Tales of a Wandering Monster

Prologue

"Wife?" I echoed, color draining out of my face. Carefully, I put the locket down, looking at the gold-framed illusion of an elegant, blonde, sword-girt twit holding my Conal. My handsome, island-born, emerald-eyed Conal. "You're married?"

To say I was nonplussed was putting it mildly. You don't get to be a 142-year-old dhampir by taking idiot risks. And while messing with married men isn't on the top of my list (a spot currently occupied by, do not taunt demons inside a protective pentacle drawn by an apprentice), it's pretty far up there.

Conal Dunstan shrugged, brushing one even-nailed hand through my white-blonde hair, down the front of my midnight cloak. "Well, she will be my wife. In a few weeks. My noble father has arranged it." Hot emerald lifted to meet my stunned silver gaze, full of sultry promise. "But that doesn't have to change what we have, Muriel...."

Self-preservation was starting to kick in, though, and I backed away from his kiss. Conal still hadn't said which lady he was betrothed to, but it's been my experience that in this kingdom, most noble ladies don't wear swords.

I know, I know; I carry a sword. But then, my noble father got disinherited centuries ago. People tend to get touchy about having a vampire take over a duchy. Especially when he came into the inheritance by killing off the other heirs.

What can I say? Mom didn't pick him for his charm.

Be that as it may, Conal's intended was carrying a blade, and the muscles in her illusion told me she knew how to use it. And ladies like that don't take kindly to being cheated on.

Especially when their husband cuckolds them with a creature of the night.... "Um, Conal. There's something I've been meaning to tell you-"

Magic flared, outside Conal's elegant two-story abode. I winced, and rubbed my temples, Feeling the raw ache of a Gate slam closed. I'm no great shakes as a mage, but when your mother's the dread Sorceress Serrenu Swynwraig, you end up with enough Sight to warn you when something nasty's heading your way.

And this was something nasty, all right. Familiarly nasty.

"I tell you," a strange woman snarled outside, "I'll have this night-born hussy's head, mounted on my ram!"

"Kyna!" Conal gasped. "But she's supposed to be out at sea...."

Kyna? I thought, stomach sinking toward my toes. Blonde, noble, big sword.... Kyna Eldor? Also known as, the Dread Pirate Kyna, Scourge of the Northern Isles, the Terror of Ballysdare.

I never could get in trouble by halves.

"Hush!" A stern, commanding voice hissed. "The bloodsucker is there even as we speak!"

"Bloodsucker?" Conal said, aghast, long fingers darting under the sapphire silk scarf I'd given him for his birthday. "Muriel, you - you-"

"That's what I meant to tell you," I said uncomfortably.

I am a dhampir, after all. I do need blood - though not nearly as much as a pure vampire does. A mouthful, and I'm set for the night. And it's not like he didn't know I was nibbling his neck.

Conal turned red, then white. Fear drove him a step back, and terror trembled in his hands. "I - I thought they were hickies!"

"Well, sort of...."

Oak crashed against oak down below, and I heard Conal's front doorlock groan. "Never fear, Lady Eldor!" a heroic voice bawled. "We shall slay you this foul night-beast that has seduced your fair lord!"

Oh no. It's THEM.

I risk a peek out the window, while they're gathering their breath for another run at the door. Short guy with a scowl and a pointy hat. Slender elven lady with a haughty look, a see-through robe, and blessed light crackling around her hands. Really short, broad guy with an axe and a beard you could lose whole zip codes in. And two blonds in heavy chain, clattering with swords, getting set to hit the door again.

Yep, it's them.

"Martin's Marauders," I groan, glaring at the adventuring party that's chased me through three duchies, two kingdoms, and an international war. Dark take it, I thought I'd lost them months ago. "Goddess above, can't they get a life?"

CRASH!

"What was that?" Conal gasped, graceful fingers snatching up his sword. And nearly dropping it on my foot.

"Your door," I quip, heading for the back window. Unless one of them's suffered a sudden attack of smarts, they'll spend a few more seconds posturing for Lady Whatshername, down there. Then they'll come after the big, bad lady dhampir.

Right. Like I'm planning to stick around that long?

I did hesitate a moment, looking back. "Conal...."

He shrank back against the wall, eyes wide with fear. Most people can't watch their lovers turn to mist in front of them, and it looked like Conal was no exception.

I gave him a toothy grin, before I disappeared. "You two deserve each other."