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Stephanie E. Ripley

"Atlantis : Chapter 2" by Stephanie E. Ripley

SciFi/Fantasy text 3 out of 6 by Stephanie E. Ripley
 
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The second chapter for Atlantis, the newest version. Again, please comment and give any comments or suggestions!
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←- Rough Draft Atlantis | Atlantis: Chapter One -→

I went straight to bed that night, knowing it wouldn’t last long. Voting was at dawn and I would have to be up at least an hour before that. Snuggled beneath my blankets on my comfy bed, I quickly fell into a much-needed deep sleep. However, as usual with deep sleeps, it just didn’t last long enough.

 

My room was at the back of the house with a window looking out into the forest behind us. Around what I assumed was about 5:00 am, I heard a tap on the glass pane. I tried to ignore it for a short time before my mind jumped to the conclusion that it was Chris. I slowly sat up and looked over to see Chris, in a much happier mood, staring in at me with a cheesy grin and waving. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly climbed out of bed and went to the window to let him in.

 

“Why does voting have to occur at dawn?” I asked in annoyance as I opened the window and he began to climb in silently. He had gotten pretty good at it by now, seeing as this wasn’t the first time he had snuck in. I moved across the room to my dresser as he plopped down on my bed. I was only in a t-shirt and without the blankets, the room was quite cold. Chris looked away as I changed, as usual. I always suspected he peaked like any boy would but I didn’t really care. I pulled on a clean skirt and shirt and slipped my shoes into my sandals, plopping down on the chair in the corner so I could tie them up around my ankles.

“You have never been a morning person,” Chris laughed as a yawned again. Grabbing my brush from the stand next to the bed, I hit him in the chest with it.

 

“Yes, and sadly, you are a morning person,” I said groggily. I brushed out my long hair and pulled it back into a messy ponytail, as usual. My routine was so predictable. “You ready?” I asked, moving towards the window. My mom had fallen asleep on the couch again, as she often did when my father wasn’t home. He was a trader and was gone for weeks at a time. I figured I’d let her sleep without interruption and go out the window instead.

 

We both climbed out the window and silently let it fall shut behind us. As silently as we could, we dashed around from the back of the house to the main road and across onto our hidden path. The sun was quickly rising behind us and we both knew how set-in-stone the voting-at-dawn rule was. More than once had we appeared minutes after the sun had risen on the Council House only to find they had already began.

 

Meetings were private and not open to the public. Opinions were listened to and taken into consideration, but final decisions were made by the Council on their own. You are probably beginning to wonder then, how could Chris and I possibly know they vote at dawn? That the voting-at-dawn rule was strict? Just because said meetings and votings were to be private doesn’t mean they stayed that way. Christopher and I knew Gentue inside and out and knew exactly where to go to see what was going on.

 

The meeting room was in the back of the Council Hall, hidden amongst the trees which began to grow just along the building. There was a large bay window along the back wall, which was used for most of the lighting. During most meetings, the side panels of the window were opened to allow in fresh air and allowed their words to be heard by anyone within a few feet of the window.

 

Chris and I managed to get close enough to hear and see these meetings, if we were careful. Amongst the trees, we had discovered a specific branch that was wide enough for us to sit on and was close enough to the building that would could see and hear most everything. We had to be quiet and try not to move too much, however, though were usually well hidden by the brush from eyes not specifically looking for us.

 

“Move faster,” I commanded Chris in a harsh whisper, hitting my fist against his foot as he continued climbing. Even though I was the better climber, he always insisted he would go first. Egos… We finally managed to get up to the branch just as the Council was entering the room, taking their seats along both sides. “They’re starting,” I said nervously. Part of me was exciting to witness this, though another half wasn’t sure what I wanted the decision to be. Chris was right when it came to the kind of people Atlantians are in general. They were conniving, cruel, pompous, and stubborn. They had attacked the Western Coast, including Gentue, some sixty years ago. A decade later, they attacked the Eastern Islands, many of which were home to people whom had fled the tyranny of Atlantis. Atlantis was on their own in both battles and refused allies; not like anyone would agree to be one anyways. They were quickly defeated in both regions, though many suspected they would attack somewhere along the coasts again. Atlantis had the perfect position to do so, being a large island nation dead center in the Atlantic Ocean. Though they were large in number and well equipped in position and technology, they lacked the substantial amount of men needed to pull off such an attack on such a large stretch of nations.

 

The nation of Atlantis was already disliked among the rest of the world centuries before this point, though the attacks certainly turned dislike into hatred and everyone practically shut Atlantis out of the picture with no real care for what happened to them next. This was proven when a small string of islands on the Eastern Coast attack Atlantis. The citizens of those islands were mostly made from refugees who had left Atlantis, many of the islands being ones Atlantis had once attacked. They knew Atlantis’ tactics and they knew the landscape and had spent many years preparing for this. Being it was so sudden and unforeseen by the Atlantian government, it had been successful. Many farms and forests had been burnt to the ground and many homes and government building damaged, if not completely destroyed. The news spread quickly throughout both coasts, eventually branching to nearly every nation in the world. Many celebrated, for Atlantis had finally been delivered a taste of its own medicine; and by some of its former citizens no less.

