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Julia W. Harme

"Evil Stides" by Julia W. Harme

SF&F Picture 2 out of 4 by Julia W. Harme
 
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'staring at the raging ocean, Shoran smiled. Everything was as planed. He was Winning' i came up with this story when i was in the car and i began writting it on my laptop. Very Random I know... I hope u enjoy.. oh and by the way, this is only the prologue, I have more of the story.
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                        EVIL STRIDES

                       PROLOGUE

A gust of wind tore on Shoran’s cloak. Heavy rain had made the cloak damp, in spite of the wax. The path he was taking was over grown by moss and weeds and the soggy moss spat water at him at his every step. He was wearing a shining wolf marked sword on the hip which he was squeezing tight with his left hand absently.  A faint light ahead alerted the man to start sneaking. Even though the rain was lessening, his soft boots made no sound on the wet ground. He drew out his sword as he came closer to the light. When his eyes got used to the bright light he could see men sitting by the fire, their horses’ restless and dancing around sensing danger. The man smiled to him self before jumping out of the bushes to attack the men.

“Noooo! It is Shoran!” one of the men yelled and took his bow and arrow. He plucked the arrow into the bows string and let it fly towards the man but Shoran pointed the sword at the arrow and silver fire shot out from it. The man who shot the arrow, now screamed with agony as the fire hit him square in the chest.

“I am no longer Shoran! I am the lost one now!” Shoran said and started to laugh like a mad man.  Before the other men retreated a chubby man took a glance at the “lost one”.  Shoran’s hood had fallen of his face and what the chubby man saw was not what he had expected. The man was beautiful! He didn’t look evil! He had emerald green eyes and reddish greyish hair. He was about six feet tall and he had strong looking arms. His face was slightly tanned and he was wearing a sneer,

“I will let you go this time. Remember, I will know where you are” the lost one said and disappeared in a flash.

 

←- Evil Strides-the | The Grey Lady -→

DateNameComment 
6 Mar 2008:-) Heidi Hecht
Hm, curious. Nice way to set up the story without answering too many questions, like, Who is Shoran and how did he become the Lost One? And why did he attack those men and then let them go?
Just one note, if somebody’s laughing like a madman and sneering, he is going to look evil, or at least insane. In future revisions, you could say that he had a handsome face that hid a cruel heart or something.
*First comments dance*
7 Mar 2008:-) Jacob Bowdin
"their horses’ restless and dancing around sensing danger. The man smiled to him self before jumping out of the bushes to attack the men."
-No need for the ’ after horses
-him self, should be himself

"He was about six feet tall and he had strong looking arms. His face was slightly tanned and he was wearing a sneer,"
-Make that a . instead of a ,

Nice start, it certainly makes the reader wonder what this ’lost one’ is about.
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About 'Evil Stides':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Julia W. Harme
 • Copyright: ©Julia W. Harme. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Evil, Vs, Good, Magic, Love, Hate, Killing, War
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Orc, Goblins, Trolls, Trollocs..., Vampires, Zombies, Undeads, Dark, Gothic, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 335


More by 'Julia W. Harme':
The Grey Lady
Evil Strides-the
The Keeper of Oblivion (part one)

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