"Darkness Be My Only Friend (Chapter Eleven)" by Kelsey M. Graham

Ursua looked surprised when she saw Raven and Veloren, but something in Veloren’s expression told her not to comment. V went straight upstairs and didn’t come out of her room for the entire night. Raven was left to explain everything to Ursua, although he felt so confused and tired that it came out rather garbled. Still, he felt that she understood events better than he had. All of his questions were met with vague and distracted answers, and she seemed to become more grim and withdrawn the more he spoke. Finally, when his throat was cracked and dry from talking, and his mind was sluggish with exhaustion, she sent him to bed. She stayed up, staring into the fire and he fell asleep to the rhythmic creaking of her rocking-chair.

*

Veloren woke up for no reason she knew of. Stubbornly, she closed her eyes and willed herself to go back to sleep. After a while she gave up and admitted to herself that she was wide awake. She crossed her small room and opened her window, nearly tripping over several piles of clothes in the process. Note: clean my room sometime this year. The night air was clear and cool- autumn’s chill was already leaching into the air. The full harvest moon and stars were out. Somewhere in Veloren’s mind a warning was being whispered. Not that there was much she could do about it. She sighed and went to go get dressed again.

Ready to go, the calling was getting harder and harder to ignore. V gritted her teeth and went to the old chest at the foot of her bed. Even she didn’t own the key to the lock, she always used her picks instead. There was something rather amusing about breaking into your own belongings. Inside the chest were two long cloth-wrapped objects, each about the length of Veloren’s arm. Impatiently she pulled off the cloth, examining the two identical sheathed swords carefully. They were as old as she was- probably older. She didn’t know much about them, even the metal they were made of was foreign to her. A dull gray that barely reflected the light, and didn’t rust or act the way any normal metal should. Which is probably a good thing, considering that most swords would have fallen to pieces by now. The hardened leather sheathes were starting to decay, and the long buckled straps that went across her chest to secure the swords to her back would need to be replaced soon.

Veloren patted the swords fondly. They’d gotten her out of many of her worst dangers, and even when they were taken, she always found them later. Or they found her. Each sword was made all of one piece of metal, hilt, guard, and blade; as if it had grown instead of been made. Thin and light, the hilt and guard leather-wrapped, the pommel was a very sharp spike. These swords were clearly designed with functionality, not beauty in mind, but they nevertheless had their own grace. Veloren smiled.

As she swung her swords onto her back, she winced and checked her shoulder again. The arrow had really just nicked her, causing a big mess but little real damage. It was very sore, but the cut itself had completely closed up, something Veloren was fairly sure wasn’t normal, even for her. She wondered if Raven had believed her lie about Ursua spelling her. She was Immune to every known healing spell, for Fates’ sake! Of course, it was better than the truth- I don’t know. I really don’t know why, Raven. I don’t know anything at all. How long I’ll live, if I’ll suddenly drop dead tomorrow- nobody knows the true lifespan of a half-elf, we’ve never lived long enough. I’m the oldest… How long do I have? Why am I still here anyway? Veloren smacked herself in the head. No more of that. Glancing once more around her darkened room, she swung out of her window and hung for a moment, then dropped the last six feet to the ground, rolling on the impact.

“Ouch. I really must be getting old.” She brushed herself off with as much dignity as she could manage, checked to make sure her swords hadn’t come loose, and headed into the woods.

Three minutes later, she was wondering if this had been such a good idea after all. Should have stayed in my room, why am I doing this? She knew she shouldn’t have anything to worry about- the Inquisitors wouldn’t come here after dark, and Ursua would know if an elf was meddling. Neither were there many dangerous animals here, and none of them with any sense at all would attack her. No, she was worried about something else… She stopped dead, ears pricked. She heard- no- nothing- pipe music- nothing, maybe just the wind. No it wasn’t. She knew better. Veloren sneezed twice. Immortals! Here? Black panic started to well up inside her. Worse than death, worse than torture, worse than elves or humans- she would take any of those before she faced an Immortal.

A dark shape, moving with unnatural silence, crawled out of the brush. An enormous wolf, the size of a small pony, its hair black in the darkness. Veloren stepped back and tensed, ready to run or fight. But the wolf didn’t attack or move, it simply stared back, and gold eyes met green. In the light of the moon, Veloren could see thick scars had turned its hide to a patchwork of thick fur and gray ropes. What kind of Immortal bore scars? Black blood poured from a slice on its- his- haunch. Veloren felt a faint touch at her mental shields, like a hesitant paw skritching at the door. Instinctively, her mind lashed out at it, and the feeling went away. Just as silently, the wolf/Immortal turned and limped on its way.

