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Maleah Schmitke

"Fleta" by Maleah Schmitke

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 11 by Maleah Schmitke.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Again, an intro to one of my characters to work out how she got to where she is when she enters the actual story. I know it doesn't seem finished but I'll hopefully post the first chapters of the main story soon. Feedback please. Cheers
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←- Caylin | Legends of Caranor: Chapter 4 -→

Fleta

The lambling cried, but only a little as he was bounced gently on the knee of the elder faun, her tawny curls falling down over her shoulders in gleaming spirals. The sunlight seemed to make them shimmer and suddenly the young one giggled in one of those full hearted baby laughs and grabbed at the golden kissed strands, wrapping his chubby baby fingers around them. Fleta sang to him softly, but a little absently. She was watching her lambling brother for one of her elder brothers as he took care of some business. There was always some business with with him and Fleta cared not to ask. She turned her eyes, large and all filled with the greens and browns and golds of the sweet earth, toward the shade of the woods. Her family was resting at one of her favourite spots, her favourite being the one closest to the river. Her father was looking at all the food plants they’d planted the year before while her mother had taken the two eldest of Fleta’s younger sisters to see what other foods they could find lest their ‘crops’ had not yielded much this year. She would have preferred to be out in the woods, but elder siblings always cared for younger when it was necessary and so she’d have to wait until Jasper returned to take the lambling from her.

She was just about resolved in staying with the baby and getting herself ready to move into the shade of their shelter when a voice called her name

“Here, Fleta, I’ll take him now.” Jasper trotted up to her. He was handsome with large deep brown eyes and warm brown hair. He also had protrusions that could almost be called antlers, but not quite as they were much smaller and swept back so that the tines were mostly hidden in his dark curls. He reminded her of a young hart that had leapt across their path on their travels once. He took the young one from Fleta with heart-filled thanks, though he told her nothing of what he’d been up to.

“Go, enjoy the day, sister,” he told her and then vanished into the shelter. Fleta stood a while considering what she should do, but finally decided on something simple and relaxing. She’d take a walk amid the trees and if she happened across her mother and sisters she would help them in any way they needed. She headed into the woods, her pace leisurely. She didn’t want to spoil the peace of the green shadows by crashing through the woods like some creatures did. Her kind had great respect for the forest and went through it almost with reverence.

Because of her near silent steps, she heard the intruders clear as the sound of a thunderclap. She stopped and listened, trying to determine the direction they were in so that she might avoid them. However, the sound that reached her pointed ears made her realize that they were much too close to their rest spot for comfort. She’d have to draw them off then. She moved toward the sounds her keen ears picked up, her movements soft and easy while still being fairly quick. She watched the three men from behind a stand of shrubs. Hunters, she guessed judging by the bows and quivers they carried. She watched from the shadows for just the right moment and then let herself be seen. As soon as they spotted her, Fleta took off in the opposite direction of home as soon as she was sure they’d follow and headed off toward the river. There she could lose them and double back to rejoin her family.

←- Caylin | Legends of Caranor: Chapter 4 -→

DateNameComment 
6 Mar 200345 Burke-san
Again, an interesting premise. A little vague at times, but you know what sort of a stickler for detail I am. "Food plants"? "clear as clear"? It doesn't quite have a "grab" at the opening. Perhaps you might open with her leading the hunter-types off, then reflect on the more idyllic scene she left behind moments ago? Just a thought.

:-) Maleah Schmitke replies: "hey, that's a good idea, but you often have good ideas. I'll edit it maybe when I write it in to the story proper. Thanks for the feedback, it's always appreciated. Take care."
7 Mar 200445 Avis
I didn't like this one as well as Caylin but then there wasn't that much to read. Just as it started to get exciting it ended. You've got great talent
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'Fleta':
 • Created by: :-) Maleah Schmitke
 • Copyright: ©Maleah Schmitke. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Child, Decoy, Faun, Forest, Hunters, Rest, River
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 281

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