"SSOVU- An Introduction (Of Sorts)" by Corrine ´Princess Muffin´ Hunsher

Hello meatbag. You may not know who I am, but I certainly know
you. I know everyone. ( Just call it a natural quirk of mine.) Anyway,
my name is Evangeline. I am what mortals refer to as a vampire. ( And yes,
I did say vampire. Will that be a problem for you?) There are
just a few things I would like to get straightened out before we continue. Frankly, I would like to rid your mind of those idiotic fantasies you humans pass off as fact about my kind.

First of all, we certainly do not melt in the sun.
My kind and I just prefer the dark; It hides us better from our pray.
( That would be you, meatbag.)

And yes, it is true we have to drink blood to survive, but we
can still eat “people food”. ( Garlic noodles are my favorite)

Holy objects can not maim and/ or kill us in any way. Though
crucifixes do tend to give us headaches, that is probably just a side
effect do to balding priests thwacking us over our heads with them,
shrieking “Repent!” in our supersonic eardrums.

All of us have super speed, super strength, super good
eyesight, an IQ smarter than the average bear… and did I mention great
looks? Yes, we are all strikingly gorgeous in appearance, charisma,
scent, whatever. ( All the better to eat you with, my dear.) Also, we
know pretty much everything, almost like we can read you minds, but not
really. Most of you are so predictable, we usually don’t have to go to
those extremes.

We all have black eyes, but depending on what we eat marks
the outcome of their shine. For example, I drink the blood of mortals
( Again, this would be you meatbag.) so therefore the sheen in my eyes
are a deeper red. If I were to -say- decide I wanted to go “vegetarian”,
the sheen would then become a milky blue. If I decided to not kill my
food ( use donors, or use a blood bank) the sheen would shift between a
lighter shade of pink and a deeper indigo, depending on the type of
blood.

And that concludes today’s lesson on higher society, any
questions? No? Good. Oh, and if you even attempt to ask me about those
traitorous scum called the SSOVU, I shall cheerfully murder you here and
leave your entrails on display for the general public of Venice to enjoy.