Immortals… They were everywhere tonight, she could smell them. “What is going on?” a skittering sound made her jump. Something, the unholy offspring of a spider and a rat, sat in the tree above her head. She glared at it until the creature reluctantly slunk off.

‘ello.

Get out of my head! Veloren mentally screamed

“I’m not in your head.” Veloren looked frantically for the voice, but saw no one. “Dear, deary, me, but you led us on a chase. We thought we finally had you, but you managed to escape. You have no idea how irritating that was- I do so hate to lose.” Veloren went cold. She knew exactly who it was, though she didn‘t know how. Her head pounded in time with her heartbeat. “And then you just- disappeared.” the terrible voice continued. “And then it was only the occasional hint of your passing, but never you. By the time we got there, you were long gone, and all there was were the bodies.” Veloren gritted her teeth Shutupshutupshutup… “Honestly, was that really necessary? Somebody had to clean up your mess, you know. An entire town is going to be missed by somebody.” A column of orange sparks lazily rose from the ground, and the owner of the voice was just there, appearing in the space between eye-blinks. Veloren could only look at him for a second, before she had to close her eyes, feeling sick. It was impossible to look at him, he was constantly changing shape, size, and color. Even with her eyes closed, it was all she could do to remain standing. I will not bow to this- thing. Even if it kills me, I will not bow to… Somewhere over the screaming in her ears she heard him calling her, sounding worried. Abruptly the pressure on her mind eased, and the screeching sound stopped.

“Am… What in the Void have you done to yourself? Look at me.” Slowly she raised her eyes, unable to disobey a direct order. The Immortal was looking at her quizzically. As she watched, the frantic shape-changing slowed, then almost stopped. A man wearing a strangely-cut longcoat and an unusual tall black hat, carrying a gold headed cane. As long as she didn’t look at his face, Veloren could almost imagine him as a mortal, if one could ignore the occasional changing of a arm or leg to a tentacle or hoof. But his face was all wrong, as if a craftsman that had never seen any earth-born creature had been told to make a human face from pale clay. It was asymmetrical, flesh drawn too tightly across bone, twisted and malformed, leaving a permanent grin stretching across his face, literally from ear to shredded ear. But worst was the eyes, the one thing that could never change, no matter what form he changed to. The lids had been stitched together with wide, clumsy stitches of thick black thread.

“Your- your eyes!” She blurted in horror. His smile grew even more twisted.

“Ah, yes, you weren’t around for that, were you? You should have seen brother mine, his are all gone, nothing but empty sockets. We all are but shadows of our former selves, my dear. Besides, my eyes aren‘t the ones we should be discussing. No wonder we couldn’t find you! Although there are many who would give a lot to find out how you managed something so…drastic.”

“What do you want with me, Chaos?” Veloren felt incredibly weary, her head already throbbed from the backlash of the mage’s spells, and it was getting worse. She had no patience for riddles and cryptic remarks. She knew he- no, how could she. . She knew him because-nonono there is awallwithgoldeneyes and forbiddentogobeyond… Veloren blinked. Something about eyes. She knew enough to understand that he had no interest in half-elves. Powerful Immortals had no need for mortal bodies, and he was as powerful as they came. If he tried to possess someone, they would be ripped apart in a heartbeat. She glared at him suspiciously. He was up to something.

“What do I want?” Chaos considered. “I’m not altogether sure. You wouldn’t believe if I said that I was curious as to what you were up to, would you? Incidentally, any news from your brother?” The hideous ruined eyes laughed at her.

“I have no brother.” Why is it so hard to stay scared? When dealing with the personification of chaos, even in a weakened form, annoyance was not an appropriate reaction. I should probably be groveling.

“Ah, quarrels between siblings are so sad.” Chaos sighed, conveniently forgetting his own feud with his brother. “But perhaps I am being grossly rude, as you have other guests?”

Veloren blinked. “What?” Then she heard the sound of someone trying very noisily to be quiet. One of these days she would have to teach that boy some woodcraft. “Raven!” A furiously blushing elf and his shadow climbed out of a bush, plucking twigs from his hair. Veloren wasn’t sure whether to be amused or terrified. Of all people… She glared at the enigmatically-smiling Chaos. “You! You had something to do with this, didn’t you!”

