"´Revenge of the Mon-Cal Sith,´ Colored. (Re-Submitted)" by Paul J. Doyle

I forgot to crop the left side of this image, on first submission attempt. Fixed! :PPPPPP

Colored version. Yuck.

Uniform is now a hybrid between Sith uniform, Imperial oficer uniform (think of Admiral Piett from "Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi"), and a standard Mon Calamari military uniform.

What really, truly angers a goody two-shoes Mon Calamari who has turned to evil---one who is not only a very high-ranking Imperial officer, but also a heretofore unknown Dark Lord of the Sith subservient only to Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine? Seafood. Calamari squid . . . all you can eat "Mon" Calamari as a luncheon special? He'll spare Muftak the Talz, of course, because he's everyone's favorite low-tech Mos Eisley cantina critter. And he'll also spare perplexed, confuzzled Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, because he is the only living creature not eating seafood . . . Mn-Cal Sith's fatal error. Pauly the anthro-Dragon is eating a Bacon Bantha Burger, which has been specially rigged by Imperial Forces (notice the probot and bounty hunter IG-88 peering through the window of the restaurant), with its beacon transmitting directly to the Emperor's Throne Room on the Death Star. The Mon Calamari Sith Lord is using the Force to direct uncooked crabs against the patrons. The double-edged Darth Maul-style Sith lightsaber will quickly follow.

Yet Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will rise up, and in a surprise maneuver, give in to hatred and cook the Mon-Cal sith in his shell with his fiery anthro-dragon breath . . . and thus, Darth Paranoia shall be born, at least on weekends and holidays. After all, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon has a reputation to upkeep. He's sort of goofy and confuzzled like Jar Jar, but not overbearingly so. He's definitely far more competent and skilled than JarJar could ever hope to be . . . and so, he takes the ownership of the Red Lobster ripoff.

I forgot to give the Mon-Cal Sith guy those oversized Mon Calamari forearms . . . and for someone with no butt, he sure can jump :P

Elfwood Fanquarter Technical Stuff, in case everyone has been asleep since the original Star Wars film came out in 1977---Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, IG-88, Imperial Probe Droid, Galactic Senate Building, Muftak the Talz (four-eyes scratching his head), Wookie, Jawa, Gungan, R2 unit, Death Star, Star Destroyer, TIE fighters, planet Coruscant, Mon Calamari all (c) Lucasfilm and to THE MAN, George Lucas himself.

Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, who will soon (in this aspect) become Darth Paranoia (at the expense of the Mon-Cal Sith) and also the new owner of this imperiled restaurant, is (c) to me, Paul J. Doyle. Without copyrighted Star Wars characters, he will be in my SF/F gallery with a wooden spoon, a bumbling apprentice, and nothing but orange in the background :P

May/June 2005