"Faerie Bar" by Kelsey M. Graham

Once Upon a Time…
“Good afternoon, can I take your order please?” I said cheerfully to the three dark hooded figures sitting around the table in one of the perpetually dark corners.
“I’ll havesss the blood puddingsss” one spoke, his hissing voice menacing “With exssstra gore.”
“Would you like fries with that?” I asked. I couldn’t help myself.
The dark cloaked figure pulled himself to his full height, hitting his head against the low ceiling. Slowly, deliberately, he pulled back his hood. (sheesh, you can just hear the suspenseful music, can’t cha?) Papery white skin, too-red lips, and jet black hair, complete with widow’s peak. How cliché can you get? He opened his mouth, showing far too many needle- sharp teeth. (boy, it must really hurt when he bites his tongue, don’t cha think?) He lunged across the table, and I punched him in the mouth. Hey, it was a big target. He reeled back sobbing like a baby. I’d chipped his front tooth. I sighed. Vampires are always bad about their teeth. One little chip, and they act like it’s the end of the world. Big babies.
“Look here, mister,” I said, folding my arms over my red uniform “I ain’t a R.D.D.*, m’kay?” he nodded. “Now I know that tooth will grow back, so just chill.” I turned to the next vampire. “What do you want, sir?”
Silence.
Oh joy. “Sir?”
Silence.
“I’ll just put down nothing, shall I?”
Silence.
I rolled my eyes. “And you?” I asked the last one.
“Umm.. C-can I have chicken nuggets please? And orange juice? Please?”
One of the other vamps thumped his fist on the table. “For the last time, Vladimir, you are a vampire, continuing a long and proud legacy- start acting like it already!”
“But Daaaad!”
“No buts. When I was your age...”
I went on to the next corner. There are a lot of them. The entire tavern is, in fact, made of dark corners. From above it looks like some kind of demented sea urchin, surrounded by stereotypically dark alleys. The only people who ever sit in the middle are G.T.s**. You can always spot an G.T. from miles away. They are all huge, hulking, muscle bound people, wearing little more than a loincloth, some rusty armor, and a bright, cheery name tag saying “Hello! I’m G.T. # __”
At the next table was someone who, to my never ending shock, wasn’t wearing a dark cloak. Instead, he was wearing a tight gold suit. “Hey, don’t step on my shoes!” he yelped. I jumped, then apologized. Good blue suede shoes are hard to come by, you know. He said it was alright, and asked me where he was. He had been trying to find Heartbreak Hotel, and must have taken a wrong turn..
I gave him the directions, and with a “Thankyou, thankyou very much”, Elvis left the building.
A fight had started up in one of the corners among a group of vamps. “No I will NOT go to that stupid class!” one of them yelled at the other pinstriped suited bloodsucker. He crumpled up the pamphlet the other had given him, and threw it across the room. It landed hear my feet, so I picked it up and read it.

Step Into The Light!

Class for vampires

How To Overcome Your Phobia Of Sunlight In Four Easy Steps!!!!

I sighed. What next? All the vampires were very uptight, these days, their numbers were declining, thanks to the AIDS epidemic, and they were becoming a wee bit paranoid. A voice right behind me made me jump. Okay, maybe the vampires aren’t the only paranoid people here.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” said the voice.
“You do realize that is the most cliché line on Earth,” I said, turning.
“But some times the old ways are the best ways.” The wolf said, grinning toothily. Very, very toothily. My, what big teeth he had.
“Hello, wolfboy,” I said, annoyed “What do you want- oh, let me guess- a doggy bag?” the werewolf snarled at me. Behind us, a bar fight was starting. I mentally sighed. We already had scheduled bar fights, but some people preferred to start their own.
“So, little red, you’re all grown up now,” he said “And I don’t see any woodsman around, this time. So you’ve got no one to save you.”
“Granny says hi.” I said, reaching behind me for a rolling pin. He only growled. With a loud thud, I brought the rolling pin down on his head. He crumpled, out cold.
“And who ever said I’d need saving?” I muttered to his still form. Dusting off my hands, I got back to work. There were other guests to serve.

Life doesn’t end after the happy ending. The story just stops being written.