"Black Angel: Part 2" by Marianne Østerbø

The journey took about six hours. I was nervous and tense the whole time. My conduct betrayed nothing of the chaos inside of me. I got a whole cabin for my self, and I spent the time drawing and writing. It helped me get my feelings out, and by getting them out, I relaxed enough to get a couple of hours sleep. The train-station was big, and I felt completely lost among all the people. I caught sight of Nathaniel, and I literally flew into his arms. His apartment was quite new, and it was cozy and gave me a feeling of belonging somewhere. It did not contain much, it was rather simple. We spent the evening watching a movie, and we made a good meal. We talked and we laughed a lot, and the evening was perfect. I told Nathaniel every detail I remembered of Razvan, and I expected him to show up soon. I would spend the rest of the week doing nothing special but to rest and get to know the city.

While walking around my thoughts strayed. I guess you’re not surprised by hearing that I wondered what the good force was like. The dark forces were demons, what was the good force? The questions lingered in my mind as I walked around. Something fell into my mind: If I could see the evil in both Razvan and the other man, could I see it in normal people on the street too? Could I walk around and pick out the ones working for the evil spirits? I walked past a small coffee-shop, and I decided to sit down and take a cup of café-latte. I slowly let every thought fly, and the void was soon enveloping me. I could see people as they were. They were no longer only strangers I did not know, I could see them. I could sense what kind of person they were, if they were evil or if they were good. I could not read them as I had Razvan, but I guess it was because they were normal people who were just living out their lives. It was like my eyes opened for the first time, I knew now that my life had really changed. The picture I had of the world was suddenly gone. The world consisted no longer of people I did not know, I knew them now. I could see them.

After an hour with just sitting still, I figured I could see the evil as a golden aura around the person: the more golden the aura, the more evil the person. The ones with some good in them had all silver auras. There were a lot fewer of them than it was of the golden auras. It did not dishearten me, it rather exited me. It gave me a feeling of purpose: I had to do something about it! I was suddenly wishing I had my blades with me, or at least a dagger. I felt exposed, and as I rose to walk back home, a young woman with an extremely golden aura stood looking at me. I looked her straight in the eye, and my instincts told me she was even stronger than Razvan. She was tall and extremely beautiful. Her black, braided hair reached down to her hip. Her eyes were cold and ice blue. Something in her eyes said she was not to be bullied with, and I believed that. She wore black leather trousers, a grey t-shirt and a black leather coat. Her knee-high boots had high heels and were well used. The only words to describe her were elegance and mortality. We stood looking at each other for a long time, weighing for and against a fight right here, right now. I was not to give in, so she gave me a nod, turned and walked away. The golden aura around her was visible until she rounded the corner of a building.

Again something began nagging inside my head, and I could not figure out what it was. The way back to Nathaniel’s apartment was short, and he was not at home. He had told me where he worked, and I went to the place. It was a completely normal building, except for the fact that everything was so seemingly perfect. Nathaniel met me in the reception and we walked together up till his office. I told him about the woman. Just as he was about to answer me, the fire alarm sounded. Just as people began running towards the exits, we knew what had happened. We knew exactly what was happening. Those working for the demons had come.

He led down several corridors, and in the end we reached the room where all the weapons were stored. We hid each military knives in our boots and in the pockets of our coats. We took a black shoulder bag each, filling it with magazines and two machine pistols. We took only what we needed, nothing more. We slowly began our descent towards the lower levels. I was once again in the void, only concentrating of seeing the golden auras that told me there were bad guys around. I had never talked with Nathaniel about this ability, but I guessed he knew about it. In the middle of all the peoples running around in panic, I saw the black braid of the woman I had met earlier. I poked Nathaniel in the back, and nodded towards the black braid. He whispered into my ear that we should take the old stairs that were never used. He led the way and soon we were descending the old stairs. Only too soon could we hear footsteps coming upwards. We stayed close to the wall so we could not be seen from below. They were getting closer and closer, and I held the gun in my hand tightly. I was so scared and nervous. Not because of the people I knew would kill us if they got the chance. I was nervous because I had to kill them, I had to shoot them or kill them with a knife. The thought scared the hell out of me. It was easy enough for Nathaniel, he was used to using the gun, I on the other had never used it against living people before. I knew I could hit the target, it was an entirely other matter if I managed to pull the trigger.

