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Stories / Stories / Marijke Mahieu / Text 4 of 20 / Eli´s journal_part2

"Eli´s journal_part2" by Marijke Mahieu

SciFi/Fantasy text 4 out of 20 by Marijke Mahieu. ←Previous - Next→

Eli is still in the desert. Still troubled by the amnesia. And the sun is starting to take its toll...

←- Eli's journal_part1 | Eli's journal_part3 -→

Late afternoon, day 141, year 538

I did not know blood could boil while its owner is still alive. I assure you… it can.

Mine must be at boiling point right now, my reddened skin barely thick enough to keep it contained. The heat is killing me, literally.

The sun. My new enemy. Invincible.

My chest is sore. I shouldn’t have thrown away my leather tunic a couple of days ago, but I did. And it’s irretrievable now. I could no longer look upon those stains. Not knowing whose blood that was; not knowing whose hand had shed it.

But as I have been walking bare-chested, without defence, my enemy has seen fit to attack. And I have been wounded severely, my skin flailed and left in tatters. I never knew sunburns could hurt that much.

This enemy is not my worst fear, though. My own head is. I think I’m going insane…I honestly do.

What does it take to call a man insane? Having visions? Check. I have those at night. Talking to unseen others? Check. I do shout at my enemy at times, but then again, he never leaves my side these days. Forget about all that is important? Check.

I try to remember, but I can’t. There’s a big wall in my mind refusing me to climb over it. I know my memories are still there. I can hear them buzzing like bees behind that wall, trying to get out as much as I’m trying to get in. If only I could reach them! And yes, before you ask, I have tried walking around the wall, but it just goes on and on. I tell you, I’ve tried!

And yes, I do realize I am talking to my diary now, thank you very much!

I should go find shelter soon. I need to rest.

Morning, day 143, year 538

I am in a desert. I am lost.

I have walked through dunes of sand for seven days now, only counting the nights. I look forward to those cool evenings, the only times of the day I can let my guard down for at that time my enemy goes to sleep.

The wine is gone now. I drank the last drops yesterday. The little food I could find in my backpack has been consumed several days ago.

I am thirsty. My lips are cracked.

I can see my sister at night. Did I mention she’s a sorceress? Well, she is. And a very good one! I guess I just remembered that now.

I think I’m dreaming when I see her, because I’m no longer in this desert when having those visions. The dream is always the same. I see Arwana sitting on a cold stone floor. She is in pain although she doesn’t look wounded. The hurt is in her eyes though, those warm brown eyes that always looked so friendly. They are shattered now.

She raises her head, looks at me and whispers: “Help me Eli! I can’t keep it subdued much longer. Help me! Try to find me!” And then she’s gone and I’m left all alone in the grey room. That’s it. There’s nothing more to it. That’s the dream I have had every night since I woke up in the desert.

It’s the reason why I keep walking, although I have no idea of where I’m going. The only thing that is clear in my mind now is “Find her. She needs help!”

