns to run inside, but a rough hand grabs her around the waist and pulls her child easily from her grasp.
"Michelle!" Annie cries out.
"Mommy!" Michelle screams in return. "Help!" Her little legs are kicking the furiously as she struggles in vain. Annie tries to pry herself from the giant hand, which surprisingly releases her, discarding her on the porch. Momentarily shocked, Annie struggles to her feet and runs after the retreating figure of the ogre as her daughter is reaching towards her, crying and pleading. Annie grabs the arm of the ogre, tries to pry its fingers open and release Michelle from its terrible grasp, but it is too strong for her and ignores her as though she were a butterfly, simple and harmless.

Annie struggles against the ogre as it marches relentlessly into the trees, both her and Michelle crying and screaming, both powerless. The ogre soon tires of Annie and hits her with a massive fist, sending her sprawling against a tree, unconscious. Michelle's cries for her mother reverberate around the forest as the ogre carries her away, never to be seen again.

Annie awakens. Her head is throbbing with pain, drowning out the lesser complaints of the rest of her body. Through the haze of her aching body she suddenly remembers what has happened.
"Michelle!" She cries out. "Michelle!" Her calls go unanswered, lost in the forest. She struggles to get to her feet, but her body is too broken and she stumbles to her knees. She feels so weak and powerless, that a brute like that could take all that she loved from her, and there was nothing she could do. Bitter choking sobs rise in her chest, closing her throat until she has to gasp for the air to scream out. She lies on the forest floor, alternately crying and screaming, too heartbroken to move.

←- Adele | Bad Day -→

DateNameComment 
30 Apr 200245 Diedra Rater
.......that's pretty crazy. Good, but crazy. Is this another one of those projects of yours that, um, don't get finished right away (if ever)? The ending just sounds.. like it's not ending. Maybe there's a second part that I just don't know about..

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "Huh! I finish stuff. Sometimes. Oh fine, I guess I see your point. This isn't one of those though. There is no second part. I know the ending's kinda open, and not very conclusive, but that's just the way things go."
8 May 200245 Anonymous
The ending was good. Felt conclusive to me and I've always had a thing for the depressing end. Oh, the agony of defeat!

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "Yep. Life is unfair."
22 Oct 200245 Lindy 'Shanra' Kuepers
Uhm... Are there any tissues around here? The ending is so sad. Well written story, but so terribly sad...
It's amazing how you manage to end in the agonising misery (or whatever it's called) that Annie feels while ensuring that the reader does not have that 'unfinished' feel. If I were to end something like this it'd surely have that 'unfinished' feel to it. I seem to need an extra paragraph with a synopsis of the rest of my protagonists life.
And for that ability I both envy and respect you. You are a great writer and I hope I will be able to read many more of your stories.

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "I'm glad it stands on its own. I guess I didn't write a summing up paragraph (at least in this one) is because I feel Annie doesn't have a life to go on with after this, so that is where I stopped writing, 'cos that's where the story ends."
1 Nov 2002:-) Frances Monro
A powerful story, moving. I found some of the language during the struggle to be pretty clumsy though. I think you could improve matters a little there. I think the main reason is that you're not taking a new paragraph every time you move on to describe a new character's speech or _actions._

Always take a new paragraph whenever a different character speaks or acts!

Yes. 2

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "Thanks, I'm glad you found it moving. That's the main reason for the existance of this story. I reread it, and I think you're right about the language during the struggle, it definately lacks something. Maybe I'll rewrite it... one day 2

New paragraph every time a different person *acts*? That'd leave me with so many little one-line paragraphs in this story. Those might be the rules, but I'm going to willfully disregard them, I'm afraid. I prefer to break up my paragraphs to make coherent blocks. Although, having said that, I can see the sense in making the break when a new character acts... just not every time. Bearing that in mind, I'd probably put the breaks in at different places were I to reparagraphilisinate this, but I'd keep roughly the same number of paragraphs."
11 Oct 200345 Pixiefrog
This story means something, a lot more than you can say for most of the stuff in Elfwood, or in fact most "fantasy" type things. Guy with sword/ thin girl with sword... you know. Macho guy with good looking girl standing to one side saying "Oh! You killed him."
Well, before I fill up all of your comment thingy with ranting lunacy, I'd better just say that I like "Annie and the Ogre". I like "Annie and the Ogre", and appreciate your putting it up here so that we all can read it.
heehee *prod* heeheehee
21 Jan 2004:-) Marie Sargot
This was cute, then ended up sad, but it was a very good story ^_^
2 Aug 2005:-) Ruth 'Cookie Monster' Browne
Meh. I was expecting another chapter. Sorry, the ending seems very open to me, but that's probably just because I *like* those stories where someone turns up to save the little girl from the ogre... noir stories... irk me. Irk. Hahaha. Irk. Irk.
Reparagraphilisinate? Were you having a fit when you typed this? Or is it a legitimate, dictionary-defined word?
Anyways, good story. Not nice, but good. Pretty descriptions. I can see why you said you had a streak of sarcasm a mile wide, though.

*cookie_monster*

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "Yes, I was having a fit when I typed that. I wasn't sure if paragraphinate was a real word, let alone reparagraphinate, so I figured that if I was going to use an imaginary word I might as well make it a good one.

I have a tendency to be mean to my characters - don't all writers? - but I don't always make amends at the end. It's nice you think it good, even if you don't like that aspect of it. 2"
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'Annie and the Ogre':
 • Created by: :-) Logan Pickup
 • Copyright: ©Logan Pickup. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Annie, Child, Helplessness, Kidnap, Ogre
 • Categories: Orc, Goblins, Trolls, Trollocs..., Romance, Emotion, Love, Woman, Women
 • Views: 884

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