I could hear gunshots, and I woke up from my thoughts. They had seen us and now they were firing at us. I automatically sighted at the closest guy and pulled the trigger. He fell, dead. I could see the golden aura around him slowly fade into nothing. I think that my first kill did something to me, something that changed me there and then. It made me harder, more untouchable. There were five of them, and three were taken out. Two remained, and they were so close we had to use the knives. Their auras were the stronger ones; all the other ones had only had a faint glow. With the gun in one hand, the one attacking me was taken out with a slash in his throat. We moved even faster downstairs, but the door in the bottom of the stair was held by six stronger guys. The knives had to work, and with them in my hands, the feeling of being complete overwhelmed me again. It was so damn confusing, why couldn’t I just decide? Why couldn’t I just decide between being scared to death and being whole? I was angry, and being angry when being in the void made me all the more dangerous. I moved fast, synchronized with Nathaniel. I did not even have to look at him to know he was just as angry and confused as me. Fighting made some of the anger disappear, and when all lay dead on the floor, we had cooled down, only an empty feeling left in us. The knives disappeared again, and we stepped out the door and into the street which was filled with people who did not know what we had done. I wonder if they would have acted any different if they knew we had just killed eleven men. They would most likely have panicked and run, but the coolest of them would have understood that the humans clad in black guarding the building was looking for us. They would have given us in, and we’d have been killed.

I looked quickly over my shoulder as we walked down the street towards Nathaniel’s apartment. I sighted the black braid once again. We walked into a small side-street just as she turned around. “We can’t stay here! We put everyone around us in danger.” Nathaniel sounded resigned when he said it. “We go home to my place, pack the things we need and keep running! I can’t come up with any better ideas, so if you have one, please, share it!” I had nothing to say, so I kept my mouth shut as we walked. We could hear sirens coming, and when we turned and looked back, there was a thin column of smoke rising from the building. “We should move faster. They must have found out we escaped by now!” We quickened the pace to a slow and relaxed jog, and soon we were inside Nathaniel’s apartment. The rooms I had found so welcoming and warm seemed to have turned into ice and they were close to radiating cold. The small bags we already had the weapons in, were filled with the money we could find, some clothes and other things we needed. The last thing Nathaniel grabbed before we left was the keys to his car, an Audi R8. The black car was fast and elegant. We drove outside town and found a small motel where we hired a room.

That night I had a strange dream. The next morning, when we had spoken about it, Nathaniel had had a similar dream. I walked at the shore of a beautiful lake. I was on an island which lay in the middle of it. I knew in the back of my mind that the island was called Haruna, and that it was a platform on which the good spirits could speak to us. I felt perfectly safe there. It was the kind of safe you felt when you were a child, that kind of innocent safety. An eagle soared above me. It looked so perfect, so free. It spoke to me, telling me of the good forces. They were not many, but the few of them were powerful. But more and more people followed the dark force. They were the Azazel, the ones who did the evil forces’ work on this earth. Usually, they would be neutralized by common people who saw what they were, but now they were so many, something had to be done to equal the negative development. We were a part of this equation. The good spirits could speak to us here on this island in our dreams, in the form of animals. They would tell us what they could tell us, but other than that they could do almost nothing to help. The eagle came towards me, and it landed on my arm. Its eyes were all golden. It was strange; looking at something golden that was not evil. It carried a medallion in its beak. It was made of silver, and in the middle of it, there was a tear. “A tear shed for the world that will soon perish!” The words were spoken by the eagle, but it spoke in my mind. It was a sad voice that only contained regret for the humans that did not know. I asked the eagle by instinct. I do not know why I did it, but it seemed the right question to ask. Something in his words made me ask. I don’t know if it was his voice, or the sadness of it, but I asked: “Are you an angel?” “We are what most humans would call angels. The demons of the dark forces are the black ones. Though we are not really angels. Angels were created by man, they were believed to be the messengers of God, but it truth, we are only forces. We cannot be seen, except when we choose to, and even then would not humans believe us to be what they call angels. They believe us to be extremely intelligent animals. It’s a little ironic.” His voice was filled with humor in the last sentence, and just before he flew away: “Go to one of the closest of the biggest cities. There I guess you will find something.” Then he was gone, and I strayed into a dream filled with peace.

