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Stories / Stories / 
Laura Soret / Text 1 of 9 / Conversations with oneself
"Conversations with oneself" by Laura Soret
SF&F Picture 1 out of 9 by Laura Soret
| (read with deep, interesting voice) In a time of boredome, when entertainment was bleek, there lived a young woman whose only escape was in a pointless conversation with her other goofy selves. (visualize bored, drooling laura) |
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LAURA1: Hello!
LAURA2: Hello, how we doin’?
L1: A bit silly and cuddly, but it’s OK.
L2: Hey, by the way, who are you?
L1: I’m Laura, you?
L2: I’m Laura too.
L1: That is, I’m speaking to myself?
L2: Yes.
L1: Oh my God! I knew exams couldn’t be good for you!
L2: Well, whatever, you just act like nothing happened.
L1: NO! Leave me aloooone!!!
L2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t get all jumpy, I did not yet do anything unrespectful.
L1: You’re crazy!!
L2: You’re crazier, since you’re speaking to yourself…
L1: No!!
L2: Yes, my dear, yes…
L1: Well, then, don’t bother me, I’m working!
L2: But I’m bored!
L1: Me too, but I live with it!
L2: Me too! But I’m tired of living with it, so I said to myself: I’ll annoy myself a while!
L1: Oh, you are such a bugger!
L2: You too!
L1: Gah, now this is just too heavy! Look, missy, don’t get me started or I’ll hit me!!
L2: Ok, then, I dare ya!
L1: Ouch!
L2: Ouch!
L1: Damn it!
L2: Ha, ha, stupid! You are me! And I am you!
L1: You hit me!!!
L2: But it was you!
L1: You’re confusing me! Stop it!
L2: You started it!
L1: What are you saying?
L2: Yeah, look up! You’re the one that said hello!
L1: … It’s true…
L2: Oh, oh, it’s your fault; you shouldn’t have called my attention!
L1: But I wasn’t talking to you!
L2: Who, then?
L1: I don’t know…
L2: The thing is there was no one else but you at that moment, so you had to answer, and here I am.
L1: Damn. Are you sure there’s no one else around there?
L2: No.
L1: Come on, go see!
L2: I’m telling you there’s no one here!
L1: Just take one look!!!
L2: Geez…! Hello, is there someone there? See? There’s nobody…
LAURA3: Hiiiiii!!
L2: Oi vey!
L1: Aha, see?
L3: Who are you guys?
L1: I’m Laura.
L2: And I’m Laura also.
L1: Who are you?
L3: I’m Laura.
L1: Damn it!
L2: Ha, ha, stupids!
L1: Shut up!
L3: What’s going on? Am I speaking to myself?
L1: Yes.
L2: Yes.
L3: He, he, cool! I got triple personality!
L1: Hey, isn’t anyone else there? Like God or something?
L2: Don’t call another one!!!
L3: I have no idea, suddenly you guys called and…
L1: And what Laura do you come from?
L3: Ha, ha, how many are there?
L2: If this one doesn’t shut up, there will be even more!
L1: Don’t complain, you’re the one who doesn’t want to leave in the first place!
L2: And why should I? You leave!
L1: How can I leave! I was minding my own business when you appeared!
L2: Now, do you really think you’re the original Laura, and all?
L1: Do you even doubt it??
L3: This is so cool! My other personalities fighting in my head.
L2: And what are you babbling???
L1: Don’t pick on her; she’s done nothing to you!
L2: She’s done the same you’ve done! You and her are the same!
L1: And you too!
L3: So fun!
L2: The bastard is laughing!
L1: Hey, that’s enough, don’t you think?
L3: No, it’s OK, ha, ha, I like it! Go on, go on!
L1: God, what can I do to make these two go away?
GOD: Now don’t get me in the middle!
L1: Oh, it’s God! I found him!
L2: Hey, yeah, don’t just run off! Come here and take these two maniacs to the beyond or something.
