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Stories / Stories / Raoul Meuldijk / Text 6 of 11 / Pyromagomaniac

"Pyromagomaniac" by Raoul Meuldijk

SF&F Picture 6 out of 11 by Raoul Meuldijk

Fire magic is such fun...

Pyromagomaniac

"Fire! Fire! Fiiiiiire! Firefirefire!
Ah, it's so great being a pyromagus!

Air to heat! Earth to slag! Water to steam!

What's that? Dry bushes? Lovelylovely! Zapp! Cracklecrackle, more ashes.

And a pond! Come to me, my fire elementals! Time for a bath! Yes, Yes, make a sauna! Sizzle frizzle! Ooh, them fishes are already done! Yum… How nice… especially those burnt fins!

Mister shepherd, shall I help you relieve your sheep from their warm fleece? Oops, you get some nice roast lamb as well, enjoy your meal!

Dear baker, did you know you bread can be baked much quicker? Here! Fire! Hihihihihi! See that beautiful black crust!

You say the smithy has more use of coal? Hey, smithy, shall I melt that iron for you? Yeeehaaaaa… Fire! Look, it's a cute orange puddle now. You say that was a plough? And a scythe? Let me help you get rid of that dry grass! Vrrroooomm… Foomp! A full hectare of Friendly Fire! O dear, your head… now you don't need to go to the barber anymore!

Fire! Flames! Cnittercnetter… What's that weird looking machine you're pumping on, Sir? A steam machine? Shall I light it for you? I must look into this hose? Hihihi. And I'll put the flame into that pipe and it'll pump? All-righty! Zapp! Your kettle heats up!
Hey, what's coming from this hose? Blblblub… Bl… wadder…? Blb…"
Hisssssss…

←- Loving Eros | Sand, Sword and Senility -→

Date	Name	Comment
18 Jun 2005	Holland87	Loading... this is the kind of stories that I like, funny and not too long Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Good! I have a selling point!"
20 Jun 2005	R.E. 'Riibu' Kankaanpää	Loading... Aww, he was the non-evil kind. Raoul Meuldijk replies: "Not really evil, no. Deranged, yes. And a dangerous lunatic. I like deranged characters, come to think of it. I have some more in Sand, Sword & Senility. And in Subtle Revenge. And the horse and the gnome in Horse and Carrot are also quite out of it. Hmm, most of my characters appear to be slightly to severely out-of-touch with it. I hope I'm not projecting anything."
18 Jan 2006	Vicci Higginbottom	Loading... Not the truly-evil kind. Just the truly-Crazy kind. hehehehe! I like this one lots. Reminds me of a friend of mine. Raoul Meuldijk replies: "You have friends like that?! I hope you have good insurance..."
25 Feb 2006	Christabel Nolan	Loading... hoo! that was so funny. Hihihi! fantastic. very short... you should set up a world for this guy, then set him/her loose. very enjoyable. Raoul Meuldijk replies: "I think that either the world or himself would be very shortlived..."
29 Mar 2006	L. Shanra Kuepers	Loading... Cnittercnetter <- I honesly, do not believe that 'cn' is still an acceptable English spelling type. Or even a way of pronouncing things. 'kn' slowly evolved into just one vowel sound. Have to say that this is the story that I liked least of yours (from what I've read anyway). It's got potential-funny, but it's lacking. You've got the personality and the madness down wonderfully, but grammatically (and plotwise, because insane narrators may still have a good plot) this is just far below the level of your other pieces. It sounds like a very interesting character (happycheer-insanity done well like here is always a treat), but it just... It needs more. A world, a plot... A short sketch like this doesn't do it justice. Raoul Meuldijk replies: "That 'kn' is only [n] in English is exactly what made me use 'cn', in the hope that English readers would understand it as the sound [kn]. Is there a better way to write the combination of the sound k-n in English?I agree that it is one of my weaker pieces. It was originally written during a Dutch Elfwood meeting, and I wasn't so sharp anymore by the time I wrote this, after having written three or four other pieces that afternoon... Come to mention it, maybe you would like to visit a DEW meeting sometime? I'll probably organize one in Wageningen in the coming few months. To receive news of us, you can sign up for our mailinglist at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dutchelfwood/ I would like to meet you, you're such a devoted commenter! "

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About 'Pyromagomaniac':

• Status: OK
• Created by:

Raoul Meuldijk
• Copyright: ©Raoul Meuldijk. All rights reserved!

• Keywords: Fire, Maniac, Elemental, Madness
• Categories: Humourous or Cute Things, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers...
• Views: 247

More by 'Raoul Meuldijk':

Loving Eros	The Sermon of Borenard Idrolson	Unintended Consequence
Sand, Sword and Senility	For External Use Only	Unlife
Borenard enlightens orcs	Horse and Carrot

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