The next morning, I woke up clutching the medallion in my hand. Nathaniel had a similar one, and he had had the same dream. The map lying in the room showed us that Los Angeles was the nearest of the bigger cities. The breakfast was eaten in silence. My thoughts were no where in particular, and the food did not taste much. Nathaniel seemed to have the same thoughts as me, and when we got in the car., we were still silent. The newspaper in the window of the shop across the street caught Nathaniel’s eye. He walked across the street to buy the papers. The happening that had taken place yesterday was all over the front page of both the papers he brought back. The building had indeed burned to the ground, and several people had died. No one knew the reason for the building to be attacked, but they assumed it was the work of terrorists. They also told of two people that were reported missing. There were no picture, but the description of us made no room for doubt. There were no accusations against us; it only told that we were missing. Something about the whole business made the hair on my back stand upright.

We spent the whole day driving towards Los Angeles. The ride was long, and I had good time to think about all that had happened. I went through everything, from the day Sarah told me about the workout with Liam. That was the event that had started everything. Something had turned my life upside-down when I needed it the most. It had given me the chance to start anew. I guess I had been just about to loose myself before it happened. I had been the third wheel on the wagon at home, I had never had the feeling of belonging somewhere. Now I had that feeling, even though I had no home and my family had been killed. I had found someone that had taken me into his arms, he had given my life purpose again and the events that had followed him had given my life a purpose again. It was scary, the thought of how close I had been the bottom, luckily for me, I had come back up before I ever reached it.

Los Angeles was in sight after what seemed an age. I was now driving, and Nathaniel sat beside me, sleeping. The first I saw was all the lights and soon after, the buildings began to take shape. Nathaniel woke as we drove into the city. We drove around until we found what we ere searching for: a small motel which did not lie in the best region. We got a room, and then we went for a walk into Centrum. There were people with golden auras everywhere. It was unbelievable. I constantly had to touch the knives strapped across my back, just to make sure I had not forgotten them. No one looked twice at us, still I felt eyes on me everywhere. We kept a pace that told everyone we knew where we were going, though we did not really know. There were a lot of people out on the streets, too many for my liking. Suddenly I felt those eyes on me again, the eyes that had been on my back all the time after the killing of my family. The evil eyes I knew belonged to Razvan. I touched Nathaniel’s mind lightly, and then I turned around and his golden aura was the first thing I saw. Nathaniel knew who I meant, he could also see the aura, and there was no mistaking the gaze that met ours. His clothes were all black, he wore leather trousers, a black shirt, a black wide-brimmed hat, black, knee-high boots and a leather coat. “I seriously think we have to change our image,” I said to Nathaniel. “Really? Well, I agree, though I do not want leather pants,” he had caught the irony. “I agree, but I like the coats and the color!” “I agree in that, maybe we’ll take a trip to the store to buy some new clothes tomorrow! But first I think we’ll see what this bastard’s got against the two of us. He was just as good as you, so he may loose against the both of us! ” It was as if he had read our thoughts. He disappeared around the corner, but I was thinking the same as Nathaniel: don’t play the game of the enemy, make him play yours. He would expect us to follow, he may think we wanted to finish this. Honestly, I was eager for a fight, but I was not sure if we would beat him. We may hurt him, but not kill him. If he was that easy to kill, I would have killed him days ago. We made our way into one of the small alleys, where it was dark and no one could see. The knives were almost in our hands and our guard was up. Somehow I could put out threads made of my thoughts. They were like sensors telling me what happened around us, in the other small alleys that were connected to the one we were in. I saw pictures in my mind, there were pictures of the alleys and the people in them. The pictures were not very clear, and they did not linger for a long time. It was strange how I suddenly had these powers. It was the same with the ability to see the evil in people. It had just come, and after it first had come, it stayed. In the back of my mind, I could see a black shadow move in the shadows. It was Razvan, it could have been anyone, but the red eyes could not seem any clearer. Nathaniel stood facing the alley I knew he would come from. The feeling that had been nagging me, telling me that something would be very wrong, was warning me again, clearer than ever. “Nat, I think we should run!” my voice was low, and I sounded scared. “Why? Is something wrong?” he did not look at me, his eyes were locked at the alley. “Something is terribly wrong. I don’t know what, but something tells me this can’t be nothing but bad,” my voice had turned into a pleading whisper and Nathaniel finally turned to look at me.

