Paul Cerar

Lives with a catgirl named "Spice," who warns him that if he so much as looks at another catgirl, she will take a tomahawk to his laptop - and she does not mean the computer.

No longer listens to the voices in his head, because they annoyed him with their constant arguing.  Now he only has to listen to his wife and her sister, who annoy him with their constant arguing, but there's nothing he can do about it.

He is a Pastafarian.  His beard is so thick that he can hide entire pencils in it.  Likes eating exotic and unusual foods.  Has eaten "beaver-sandwiches," but is reluctant to mention it, because people think he is telling a dirty joke.  The high sulfur content of baked beans is the reason why he farts in church so much every Sunday morning, but he sets most of them off fairly quietly, or sometimes he holds the real bangers until it's time for the hymns.

Owns 8,378 pairs of socks.  Counts them every day.

Enjoys changing lightbulbs in Tibetan art shops, bricklaying, smelling of fish,  mumbling incoherently, chewing aluminum foil, and shouting letters of the alphabet at random on subway cars.  Occasionally sneaks out of town in the middle of the night to bury radios.

Knows where the 13th Floors and Room 13s are hidden, and he knows what's in them.  Used to be paranoid, but now knows he really is being followed by the Cadbury Caramilk Bar Secret Police.  They try to read his mind, but the messages come out scrambled, because Paul has dyslexia.  Has met real Aliens/ Men In Black.  Has seen UFOs.

A member of the SPCIA - "The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Imaginary Animals."  Rather ironic, since his catgirl captures and tortures the poor creatures.  She leaves gifts of half-eaten fairies on his pillow.  The good news is he still has all his teeth, because the tooth-fairy will not dare to come near their bed.  His TV will not work anymore, because it was offended by the way Paul kept staring at it.  His radio refuses to speak with him, and his computer screen accuses him of sexual harassment.

Might have had a "Near-Death Experience" as an infant, when his siblings stuffed his mouth and nose with raisins.  Since then the Destroying Angel has brushed her wings on him so many times that they have become intimate.  When they meet he calls her "Amanita" and when she sees him she says "F***!  It's you again!  What is it this time, another stroke?!"

Instead of a guard dog, keeps "camel spiders."  Names them after angels.  "Sariel" got loose one night and ate a big hole in his right ear.  Now uses the hole to hold cigars.

A Christian who believes in democracy and ethical monotheism.  Born (1961) and raised in Toronto.  Works as a file clerk.  Fights terrorists and fascists, and pisses off book-burners (and vice-versa).   A friend of The Mackenzie Institute, The Canadian Coalition Against Terror, Canadians Against Suicide Bombing, Canada-Israel Committee, Canada-Afghanistan Solidarity Committee, and other pro-democracy/ anti-terrorism groups.

Guestbook for Paulcerar

Date Name Comment   17 Feb 2012 Prathi n ba Loading... sure ill tell u. thanks spice. hav u watchd seabiscuit movi-about a horse. thy show ontario (sory if i spelt it wrong). its in cannada? Paul Cerar replies: "I know of the movie "Seabiscuit", but never watched it. My favourite horses come on dinner plates." 20 Feb 2012 Prathi n ba Loading... ohk..sory. acc is according 2 Mar 2012 Tabitha Lynn Ladin Loading... Hey did you know the World Fantasy Convention is in Toronto this year? I heard that and thought of you. I can’t attend but my art will. It gets all the fun. Paul Cerar replies: "Hello Tabitha. How are you? Thank you for telling us about the convention. I did not know about it. We will go look it up!" 4 Mar 2012 Randy ''taffy''Linbourn Loading... hi paul,just thought i’d repay the visit .. Paul Cerar replies: "Thank you." 19 Mar 2012 Prathi n ba Loading... hi paul!! Paul Cerar replies: "Hello Dear, I’m afraid I am not sending many messages recently because my computer is not working. I am calling from a local Community Centre." 23 Mar 2012 Steven Lee Mull Loading... Hope your computer is feeling better soon. :-0 Paul Cerar replies: "Thank you. I have not had it fixed yet. My problem is that I am such a terrible procrastinator." 8 May 2012 Gilda SansSouci Rimessi Loading... Thankies for the visit! I guess is hard to live with a catgirl, expecially for the dismembered faeries parts thing, but hey, nature is nature after all Paul Cerar replies: "Thank you. Spice is my wife’s sister, not my mistress." 21 May 2012 Jacob daniel halstead Loading... hi wow its been since 2011 since i seen this page Paul Cerar replies: "Hello Jacob! What’s new?"

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Paul Cerar