And I will die trying…

←- Eli's journal_part1 | Eli's journal_part3 -→

Date	Name	Comment
15 Jun 2004	Inger Marie Hognestad	Loading... Thanks for the link at my page That means I can find my way back to you! This is an intriguing story. I like the feeling of mystery-to-be-solved, and the 1.st person PoV makes it very easy to identify with the phlight of your character. I hope you're continuing this tale. Only thing that caught my attention, -and I'm not even sure if it was in a good or a bad way, was the repetition of the lines at the beginning of the diary-entry. "I'm in a desert. I'm lost." It comes across very powerfully, and the repetition from the previous entry seemed a little stilted. That might just be me, though It's no big issue, I just feel compelled to try to leave constructive crit cough Assuming that it is constructive. I better stop now before I'm out of my depth... Anyway, that was my two cents. Laters Marijke Mahieu replies: "Well thank you for your elaborate comment! I will continue this one the moment I have some spare time! sighs...busy busy life ...The repitition is there on purpose...Eli is slowly loosing his mind and those two strong lines are there as a beacon for him to remember what is going on. At the beginning of the second entry he repeats them to himself to make sure his mind stays focused (not that it helps much...)...They might even appear again in next chapters...So yes, they do serve a purpose! But thank you for spotting them anyway "
29 Jun 2004	Marie Thorsen	Loading... It is hard commenting on this, when so little of the story line has unfolded itself at this point You know I love your way of writing and your descriptions are excellent and easy to follow. I felt as if his 'voice' changed in the second entry, but ofc he is dying slowly, and with insanity knocking, who wouldn't be besides themselves. I found one sentence which could need a bit of correcting: "There’s a big wall in my mind refusing me to climb over it." The wall is refusing to let you climb over the it? I would say that it is the height of the wall that prevents you from climbing over. Anyways, great work! I think diaries are horribly difficult to write, but you have really managed to write a catchy beginning Marijke Mahieu replies: "Hey Marie! Yeah, diaries are a pain, but I like writing the pure ones...I've seen several here on Elfwood that have dialogues or lenghty third-person descriptions in it...I try not to do that, but it is hard ...Umm about that sentence: I meant to say the wall is refusing Eli to climb over it...so yes, the wall is subject here...I know it doesn't make much sense, but then again it doesn't in Eli's head either ...Glad you liked it though! Part 3 is on its way "
30 Oct 2004	Vivianne Bowman mangagirlz@hot...com>	Loading... Keep it up! Love the suspensence that u wrote here! When will u put up the rest of it? Marijke Mahieu replies: "I'm trying, I'm trying...But I'm writing like four stories at the same time here, all of them competing in my head to be written first "
7 Nov 2004	Katie	Loading... I like that you have chosen the style of writing in a journal to do this story with. I have a tried before and found that I failed miserably. I will have to stick to writing my fantasy stories in the usual way. So much for variety. This is a part of this page which I really noticed: 'I did not know blood could boil while its owner is still alive. I assure you… it can. Mine must be at boiling point right now, my reddened skin barely thick enough to keep it contained. The heat is killing me, literally. The sun. My new enemy. Invincible.' I thought that was a very good way of describing the sun when it is at its worst. You have a good writing style, keep it up. Unfortunatly I have some stories that all need to be finished and more that are pushing to be made, so I bid your farewell. Good luck and farespeed my weary traveler... (Oh no, I may have been working on my helen story too long) Marijke Mahieu replies: "Hey Katie! How nice of you to drop by and read Eli's journals . I'm glad the diary style appeals to you. It's not so hard to do, you know. You just need to really get into your character's skin and write down what he/she is feeling and thinking.I'll come over to check out your stories the moment a have some spare time! That's a promise "
14 Dec 2004	E Purington	Loading... Wow..I think I like this one better than the first! It really came across that it was a diary. I love when he says that thing about talking to the diary. Heh. I dunno, just made me laugh ^_^ /Not knowing whose blood that was; not knowing whose hand had shed it.// Very neat what you did here. The parallelism between the two sides it just perfect. /I look forward to those cool evenings, the only [times] of the day I can let my guard [down for] at that time my enemy goes to sleep.// evening only comes once in a day, so..[time] maybe? [down, for] /The little food I could find in my backpack [has been] consumed several days ago.// [was]? [has been] is more..it has been several days since the food was consumed. I really liked his voice in this one; did it change since last time? Do we have a "picture" of him yet? I can't remember any features mentioned. I like to have visuals of characters..especially when it's a guy ^_~ Marijke Mahieu replies: "Thank you Emily! The voice did change a little. He's a little less confused, but a whole lot more desperate now. Ever tried to think straight while being lost in a bleeding hot desert? No, we don't have a "picture" of him yet...we never will have! I'm trying to stay true to the "diary" principle in this story. There simply is no third person "all knowing" narrator. There's only Eli and what he decides to write down in his diary. I very much doubt that anyone would write about how they look in their own diaries "
18 Jan 2005	Georg Marquardt	Loading... Very nice unfolding and stuff, the character really seems like he is teetering on the razor edge of sanity, sounding remarkably like me right now. Marijke Mahieu replies: "Hehe...you on the edge of insanity? yeah right! I'm glad you liked this part. It's my favourite Eli part so far, but I know there is still much room for improvement. "
16 Jun 2005	Jess Hyslop	Loading... Ooh, I could really feel that sunburn! Ouch! I sympathise with the poor guy - I burn easily o_0 Very well done. Oh, and I forgot to say in the last part: I liked that sentence about the thought of water making him cry, too. I read it a few times over, it was so poignant <--- heh, what a great word! Marijke Mahieu replies: "So do I!! I'm so pale that I never get brown when I'm sunbathing. I go straight from white to red...and I stay red ...Thanks for commenting!"
14 Aug 2005	Smokeleopard	Loading... And another great line, "I did not know blood could boil while it's owner is still alive." Excellent line! Owch! Arggh! Here comes my survival nitpick again... Eli ate food. Um, well, you should never eat if you don't have sufficient water (especially in a desert). On average you can survive around 3 weeks without food if you have enough water but only about 2-3 days without water. Eating just uses valuable water for digestion. (Ok, I'm going to shut up about it now! Promise!) I like that he gave up his tunic because he couldn't stand not knowing where the blood came from. This action says a lot about his character I think. I'm still hooked. Marijke Mahieu replies: "Right again on the survival issues...But he never specified what he ate...Could have been fruit? Argh! I give up...Of course, you're right...It's just that if "I" don't know things like that, then I don't think Eli should know it too. Where he comes from there are no deserts, hence no idea on how to live in them "
18 Feb 2006	Brian Rich	Loading... This diary style writing rocks! I can almost feel the guy's discomfort. You keep feeding tidbits of information that lures us to the next part. Now you have me wondering about his adversary and we get a little more information about his sister. Excellent! I must continue on. Marijke Mahieu replies: "I love the diary style too. On the one hand it's very restrictive because you can't write lenghty descriptions (and people tell me that's my forte), but on the other hand the PoV is so special and so versatile that every entry is different. Oh, and his adversary is just the sun...but he's dillusional so he personifies his "opponent" Thanks for reading!"
30 Apr 2007	Désirée Dippenaar	Loading... Hoo, the descriptions of the sun were great. I especially liked the first sentence. shudders I hate sunburns... poor Eli. He really doesn’t seem used to desert climates, poor thing... I’m curious about where his sister is and what happened to her... and how Eli is ever to get out of that terrible desert! They look all right in pictures, but a real-life desert... help. Marijke Mahieu replies: "Hehe..not a desert fan, I guess? "
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'Eli's journal_part2':

• Created by:

Marijke Mahieu
• Copyright: ©Marijke Mahieu. All rights reserved!

• Keywords: Amnesia, Desert, Diary, Dreams, Elf, Insanity
• Categories: Elf / Elves, Ghosts, Ghouls, Aparitions, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Romance, Emotion, Love, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
• Views: 986

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