As he turned, a dark shadow came flying from the alley he had been watching. It was not possible to mistake the red gleam from anything but what it was: Razvan. Nathaniel barely escaped the attack unharmed. I moved quickly, angry now. It was like I blacked out. I do not remember anything from the fight and I have no idea why. Nathaniel told me I had fought Razvan, but somehow I had been another place. He had seen it in my eyes, and so had Razvan. He had not stayed for long, after a short fight he had fled. I woke up in the motel room, not knowing what had happened after Razvan had attacked. I was dead tired and not able to talk for more than a few minutes before I fell asleep. I wandered in dreams where no one could reach me. And once more I found myself on Haruna, the eagle sitting on my arm.

“The evil and the good side in you are still fighting each other. You think you have decided which side you’re on, but in the deep of you mind, you still don’t know. There is nothing I can do to help you decide, you have to do it yourself. If I try to force you to choose either side, I might destroy you. Meddling with another person’s mind is a dangerous business which anyone should be careful with. The reasons as to why you haven’t yet decided is obviously clear: you have gone through a lot of events that have affected you both negatively and positively. You still haven’t faced your feelings. The death of your family and the meeting with Liam, both events has made the walls in which you have isolated yourself stronger and more difficult to breach. You have to face your feelings before you can breach them and decide. The reason I brought you here was to tell you this, and to give you something. The first time we met, I gave you a medallion. In the middle of it, it was formed a tear, this medallion shows you who you really are, a knight of the good. I say this even though you haven’t yet decided because in your heart, you are as mild as the summer breeze. No one can change your heart if you are strong enough by mind. Remember that. The dagger I will now give to you is special. It can cut through almost everything, and it is made by the finest smiths in your world. It has been blessed by us, which is proved by the runes. When you wake, your knives will have changed too. They will be much like the dagger. Now I must leave you! Remember to face your feelings!”

With the last words, he was gone along with Haruna, and I strayed in darkness. My dreams were filled with all the darkest moments of my life, especially of those which had happened the last few weeks. I dreamt it in third person, and I saw everything. I saw how I had acted; I saw what I had done. I saw the moment when I had been dead tired after the training with Liam, I saw the moment when I had had to fight for my life against Liam’s men, I saw the first and the second time I had fought Razvan. I saw all this, but what I saw that I would never forget, was the slaying of my family. I have not told you how they died and I am not sure if I can manage, but maybe it will come while I write. I saw the Azazel enter our house soundlessly, I saw how they appeared out of nowhere in front of my mother, my father and my brothers. My sisters came running as they heard my mother’s screams. They beat my sisters and my brothers badly as they forced my mother and my father to watch, and when they were done with them, the roles were exchanged, and my siblings had to watch our parents get all beaten up.

