"Borenard´s Song" by Raoul Meuldijk

Nice... I like how even though some parts don't rhyme, they follow the whole cadence. And I like all the "The Lady of" sybollism.

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Glad you like it! The song refers to the priest of the goddess Lady Alranil, in "The Sermon of Borenard"."

^_^ I can see him coming down a road on a donkey singing the song Woei *huggles* sing some more!

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Well actually, he rides a horse... But I picture him somewhat like this guy that Henk drew, albeit a bit less frowning."

I love songs, especially folk sort types like these...you know what I mean. Anyway, I especially thought the last stanza (I think its called) brought the whole song togeather, adding the troubles of traveling, and yet how it is strangely additctive Is there a story to go with this? I would love to read it! Fantastic job!

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "You found the story I see ;-) Indeed, after four -stanzas, is it?- I wanted to 'sum it up'."

This piece has a very simple, rhythmic cadance, which is often lost in many poems. The simplicity is beautifully crafted as well, and I think I should like to invent the music to this. *Whips out bassoon and staff paper, and sets to work.* I'll let you know if i get anywhere.

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "*blush* Putting my song to music! I am deeply honoured! Thanks! *digs up English-Dutch dictionary to find out what a bassoon is*"

Amazingly flowing for such a small poem... all my poetry seems to be a little rusty. Referring to qualities and things as people and places is a really nice idea, it works well in this poem.

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Yes, I like animism..."

whenevr I stumble
she picks me up
whenevr I wander
she calls a stop

she creates obstacles
so I can overcome
she makes me go beyond
to where I otherwise would've gone

Very inspiring! I love that rithm...
it's very recognisable, very good!
Thanks for leading me here!
(en wageningen is echt 10 minuten verderop ;p )

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "You will make a good disciple of Alranil.
Er zijn kennelijk nogal wat Elfwooders rond Wageningen!"

*gasp* such quality! I can never write good poems. I always mess up or something and there's always a weak spot in my writing that I just can't strengthen. But u! U just go BAM BAM BAM! And voila! Masterpiece! Congrats.

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "*blush* ...and I merely made it quickly to go with the Borenard story, after finding out that a first submit to Elfwood required _two_ stories."

Well, that's very good

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Yeah, I should be writing religious songs in stead of doing IT..."

The swamp of Toads <- Swamp of Toads, rather. If not for the sake of poetic consistency, then because it's a title, and important nouns in titles take upper case first letters.

Where ever <- Wherever
when ever <- whenever

Fun poem, though. And properly formatted! There is hope, after all. Sorry, poetry formatting is a pet peeve. ^-^;;

I like the cadence of it. It's very easy to picture this being sung as a travelling song. ^-^ Nice and simple, though personally I found the inconsistency of rhyme a little too bothering. It just really upset the rhythm of the poem.

Metre can be fudged by making some syllables span more notes, but rhyming can't be. The first stanza really grated me with the assonance rather than full rhyme. Got better after that, though the rhyme that was there sounded a little forced.

Erm, sorry. I'll leave the form in peace now, because the content of the poem is there, unhindered by different technical stylistic preferences. ^-~ Still, if you want to rewrite this at some point, you could look at those areas.

This carries a lovely pieous tone, as well it should. ^-~ The generic feel of the place names are a really nice touch as well in this context. Gives it an older and slightly more adventurous feel. And why wouldn't towns and places have nicknames as well? ^-~

It uses very simple language, but that's part of its charm. Songs like this do go like that, don't they? ^-^ It's a very sweet piece. ^-^

Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Good, more correction of spelling!I will have to look up what assonance and full rhyme are. My little understanding of poetry only focuses on rythm, and structure in rhyme (the rhymes being in lines 2-4, 1-3, 2-4, 1-3, 2-4). I should have to actually read some poetry..."