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Kelsey M. Graham

"Darkness Be My Only Friend" by Kelsey M. Graham

SF&F Picture 10 out of 21 by Kelsey M. Graham
 
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Every good epic fantasy story begins or ends in a tavern. Although this story violates narrative convention by doing neither, I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless. Who knows? A tavern might appear somewhere in the course of the story.
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Raven was examining his newest theft when he felt shadowy fingers tugging at his sleeve. “Not now, Id,” he said without looking up “’m busy.” the fingers didn’t relent, however, and with a sigh, he looked up to see what the matter was. ‘The matter’ was three hulking men standing in the mouth of the alleyway, with rather nasty expressions on their faces. Raven knew why. He had, after all, just picked their pockets not ten minutes ago. He leaped up to run, but one of the men darted forward and grabbed his ankle, sending him crashing face first into the ground. Wordlessly, the man picked him up and threw him over his shoulder, ignoring the flailing arms and epithets of the boy. Closely followed by his companions, he carried the boy out of the alley, dumping him like a sack of flour at the feet of the villagers.

Raven looked around desperately, but there was no way out of the ring of stone-faced villagers. The headman refused to look at him, addressing a point to the right of Raven’s shoulder. “Raven of the Neither has been charged with the murder of Detlef of Twilight. When he was an orphan child, we, in our supreme mercy, had taken him in, spared this ingrate whenever he was caught stealing- and yet he repays us with this- this- atrocity! Dark Elves kill not their own folk!” Spared? You couldn’t land a blade on me, was all. he thought defiantly, but inside he was terrified. He’d thought the body had been safely hidden. On the ground beside him, he felt Id shift slightly. Id had protected him last time, but Raven wasn’t sure if he could do it again. Not enough light. The headman cleared his throat importantly.

“Since he has proven incurable, even in this twilight town, we have decreed that the one known as Raven shall be exiled from Twilight and all of the Dark, for all his days. Let him steal from the surface folk, in the blinding harsh light of the Sun and Moon, let him crawl upon the very crust of the earth, clinging to the ground like a beetle, with nothing to keep him sheltered and safe. Let none come to his aid, let him wander, starving and thirsty, burnt and blind, all through the remainder of his days, till the savage monsters and cruel beasts put an end to his suffering. Be gone, creature once known as Raven, you have no people now.”

The circle opened at one end and he was pushed by the rising tide of people through the gates that had encircled the only home that he had ever known. Two guards were waiting at the entrance way, they each grabbed one of his arms and half dragged- half carried him to the end of a tunnel. A droning filled his ears, as he blindly stumbled forwards, his thoughts were a scrambled chaos- this couldn’t be happening, it couldn’t! Only a few minutes ago, everything was normal, the world wasn’t allowed to change that fast!

Ahead was an unmarked piece of flat stone, beyond which, Raven knew, was the tunnel leading to the Overland, a place remembered in frightening tales and nursery stories told to every village child. Behave or a monster will take you away to the overland! Go to bed or the bloodthirsty savages from the surface will come for you! If you don’t eat your dinner I’ll send you aboveground! Even Raven had told and been told his share of scare stories. The Overland was a half real, half made-up world of fantastical monsters and cruel elves. Until now, Raven hadn’t even been sure of its existence.

The headman pressed one hand on the stone, muttering under his breath. With a dreadful crack!, the stone split down the center, revealing a tunnel leading upwards. As he was pushed through, he heard a soft voice whisper “Do not tarry in the tunnel, boy.” Then the stone slammed together once again, and he was left alone in cold, lonely blackness.

All of Raven’s people saw clearly in the dark. They lived in a world without day, far under the Earth’s surface, and had adapted to their home. But this darkness was of a different sort, a darkness not even the keenest of eyes could pierce. Raven lay where he had been thrown, wondering what to do, as his panicking mind painted vivid pictures of what creatures, perhaps, lay all around him, creatures that had been without a meal in a long, long time. Very hungry creatures. His heart beat frantic patterns inside his chest.

“Id?” His voice sounded weak and frail amidst the sea of darkness. “Id?” he cried again, a hysterical edge to his voice. There was no reply. But in the silence around him, he thought he could hear muffled clicks and groans, chittering sounds and the rasp of

-something- breathing. Do not tarry in the tunnel, boy. His breath caught in his chest, and he scrambled to his feet. He started running, to where he didn’t know, but once he started, he couldn’t stop.

All around him were the voices, strange whispers in silence, calling him, hissing around his ears, speaking in a language he didn’t know. He ran on and on, heart thumping in time to his footsteps, breath grating in his throat, and a voice in his mind repeating over and over again- Do not tarry tarry in the tunnel, boy.. Until the sounds were meaningless, jumbled up noises. Still he ran, a sharp pain in his side and a bubbling in his lungs, his eyes squeezed tight, though there was nothing to see. He didn’t know how long he ran- it could have been an hour, a day, a year, but at last, his strength given out, something- he didn’t know what, tripped him, and he landed curled up in a ball, thinking I don’t care what they do to me, I won’t run anymore, I won’t, I won’t… and fell into exhausted sleep, eyes still stubbornly closed.