I could not bear watching it any more, but my eyes would not close. Tears ran down my cheeks, and I whispered over and over again: “No, no! Please, no, please, stop!” But no one heard me. They kept doing what they did, and I could not prevent it. Then they cut their throats and I cried even harder. I could not bear hearing the screams of my family, to see the fear in their eyes as they realized what kind of fate that awaited them and I did not understand how no one could have heard them. Then there were darkness for long time, and I was in that hallway again. Nathaniel and I were being chased by the Azazel and the ones coming from the bottom of the stairs were upon us. I could see the hesitation in my eyes; I felt over again what I had felt just before I shot them. Then I shot, and my eyes had turned cold and determined. I could see the predator I had become, what I had changed into. Then there were darkness once more, before the void filled me and I slept.

When I woke the next morning, the dreams were still fresh in my mind. I was quiet during our breakfast, and Nathaniel asked me what was wrong. I did not feel like telling him yet, so I asked him if I could just be patient with me; I needed time. He had not been taken to Haruna, and the dagger was carefully hidden in my boot. I was restless, and I had a strong need of taking a walk. I told Nat I did not know how long I would be gone, but if he needed me, he could just call me on my cell. He said he would take a walk too, and maybe buy some new clothes. I could see the concern in his eyes, but I barely managed to hide the tears that welled up inside of me. As I walked out the door, the rain began to fall. I let my tears run freely as I walked, no one would notice I cried. The words of the eagle confused me, I understood half of them: I had only buried my feelings regarding my family and the others events that had happened. I had never faced them, I did not deem it necessary. But I had been wrong before, why not now? Maybe the way how I dealt with my feelings told me what kind of person I was. I only wanted to be me and to be strong and I wanted to believe in my self. Right now, that wasn’t easy.

Los Angeles was a big city, and there were countless ways to walk, there were always a new street. I kept clear of the small alleys, and I kept to the main streets with all their people. My knives were fastened across my back, the dagger carefully hidden in my boot. The weak golden auras swarmed around me, but my sensors did not tell me anything about Razvan or the woman in black. I walked lost in my own thoughts, seeing the contents of the night’s dream over and over in my mind, looking for small details I might have missed. None appeared, and I put the dream into a corner of my mind, letting it wait for when I had time for it. I noticed people had begun watching me. I did not understand why until I turned around. The woman with the black braid stood behind me along with seven men all clad in black. They were all of the Azazel, and together they were strong. I was only one, they were eight. She walked closer to me, and when she was close enough to touch me, she whispered: “Either you come with us, or we fight you right here, right now. Whichever choice you choose, you’ll lose. You’re on your own!” The thoughts swirled around in my head. I was in the middle of a street filled with humans. They had no idea of what was going on around them. I had to kill them if I wanted to live, and the mood I was in allowed none to escape my knives. “I’d rather die fighting than come with you!” My answer was clear. She turned her back at me and went back to her minions. People had stopped around us, time itself had frozen. I knew I should run, I knew I had no chance against all of them. But a small, insane voice inside my head told me to stay, to fight. The void filled me with darkness and I was calm. Somewhere in the darkness an eagle cried. I barely registered it, I was already moving. Once I saw the woman move, I knew I had lost. She was fast, she was the incarnation of speed and agility. She was not the first to attack me, and the two Azazel were dead before they had their blades drawn, throats cut. The remaining four attacked me all at once. I noticed people screaming and sirens coming closer: it was time for me to run. I took out one more and then I ran. I could hear the woman scream in fury, and I knew she believed me to be a coward. I did not care, all that mattered was me not being captured or killed. I ran, but the street in front of me was already blocked by new Azazel, I ran left into a small alley, but that was closed too. The woman appeared from the street she had some from. I could already feel the pain I that awaited me in their custody, but still I would not surrender without a fight. More of the Azazel lay dead before I reluctantly surrendered. She walked to me and whispered to me: “I am Sayyida.” Then everything went black. It was black for a long time, and I strayed in dreams where Nathaniel was nothing more than a mere shadow. My parents were there, my brothers, my sisters, all the unknown faces of the Azazel I had killed. Sometimes I could hear the cry of an eagle. Every time the eagle cried, the closing darkness withdrew a little. It kept me from being dragged into the darkness.