L3: Hi, Goooood!
GOD: …
L1: He’s gone!
L2: He’s not gone! God’s always in you, like Simba´s father! He just fears you cuz you’re annoying little midgets!
L1: He fears you cuz you’re mean!
GOD: Why did I even say anything?
L2: Ha! See?
L3: Hi, Goooood!
GOD: Well, well, what’s this here? Three Lauras?
L1: Yes, God, they won’t leave me alone!
L2: No, God, it’s their little squeaky voices in my head that won’t shut up!
L3: It’s so friggin’ cool!!
GOD: Oof, personality deployments are so not my thing!
L1: Oh, do something, they’ll drive me mad!
GOD: But you’re already mad.
L2: Yeah! And God is always right!
L3: Ha, ha!
GOD: Well, always…
L1: What’s this? God just made me a revelation! Sometimes he is wrong! Ha, ha! All religions busted!
GOD: Oopsies…
L3: Ha, ha!
GOD: I should not have said that…
L2: This is getting more a more pointless. Are you sure you’re God?
GOD: I guess…
L1: Wow! God’s not sure he’s God!
GOD: I experience everything and I am everything, therefore I must sometimes be an idiot like you.
L2: Well, well, he, he! Ladies and gentlemen: God!
L3: Ha, ha! God’s so much fun!
GOD: Thanks! I like this Laura a lot better, just so you know. You are both very annoying. I know now which Laura to leave. Just like in Zoo Tycoon, more happy citizens, more points for me.
L2: So it’s all just a game!
GOD: Don’t get me wrong.
L2: Nooo! Let me ouuuut! *plop*
GOD: You’re out!
L1: Oh, oh… *plop*
GOD: One less.
L3: Ha, ha! You’re so cool, God!
GOD: There, there, go to your Beanie Babies.
LAURA2: Hello, how we doin’?
L1: A bit silly and cuddly, but it’s OK.
L2: Hey, by the way, who are you?
L1: I’m Laura, you?
L2: I’m Laura too.
L1: That is, I’m speaking to myself?
L2: Yes.
L1: Oh my God! I knew exams couldn’t be good for you!
L2: Well, whatever, you just act like nothing happened.
L1: NO! Leave me aloooone!!!
L2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t get all jumpy, I did not yet do anything unrespectful.
L1: You’re crazy!!
L2: You’re crazier, since you’re speaking to yourself…
L1: No!!
L2: Yes, my dear, yes…
L1: Well, then, don’t bother me, I’m working!
L2: But I’m bored!
L1: Me too, but I live with it!
L2: Me too! But I’m tired of living with it, so I said to myself: I’ll annoy myself a while!
L1: Oh, you are such a bugger!
L2: You too!
L1: Gah, now this is just too heavy! Look, missy, don’t get me started or I’ll hit me!!
L2: Ok, then, I dare ya!
L1: Ouch!
L2: Ouch!
L1: Damn it!
L2: Ha, ha, stupid! You are me! And I am you!
L1: You hit me!!!
L2: But it was you!
L1: You’re confusing me! Stop it!
L2: You started it!
L1: What are you saying?
L2: Yeah, look up! You’re the one that said hello!
L1: … It’s true…
L2: Oh, oh, it’s your fault; you shouldn’t have called my attention!
L1: But I wasn’t talking to you!
L2: Who, then?
L1: I don’t know…
L2: The thing is there was no one else but you at that moment, so you had to answer, and here I am.
L1: Damn. Are you sure there’s no one else around there?
L2: No.
L1: Come on, go see!
L2: I’m telling you there’s no one here!
L1: Just take one look!!!
L2: Geez…! Hello, is there someone there? See? There’s nobody…
LAURA3: Hiiiiii!!
L2: Oi vey!
L1: Aha, see?
L3: Who are you guys?
L1: I’m Laura.
L2: And I’m Laura also.
L1: Who are you?
L3: I’m Laura.
L1: Damn it!