Me? To be technical, my dear, I have something to do with everything.” Veloren silently counted to ten and reminded herself that punching an Immortal, particularly this Immortal, would be a very, very bad idea.

“Veloren? Who is this?” Raven’s voice was shaking, he was scared. Not nearly scared enough.

“Veloren?” Chaos repeated “So that’s what you call yourself these days.” V gritted her teeth and sent nasty thoughts in Raven’s direction. “I am called many things, my inquisitive pointy-ear. Among them are Hù ndù n, Xá oç , Loki… oh, there are so many. You may be more familiar with Chaos. And you are Raven Shadow-weaver, the young mage that lives with Lady Ursua.” Raven turned several shades paler as Chaos favored him with one of his misshapen smiles. Leavehimaloneleavehimalone. Chaos glided over to him. “And such an interesting shadow you have, Raven Shadow-weaver.” Id hissed at the Immortal, then collapsed into the smallest space possible and hid itself behind Raven’s feet as Chaos glanced at it. “Although I would recommend you teach him better manners, as the next Immortal you meet may not be so benevolent.”

Benevolent, my foot. “Chaos, leave the boy alone. He has nothing to do with you.”

“Oh?” Chaos said pleasantly, and the roaring in her ears returned, stronger than before, and her body rocked as if it was a physical blow.

“Stop it!” Raven ran forward, placing himself between the two. “You’re hurting her!” Shut up, Raven, you’ll just get yourself in trouble!

Chaos’s smile slipped for just a moment. “Oh?” he said again. “And who are you, who do not know or understand… Anything? Do you think magic has made you wise? I am older than magic, old as the stars. What are you, boy, to say anything at all? Be silent!” Raven tried to open his mouth, but no words came out, his eyes went large and dark as he realized he couldn’t move at all.

“Chaos…” Veloren whispered. The Immortal turned on her.

“And you! You! How long have you run from me? Treachery runs in your family, doesn’t it? Brother and sister both! You fled when I needed you, Amaraneth!”

Veloren shuddered at the name “I- don’t know… what are you t-”

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you even-!” Chaos roared. “Do you even have any idea what you have done? Did you think you could run forever? Did you think that changing your eyes would save you?” The wind turned into a gale, whipping at the trees and their clothing. The stars and moon were blotted out, and all the light there was came from Chaos himself, an eerie green glow that illuminated the clearing. The shapes of trees and grass and rocks were twisting, and Raven realized that they were being changed by their exposure to Chaos.

“S-stop it…” Veloren was rapidly losing control over herself. She wanted to argue, tell him that he was making a mistake, she wasn’t who he thought she was, she didn’t know anything! But she knew-she didn’t know- she must not know- All around her everything was shattering and the thing in the mirror was beckoning. I’m going to lose control, she thought with perfect clarity this is my fault. I stayed too long, ignored all the signs. I’m so sorry, Raven. And then her mind spiraled down into the darkness.

“Veloren?” Raven’s paralysis snapped, and he ran toward her as she sank to her knees, covering her head with her hands.

“’Mara!” Coattails flying, Chaos beat him there, kneeling in front of her. “Mara, look at me.” Gently, he pried each finger away from her face. Her eyes were open wide, staring at nothing, their color flickering madly between green and gold. “Oh, Mara, Mara, what have you done to yourself?” All fury was gone from his voice, all that was left was weariness and sorrow. “No wonder I couldn’t find you…”

“L-leave her alone! I’m warning you!”

Chaos smiled at Raven. “Little elf, you have no idea what would happen if I ‘left her alone’, do you? I’m helping her, not hurting her. Sit down and shut up.” Raven’s legs buckled, and he found himself sitting down and shutting up. Chaos leaned over so that his eyes were level with Veloren’s. Raven frowned- it seemed, just for a moment, that Chaos opened his eyes, straining and stretching the stitches that closed his eyes forever. Then Chaos’s eyes were shut, and the stitches as tight as ever. He leaned forward and whispered something in Veloren’s ear. He stood, and turned to Raven.

“You will never speak of what happened this night to anyone.”

“I- I won’t. I promise.” Raven was having difficulty getting his eyes to focus. He knew Chaos was doing it, but he wasn’t able to fight it.

“You won’t remember.” Chaos caught him as Raven pitched forward onto his face. “At least, until you need to.” He glanced at Veloren, now only sleeping, her hand clenched around his gift. “I’m sorry, Amaraneth. Someday you will forgive me.”