I woke in a small cell. It was all dark, except for a small stream of light, coming from under the door. All my weapons were gone, except for the dagger, and I could hear screams from other sells. I was definitely under ground, the floor was of damp earth, the warmth was sticky and the walls were of stone. I felt dizzy and my head ached from the blow I had received. I still wore the same clothes, but I did not understand why they hadn’t taken the dagger from me. It was not hidden that well! I sat down with my back against the wall. I could still hear the cry of the eagle and I remembered what it had told me the last time I was on Haruna. But I wasn’t ready to face my feelings yet, I had to wait till I was ready. I did not manage to clear my head and focus on Nathaniel. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to empty my mind and rest. It was difficult. After a while I could hear new steps in the hallway. My intuition told me it was Sayyida, and I braced myself for whatever that was coming. The door opened and I was momentarily blinded by the light: that was one of the most vulnerable moments in my life. My hand instinctively slid towards the dagger in my boot, but I stopped it right on time. She came closer to me, I knew he did not want the guards to hear what she was saying, I could not see their auras, but I could feel them and they were all weak. “You either turn or you die! Either way you’ll feel pain. Remember this?” She held the medallion I had gotten from the good forces. I hadn’t even noticed it was no longer around my neck. “Yeah, it’s mine.” Her smile was evil, “It’s yours, for so long.” She gave it back to me and told the men to take me out to the arena. I was taken out, and the arena was an old underground. They had their base in an old underground. I had no idea why it was here, how it ever came into existence. My best guess was that I was in the old Ruins of Detroit. I must have been unconscious for a long time. My hands were bound tight and then I was led into a big, circular arena surrounded by high, smooth walls. They left me alone in it, and I looked for anything that could cut the rope around my hands. I found none and I left the dagger in my boot alone. Hidden doors opened in the walls, and the people I hadn’t seen cheered. They sat all around the arena, ad they cheered louder as the warriors appeared. They weren’t quite human. They had evolved into something unrecognizable. You could see that they had once been human, or that they had human genes. Some of them walked on two legs, but their heel was drawn upwards and they had legs like dogs. They had gotten something close to fur and they had canine fangs. They were at least four and they had long swords, axes and other blades. Far away I could hear the eagle cry and it gave me hope, hope that I would come through this alive. They were fast and agile, but their height gave me an advantage: I could slip under their arms when they lashed out for me, but before I could do all of this, I had to get my hands free. The knot was too tight; I had to try something else. The Cernunnos’ came closer, and I decided to take the risk and I ran towards the closest one. He lashed out for me with the long sword, but I rolled behind him and as I rose I caught the knife in his belt. He roared with anger as my hands were freed. The others saw that they had to act quickly. Now I had forgotten everything but to stay alive. I no longer saw the audience; I no longer thought of Nathaniel, I no longer thought of my feelings. Being this empty, everything was easy. The first one lay already dead, the blood still pouring from its throat. Two of the remaining three was withdrawing, they tried to make me focus on only the one in front of me, so they could take me from behind. I did not forget them; they were shadows at the edge of my vision. The second was mortally wounded, and as I saw into its eyes, I could see no fear, no feelings. They must have made them so inhuman they had lost their ability to feel. If they ever were freed, they would destroy the world; they would tear it apart and kill everyone in it. Since they were robbed of their ability to feel pain and fear, they were robbed of their ability to feel compassion, they were monsters. One attacked me from behind; another ran at me front-first. The little sense left in me disappeared and I threw the knife in my hand at the one coming front-first. I was now weaponless and the one coming from behind saw that. He got even faster as he saw a chance of neutralizing me. He almost hit me, but I was a little faster still. One of the Cernunnos’ had lost its sword not far from where I was. I let the last one almost catch up with me, but I rolled to me left and took the sword with me, cutting through his torso.