L2: Ha, ha, stupids!
L1: Shut up!
L3: What’s going on? Am I speaking to myself?
L1: Yes.
L2: Yes.
L3: He, he, cool! I got triple personality!
L1: Hey, isn’t anyone else there? Like God or something?
L2: Don’t call another one!!!
L3: I have no idea, suddenly you guys called and…
L1: And what Laura do you come from?
L3: Ha, ha, how many are there?
L2: If this one doesn’t shut up, there will be even more!
L1: Don’t complain, you’re the one who doesn’t want to leave in the first place!
L2: And why should I? You leave!
L1: How can I leave! I was minding my own business when you appeared!
L2: Now, do you really think you’re the original Laura, and all?
L1: Do you even doubt it??
L3: This is so cool! My other personalities fighting in my head.
L2: And what are you babbling???
L1: Don’t pick on her; she’s done nothing to you!
L2: She’s done the same you’ve done! You and her are the same!
L1: And you too!
L3: So fun!
L2: The bastard is laughing!
L1: Hey, that’s enough, don’t you think?
L3: No, it’s OK, ha, ha, I like it! Go on, go on!
L1: God, what can I do to make these two go away?
GOD: Now don’t get me in the middle!
L1: Oh, it’s God! I found him!
L2: Hey, yeah, don’t just run off! Come here and take these two maniacs to the beyond or something.
L3: Hi, Goooood!
GOD: …
L1: He’s gone!
L2: He’s not gone! God’s always in you, like Simba´s father! He just fears you cuz you’re annoying little midgets!
L1: He fears you cuz you’re mean!
GOD: Why did I even say anything?
L2: Ha! See?
L3: Hi, Goooood!
GOD: Well, well, what’s this here? Three Lauras?
L1: Yes, God, they won’t leave me alone!
L2: No, God, it’s their little squeaky voices in my head that won’t shut up!
L3: It’s so friggin’ cool!!
GOD: Oof, personality deployments are so not my thing!
L1: Oh, do something, they’ll drive me mad!
GOD: But you’re already mad.
L2: Yeah! And God is always right!
L3: Ha, ha!
GOD: Well, always…
L1: What’s this? God just made me a revelation! Sometimes he is wrong! Ha, ha! All religions busted!
GOD: Oopsies…
L3: Ha, ha!
GOD: I should not have said that…
L2: This is getting more a more pointless. Are you sure you’re God?
GOD: I guess…
L1: Wow! God’s not sure he’s God!
GOD: I experience everything and I am everything, therefore I must sometimes be an idiot like you.
L2: Well, well, he, he! Ladies and gentlemen: God!
L3: Ha, ha! God’s so much fun!
GOD: Thanks! I like this Laura a lot better, just so you know. You are both very annoying. I know now which Laura to leave. Just like in Zoo Tycoon, more happy citizens, more points for me.
L2: So it’s all just a game!
GOD: Don’t get me wrong.
L2: Nooo! Let me ouuuut! *plop*
GOD: You’re out!
L1: Oh, oh… *plop*
GOD: One less.
L3: Ha, ha! You’re so cool, God!
GOD: There, there, go to your Beanie Babies.
←- All of a sudden | First - prologue -→
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Sinner
!!! i have conversations wiv my dog, and she answers! I SPEAK DOG!!
YAAAAAAY
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About 'Conversations with oneself':
• Status: OK
• Created by:
Laura Soret• Copyright: ©Laura Soret. All rights reserved!
• Keywords: Self, Selves, Conversations, Conversation, Stupid, Funny, God, Laura
• Categories: Angels, Religious, Spiritual, Holy, Humourous or Cute Things, Parody, History-based, Parallel or Alternate Reality/Universe
• Views: 474
More by 'Laura Soret':
 Hes´n Móhiuma |
First - prologue | First - Chapter 1 |
| Soul in a cage | All of a sudden | Gashir |
| First - Chapter 2 | First - Chapter 3 |
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