 

All of these facts were briefly discussed by the council before voting officially began. Voting was done with stones, white for yes, black for no, the way many nations voted. It was easy to determine and anonymous none of the less. Every nation had their own rules on voting, though. Everyone had a right to speak before voting. Once each vote was cast, Kiamin would count them up. One side must win by at least eight votes. There were forty members in the council, meaning it had to be at least twenty-five to fifteen either way. The stones were cast in a large, black vase at the front of the room, each member passing by and discreetly letting the stone fall from their hand.

 

When all of the votes were in, Kiamin moved to the front of the room and began to pull the stones out one by one. Ten whites, eleven blacks. Fifteen whites, sixteen blacks. Twenty whites, eighteen blacks. In the end, it was twenty three white stones to seventeen black stones.

 

The eight-stone rule had not been met. Chris and mine’s shoulders drooped a little as Joshua made his way to the front of the room, wearing a councilman’s robe, which made him look so much older than when he hung out with Chris and Pen, skipping stones on the river like any normal nineteen year old boy. He announced the votes and explained how anyone whom wished to give their opinion on the matter may do so now. The members began chatting, one by one speaking their thoughts on the topic at hand.

 

This went on for a good thirty minutes, the sun now much higher and threatening to peer over the building any moment and full right into our eyes. I had taken to leaning against Chris, dozing a bit as we waiting. Chris had began leaning against the trunk of the tree, both of us trying desperately to stay awake and keep an eye on things.

 

When the conversations had ended, the members all began standing up, reaching into their pockets for one of two stones. The sudden movement had caught my half-opened eyes and I sat up, nudging Chris gently as I did. “They’re voting again, Chris. Wake up!”

 

We watched anxiously as they cast the stones again. It seemed to take forever this time around and Chris and I were quickly becoming annoyed. “Hurry up! Ugh, old people, I swear…” Chris groaned. I laughed softly. “They’re not all old,” I commented with a giggle.

 

Finally. They had finished. We watched carefully as Kiamin began to yet again pull them out one by one and place them on the table. Our eyes were wide, counting the numbers in our heads. I didn’t know what I wanted the outcome to be but had a pretty good guess at what Chris was hoping for. His hand rested on his knees, gripping the fabric of his shorts. I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, though wasn’t sure myself what it meant. Was I hoping for the same decision as Chris was? Or was I merely hoping to remind him I was there no matter what happened? I decided to go with the later.

 

Joshua came to the front of the room again when the voting was complete. He looked upon everyone in the room, smiling approvingly. They must have come to a decision, for everyone seemed satisfied and ready to leave.

 

“The final total: twenty-nine to ten. So it is decided; we shall make the proper arrangements and send a letter of welcome to the family at once. Thank you gentlemen.” Joshua concluded and the members began to exit the room.

 

←- Rough Draft Atlantis | Atlantis: Chapter One -→

DateNameComment 
30 Jul 2003:-) Chris A Jackson
Once again, your writing is good, but you need to put more feeling into it... There's a lot going on here, and it just doesn't quite get that "kick in the gut" feeling that it should.

Some little technical stuff: Waist, not waste. Watch your comma placement. don't use numerals, especially in conversation. Little glitches like these are stumbling stones for the reader... if he stumbles too many times, he'll pick a different path.

You've got talent, fill out your chapters... Give it
ie, depth, feeling, emotion, action!

Now get back to your computer and hammer out another chapter!!

;-P

ps : I'll have a couple short stories up soon, so you can critique me...
15 Jan 200445 Tohaku (just a guest here)
I am not a writer, but I love to read. I really like the setup of your story. Very nice idea with the stubborn people that need help.
Also I like some of the passages a lot, like where you describe the mood when you are on the forest path and think about the bustling on the market square or the the interactions of people. Maybe if you try to "paint" the sceneries you see and the mood you get even more, this would evoke the gut feeling Chris A. Jackson was talking about.

Finally just a small tip on the spelling. Pass your story through the spell checker of your WinWord or s.th. It is very quick and makes it easier for the reader.

I know it is hard to listen to criticism, but do not take it personally, everyone always has potential to develop, if they learn to listen to advice. Keep up the good work.
15 Jan 2004:-) Brianne Blitzcatt Hughes
Hey, I really like this story. There are a few spelling mistakes but most of them are purely accidental. (like dropping the last letter in the word) I really like this story though, and I hope you get the rest out soon!
15 Jun 2007:-) Heidi Hecht
Again, pretty good. Though I did imagine seeing some details, like the councilors arguing hotly with each other. If there are such strong feelings about the Atlanteans, that's the sort of thing that would happen. And what will the crowd's reaction to the Council's decision be?
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About 'Atlantis : Chapter 2':
 • Created by: :-) Stephanie E. Ripley
 • Copyright: ©Stephanie E. Ripley. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Ancient, Times, Atlantis, Angst, War, Misunderstandings, Friendship, Love
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Humourous or Cute Things, Romance, Emotion, Love, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, Urban Fantasy and/or Cyberpunk
 • Views: 294


More by 'Stephanie E. Ripley':
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Dragons 2
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Atlantis: Chapter One

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