Everything was so quiet. No one made a sound. I stood with the sword in my hand, watching the dying Cernunnos. Sayyida stood up among all the others, beside her stood a tall and muscular person cloaked and hooded in black. She watched me with eyes full of evil, telling me this was just a test. The Eagle cried and I looked skywards where there where nothing but grey stone. I closed my eyes and a tear ran down my cheek, the Eagle cried for me again; it told me to wait, it told me to be strong. I could hear feet come closer, and my hands were bound again. The time in the cell was even longer now; I lost count of the days early since there was no sun or moon to tell me what time of day it was. I withdrew from the world; I entered a kind of trance. Then I was taken out again, though not to the arena. I was taken to a small room where two Cernunnos’ waited for me. My hands weren’t loosened, and I was left alone with them. They eyed me carefully with maddened eyes. They probably remembered their fallen comrades, and then they leapt at me, both of them. I had no chance of getting away. I never got into the void, and they cornered me. I had noticed no cameras or any kind of surveillance systems, so I decided to test the dagger the Eagle had given me. The next time they charged, I was ready for them, the closest never saw the knife, the other turned just in time to not end up wounded. It stood looking at me for a long time before it did anything. I never understood what it did, but somehow it got close to me and it wounded me. I could feel the blood run down from the wound in my left shoulder. I slid the dagger back into my boot after having killed the last Cernunnos. I lay on the floor for a long time before anyone came.

The next time I woke, I was in my cell again. Someone had tied a piece of cloth around my shoulder, and there were water and a little food standing on the floor. It seemed they wanted to see how long I could last, how much pain I could take before going mad. I wouldn’t give in; I had decided to hide the little grain that was left of my self deep inside my heart. I decided to hide, to protect myself, but I would live. The knife was still in my boot, dried blood making it red. It seemed to glow with a faint light that gave me hope. I slid the dagger back into the boot and lay down to sleep. Sleep came easily, and in my dreams, I strayed through my life once more. I saw everything that had happened, but for once, I did not see my weaknesses. I saw my strengths. I could see how independent and self assured I was. I could see how badly I needed the change Nathaniel and Liam had given me. I was about to loose myself, but somewhere along the way I found my lost self. I could see I was neither bad nor good, I was somewhere in the middle. I would always be. I would always be the outsider, the one that operated on her own, the one with no conscious. But the world needed those too, they needed reckless hitmen who could take out anyone without regretting it. I was one of those, I still had a bit of my conscience left, but it would soon disappear. Sayyida and the man cloaked in black made the last piece of it disappear. I was taken out frequently, they let me heal between the battles, but I grew tired, hard and bitter. After every battle I could hear the Eagle cry. Every time it gave me hope, it gave me strength enough to not give up. But as time went by, it wasn’t enough. I lost faith. I thought about taking my own life, to get free. Every night I went through my life, every night I saw my family die, every night I saw what I had turned into. Every night I came to accept it a little more. Every time I accepted my past a little more, I accepted my self and the situation I was in a little more. I don’t know how much time passed by during the time I was kept a prisoner in the Underground. I came to see that this was the only possibility for me to face my feelings about what had happened. If I had run around freely, my thoughts would have been other places. I would never have found the time to face them. Now I had the time and I was in the mood for it. While I spent the time facing my feelings, they believed I was about to break down. But the little part I had hidden was beginning to wake again. One night I was taken to Haruna again. The Eagle told me help would come during the next night. I could not afford to fall in my last battle against the Cernunnos’. I told the Eagle I wouldn’t fall, I’d stand. I was taken out again, and I could hear Sayyida whisper: “This time you’ll fall. You’ve got no chance of standing till the end, and when you fall, I’ll break you down to nothing.” My gaze met hers, and I could see in her eyes the surprise she found when our gazes locked. She believed I would look away, that I was almost subdued, but I wasn’t. I was stronger than ever. The dagger in her hand gleamed with a wicked black light, and it glowed even brighter the nearer it got to my throat. “You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?” I was so calm, so controlled. Sayyida was about to kill me when a strong voice stopped her. “Don’t touch her. She is a strong one she is. She won’t break this easy. She fooled us, she hid something of her self inside her heart. Now it has awakened, ready to break free. You are a dangerous one, aren’t you, Black Angel??” He scared me, he scared me half to death, but I would never admit it. The eyes that met mine were strong, they would never look away from mine, but I refused to look away. I wasn’t weak, I wouldn’t look away. But I was forced to when they pushed me forward. Once again I could hear the Eagle cry. I extended my senses, and I could feel the presence of others. Somehow I could feel them, they were good and they were close. Sayyida was still walking beside me: “You know Sayyida, if I get out of here alive, I’ll make sure to hunt you down and kill you. No matter what it takes me! I swear to God I will never rest until you are dead and long-gone!” This intrigued her, it scared her. I could see the fear in her eyes, I could smell it. The other ones around us heard it, and they looked scared. Soon there was a stench of fear all over the place. I could feel it near midnight, soon they would come. I was in the middle of the arena when I could hear the first screams. They were screams of rage and anger. Some of them were filled with pain, others were cries of death. Sayyida turned towards me, her eyes sparkled with anger. Two wicked looking shamshirs appeared in her hands and she came towards me. I could see Nathaniel coming, but he was not going to make it to me before she did. I knew how fast she was, I knew how deadly she was.