←- Too Trusting | Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Ten) -→

DateNameComment 
26 Mar 2008:-) Jake Diebolt
The description of the tunnel is good... it leaves things mysterious and plays with the darkness. One thing about the story is that it starts too quickly. There is something to be said for in medias res, but it%u2019s difficult to be convinced of Raven%u2019s shock at the change when we have no baseline to work with. Here%u2019s hoping for some background in the next chapter.

It%u2019s very well written. I think you just need more patience with story pacing to make this a really solid story.

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "*sighes* I know I have patience problems. Someday, once I get halfway through this story, I will come back and completly rewrite the first chapters. However, I’m afraid that if I do it now, I’ll forget to keep writing the new stuff. (happened w/ another story once)"
26 Mar 2008:-) Désirée Dippenaar
Interesting beginning! I really like the idea of an underground community, and their tales of the "Overland" and their fear of it. The whole chapter was a bit fast-paced, but that is a good thing here, since everything must seem to be happening very quickly for Raven. There’s lots of questions coming up in this chapter; I’m curious to read more now! ^_^ Maybe you could add more description, but otherwise I think it’s really good~
13 Jun 200845 Maichen
yo, was is los? we shall have to rp in this relam kelsey-chan. um...it%u2019s really good, your lack of description leaves more for the mind to form on it%u2019s own which leaves an opening for rping and cosplay (i know they%u2019re the same thing, lay off) it seems like prolugue rather than a first chapter, yano, just something to set the scene, and it leaves us with questions which makes us want to read more.

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "*blinks* you are right- it is more of a prolouge. Never thought of that...
Thankya much
Medusa"
24 Jun 2008:-) Jacob Bowdin
Apparently my reading limit on a computer screen has been reached, because I am finding it hard to form a coherent comment on this, here’s my try none-the-less:

1. I enjoyed the beggining, I do see the point of the men waiting at the beggining, a bit more of a dramatic effect I guess.

2. Your wording was well done throughout, as were the descriptions, specifically . I also found the reactions you gave Raven to be most realistic.

Overall, very well done, I quite enjoyed this one, but I do agree that it does seem to be more of an intro than a standalone chapter. Still, it is a good start =)
3 Aug 2008:-) Natalie RedWolf Diebolt
I really liked the reversed "monsters in the depths" thing you have going.

"He ran on and on, heart thumping in time to his footsteps, breath grating in his throat, and a voice in his mind repeating over and over again- Do not tarry tarry in the tunnel, boy.. Until the sounds were meaningless, jumbled up noises. Still he ran, a sharp pain in his side and a bubbling in his lungs, his eyes squeezed tight, though there was nothing to see. He didn’t know how long he ran- it could have been an hour, a day, a year, but at last, his strength given out,"

Really believable fearful run in the tunnel too. I know I felt like that when I ran for competitive sports, to the point where I blacked out a couple of times actually.

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "People are always afraid of that which is different.

*raises hand* I hate running. Can you tell?"
24 Sep 2008:-) Nicoline Badenhorst
You definitely got me hooked... I’ll come back for some more soon, I hope.
11 Nov 2008:-) Lydia stephanie Barker
i love how this gets you thinking. definatly getsnyour imagination running along with him. *run, run, run.........trip........darnit......run, run, run.........smack!!) hehe.....i’m a clutz...10..
i think that you have a world full of talent. my writing is definatly not as good as yours. 1

i will make it through all of your stuff...it is slow going right now-i’m sick

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "Clutzes unite! *attempts to give high-five* *misses* heh heh. I like the dragonfly smily by the way.
Careful, you’ll give me a big head. Yeah, I’m sick too. Mostly I’ve been wrapping myself with blankets and trying not to cough out a lung. Curse you, cold!!"
13 Mar 2009:-) Patricia M. D´Angelo
Interesting stories, but it does feel like your just dropped in the middle of it. I’m looking forward into figuring out who id is?

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "*glances at chapter and winces* I’m terrible at beginnings. Someday, when I get to the half-way point, I’m going back and fixing this."
17 Jun 2009:-) Lindsay Verde
Definitely caught my interest, though I do agree with Pat about feeling dropped into the middle of it. I liked the imagery with the shadowy fingers ... made me wonder what exactly Id is.

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "*evil laughter* ...yeah, I need to rewrite the beginning. Thanks for reading!"
23 Sep 2009:-) Morgan A Grover
Hey there. I happened by your profile by a friend link on Jake Diebolds profile. Apparently those friend links do help in exposure 10

Nice start to your story. I have to agree a bit with the others in feeling suddenly dropped in. But that is all right. As I get more free time I will check out the rest of the tale and let you know some thoughts.

Thanks for sharing.

:-) Kelsey M. Graham replies: "I’ve started the rewrite... hopefully it will be better...
Thanks!"
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About 'Darkness Be My Only Friend':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Kelsey M. Graham
 • Copyright: ©Kelsey M. Graham. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Raven, Darkelf, Dark, Elf, Veloren, Shadows, Exile, Underground
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 414


More by 'Kelsey M. Graham':
Who's Afraid Of The Big, Bad Wolf?
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Seven)
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Eight)
'Deusa
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Nine)
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Five)
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Two-and-a-half)
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Three)
Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Eleven)

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