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Logan Pickup

"Fallen angels" by Logan Pickup

SciFi/Fantasy text 4 out of 22 by Logan Pickup.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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I'm sure I have a happy story around here somewhere... oh wait! This is it! Well, close enough, anyway.
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He dips and circles, laughing in the sunlight. His partner swoops beside him, and together they dance across the cloud-tops, golden-red hair flaming in the sun. He never takes his eyes off her, nor does she ever let him out of her sight. Even as they flit across the skies they are never further than a wingtip apart. He drinks in every feature on her body as though seeing it anew every time, ver violet eyes glow as she beholds her silver-skinned mate, and their vision is complete in their love of each other.

They play together as they soar among the wisps of cloud, one sometimes caught by the caress of the other as they fly close. The emotion between them is so palpable it almost seems as though one could smell the ozone as sparks leap between them. They draw close, the air humming in anticipation; her mouth parts, and his lips cover hers. Their eyes closed, they float in love and bliss, and a misty hand reaches from out of the clouds and drags him down, beneath them.

She opens her eyes and cries out as she feels emtpiness where she was once whole, her love no longer next to her, and they share one last glance before he is swallowed by the clouds. She circles desperately, screaming out for him, her lips still moist from their last kiss. He hears her cries as he is dragged down and yells in response, but no matter how he flaps and struggles the cold hand takes him down.

Mist clongs to his wings as he descends, until he breaks through the cloud. A stark, rocky land greets his sight, covered with a blanket of dark grey cloud, lashed by rain. He realises the hand no longer holds him, and so tries again to fly back up, but his dripping wings are too heavy to fly. Flapping pitifully, he spirals to the rocks below.

He lands heavily, gets up slowly. His eyes bleed sorrow as he looks at his wet, useless wings. The hunter stands behind him, spear in hand. She allows a moment of pity for the poor creature as she strikes, the spear flying through his chest. The hunter walks to the fallen body and pull her spear out. She dips a finger in the bright red blood, and makes a mark across her breast, over her heart, then turns and leaves.

Barely alive, he crawls across the rock, until he reaches a crumpled figure. He touches her silver skin, and with the last of his strength turns her head to behold her violet eyes. Spent, her collapses by her broken body, and they rejoice in the glory of each other's love, all pain forgotten, until they both breathe their last breath, and die.

←- Bad Day | The World Needs More Farmers -→

DateNameComment 
21 Dec 2002:-) Schen
I like the feel of this story. Yes, I agree with everyone that it's confusing how she got down there. Maybe instead he could hear her coming after him instead? At least he knows it is her once he's down there; we don't. 2 One typo I noticed: "he collapses" in the last sentence.

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "Argh! Typo. And I can't even fix it yet. Oh well. Next time, I'll have to go over my stories and make good and sure that it reads properly without everything I know about it that's still in my head. I mean, it's just so obvious to *me* how she got there, but then it would be, wouldn't it?"
2 Mar 2003:-) Nicole 'Starlight' Lane
this is so sad. the endind does seem a bit rushed/confusing but other than that...wow. i love the way you described it at first, twirling in the sky together. that was amazingly detailed. I got a great mental image of it...hmm now if i can get around to drawing something for it 12
15 Apr 200345 Sheri McCarville
It's beautiful. At first i thought the hunter was the violet eyed one and it was a metaphor for having your heart ripped out by a love, like we all have had. but now that i read the whole thing it's almost like a romeo and Juliet story. But of course any love story can be related to Romeo and Juliet. Great story!
10 May 2003:-) Suzanne Miduski
Yes like Romeo and Juliet, we have a love tragedy. I wasn't really confused like some comments here say, I assumed upon reading this that his love had been done in as he was, by a hunter. The attack on him was very interesting and at first I wondered if it was not some divine being. Of course that seemed answered upon his death. I also loved the romantic feel in this story. A story of two most powerful things in life... love and loss.
18 Aug 2003:-) Emily Grist
Lustful, yet full of such loss and sorrow.
I was a bit confused. I thought it was the male who was being dragged down at first... but I caught on 2
Very beautiful, very powerful, and very emotional.
11 Oct 200345 Pixiefrog
What is it with writers, that they can't let happiness be? It's a very good story, still.
Maybe that "writers" should be "hunters", ne? Or "warriors."
heehee *prod* heeheehee
11 Mar 2004:-) C. 'Liari' Seidel
*sighs* It is beautiful, and sweetly glorious. Even in death they hold to each other. One part cannot go on without the other, how incredibly touching. You've left a smile lingering on my lips with the thought that even though the world can be cruel and unforgiving, there is that taste of happiness that makes anything and everything worth it. "Live without regret, and love without remorse"
26 Sep 2005:-) Ruth 'Cookie Monster' Browne
A *happy* story? Are you kidding me?! OK, I was warned, yes, I know... Oh, by the way, typos? Mist does not "clong" to angels' wings... lol XD
Another great story 2 Your descriptions are excellent, as always... it's difficult to use just enough adjectives, not too few or too many.

:-) Logan Pickup replies: "One day I'll remember to spellcheck. I'm sure I at least pretend to before submitting stories, though."
5 Sep 200845 Lillie
Beautifully haunting ...
21 Oct 2008:-) Heidi Hecht
Aww this is sad...I hate that a hunter brought them down. You might want to clarify how the lady angel got caught, too. It’s an okay short-short though.
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'Fallen angels':
 • Created by: :-) Logan Pickup
 • Copyright: ©Logan Pickup. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Angel, Angels, Fallen, Hunter
 • Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Fights, Duels, Battles
 • Views: 610

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