I closed my eyes and let my other senses take everything in. I focused on Sayyida, I could hear her, I could sense her heartbeat, and for once she was laid bare to me. The Eagle cried as she reached me. I parried the blow with my dagger which gleamed fiercely. She snarled as she saw the dagger. I was so ready to fight her, every inch of me longed for it. I had, in a way, become like them, but I still knew who I was, better than ever I knew who I was. No one could take that knowledge away from me. Once again I was lost in the fight. I noticed Nathaniel and the others forming a ring around us. The other Azazel had fled, it was only Sayyida left, and she was about to die. She bled form several wounds, as did I. But I had an unused strength left, she had not. I had developed during the time here, she had never seen that. She thought I was easy to break, I had proven her wrong. She was loosing. I still had only my dagger, but I was fast and it cut through everything. She was on her knees in front of me, weak from the wounds. Suddenly I remembered fighting Razvan. He had not been slowed down by the wounds, he would still have been standing, Sayyida should still be standing. The dagger in my hand was warm and it pulsed with a red glow. It was the dagger, that meant the Cernunnos’ was harder to kill too. I silently thanked the Eagle and the good forces for giving it to me. “You thought I was weak, didn’t you? I thought I was easily broken. I proved you wrong!” I could see the fear in her eyes. She thought the thought of dying terrifying. I understood now why people embraced the dark side, at least I understood a part of it. They were afraid of dying. I understood her, I found a small forgiving feeling for her, she was only afraid. The whisper that escaped my lips was barely hearable: “Death is just the beginning of another journey. A journey greater than that of life, there is nothing to be afraid of!” Some of her fear disappeared, though most of it lingered. The Eagle cried once more, and I turned my back to Sayyida. I was not afraid of her trying to hurt me, she was too weak. The dagger drained the life from her, a little more every time it drew her blood. I turned and threw the dagger in one, fluid motion. Sayyidas gaze lingered on me as she fell.